Chapter 14; People Are Still Humans

They were meant to meet under the wetness of the sky's harsh tears.

───── ❝ m.h.n ❞ ───── 

Haneul had always had a hard life; her mom left when she was just eight, her father was never really a father and her ex-boyfriend disappeared all of sudden.

She had moved on from her mother, too much time had passed to remember her properly anyway. She could take her father's neglect too because that was how he had always been. But the sudden arrest of her boyfriend, Han Sung?

Never.

He was such a good man, such a pure man. His smile was always wide and bright, so much to the point where it was contagious. He was a handsome man as well, but Haneul never worried about him liking other girls because, in their almost five years of dating, he had only cared for her.

The two were a K-drama-like couple, so flawless and sweet with a few fights here and there—it's a natural occurrence after all. But generally, they had everything: trust, love, understanding and communication.

Just a week before their break up, Sung had begun acting weird, saying that it was because of school. He came back to their apartment later than usual and spoke to her way less. She gave him space because she thought he would need it.

However, it only ended in her getting caught in a fire of regret, anger, confusion, but worse of all, endless pining. Haneul wanted his presence and warmth back by her side the second that he had walked right out of the door of her apartment, which, in reality, symbolised her life.

The way his muddy boots thumped against the floor, his teary eyes, the heavy breaths that left his parted lips and his back, she remembered it all as he walked away in slow motion. Yet just a week later, she met Yoongi.

Yoongi came into her life like a Supernumerary Rainbow, so unexpected and rare. People like him could only be found in K-Dramas because he was a man that really kept it all to himself.

Back then, after Yoongi left that night, she found herself sitting with her legs crossed on the balcony as she made the red wine in her glass rotate, thinking about him. Sometimes, she'd forget her ex because Yoongi was the only thing that she could think of.

Haneul never thought someone could be better than Sung. She never believed her life would get better, she didn't believe her tears would stop and she never believed there would be other hands that would mould with her own so well.

Notwithstanding, she was in fact the one to discover just how untrue that was. And she wanted to see the minty-green-haired man again.

Like destiny, two weeks after their first meeting, it rained again and they met. The rain was a perfect representation of the two of them, individually, but even more suitable for the two of them together.

They were like broken mirrors full of cracks, so much that the image in them was unrecognizable. They reflected one another. The sadness pooled in their eyes was similar; not the same but definitely similar.

Thus, Haneul believed they were meant to meet under the wetness of the sky's harsh tears. She felt alive again when, from the distance, she saw him helping out the nice woman from the flower shop. Mrs Shim she believed was her name.

His smile—so small yet heartfelt. His wet bangs stuck to his forehead like the day of their first encounter. His strong arms as he carried pots of flowers in the stead of the elderly couple.

At the sight, the dark purple umbrella her ex-boyfriend had given her, fell out of her hands. It was long-forgotten afterwards since she never went to get it back and never thought about it again.

But what Haneul had never forgotten was how it felt that day, when she walked up to Yoongi, her high-knee boots slowly meeting the uneven roads under her feet.

She remembered all the little and most insignificant details. The way she grabbed his shoulder, how he looked at her in confusion, his big grin and chuckle when she asked him to treat her a meal.

They did go to have some meat and Soju together, and oh, how much she had laughed... Haneul, in her lonely life, had only been that happy with one person before Yoongi, and there wasn't even a need to say who.

But the point was that she was finally able to laugh. It hadn't been an eternity, she hadn't become rotten. Her cheeks hurt from smiling, not crying, and it was all thanks to an intriguing man with minty-green hair.

After that day, she couldn't say she had completely thrown her old flame out of her head. It was just impossible for her to forget him so quickly.

One night, she woke up at three in the morning, feeling guilty for having almost replaced Sung right away, so she decided to visit every police station in Seoul.

She looked for him for weeks, still meeting Yoongi from time to time who made her question everything, but in the end, found nothing—or rather, no one. Sung was gone, he had disappeared like he didn't even exist in the first place.

Haneul asked all of his friends where he had gone, but their response was always the same: "We have no idea either".

For God's sake, she even attempted to call his parents and relatives, but take note of the word "attempted". For they all had—supposedly—changed their phone numbers and cut off all contact with everybody that Sung used to know.

And then she gave up.

More specifically, a month and a half later was when she decided that she had done enough. She was gonna leave Sung behind just like he had left her.

Haneul had chosen to give Yoongi a chance, asking him on a date. Not realising just how much she wanted him until she had to nervously walk up to him. Yoongi was clearly surprised when she did but accepted her with a beam.

And after a few months, they became official. Her ex was forgotten and she was crazy for Yoongi. Sounds perhaps a little too perfect, right?

In fact, one day, Yoongi finally decided to introduce Haneul to his best friend, whom he talked about endlessly. At first, Haneul thought he did it to render her jealous, however, when she saw the two together, she realised how tremendously wrong she was.

The two laughed and leant on each other all the time, Haneul almost felt excluded.

Yoongi had warned her about one thing: he hated skinship. He needed time to get into it, so he hoped she wouldn't be too upset about that. Haneul of course said it wasn't a problem and never touched him first, only responding to his touches.

And after a few more months, he had told her that it was okay for her to act on it first as well. It was weird in her opinion, but she understood nonetheless.

Everything was just fine. But she couldn't help it, whenever Yoongi said that he was with Haru when Haneul texted him, whenever the two of them were together right before her eyes, her heart ached with ugly envy.

She could have pushed that aside, she could have buried it, but when Yoongi forsook her for Haru... those were the moments in which Haneul thought real ugly stuff.

Two rough hands with long nails latched themselves around her throat automatically whenever they were in the middle of something but Yoongi would ditch everything just for Haru. That stupid, awful Do Haru.

