I came back to Italy at the end of April 2014, safe in the knowledge that Gran has happily returned to the comfort and care of Mum and Harry. Her bruises had begun to ease and she was now much more herself again.

She smiled and tapped my hands when I sat on her bed to say goodbye. "You take care now, our Jilly," Her head had developed a slight twitch, like she constantly agreed with herself. "I know you're going to be okay."

Taking the official test to the hospital, my pregnancy is confirmed, even if the 'mum's intuition' test had been the more effective way to go. I'm still in tilt about how i feel about this second child when I approach Jack with the news. I meet him with Simon and Sissy one evening, on a warm spring night, as he closes up the café.

Simon is trying to teach Sissy how to roll over, by enticing her with small pieces of cheese and encouraging clicking sounds with his tongue. Sissy is having none of it, proving the proverb that you can't teach an old dog new tricks - but bribery is always welcome.

I smile at my husband and try to recall the words I've carefully been rehearsing all day with Ruben at the shop. This has to be done a certain way. Things have been going so much better between us since December, if he's on the same page as I am, then this should be happy news, not a recipe for disaster. At least I'm sure that I think it is happy news. Isn't it?

"What are you thinking about?" He smirks at me.

Blue eyed, broad-shouldered and now slightly sprinkled with grey along his temples, he looks more handsome than I ever remember from our first meeting.

"Nothing..." I lie, "Can't a girl be happy with her fine choice of man?"

He looks at me sideways, takes my hand and we set off down the hill to home, Simon dancing in front with the furry gremlin.

"Spit it out, Jill."

"Do you remember that furniture place we went to last month?"

I get a nod.

"Do you think it's possible that we can turn the living room into a dual purpose bedroom for us like we saw?"

"What's wrong with putting a divide up in the bedroom like we talked about? That way Simon has his own room and I don't have to wait till we're alone to take advantage of you anymore." He sneaks a kiss on the cheek as he says this, his eyes sparkling.

"Yes, the divide is a really good idea and it's something I think we should definitely do. However, we are going to need a bedroom for us and a new arrival." I take a peek quickly to see if the news is absorbed and well received.

He's staring straight ahead at Simon belting around with Sissy panting in pleasure. He whispers out of the corner of his mouth in all seriousness, "I thought I told you that there's no way I can put up with Ruben moving in and hogging the bathroom for hours on end. And he'll keep staring at my bottom."

"Hah, hah. No, I mean that we need to create a bit more room in the place because I don't know if it's going to be another boy or a sister for Simon."

Jack says nothing. We walk on for a while in heavy silence. My mind is racing with questions. Did I do it the right way? Should I have concentrated less on the financial side of things? Is he still not sure about us at all?

The church bell chimes ten o'clock, the final bell signaling the end of the day. Is this the end of the line for us too?

"I think it's a girl." Jack says quietly. Walking and watching his son, his face gives nothing away. "You haven't been sick this time and you're not half as bad tempered as you were when you were pregnant with him."

"I was never...!"

I begin to complain, then, catching him off-guard, I see his mouth curl up in an expression of surpressed laughter.

"Arsehole."

We stop walking and he takes me in his arms, kissing like a teenager on a forbidden date, hhis tongue finding mine, his body hot and close. For a moment I'm lost, caught in his world once again, under the sharp stars of the cool April sky.

********

April turns to May and Alberto is taking me to the supermarket for our routine weekly shop. He's absolutely over the moon about the new baby and constantly arrives at our home to measure and suggest all the ways we can modify the rooms without having to involve legal planning or removing walls. That would be asking for a red-tape nightmare.

He's still talking about it as he dives through the traffic in Città Bassa, swapping from lane to lane, hand always at the ready over the horn. The windows are down and music from the other driver's intermittently blares into our vehicle as we pass each other at traffic lights.

Alberto sets off at a green light, revving and racing the car to our left to get across into the correct lane for our turn off. He swerves in front of it, forcing the young male driver to instantaneously slam on the brakes and the horn. Distracted by this, Alberto neglects to see the red light on the next set of lights and he pulls to turn across the junction into the road we want. Then I honestly don't remember how it happened.

I hear a sickening dull crunch, the kind of sound that a bulldozer's front bucket makes as it grinds along the ground.

The next thing I know, I'm trapped in the car straddling the junction, blocking the traffic, the front end of the bonnet is crunched in on my side and my knees feel bruised but the interior of the car is unchanged.

Alberto is at my door, pulling the warped metal open from its frame.

"Jilly!" He's yelling at me, red-faced and panicking. "Jilly, are you okay ?"

I gather myself together and see the two occupants of the white van that's hit us waving their hands as they gesture to the crumpled side of their vehicle, talking in raised, angry voices on mobile phones.

Alberto presses his hands on my not yet exsistant baby bump and mumbles in dialect to God.

"I'm okay." I say neutrally, numbly.

"Okay, okay, that is good, I have to move the car out the way, hold on, yes?"

With my door still open he slowly drives us to the side of the road, behind the white van.

A lot more gesturing goes on between Alberto and the other men, then at the mention of the word 'incinta' which I know means 'pregnant', the others' expressions immediately change from angry to concerned and perhaps even scared, they seem to be persuading Alberto to allow them to take me to the hospital right away. Alberto's car is left in the hands of the younger of the two workmen, as the older one drives the lesser-damaged van to the nearby emergency room.

My heart has lost all power. I feel nothing.