*watch out for grammar mistakes and typos.

A thrilling story of gambling, bets, and high stakes. Unique in all aspects, Sophia Cielo truly makes Rock Papers Scissors Stakes such a tasteful experience with her unique narrative approach.

Opening comments:

Sorry for the long wait! I had to wait until hell week, finals and ultimately the whole school year ended so I can finally have free time.

On the other hand, I truly enjoyed this. And honestly, this critique would probably be less a critique and more advice and support to be honest. But I will still try my best to convey what I thought of of your story.

Don't feel shy to add inline comments if you have any inquiries, reactions or pm me if you have anything you can't understand in my review.

First Impressions:

Cover, I can see the concept, but some things still feel off and it could be done better. The vibe and theme is there, as well as connection to the story, but it didn't quite catch my eye at first.

You can try changing the font or reducing the size a bit, as well as the author name at the bottom part. It could be adjusted with some manipulation on the layering of the hands and the letters. The font color can be changed into a shade of red that's less bright as well. If you're using Canva for your stories, try using the 'effects' option for the font.

If you don't want to (or don't have time) for designing covers, there are many talented cover designers out here on Wattpad offering their services for free.

If you want any suggestions, you can always PM me so i can give you some nice cover shop suggestions.

Title, I think the title is fine. It makes sense for the story and conveys just enough intrigue to the readers. Although I did kind of get confused or I guess you can say whiplash about the stakes part. It sounded like it came out of nowhere.

I think you might've been trying to do wordplay here, but it kind of didn't make sense. Rock-Paper-Scissors-Stakes, the stakes part makes it a little too long and sudden. But what if we replaced Scissors? Rock-Paper-Stakes, would it still work? I'm not very sure on my end though.

So what if we changed it to Tagalog? Bato-Bato-Patay! I don't know why but this made me laugh. My point is to maybe try tweaking a couple things with the title to make the wordplay more obvious (if you are trying to do wordplay). Brainstorming is my best suggestion.

But if you want, you can still keep the original title since it is all good. It conveys just the right amount of intrigue so a title changed isn't necessarily necessary.

Blurb, the blurb is alright especially on the first parts. But the last paragraph kind of made the vibes and tension in the first ones fall apart.

The last paragraph sort of rushed the blurb's pacing and diminished the tension in the first few paragraphs by simply telling the stakes.

Instead of this, you can make the 'Ngunit iba na ang isusugal (It's been adviced to use present tense in your blurbs) niya sa pagkakataong ito,' into a new paragraph. Branching off from that, you can start with the inciting incident.

Opening chapter. Absolutely beautiful! The descriptions, the overall setting, the dialogues, the mystery, the writing. Everything about the opening chapter is amazing. I also love that this incident made the other scene a couple of chapters after it much more tension filled. It was just really satisfying to see the build up to that moment when they're approaching her house, the place where, as witnessed in the first chapter, a very traumatic event happened in her life.

Aside from that, this whole opening scene really determined the vibe of the story, and you truly didn't disappoint with the atmosphere of your story. It was the right amount of dark, descriptive, and at times witty. It  reminds me of the webtoon Annarasumanara's art style just with less sentimental feel and more guns and blood. 10/10!

Characterization:

Given it still is ongoing with only 5 chapters, I'm honestly surprised at how fleshed out Victoria's backstory is. Not to mention the mystery of it all, this kind of mystery is the mystery that doesn't mess up your mind and confuse you to no end.

Other than her intriguing backstory, her personality is also evident. With only 5 chapter, you managed to introduce Victoria as a character. I'm not sure I can call her 3-dimensional or 'complete' yet, but the character is definitely there. You introduced her skeptical and rather pessimistic (realistic, maybe?) look on the world, her feelings were well translated on the page.

But Edison's character is also something nice. We still don't know much about him, but that's probably because we're still 5 chapters in after all. But nonetheless, I can already say Edison can become my favorite character as the story progresses more.

He's quite funny, and to be honest his and Victoria's interactions are something that's just so interesting. All in all I love the characters, the mystery around the characters, and the character interactions. It's very smooth, very natural, their conversation flows well and doesn't break pace or vibe and manages to entertain the readers. Great job!

Setting:

The setting! The setting goodness, is absolutely beautifully done. The writing plays a big part on setting and yours just elevated this aspect of the story. The way you described things and conveyed thoughts and scenes were just so consistent and admirable.

The vibes are there, and consistent all throughout even when they change places from time to time.

Conflict and plot:

As far as the story is at the moment, I think the plot points aren't really as defined as a fully constructed story. Probably brought on by the fact that you're pantsing this this time. And that's alright, I am a pantser too after all. But it did take me a couple retries and at the moment I'm going through the second revision of my book, so I'm sure you will go through that too.

Anyway, the inciting incident in Rock Paper Scissors Stakes wasn't shown. It's a curious structure, and I usually am not a fan of starting stories at the middle but this time...I think you really nailed it! The inciting incident despite having been omitted, or at least wasn't clear, (for mysterious purposes, I suppose), has been done right in this story.

But other than that, I don't really have much to say about the conflict and plot, I think it's very much alright as it is.

