Duuang Jai (ดวงใจ – surround heart)

Dearest, beloved one.

Chapter Ten

Ben – Wishful Thinking

Master Gunnery Sergeant Martin encouraged me to continue to run and train in MDCC. It will aid me in running the obstacle course. Information asserts it represents the harshest trial in the military. Each platoon selects who they believe will be fastest. A dollar donation goes into a pot.

Base wide that could be one thousand dollars. The winner gets half the prize, and his or her platoon shares the other half. It is not a lot of money, but we have fun doing it. Then he asks me if I would be the one from our platoon. I agreed to do it, more for the fitness than the money.

I needed the challenge to redeem who I was. My esteem level was in the lowest point. Adrenaline pumped from head to toe. Awareness produced an alertness in me. We ran the course several times a week. Most everyone in the platoon was ready to do their best. My chest swelled from anticipation.

When the day came, I felt light on my feet. Swiftness seemed within my grasp. The gun was fired. The race was on. The first hundred yards found us grouped together. Then a few broke off during the second hundred. I loped along until the last three hundred yards. There were five runners ahead of me. They had been running hard. I went to a sprint and passed number five, four and three.

Two were in front of me by a few yards. I revved up to my fastest speed. The other two were already at their top speed. I went by them and crossed the finish line ten yards ahead of number two. I won by four seconds. First, Second and Third place broke the record which had been held for ten years.

I divulged that Sergeant Martin could split all the prize money among the platoon. Running the course was fun for me. Looking at me with a question on his face showed a glint of appreciation from him. He handed me a memo from the base commander telling me to come by his office after lunch. I was wondering what kind of trouble confronted me.

Informing the clerk that my name was Sergeant Crossman and that the colonel wanted to see me, the base Sergeant Major told me to go into the commander's office. I saluted him, and stated, "Sir, Sergeant Crossman reporting as requested, Sir." He returned the salute He asked me why an Air Force Captain wanted to become a Marine.

"Sir, I had family problems. My ex-wife was also a captain. The Marines have given me the space that was needed."

"Sergeant Martin tells me you told him you could fight and beat any Marine.

"Sir, that was bragging. Although, I am a Grand Master of MDCC and ranked fifth in the world."

"And you were a student of General Olander."

"Yes Sir!"

"It seems you have a degree in engineering."

"Yes Sir!"

"The leader of your platoon is becoming a company commander and has been promoted to Captain."

"Sir?"

"We need a new platoon leader. Would you consider filling that position?"

"Sir, I just want to go where they are fighting. I do not believe that I am better than anyone else."

"Your particular skills are needed.. You are a rare breed and we think you would make an outstanding Marine officer."

"Sir, thank you for your confidence. I hope to make you proud."

"By the way, congratulations on breaking the base record."

"Sir, thank you very much."

"My clerk will provide you with the orders promoting you to First Lieutenant. Show your mean side to be a good platoon leader.

The clerk will take you to officer housing. He will assist in providing new uniforms, IDs, and anything else to make the transition."

"Sir, thank you."

The new position surged my perception internally. I felt taller, walked broader and possessed a strong awareness of peace. My focus was on learning how to become worthy of my new assignment. The doom travelled a long distance from me.

Returning to my platoon gave me a view that was comical. It was similar to a man in deep debt winning the lottery. Did he read the numbers correctly, or were his eyes blurry?

Sergeant Martin had the men fall-in at the front of the barracks. He introduced me as the platoon leader. All the men cheered. I let it calm down.

I softly spoke, "The only Marine in this platoon meaner than me is Sergeant Martin. The new rank means nothing, other than it is essential to be the best and meanest fighting unit on base. That means we need to be prepared physically, mentally and spiritually."

In a louder voice, I shouted, "Soon we will be going to war. We do not have time to play. What we do together may save you and your buddy's life. Do you understand me?"

The platoon shouted louder, "Sir, Yes Sir."

"Sergeant! Have the men fall out."

He saluted, and replied, "Yes, Sir."

Flaunting a mischievous grin, he roared, "Platoon, Fall out."

Martin disclosed, "Short, sweet and powerful! "Sir, I think cha got ther' 'tension."

"I hope so sergeant."

"Ev'n tho' cha is from the utter side, yuse mak' a gud Marine o'f'cer."

"Even though they gripe and complain, all the guys in our platoon recognize what is important." He walked away satisfied. I found my emotions running extraordinarily high and extremely sad, at the same time.

Internal confusion afflicted me. I desired the best for my platoon, but my personal concerns were lacking. I still loved my ex-wife even though she had pushed me out the door. Everyone in my lifetime has rejected me. I do not want anyone in my platoon to die, but I will not care about myself. It does not make a difference if I am dead. It is sad that there is no one to mourn for me.