*This review gives all credits to Gelayahhh , who was the one to read, vote and write the critique of this story.

Between The Intercom is a heart-warming tale of Antheia finding love with her socially quiet friend Nathaniel. Together they built and faced the consequences of their feelings. Afterall, the quote "love has no distance" still lives up like a fairytale. So what could go wrong?

Opening Comments:

Hey author! I wanted to say thank you for making such a masterpiece! I really did love and enjoy it!

Don't feel shy to add inline comments if you have any inquiries, reactions or pm me if you have anything you can't understand in my review.

First Impressions:

For the book cover, I actually like it considering that Antheia has a bike of her own that she uses occasionally in the book and also it gives this "neighborhood" vibes.  However I do think that the bicycle is not that strong of an impression or the main focus of the story to be included in the book cover, I suggest that the cover would have this cool color scheme and something that shows the readers what the book is all about such as walkie talkies or telephones! Since the characters do revolve using intercoms most of the time.

The title really got me interested, it's my first time to ever hear the word intercom afterall. I personally love it and the creativity it has! It captured every detail of the story and I couldn't think of anything better to describe how beautiful it is!

The description is where I have opinions.

The poem is what really captured my attention when I first read this book. If you could rephrase the first sentence in a much cooler and eye-catching way.

I asked a friend what she looks forward to in reading the description and she specified that by having a conflict, goal and a short but informative character's description is what makes her know what she's getting into, and I absolutely agree with her. I don't think that just by explaining the whole story to the readers can get their attention very easily. We need to know our characters and If you could rephrase this in a shorter version and emphasize Antheia and Nathaniel's character and personality, this could give the readers a quick skim on their possible chemistry and flow of the story.

For the opening chapter, I usually don't like it when the first sentence starts with a dialogue. If you could use a quote or describe what Antheia is feeling at the moment, it could really make a huge difference in making the readers easily get what they're here for. And as always, if you could add more dialogues or actions rather than explaining what they are doing, that would be absolutely appreciated!

I also got hold of Antheia's personality in the first chapter. I could imagine she is the one who usually chooses a dare and the type who loves adventure. Although the first chapter was rather short on scenes and dialogues, It gave me a quick heads up on what might be the story's flow.

Characterization:

Through the short period of time I have spent reading and skimming through each chapter of the book, I have noticed each character's personality and spirit in each scene.

Antheia- I personally can't say much about her other than a free spirit since I haven't really seen much of her goal and raw personality. I called her a "free spirit", when I recalled the first chapter when she was pranking and running around the neighborhood with her friends and, each time, where she willingly played and talked to Nathaniel and the kid's from chapter 3. I'd really find it more enjoyable if she is somewhat relatable to the readers, such as her with her family and social life.

However I really enjoyed how she acted in Chapter 7, it was pure emotion and I could feel how she felt when she  saw Nathaniel. If you could emphasize more of her character and actions, it would really help us readers know and understand her more.

Nathaniel- At first I couldn't get hold of Nathan's character since he really didn't have that much of an appearance other than hearing his voice on the intercom. However, as soon as I read the last chapters, that's how every question I have got answered. I would have loved him more if he would have been given more scenes and dialogues about his social life, likes and dislikes and what his dream is. I'd say Nathaniel is the caring one since he's actions towards Antheia can really show how much he cares for her.

Anthony- I wasn't really interested in his character since he wasn't really the brother figure I wished for Antheia. I get that he is one of those people where he prioritizes his games over other activities, however, with Antheia needing emotional support after all the things she has been through, a brother that would soothe and comfort her would've made the story a heartwarming one. But everything changes when Antheia questions him if he ever fell in love. I felt that this character would be of great help and impact if he wasn't so annoying to her and would just prioritize his family for once.

Tita (Nathaniel's mom)- Even though she hasn't really gotten that much screen time. I actually grew to love this character, her passion in taking care of Nathaniel and how she accepted in helping him in making his requests into reality, is what captured my heart the most. She is a very supportive character and mother to Nathaniel and Antheia.

Conflict and plot:

I guess the main conflict they have is their feelings towards each other. It saddened me to know Nathaniel's reasoning in the end however, it also made me realize how deeply in love and at awe he is to Antheia. The plot made sense in every way possible however I kinda want to know on how Nathaniel grew the strength to even follow Antheia around with his sickness. Did he have to use his inhaler? Drink water? Do therapy? Does are some random questions that keep bunching up in my mind. Although I am happy with the plot and conflict itself.

Pacing:

So far the pacing and word count is fine considering that a short story should only consume about 5,000 to 10,000 per book, it can also be anything just above 1,000 words. However I do think with this word count limit, you can also add more dialogues and scenes with our favorite characters in action! I personally think as a writer and a reader that what's more important is what's happening in the story and not just the words.

Theme:

I actually was intrigued by the thought of falling for someone without seeing their face or by not having mutual contact, this was by far the first I have ever read. Personally I have grown to like Nathaniel because of his personality and care for Antheia.

