The morning of my full moon, I wake to find Blake still asleep beside me.

It takes a few minutes to remember last night and realize that it wasn't a dream. It all really happened. I sit up, watching him, tracing my eyes over the smooth skin of his face and down his body.

His arm is splayed over the sheets, his hand palm-side up. There, in the middle, the welt has vanished, replaced with a silvery scar.

I guess I'm not the only one who was healed last night.

The burning inside my body is gone, replaced with a dull ache. Soreness. Maybe I need another healing session.

My eyes move back to Blake's face—his lips. His lips that pressed against my neck.

Lips that almost kissed me last night.

I blush and turn, forcing myself out of bed.

Even standing, all the muscles in my body protest the movement. I pant heavily, grabbing the wall to steady myself as I find my footing.

"Are you okay?" Blake asks, his voice croaky and low.

I glance over my shoulder to find him sitting up in bed. His shirt has ridden up, revealing a sliver of skin, and he rubs his eye, yawning as he watches me. I warm, looking away.

I could get used to waking up beside him.

Assuming I don't die tonight.

"Fine," I say, taking a step forward. "Better than fine."

Blake says nothing but I can feel his eyes on me as I stagger out of the bedroom.

By the time I finish in the bathroom and get dressed for the day, my body aches even more. I step out into the kitchen to find all three of my roommates, sitting in grim silence.

"Morning," I murmur.

"Clover!" Leyla chirps. "Want some breakfast?"

"Sure," I say, taking a seat as Leyla starts flittering around the kitchen.

"You're in pain," Blake remarks, eyeing me. He's brushed his hair and changed his clothes since we woke up.

"What gave that away?"

"I can feel it," he says. He stands, pulling something out of the fridge and dropping it on the table in front of me. "Drink."

I look at the small bottle filled with cloudy water. Unscrewing the lid, I get a familiar whiff of honey and herbs.

"Is this that antidote again?" I ask.

Blake nods and I down the bottle in one go. Instantly, the pain in my body eases a little. I slam the empty bottle on the table and gasp.

"This stuff works miracles. Do you have any more?"

He shakes his head. "It's hard to brew, especially at such short notice. I'll pick more up this afternoon."

This afternoon. Just before my transformation. I nod grimly.

Leyla returns and places an enormous platter of food in front of me. I stare at her, my jaw slack.

"This is all for me?" I ask.

"Yep!" she says, smiling. "It's a big day today. You'll need the energy."

"This could feed a village," I mutter, though my stomach growls with approval. Well, if the wolf wants it. I pick up my fork and prod at the food.

It should be appetizing, but anxiety twists in my stomach. A wave of nausea rolls through me, and I have to force myself to start eating.

"Alright," Blake says with a sudden burst of authority. "Tonight's the full moon. Thomas, I need you to patrol the forests before sunset. We're all going to be distracted tonight. It's the perfect time to strike. Make sure no one's planning to."

"Got it," Thomas says.

"Leyla, you're setting up the room," Blake says. "My room."

"Will do," Leyla says.

I frown, swallowing a bite of food like a spoonful of sand. "It's not happening in the forest?"

I'm not sure why, but I would have imagined a werewolf transformation to happen in the woods, complete with howling at the moon and everything.

"We need to be able to contain you if your wolf-instincts grab a hold," he replies nonchalantly, but I catch his meaning.

They need to contain me in case I run for town.

"Right," I murmur. "Of course."

"Hey, don't stress," Thomas says, offering me a smile. "You've got this."

"And we'll all be here for you," Leyla adds.

I smile back at them. "Thanks, guys."

"Great," Blake deadpans, interrupting us. He slides his chair back and stands. "I'll be with the pack most of the day, but I'll be back before sunset."

My heart drops at the thought. Blake's leaving again.

"Why?" I ask. "What if something happens?"

"Call me," he says, nodding at Thomas and Leyla. "I've got pack stuff to sort out, but I'll be back."

My frown only deepens. I search his eyes. He looks genuine enough, but I know better than most that anything can happen. Things out of his control.

But I also know that Blake is the Alpha of Lunam Silvam. I can't stop him. I can only trust that he'll be back in time.

So, I nod.

"Great," Blake says, stepping back. He checks his watch. "Ten hours until sunset. Make the most of it."

***

I spend all day training, or at least trying to.

I hate to admit it, but Leyla and Blake were right. I shouldn't have pushed so hard yesterday. I can barely get through a set of sit-ups without collapsing onto the grass.