Pacing:

The pacing, as far as the 5 chapters took us in the story, was alright. The part when Victoria and Edison arrived at the airport and those people chasing her appeared, though, gave me quite a whiplash.

One moment they're in the Manila airport getting chased by the Masters' goons, the next thing we know they've arrived at their destination with the goons taken care of.

I'm alright with the whole tedious job of chase scenes getting skipped over since it might be a bit boring even for me. But the problem here is the sudden slowing down of pacing between the two scenes. There could be at least something that smooths the pacing down a bit.

For example, instead of opening the next (slow) scene of the two walking out of the airport, you can start with Edison throwing away a bloodied glove. This would smooth down the reader's questions of 'what happened to the people chasing you?' and at the same time might smooth down the transition between an action scene and a not action scene.

On the author's note I saw on one chapter, you're planning on making longer chapters. I advice against this. Your chapters are already long enough as is, what matters in a chapter is really what happens within and not the word count.

Writing:

Just as with art styles, the way an illustrator draws a piece or a comic, the way the author writes a book is what makes it enticing, unique, and beautiful.

And you did a spectacular job in the writing. And when I say spectacular, I mean it. I will literally marry your writing.

You wrote Rock Paper Scissors Stakes in the tagalog equivalent of Third Person Point of View, and honestly it was such a breath of fresh air. Not many Filipino writers even write in the decent language, it's almost always either: English with a side of Filipino, or Filipino but way, way informal.

Yours, however, was unique. Though I may be honest, it didn't really needed to be that deep and formal, but it was unique. It made the whole narrative so much more atmospheric and helped with sticking consistent to the vibes.

Your descriptions were straight up beautiful, as well. I suppose it really helped that the vibes you conveyed were evident and done well.

Although, there were times when you needed to tone down a bit on the Google Translate.

Like this, instead of 'Itinulak ni Victoria...' You could instead use 'pinilit ni Victoria.' This would make it sound more authentic and Filipino.

Victoria's dialogue sounded too formal. Instead of 'sa lugar na wala ka,' you could instead use 'kung sa'n wala ka.'

You also need to watch out for more issues that normally wouldn't be a problem in an English story but would in a Filipino one.

In this instance, 'kasabay' sends off a meloncholy vibe, something your story isn't. There were also some times when you mess up the u's and the o's. It's not much, but here's an example.

Malita ❌
Maleta ✔️

Maleta't

Tudo ❌
Todo ✔️

Agus ❌
Agos ✔️

Like with my second point, there are some problems that may occur on a Filipino novel that wouldn't be a problem in an English one. Like 'nakakabit,' it could instead be 'nakasabit.'

There are also some times when you probably forget Filipino grammar and words, and that's understandable. Like in this part.

'Talunan,' of course, is what we call loser or someone who lost.

But 'natalunan,' as far as my Filipino knowledge goes, doesn't exist.

I do understand what you're trying to say here. Veronica lost to a bet of half a million. Instead of 'natalunan,' use 'natalo.' And adjust a couple more things in the sentence so it works.

Before: 'Minsan ay sinaktan niya si Victoria dahil natalunan siya ng kalahating milyon, inutang pa.'

After: 'Sinaktan niya (pa?) si Victoria no'ng minsan siyang natalo ng kalahating milyon, inutang pa.'

There could be many other variations of this sentence, as well. But other than these small inconveniences that you need to pay attention to, your writing is truly superb. I love that you went with a unique writing style to convey the story's theme and vibes better.

Dialogue:

Again, your dialogue never fails to amaze me. Their dialogues and conversation just flows so naturally and smoothly. There are some witty remarks here and there that don't feel forced or cringy. The way the two characters speak are also somewhat different from each other.

There are also those infamous times when you switch between Filipino and English in the dialogue. But it honestly doesn't sound forced at all like most other Taglish Wattpad stories. Really, your dialogues are superb, I don't need to say anything anymore.

Accuracy and originality:

You really nailed it on the originality for this one. I mean, who would've thought of Rock Paper Scissors as a gamble game? It's so unique and fresh and interesting.

I really would love to know more about how the gambling system for Rock Paper Scissors work though, since it wasn't really shown as far as the story goes. But really, I love the originality and uniqueness of this story.

For the accuracy, it's also alright. Although I question why the child she talked to didn't ask a question about her blue eyes, why was it not talked about? I mean, this is the Philippines everyone would stare at you if you're a foreigner, and with blue eyes nonetheless.

Personal enjoyment:

I really, really enjoyed this. If I had the time and were still as obsessed with Wattpad as I was back then, I would no doubt continue reading this book. But well, let's see if my schedule allows me.

Anyway, I really, truly loved the uniqueness and the originality of your story. It pulled me in and I love the intrigue and mystery building up every chapter. As a pantser, I could only advice you to keep writing your first draft, keep writing and know how you write as a writer.

For me, my best advice would be to not edit or doubt yourself as you write the first draft when your pantsing. But for others, editing along the way would be the better advice. So really, the only advice I can give you is to keep writing and figure out how you write so you can react better to problems that may occur in the pantser world.

Closing comments:

That is all for the review. I hope this helped you in any way at all and that you take this critique seriously yet not personally. All criticism are for your book's own good and is not an attack on you as a person.

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***

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