"Jungkook-ssi..."

I hear you...and I thank you. You taught me courage before you left...you told me to live, and live loudly. How beautiful you were, Lalisa-ssi...

Jungkook shuts his eyes and his tears drop along with every apologies. To Lalisa...to himself...and to this alien-like, new-found world. It felt like the longest battle, keeping her in his heart. Without any news - any presence that could hint the life of his love, his breaths were convinced that he needed to hold on. For 5 years, nothing could have persuaded him to move on...until now.

"Jungkook-ssi,"

With shortness of breath, he couldn't help but asks her to say it again. Perhaps fate has been written this way...and he's been too 'committed' to fight against it that he fell into his own trapping voice all this while. She was the sun that he's been trying to chase. A piece of his past that he refused to break. It was never supposed to be this way. And quitting her means to sit quietly in my world...but it's for the best, isn't it?

I know what I should do now...and this is the perfect place to leave it all behind. Another year wiser...better. I have to force myself to move on. Please take her away - take her far away from me -

"Jungkook-ssi?"

That...doesn't sound like the usual - He opens his eyes and all he sees are the blurry burnt oranges. That sounded too real...or have I gone completely mad and started hearing her actual voice -

His feet still feels numb from all the climbing that it's almost impossible for them to force his entire body up and holds it right, but they did. Warily, he turns. Nothing in particular runs through his mind as he tries to make out the figure that called out to him, three times now.

"That sunset must've been something, huh? Now I know how it feels like in all those times you called for me," He hears the slight laugh.

The blearing in his eyes slowly makes a focus. The pair of pretty, round eyes are shining with delight and...perhaps relief. Her perfectly-sculpted lips are curved in a small smile. Her golden hair is shorter and her bangs had grown slightly longer - swept whimsically by the wind.

She's...she's here? 

No...I know her...

But...but -

"You made it -"

"Stop," He immediately warned when she's about to take a step closer to him. The smile disappeared and the girl is now frowning. "You can't do this..." He carelessly shakes his head. Sighing down to the rocky ground, he finally resigned to all the anger he's been keeping deep within his chest. I prayed for 5 years...5 years and when I finally asked You to take her away - You give me this?? What does this mean - what does any of it means?!

"You can't keep showing up out of the blue one second and go off missing the next - you can't do this to me!!" He shouts. "I'm ready to let you go! It should be here - I'm letting you go here! I waited 5 years for you - for something - fuck!!" His heart is beating the loudest this very second.

Jungkook has battled with his anxiety over flying on a plane for the first time in his life, sleeping in dodgy motels filled with questionable characters of backpackers, riding a too-slow-of-a-camel, hopping on a small (and unsafe-looking) minivan for 30 miles straight, and climbed over 7,000 feet of this mountain to be here - but none of those had made his chest feel like exploding as the way it is now.

"How could you do this to me?? Do you know how sick and - and angry I've been with myself - with you!! I didn't even know if you're dead or alive and now you think you can just waltz in and call me that again - you can't! You're - you're late! And you're selfish! And - and conceited and -"

"You forgot 'crazy' -"

"And fucking crazy if you think I will just drop everything and run to you - I won't, Lisa!! You - we made a promise! You promised me that you'll come with me! You promised that you'll come back to me and that - that wasn't our last kiss! You broke all of them and you broke me!!"

It's clear that he no longer gives a 'shit' about crying here, out in the open. And he certainly don't care that he's screaming at her with utmost anger. It's the first time that he's ever portrayed this much 'realness' in front of the girl but that too, is not on his 'shit-list'.

"You left me with nothing...nothing! I couldn't ask for anyone - anything that could've helped me find you - do you know how your room looked like? It's in shambles - a fucking messy chaos - just like you! I - I love you and - and you keep hurting me! Fuck, I can't do this anymore!"

He paces, grabbing and tugging his own hair to try and make sense of it all. His breathing is ragged and his neck feels warm but it's not from the sun. Like hell it is, it's her!

"Okay..." Lalisa nods with a small smile after a minute. "You can let go of me now then,"

"What?" He stares back at her.