Leyla tries to coax me to rest, but she's got her own things to worry about as she sets the cabin up for my transformation.

The morning passes quickly, and before I know it, it's the late afternoon. The sun is a shining gold orb in the sky, another reminder that nightfall is close.

My transformation is close.

I sprawl out on the grass after another failed set of sit-ups.

It's frustrating. I hoped to be stronger by now. I might have been, if not for the wolfsbane. Now, I can't even lie here without my body aching and my muscles spasming.

It's hopeless.

I can't imagine a reality where my transformation tonight goes well.

I sigh, shoving the thought from my mind. Self-pity is not going to help right now.

If I can't train my body, maybe I can train my mind.

I close my eyes, focusing on my senses. I can hear the birds in the trees, the rustling of leaves. Distantly, in the cabin, I can hear Leyla's footsteps, up and down the wooden floor.

I try to tune it all out and focus on the sound of my own breath. Slow. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps cuts through everything else.

I blink my eyes open and sit up.

"Hello?" I call out.

Silence.

I frown at the tree line, where the footsteps came from. Thomas is out on patrols and Leyla's inside, which means it can only be one other person.

"Blake?" I shout. Still no response.

So, now I'm hearing things? I sigh, closing my eyes again and crossing my legs.

Let's try this again.

Leaves. Birds. Creaking of wood. Breath.

Footsteps.

My eyes shoot open. Okay, not imagining things. I definitely heard footsteps.

"Is someone there?" I shout.

A horrible thought suddenly grips me. What if this is the person that's been watching us? The one who's been leaving footprints in the woods, and wolfsbane on our doorstep?

What if this is the person who poisoned me?

"Show yourself!" I yell, though my voice shakes.

This time, I only hear footsteps moving away.

I frown, throwing a look back at the cabin. Leyla's inside. I should probably get her, but the footsteps are moving so quick. I don't want to lose them. If I can just get a glimpse of their face...

Without thinking, I stand and race towards the forest.

It's hard. My legs feel like lead, but I force myself forward, stumbling past the tree line.

I follow the sound of footsteps, weaving between trees, but I'm not fast enough. I can't even see who I'm chasing, they're so far ahead.

I try to run faster, but my legs aren't cooperating, and when my foot catches on an exposed root, I can't stop myself from tumbling to the forest floor.

I hit the bed of dried leaves with a groan. In the distance, the footsteps pause.

My heart practically stops.

Please don't turn back, please don't turn back.

Of course, my prayers go unanswered, because the universe is apparently out to get me. The footsteps move closer, and I scramble to my feet, my ankle throbbing.

I hobble behind a tree, as if that will help me at all, and listen carefully.

The footsteps move increasingly closer. They're so close that my enhanced hearing can pick up the sound of their breathing.

It doesn't sound human.

A shiver runs down my spine. Of course, it's a wolf. Those footsteps were too quiet, too quick to be a heavy-footed human like me.

Which means, they can definitely sniff me out in this forest.

I press my back tighter against the bark of the tree, hoping they'll lose interest, when suddenly, the silver string sticking out of my chest bursts to life.

I gasp, spinning just as Blake appears through the thick of trees.

"Clover!" he shouts. "What are you doing here?"

"I—" I glance in the direction of the footsteps, just as they start sprinting in the other direction. I sigh. "I heard something."

"And you decided to follow it?" he spits.

"Well, when you put it that way..."

"It's not safe here," Blake says. He grabs my hand and throws an apprehensive look around the trees that surround us. "Let's go."

"But the wolf—"

"Is long gone by now," he replies.

I frown. If I wasn't here, Blake could have chased after them. We could have finally caught whoever's been watching us.

"Come on," Blake says, tugging me towards him. "Maybe Tom will catch them."

I nod, hobbling towards him. Each step on my left foot throbs and I can't hide my wince from Blake.

"What happened?" he asks, nodding at my leg.

"I tripped," I say.

"Seriously?" He sighs loudly. "Alright, come here."

He leans down and stretches his arms out. I lift a brow at him but move closer. One arm under my knees and the other under my torso, he lifts me into his arms with ease.

I press myself against his chest as he walks towards the cabin.

"What were you doing out here anyway?" I ask.

"Helping patrol," he replies. "I heard the footsteps too."

I frown. So, I really did mess up his plans. The guilt of it stabs me through the chest.