I get that their situation is forcing them away and just the thought of "Long distance relationship" or secrecy of Nathaniel's life gave me this beautiful feeling towards their love. At first I wasn't really certain if it would make me emotional because I'm not used to this relationship style especially without mutual contact. However, this story opened my eyes to the endless limitations of love.

Writing:

As far as I read, your writing style is using deep Tagalog words and although there are some Taglish and English lines. But, I applaud your Tagalog skills, there is one thing I noticed, and it's that sometimes your phrases are not too common and good for the story's setting. I usually like to incorporate deep tagalog words when the story's setting is from the 1900's or older. But since your story is modern, don't be afraid to use words that you are comfortable with.

I also suggest making the sentences shorter since I saw a lot of repetitive and unnecessary words. Such as this phrase from Chapter 3.

This sentence can easily be rephrased to lighten and set up the mood,  "Salitan kami ng tanong at sagot habang nagtatawanan", "Minabuti nalang naming mag-laro ng 20 questions habang naghihintay" or even better, you could make this scene into a dialogue! That way we readers can get more information into each character's personality and it also gives this sense of realism, when you add dialogues to scenes like this!

Ex:

"Hello?" may narinig akong ingay sa labas.

"Ano? Kakalabas ko lang ng kotse."

Also in the short scene I have created, you can tell that I didn't describe  what the other person is doing. Instead I let the MC -the one who said hello, describe what she felt instead of me as an author describing it to the readers. This is a technique we authors use called "Show don't tell."

This scene also from Chapter 3 is better when you let Antheia or Nathaniel describe Tyra's looks by adding dialogue like this: "Tyra! Tara mag-ipit ka, dumidikit na sa leeg mo yung buhok mo oh!", the scene I just created explains that Tyra is sweating and has long hair.

I also think that some scenes are rushed like the opening scene in Chapter 1, it could use more actions from Eliza, Antheia and Maddy before they reach Nathaniel's house, they could have planned their escape and mischief in this scene.

Dialogue:

I understand how each author has their own style however from what I am noticing, some chapters are barring any dialogues. This makes it hard for me to criticize this part however, I also felt that some dialogues are either flat or out of character. Dialogues are meant to be the window for us readers to know our character's personality. I have listed in the Characterization part of this review my thoughts about your characters just by observing their dialogues and actions.

And a friend also shared the same thought about Nathaniel and Antheia's conversation, we suggest that you add character development there rather than just "talking" and making sure that they were all right. I thought that it would be good if they both share similar problems and talk it all out, now that would've been a heartwarming scene!

Accuracy and originality:

The plot and reasoning is quite accurate in terms of planning and information, however It would be nice seeing Nathaniel's routine or how he endures his illness. Although looking at the main story and how it evolved is certainly unique. Some scenes may be too predictable, like how it would eventually end; however, it can be easily covered up by distracting the readers into a much bigger scene or by making the two characters promise something to each other.

If you want a surprise ending you have to tell the readers their plan and once everything has come to your favor then you continue the plot, this will make us question and more intrigue on what's happening next rather than us correctly [predicting the following chapters.

Personal enjoyment:

At first I will be honest, the theme didn't really soothe me however, reading the chapters again and again had me also realize things. If I were to describe this story in three words it would have been: heart warming, cute and strength. I know the word "strength" might be off putting, however, I can see that Nathaniel finds strength in Antheia to fight and be free and Antheia is to Nathaniel for her to realize love is.

I enjoy the last few chapters whole heartedly as it reminded me of young teenage love at its finest. Antheia wondering and Nathaniel daring got me whipped up and sob at the same time. This story has its own color and message that I have not read in any book before.

Closing comments:

That is all for the review. I hope this helped you in any way at all and that you take this critique seriously yet not personally. All criticism are for your book's own good and is not an attack on you as a person.

***

HEY! READING THIS "FOR FUN"? (What a dedicated soul you are! Reading book critiques are something I also did for fun, just to get a grip on what editors are looking for.)

Or are you sad that I'm not accepting critiques anymore?

DON'T BE!

I have relocated this service to Fiverr, so now you can acquire my services there for the low price of 5 dollars (294 PHP)! Don't fret, because I still offer all the services I give here on Wattpad (Inline comments, nearly 5k word reader reports), and even MORE, as I now also include FREE EDITING in my package.

On Fiverr, I can assure that you can get the most out of my services, as it is proven in my seller reviews that I have greatly improved my client's novels and novellas. It is as they say, pay a worker and she will work harder. Thank you for your patronage!

***

As promised, Mackenzie will also be promoting your book on several social media accounts in several ways:

✔️ Posted on Instagram

✔️ Posted on Facebook Page

✔️ Message Of Appreciation

✔️ Posted on Message Board

✔️ Added to HIDDEN GEMS reading list

✔️  Shared on Literary Lounge (a Discord server for Wattpad writers and avid Wattpad readers.)