Lalisa clips both of her hands somewhere behind herself as she takes slow steps towards the setting sun, stopping only once she's next to him. "You said that you're ready to let me go. Don't let me stop you, Jeon Jungkook,"

"What?" Perhaps he's gone deaf - no, I heard her! I'm just trying to make sense of this - whether she's actually real or a figment of my imagination because...because she's here. Because she's the same...but different - what's different?

"I'm late...but the sun's still there. I see it every evening from the first day of this year. Some days it was red...and the skies would look like it's mad at me...like how you are now. There are hardly any blues in sunsets..." She chuckled, while he's still on 'what?'. "Which is why I'm now crazy enough to hate it. You're allowed to enjoy it though, no one's stopping you,"

"You..." He shuts his eyes harder this time, trying to form his thoughts together with much might. "You're here...every sunset?"

"I didn't know when you'd show up -"

"You climbed here, every single day?"

"It's not that hard once you're used to it -"

"You - let me get this straight," Because I really can't get it straight - "You climbed here, every day, because you weren't sure when I'll show up?"

"Yes," She said simply. Clearly. As if she's spelling it out even.

"That's..." He lets out a deep breath as if he's been holding it for the longest time. "The stupidest thing anyone's ever done for me - what the fuck is wrong with you??"

Her amusing smile is not lost on him. "Selfish...conceited, was it? Crazy - definitely crazy!"

"Why didn't you just come back home??"

"Home?"

"My home,"

"That sounds like what a cliché would do. I'm no cliché, Jeon Jungkook," Why is she calling me that?? She looks down to her worn-out trainers before glancing up to the big fire. "Oh, hurry! The sun's almost down," The wickedness in her eyes appears, reminding him of his 'little monster' once again. "Or should I leave for you to do it?"

"Do what?"

"Let me go,"

What the - "How the hell am I supposed to let you go now?!"

"I don't know...is there a ritual or something? Do we light candles and say our prayers?" She smiles calmly - why the hell is she smiling so calmly??

"You're fucking with me - you're just..." He sighed, wiping his tear-stained cheeks. "Unbelievable, you know that?"

"Mmm...it was 'interesting' before..." She pretends to sulkily sigh, that much is obvious! "I guess I shouldn't have tried so hard to fix myself if all I get is 'unbelievable'..." And she started walking away.

It just dawned on him that she...she remembers...all this while, she haven't forgotten - "What -" His nerves grew quicker than lightning as he scurried over to his bag - gathering the water bottle, his travel-log notebook - "Lalisa-ssi..." She didn't turn. He picks up the jacket he took off because it got too hot - "Wait - please wait!!" Not even once. Oh, the camera! "Lalisa - stop leaving me, damn it!!"

That did the trick. She finally turns back to face him and he wipes the sweats off his neck. The mesmerizing sun is no longer occupying his attention, but the heat is still there. She'll kill me. She'll definitely kill me! I've never shouted at her before but that's all I've been doing -

"I -"

"Don't move," She said, just when he's about to take his first step towards her. From 20-feet away, he watched how her pretty, wicked eyes shined...and her flirty, smirky lips glistened...right before she started running towards him.

He dreamt of this so many times...different versions of how he would welcome her back into his life. The things he would say and do for when he pulls her into his arms...how he would even cry out of happiness for having her safe and sound. 

Just like by the hospital bed, those dreams are nothing compared to the absolute completeness he feels when Lalisa jumped and clung onto him by the ruin's cliff. And just like that, all the anger...the fear of not knowing...the lost he's been feeling to just let it be, they all dissipated like fine dusts in a blink of an eye. 

Maybe it was required...maybe I've done enough, and she's done enough. The brokenness...our longings - if they're works of art then this is the masterpiece! 

"I miss you, Jungkook-ssi," She breathed it first this time. Leaning herself back while still holding on to him, her pretty, round eyes stare into his teary ones. "It's good to see you again," Her trembling lips smiled.

Perhaps it's the overwhelming contentment - to be here and have her here - that blocked his thoughts from muttering a single thing.

"There are days when I almost gave up...but I imagined being under the reds and blues, like you asked me to -"

He grabs her by the hair and pulls her close - claiming her lips. No more seeking...no more permission - or chasing! She doesn't have to convince me of anything. She's never been that much of a talker anyway! We meet here, right in the middle of our worlds. And thread by thread, we'll sew it all together. 