Blake's sense of direction is really something. To me, all the trees look the same. I have no idea how deep into the woods I ran until we finally enter the clearing by the cabin.

"I'm confining you to my bed after this," Blake mutters as we enter the cabin. "I don't want anything else to go wrong before the full moon tonight."

"Fair enough," I murmur. Between the wolfsbane and this, I'm probably weaker than I was at the start of the month.

We go through Blake's open bedroom door, where Leyla is busy placing a pile of pillows onto his bed. She turns to us with wide eyes.

"What happened?" she asks.

Blake lays me in the nest of pillows and shakes his head. "She sprained her ankle chasing after some sound in the woods?"

"Oh. A squirrel? Been there, done that," Leyla says.

"Really?" I ask, blinking.

"Not a squirrel," Blake interrupts. He pinches the spot between his brows. "Just—keep her here until the full moon, okay?"

"Got it, boss."

"What am I going to do here all day?" I complain.

Blake shoots me a tired look. "I don't know. Rest." He pauses and pulls a silver flask out of his pocket. "And drink this."

He tosses it at me, and I catch it in my hands. Unscrewing the top, I smell that honey, herbal mix.

"Medicine," he tells me. "Now, rest. The sun is setting. The moon will be at its peak in a couple of hours."

He moves away like he's going to leave, and my eyes widen in panic.

"Where are you going?"

"The footsteps," he replies. "I need to investigate."

"Right," I mutter. Of course, he does. The culprit could still be out there, in the forest. Maybe Thomas did manage to catch him after all.

He hesitates for a moment, his eyes dropping to my lips. It's like last night comes flooding back to me, all at once. His lips on my neck. His lips, almost on mine.

I watch his jaw tense, just for a second, before he turns and walks out the door. I don't breathe again until I hear the front door shut.

***

I spend the last bit of the afternoon watching as Leyla buzzes around the room, nailing wooden planks against the windows and fixing chains to the bed.

Thomas gets back from his patrol just after the sun hits the horizon, and he finds me in an anxious ball on Blake's bed.

"How are you feeling?" he asks from the door.

"Amazing," I say, sarcasm dripping from my voice. "I'm just so excited for all my bones to break."

"Great!" he chirps.

I roll my eyes and pull my knees to my chest. "Where's Blake? Is he back yet?"

"He will be soon," Leyla says, patting my back. "Don't worry."

Easy for her to say. Outside, the sky is turning dark. My heart pounds against my rib cage.

"When does this thing start?" I ask. The waiting is killing me.

"Depends. Mine started as soon as the sun set," Leyla says.

"Mine started at midnight," Thomas says.

I shudder. I don't know which one sounds worse. I hug my knees, frowning at Thomas. He's just another reminder that Blake's not here yet.

"Did you end up finding the wolf?" I ask.

He instantly knows what I'm talking about. Disappointingly, he shakes his head. "I was on the other side of the forest, but a group from the pack was nearby."

Right, so Blake must be with them.

I try to calm down. Through the gaps in the wooden planks, I see the sky darkening, the moon shining.

Inside of me, something stirs. It makes me want to puke.

Oh no.

"I think it's starting," I say. I tug at my t-shirt collar, struggling to find my breath. "I'm freaking out."

"Don't freak out," Leyla says. She snaps her fingers. "Thomas, go get the pitcher from the fridge."

He obeys instantly, turning and sprinting down the hallway. When he comes back, Leyla fills me a cup of amber liquid and hands it to me.

"Iced tea," she says. "Werewolf recipe. It should help you relax a little."

I nod, sipping the drink.

Inside of me, it feels like something is trying to burst out—not just something, a wolf.

My breathing quickens and my hand trembles. Leyla takes the cup from me before I can drop it, and I lie back in the nest of pillows that she's made for me.

Suddenly, I'm extremely grateful for all these pillows.

I lie against them and shut my eyes. Where on earth is Blake?

An itching erupts under my skin, and I dig my nails into the pillows to stop myself from scratching my skin raw. Sweat breaks out on my forehead.

"How long does this take?" I ask, my voice strained.

"Hard to say," Thomas replies. "For me, it took three hours. Leyla's was five."

"Great," I mutter. Five hours of this torture?

My stomach stirs and I clasp a hand over my mouth.

"I think I'm going to be sick," I say.

"Don't worry, we're prepared," Leyla says. There's the rattling of metal and I turn to find a bucket in her hands. The sight of it only makes me feel worse.

