Mot Jai (หมดใจ – all heart) With all of ones heart,

Chapter - Twenty

Lilly – The Wish

Momma's 'pig headed.' She acts first, then she thinks about it. Much of the time she's right! That instant instinct works ninety-nine out of a hundred times. It's that one time that finds her one hundred percent wrong, but she thinks she is completely correct. After a few moments, she realizes a mistake has been made.

Occasionally, it takes Granny or me to point out where the intuitive response was mistaken. Pappy usually keeps his mouth shut. He doesn't want to get in an argument with her. Rarely does it take Momma more than a day or two to admit a misjudgment. When Momma recognizes her mistake, tears well up in her eyes. She will avoid eye to eye contact. She goes into her bedroom and shuts the door. She will not talk about it.

When she threw Daddy out, Mom knew immediately she was wrong. Upon seeing him the next morning, her jaw froze and she was not able to say a word. It was a year before we saw him shot up in the hospital looking like he was dying. Awakening from a nightmare he was confused and angry. Daddy lashed out at Momma. With tears flowing she said, "I'm sorry." In his distorted nature the words were difficult to form. He could only repeat the words that were the last words she said to him.

The hatred he spewed was disappointing, but his mind was all jumbled. He was softening when she said she had to get back to work. Her stubbornness cost us another two years. I believe she could have called her commander and had the emergency leave extended. Maybe my thoughts are misplaced. In my heart, I think another day or two would have made a difference. Why did her impatience instigate us to leave?

My thoughts were scrambled those three years. Those years were the pits. I love Momma, but my love for Daddy made me feel complete. I was begging her those last two years to put in a transfer request to get closer to him. I wrote General Olander and his wife asking for them to help.

One weeked was all it took for them to decide to mend their relationship. At work my Mom is strong and on track. Usually at home Mom is on top of everything, but she has those days when she flies higher than high and other days finds her plummeting to the lowest depths. A few times I have observed her to travel from one extreme to the other in a few minutes.

Once Mom is down, she is out of here. While she is rocketing sky high, someone gets blasted away. She is not on drugs. The doctors call it Manic-Depression (Bipolar.) A doctor prescribed some pills. She claims it makes her drained.

Therefore, the medication stays in the bottle. She can control it mostly. From what I have read, I don't believe this is what she has. It has been a while since she had a high or a low. I have threatened to tell Daddy. She said, "I'll tell him soon."

"If you don't, I will."

Granny, Pappy and I are use to it, but Daddy was frightened by the episode when she threw him out of the house.

We all make mistakes. Occasionally they are gigantic. I hope Mom tells him soon. If she doesn't, everything might be permanently lost.

Daddy was home early. I thought now or never. I said, "Did you know Mom is very sick? She promised to tell you."

His expression was grave. "What's wrong?"

"The doctor says that she has Manic Depression, and she doesn't take her medication. However, I have read about it and I believe it is something else. The Manic trait causes her to blow up at people. When on the Depressed end she runs away."

"Is that what happened when she made me leave Texas?"

"Yes! And she was depressed while in the Philippines. It is not her fault in spite of the fact that she is like a crazy person when these episodes happen."

"What can I do?"

"I think she is going to tell you, but I wanted you to be prepared when she does. It has been awhile since the last incident. I don't want her mad at me for telling! I don't want you to leave either. I love both of you, and want you to be happy."

"How long has she had these occurrences?"

"It started after Uncle Doug let his friends beat and rape her. Pappy and Granny believe that upset her mind,"

"I will discreetly ask around. Maybe we can find a solution that will work for all of us. One of Dawkmymy's cousins is a women's specialist. I love you and your Momma. We will find a way to get beyond all the complications."

"Thanks Daddy, I knew you'd understand."

Mamma did not tell him that she had a problem, but promised she would soon. I told her for the sake of our family she needed to now.

"Lilly, I am waiting for the appropriate time."

"Mom, the right time is now! A minute longer may be too late. To delay any longer might bite you later."

I heard Daddy on the phone. He was talking to Dawkmymy in a soft and low voice. He was writing the name, address and phone number of the doctor. He immediately called the doctor's office and made an appointment for mom the next day. When Daddy came out of his room, my heart was thumping, and my eyes were fixed on him. I stood straighter and taller. My mouth gaped wide open. He is my Dad, and there is none as good and kind.

"I heard Dad talking while brushing his teeth. He said, "Honey you have been looking a little tired lately.

Mom replied, "Am I? We must do something about that! I'll call a doctor to get an appointment."

"Would you be mad if I told you that I scheduled a checkup for you? It will be with a Doctor Chewy Moo (ช่วยมือ – Helping Hands.)"

"Why would I be angry? After all, you want the best for me! Isn't that right?"

"Yes mam, Lilly and I want the best for you."

"Lilly, come here, right now, I know you heard every word we said!"

Their room felt like it was shaking with each step as my arms trembled. My grin dropped upside down, It was difficult to drag my feet into the room. Everything seemed like it was spinning around, and something was pulling me down. The words came out slowly and distorted as I answered, "Yes Ma'am. Are you mad at me?"

"No way could I be irritated at my precious little darling, because you cannot keep anything from either of us. You did not want your Dad and me to break up. We do not want it either. That is why, Dr. Moo put me on an estrogen supplement and a small piece of milk chocolate every day for a month, The combination calms me, and my body does not set off periods of highs and lows as it did in the past. She wants me back in a month to make sure that the dosage is correct. Thus, the appointment is a scheduled follow up. We want you to know we love you."

I jumped on the bed between them and said, "I love you both very much."

"Okay, what do you want?"

"There is a new ice cream shop in the village. They make an Elephant Orange Cream like a Chucky Cho Cho, only it is in the shape of an elephant. Can we go after supper tomorrow? Please, can we?"