. . .

My little monster went through a lot. She endured much more pain than I could possibly do in a lifetime...in her world, and in her mind. But she made it out alive...in her perfect one piece, she comes to me with more love and promises. My little monster was beautiful before, and she's quickly becoming even more dazzling in my eyes!

This cliché has probably been dubbed 'mad' by at least one person in this small café (slash hut) because he couldn't seem to stop smiling. To his 'little monster' and to himself. Regardless, there are no worries in his chest. None like before, that is.

Watching Lalisa struts back and forth to travellers like himself - serving glasses and cups while sending him glimpses of her pretty smile and flirty eyes, he calms the jitters shown from his shaky knees again. He didn't dare to take his eyes away from her...probably the only thing he's afraid of is to find that it was all just his imagination.

She said she's been working here for the past 4 months, and she needed to 'talk' to her boss about 'being let go early'. I've waited for 5 years...what's another 5 minutes?

"Jumpook??" A loud, feminine-like male's voice came from the entrance and it's the only reason good enough for him to divert his stare. "Oh my God, Jumpook!! Baby, it's Jumpook!!" 

Putting aside the fact that now, everyone in the café might have come to know that his name is 'Jumpook', Jungkook got up with a wide grin towards Mike. The guy hugged him tightly before moving to reveal Chad, just behind him.

"You didn't say you were coming here? I thought you said you're going to Estiros??" Chad shakes his hand. 

"I did - I have! Spent almost a week there before coming here - wait, didn't you say you'll be at Efe Isle?"

"We went and it was raining for 6 days straight - can you believe that??" Mike gaped and Chad nods along.

"We figured we'd skip the beach and then - wow, what are the odds of bumping into you here?"

"Please, join us then!" Jungkook gestured to his table and the two followed behind. 

"Us?" Mike asked in a scandalously. Jungkook can only sigh down shyly to the coffee cup in front of him. He said a lot on that one 'high' night, but he's unsure whether they'd remember anything. "Oh, don't tell me -" And another (deeper) gasp followed. "You found her? You met her??"

Oh hey...they remembered! "Yeah, she um...she showed up,"

"Oh my God, baby!!" If it wasn't clear that Mike was the 'soft' one in the two's relationship, it is now. Not that there's any wrong in that because I'm one too, aren't I? He's on the brink of crying - the crease on his forehead begging for Chad's attention. "After all this time...isn't that destiny?!" 

Yes...it is, isn't it? "I think so too," He chuckled, partly glad that he has someone to at least share the joy he feels at the end of this day. 

"Oh, we're so happy for you, Jumpook!! A good boy like you deserves so much -"

Right then, Lalisa appeared by his side - eyeing on the two with a small smile and a questionable frown. 

"Hello! You must be Lilisa! Jumpook told us about you - we were bunkmates in Pena -"

"Who's 'Jumpook'?" She asked in her stern-like voice and he can't help but feel the tingles running along his skin for the fact that she didn't try to correct her own name, but his. 

My little monster is really back.

. . .

He can't stop staring at her. It feels like he hasn't seen this face for all his life but missing it still, and now that she's sitting so close to him on the sofa of her small house, it is all that he wanted to do. To stare at her. 

With a small smile, Jungkook slowly raises his left hand - making sure she knows exactly what he plans to do. Lalisa pouts but closes her eyes to hint that yes, he can do it. His smile widened as he pinched her soft cheek. It's still squishy...and she's not angry.

"I like it when you blush," He muttered when the pinks appeared.

"I know my feelings much better now...are you proud?" Her eyes twinkled when she opened them back. 

"You don't need my validation, Lisa...but yes, I'm happy -"

"No, I worked so hard for it - say you're proud!" 

He can't stop himself from laughing, really. The air around her does feel different. It's no longer hostile...still demanding, but only the good kind. 

"I'm proud of you, love," Yes, he dares himself to call her that, just so she's aware that even after all this time, he still feels the same way. Also, because he's dying to hear her calling him 'baby' again. 

The pinks on her cheeks signifies a lot of possibilities. Whether she's shy to hear it...or embarrassed...or overwhelmed - because he's still a little dazed, to be honest. But nothing on that list makes him feel cautious. 

