Jing Jai (จริงใจ – true heart) Sincere, actual or wholehearted

Chapter Thirteen

Ben - Grieve

Dawkmymy, General Robert Olander's wife, treats me like a son. Malsa, her daughter, adores me the same as a brother. At one time, I was infatuated with her. What I misunderstood for love was kindness. "We love you as family. Housekeeping has asserted that unopened letters from Angie clutter your dresser and keep falling on the floor," said Dawkmymy. Malsa contributed, "The constant sulking and somber gaze has us concerned. Either get back together, or start divorce proceedings. She has a right to go on in her life. She is young and pretty enough to attract a good and decent man. You are neither."

"She is the one who started the problems."

"You are absolutely correct, but what you have done is ten dozen times worse than the four second transgression that started the trouble. How long are you going to punish her? Instead of facing your difficulties, you run away like a coward. Then you blame someone else. Man up! You are the one who keeps the tension going. Then you pout like a baby." added Malsa.

Dawkmymy pleaded, "Your wife writes us that she still loves you. It has been two years since you scared her away from the Philippines. Now is time for Major Crossman to be a man, and stop the madness! The pity party needs to end."

The two women who care about me the most have teamed up mutually against me. Am I a coward? Are my actions wrong? What is happening to me? They confronted me with reality. I have treated Angie awful. Nothing can justify my conduct.

Yesterday General Olander told me that my work seemed to have taken a downward trend. He declared that my performance in the past was outstanding, but now it was a little below average. His assessment was that the grudge with my wife consumed too much time and effort. It stung, when he purported that he could not recommend me for promotion. His evaluation of me suggested that I fix the problem or resign.

I was given ninety days to improve, or I was out. Considering the encounters from yesterday and today motivated me to do what was crucial to correct the situation, General Olander granted me fifteen days leave to adjust my predicament. He said, "Son, I have faith in you."

I wish I had faith in myself. Rehearsing the situation in my mind permitted me to think about what was essential to say. I wasted five days getting hops to Kelly AFB. Commercial airlines would have been quicker.

Whacking on the entry of my old house, my courage was rapidly fading, when it was replaced by shock. An older retired Chief Master Sergeant (CMS) responded to the banging. He claimed, "I've only been here three weeks. The lady who lived here before is getting out of the Air Force and moving to St. Louis. I think she said she was going to get married. She left me an address with which to forward her mail. I'll get it for you, if you want it."

"Thank you sergeant, it is important that I contact her, before it is too late."

"Yes sir, major. Glad to be of help. She called me last week wanting to see if I had received any of her mail. She did not leave me her number. If she calls again, what should I tell her?"

"Inform her that Ben loves her, and not to do anything until she hears from me."

"Yes sir. I hope you find her."

"Thanks again sergeant."

Hoping there was a chance to save my relationship, but realizing she had most likely moved on with her plans, I had to wait until the next day to get a hop to Scott AFB outside Belleville, Illinois. The pilot was an acquaintance from cargo school. He gave me a lift to St, Louis. He let me out at the address I had received from the helpful sergeant. Angie's elderly great aunt responded to the bell. I waved to my ride and he drove away.

Yes, she had been there, but now she, her parents and Lilly were flying to Los Angeles to meet her husband. She had left six days ago and would call when they arrived. There was no forwarding address or phone number.

Standing there frozen in place, my mouth dropped and my arms tensed. My neck, back and muscles hurt. Knots formed in my stomach causing me to think I was going to throw up.

Sleep evaded me as I sought rest. The ability to see pleasure in the trivial phenomena escaped my sense of joy. Touchiness, annoyance, worrying, doubt and a lack of concentration attacked my thoughts. A slight irritation produced belligerent confrontation.

It took me seven days to return to Chiang Mai. General Olander had arrived a minute before I stepped off the plane. He said, "I was expecting the Inspector General and his staff on the plane. Evidently, they will come later. How was your vacation?"

"It was the vacation from hell. Most of my time was spent changing planes and living in transit quarters. The persons I went to visit weren't home. I am worn out and grumpy. I want to go to bed, and sleep for two days."

"Well, you can. Today is Friday. You are not on standby this weekend. I'll take you home, but we need to stop by the office. I have a new PR officer who has not been out of the United States - a Lieutenant Colonel Paisley. I am only going to say hi, and welcome him to our team. Come in with me. We will greet him and help make sure he is settled in and is comfortable for his first weekend in Chiang Mai. I will invite him to my house for Sunday dinner."

Sergeant Rick Wesley was on desk duty. The general said, "We came to visit the new PR officer. Is he in?

"Yes, Sir, but no, Sir. You see, Sir. He is a she! I mean the PR officer is a woman. She told me to call her, Mam."

"Is she in."

"Yes sir."

"Then announce my arrival."

"Wesley pressed the buzzer to her office, and said, "General Olander to see you, Mam.

"Send him in Sergeant."

"Yes, Mam."

The General and I walked into her office. My jaw dropped, and my eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my head.

She stood up and saluted, "Lieutenant Colonel Angie Paisley, Sir."

"This is Major Ben Crossman."

"I know him and I know you, Sir."

"You were there when Ben proposed to me. Sir! I was wearing a white formal. You helped induct me as a Grand Master in MDCC."

"Yes, I did. Angie, I want to invite you to my house for Sunday dinner.

"Sir, I met your wife and daughter earlier. They have already invited me to Sunday dinner."

"We will see you then."

"Yes, Sir!"

"Ben, do you still want a ride home?"

"No, Sir!"

"Woman, I spent the last two weeks looking for you."

"I am aware that you went by my old house, and my great aunt told me you were there."

"The Chief Master Sergeant told me you went to St. Louis to get married, and your great aunt shared that you were flying to California to meet with your husband."

"Don't you read your mail? I wrote you I was coming to Chiang Mai to make one last plea to save our marriage."

"Both are partially correct. I went with my parents and Lilly to see my great aunt before coming here, and you are my husband, as far as I am aware. Why were you looking for me?"

"I went to ask you to forgive me for being a wretched first-class idiot, and to tell you that I love you."

"Why did it take you so long?"

"I just told you, I'm an idiot. I was miserable and made everyone around me unhappy. It was so bad I thought I might lose my job. I woke up when the General, his wife and daughter forced me to recognize how much I was hurting you. I knew I was wrong. I was blaming you for a lifetime of rejection, because of a four second misunderstanding. It was a hundred times crueler than anyone was to me. I know, I don't deserve it, but can you forgive me?"

"Do you remember what you said, when I asked you the same question?"

"I told you no, and I repeated the same hurting words that you said, only meaner. I don't blame you for not accepting my apology. I do love you and miss you. Thank you for hearing me. I promise not to disturb you while you are here. You don't need me pestering you."

I got up to leave.

"Hold up. I did not dismiss you. Come here! You are walking away, exactly in the manner you did in the past."

I walked closer to her desk and sat down.

"Stand up! Walk around the desk and come closer."

While skirting around the desk, I knew she was going to hit me. With a smirk on her face, she bellowed, stop! There were less than three inches of empty air between us. Bracing myself for the blow, I closed my eyes. She bent over, threw her arms around me, plopped her lips on mine and planted a juicy kiss on my lips.