I squeeze my eyes shut when another wave of nausea hits me. I swallow hard, doing my best to keep my stomach's contents down.

Worse than the nausea, my body itches, like bugs crawl under my skin. I fight the urge to scratch my skin and pull them out.

"Where's Blake?" I ask, when I can't hold the question in any longer. "He said he'd be here."

"I'm sure he's close," Leyla says.

I nod, as if trying to convince myself. I hope he gets here soon. Something unsettling rests in my chest. I squeeze my fists tighter. Nothing in my body feels right. I just want to roll over and—and—I don't know.

If this is really it, if I'm going to die tonight, I want to see Blake's face one last time. I want to touch him. I want to kiss him.

A wet cloth presses against my forehead, and I blink my eyes open to find Leyla standing over me, worry etched on her face.

"You're heating up," Leyla says. "It's starting."

"I'm scared," I sputter. My eyes prick with tears, and I can't help it any longer. I grab at my chest, where I feel the wolf inside of me clawing its way out. "I don't feel good, Leyla."

"I know." She shushes me and wipes my forehead again. "I know, but you'll make it through. Just be strong for a little longer, okay?"

I nod. Just a little longer.

Except, the more time that passes, the worse the pain gets.

I lie against my bed of pillows, my entire body twitching. When I try to move, my body screams in protest. Every muscle, every inch of skin—if I thought I've been in pain before, I clearly had no idea what pain could feel like.

Not until now.

So, I lie in my sweat and tears, muscles twitching, as I wait for the full moon to work its magic.

The bite mark on my neck burns. If I could move, I'd clasp a hand against it, but I can't. All I can do is lie in pain, hoping the burning stops soon.

Leyla must understand the anguish on my face, because she barks an order at Thomas and the two gently shift me onto my side.

I kick and scream the entire time until they slowly rest me back down and a chill hits my back. Ice. Leyla presses the cold cloth against my burning bite mark, and I let out a little breath in relief.

"Thank you," I manage to mutter through the pain.

"Keep strong," Leyla replies. Her voice is grim. I wonder if it was as bad for them. I wonder if this is bringing back memories for the two.

Another shot of pain rips through my body. It's bone-deep now. I think I scream. I'm not even sure anymore. My ears are muffled from the pain, my mind clouded.

My entire body spasms with the pain.

"Blake," I whimper. I try to curl into myself, but I can't get my body to move.

Every time I think the pain is over, another wave convulses through my body. I tremble with pain. I can feel the wolf-side of me stirring, waking up, pushing against my rib cage, against my limbs.

My body isn't the shape she wants it to be, and she's not going to rest until it is.

She decides to start with my legs.

I scream again as my legs jerk straight. My eyes are squeezed shut but I can picture it in my head, how my body is contorting unnaturally.

"God, is this what I looked like?" Thomas asks from beside me.

"I'm going to—" I cut myself off as bile rises in my throat. Leyla acts quick, holding a bucket under my mouth.

Once I'm done spewing, I fall back against the pillows, my body twitching, my legs jerking.

"Blake," I whine. My face feels wet, and I realize I'm crying.

"I'm here."

It's Blake's voice.

My eyes open and I find him stepping through the door, panting for air. He crosses the room until he's by my side.

My wolf instincts recognize his voice too. I reach forward without thinking, and he takes my hand.

"Hey," he says. "Sorry I'm late."

I only sob in reply.

"I know," he mutters. He kneels onto the mattress and joins me in my pillow nest, pulling me into his chest.

With his arms around me, the pain eases a little. It's only a tiny bit, but anything helps against the immense pain that ripples through my body. I let him hold me as I spasm through each wave of pain.

My legs jerk and I hear a terrible snapping sound. I scream so loud, my ears ring.

Blake shifts, holding me down.

"The wolfsbane is stopping her from healing fast enough," he says. "More ice, Leyla!"

Cold ice hits my legs. It helps, for a second, until my legs jerk again. I hear my bones snap and scream again.

Blake pulls me closer, burying his face in my neck. I feel wetness on my skin and realize he's crying too.

"Shh," he whispers. His teeth graze my bite mark and I sigh, leaning into him. "This will help."

"Blake," I murmur. It's all I can say.

"I know, Clover. I know," he whispers back, his lips moving against my skin. His teeth run over my neck again and I melt into him.

I just want the pain to stop. I want it to be over.

Blake holds me tight, doing all he can to ease my pain, but it's not enough.

My transformation has just begun.