"I um..." She fidgets with her fingers. "I spoke a lot to my doctors...about you. In the beginning, I spoke nothing but about you," Oh...is she...explaining herself?? Jungkook shifts to face her fully, ready to listen. 

"I kept going in circles...I couldn't stop. Everyday, the same things over and over. By the second week, one of the therapists said that if I want to get better, I need to stop talking about you. I need to talk about me. It upsets me at the time. I didn't wanna talk to anyone for a while after. They spoke to mommy and daddy too and they stopped visiting for a while. Bam too...I couldn't get to you even if I wanted to,"

So that's why she hadn't sent any more texts -

"It was depressing...I felt like I was the only sane one there. And there are a lot of nights when I'd feel like I don't belong...like I didn't deserve to be there. I tried running away a few times the first year," She chuckled. 

"I don't know how many times I wished to just die..." No... "The drugs made me feel weak and useless. I was always tired and I sleep, like, all the time! It felt like the longest death ever,"

He reaches for her hand and rubs the top with his thumb.

"And one day, I woke up with this thought...that I promised Jungkook-ssi that I'll see the sunset with him. And to do that, I need to get better. I have to...cus there's nothing I hate more than breaking my promise,"

Heh...noona was right all along!

"So I showed up. Talked about me. What feared me...what angered me...what makes me happy. What I wanna be - a lot of things about me. Getting to know me, really. They put me in a white, empty room to see how long I could stand it there. They put me in hypnotherapy...I like that one the most!" She giggled. "Cus it helped me focused...on everyone who mattered. Do you remember that time by the river when you asked me...what I wanna be?"

Of course I do...

"I didn't exactly know what I wanna be then. For years, I've been living with one thing in my mind...that's what they told me anyway. I didn't get to go through that phase of finding out about my interests...it's always been about finding me. Where I came from. Who's responsible for it,"

"Do you know what you wanna be now?"

She nods excitedly that it makes his heart melt like warm honey. "I think...I think, I wanna be a veterinarian,"

He can't help but raise his eyebrows along with the surprise. Never had he thought that this smart, brave girl would go into veterinary! She'd do so well in politics but hey, maybe that's just me! Wait...she always liked watching Big Earth! Heh...Guk, you idiot!

"They had a cat at the hospital and he's so cute and clingy. He reminds me of you,"

Oh...well...I should be happy that some living being reminds me of her! "Then you should be a veterinarian," He smiled warmly. 

"Might take a couple years though...I need to go back into college...get certified -" She looks down to her fingers - playing coyly between his. Jungkook couldn't remember if he has ever felt this giddy with anyone other than her - as if there's a million little butterflies flying in his guts. 

I have the biggest crush on you for 5 years...a couple more is no big deal! "Then you'll get back into college and get certified...you can do it," Oh wait, a big deal actually! "Where though?"

With her lingering smile, she pushes herself up slightly to lean in until her face is inches away from him and tilts her head. Jungkook can't help his eyes from darting down to her lips. 

"I don't know...I figured I'd ask you," She whispered and his throat felt like the Estiros desert. Dry and tickly. 

"Near me..." He managed to breathe and she hovers. "Definitely with me," His hands have already landed along her arms, tracing the skin that he's been missing. 

"Careful, Jungkook-ssi..." Oh God, I miss it when she warns me like this! "I might seem calm...but I'm still me,"

"I don't need any rewinds, love," Gone were the stutters. "You know I'll go anywhere you're going,"

"I trust that you're better at handling me this time...right baby?" She climbs on his lap and oh God - only she could kill me like this!

. . .

THE END.

. . .

To my dear Anisha,

It would be wrong for me to write on your behalf, so I can only write how you should have been loved. By anyone, by everyone. The world might not understand you but that's okay. Your mother might have left you but that's okay too. You may have hated yourself for a long time, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, that I couldn't have been there to love you on your behalf. 

I wish you nothing but contentment. I wish for your long life. I wish for your happy life. I wish to still see you when we're old and wrinkly, and you can tell me about the hard times or the good times, all over again. We'll go in circles together, I won't mind. 

All my love,

. . .