Not only did he rush off instantly for her, but he also patted her head with such love in his eyes. She hated when people mistook them for a couple instead of her and Yoongi.

Haneul didn't feel Haru was a bad person—and that was the worst part. It made her want to kill that woman; for Haru to be gone for good.

She and Yoongi enjoyed going to restaurants together. Whenever Yoongi ditched Haneul for his best friend, leaving her with a knife in her trembling hand, sometimes she just wished she could stab it right through Haru's chest.

She hated herself for thinking such terrible things, constantly convincing herself that it was because of mad jealousy; that she didn't actually mean it.

And of course, at some point, she was bound to snap.

There was a perfect occasion when Yoongi went to the bathroom and the two of them sat in the restaurant by themselves. What if she just ended it all right there? What if she just got rid of Haru? She didn't want to hear that vexatious name ever again in her life.

But obviously, and cowardly too, all that she did was threaten her banally, not intimidating the latter at all. She only humiliated herself, going so low to even mentally beg for Haru to stay quiet and not tell Yoongi about it. And luckily, she didn't.

However, when things truly started going south was when he showed up again. Sung showed up like a random williwaw on a sunny day—a sunny day on which you would expect no chaos. On such a calm and pleasant Christmas Eve night...

───── ❝ 24/12/2018 ❞ ─────

There was a knock on the door although Haneul wasn't expecting any visitors. She felt all skittish at the thought of maybe finding Yoongi standing outside with her favourite bouquet of roses.

For all that the woman might have imagined, never could she have expected to open the door only to meet those eyes.

They weren't exactly the eyes she used to know. The orbs that were once filled with warmth and purity were now filled with emptiness; a strong wish to just take a single, peaceful breath. Huge black eyebags gave him the impression of a person that didn't know that sleep existed.

He looked like a very pitiful version of the spectacular man she once knew. But that wasn't the issue. The real problem was that her heart twitched at the sight of him.

He came to see her (for whatever reason), he was alive and even though his eyes were colourless, one glint of a very recognizable and faint sentiment shone in them. The relief, the yearning, the love, were all clearly visible.

She knew that look well. She knew that behind this new man, was her old young, happy and foolish boy. It tore her heart. It made her want to slam the door into his face, deny everything, cry, rip her hair out of its roots.

Haneul's efforts were being stepped on by the cruel heavens because her heart was beating swiftly. It was beating in a way that it hadn't in years. And by years, she knew she meant ever since the day he left.

Min Yoongi.

Yoongi.

Min,

Gi-ah...

She didn't even notice how heavy her breathing had gotten. A single step was what made her snap out of her thoughts; the tip of his shoe was inside her house. Haneul freaked out even more when he reached his hand out, jerking backwards and almost falling like a cretin. 

'Why are you here? You're alive?' she asked dumbly, the words coming out just as strongly as she hoped they would. 'You're real...' 

'Yes, and I finally got out,' he replied, taking a couple more steps inside. 'I actually got out a month ago but I had to settle and do a lot of things before coming to you.'

'No.' Haneul shook her head, not knowing exactly which of his words she had dismissed.

The fact that she obviously still felt something for him or that he was "coming to her", wasn't good for Haneul. Be that as it may, she could never go back to him. She had Yoongi, she loved Yoongi, she only loved Yoongi.

Right?

After over two years, she had already thrown him out of her head and memories, right? After two years, she didn't feel any longer the familiarity in his pungent scent, right?  But oh no, she was shoving straight lies up her throat because she still reminisced everything they did together and she still relished his perfume.

Cigarettes and cologne? 

Or alloy and cologne?

Cigarettes and an unidentified past with an illness she never understood?

Or prison without any motive with only so much suffering?

Yoongi... or Sung?

'Get out! I have a boyfriend! I don't want to see you. Leave!' Haneul scurried away pathetically, grabbing whatever pillows she could from her couch and tossing them at him.

She shut her eyes tightly after seeing him step further inside, grabbing whatever was around her and once again, throwing it at him. 

'Myung Haneul!' yelled Sung, grabbing her wrists to stop her as tears began to fill his eyes, seeing hers already falling. 'Just stop it...' he said in a gentler manner, pulling her into his chest. 

And she stayed still, only her shoulders moving roughly from how much she was weeping. 'I am so sorry.' he patted her hair, and the simple motion reminded Haneul of Yoongi which made her push him away.

'I. Have. A. Boyfriend,' Haneul shouted, trying to wipe off the liquid streaming down her face. 

'And. I. Do. Not. Care.' Sung stood up from the floor, speaking almost mockingly.

'I'll get you back. We were meant to be, how am I supposed to not be angry? You dared to go to another man. I know damn well I left you unexpectedly, but didn't you know I'd come back for you, love?'

Haneul's heart wrenched. She was still his love, but she had someone else. The amount of guilt she felt only grew. It was too much guilt, too much confusion to bear all at once, her head was about to explode.

All the guilt from leaving her ex-boyfriend and falling for another man, plus the one for doubting her love for her (current) man.

Sung stood there. He was really there for her with his arms open. She just had to make a choice: run into his arms and possibly regret leaving Yoongi or decline him and possibly regret doing so as well. No matter what she did, happiness wouldn't be guaranteed. 

Haneul entangled her fingers into her hair before stupidly slapping her head, tears carelessly flowing out of her eyes like a broken faucet. The tired man crouched before her, taking her puffy face between his big, cold hands.

Another thing she had missed: his cold hands moulding with her warm ones. It was the perfect contrast. 

'Haneul-ah, just come with me, hm? It's alright, I am sure he'll understand, okay? Please forgive me, I'll forgive you too—'

But before he could finish his sentence, Haneul had already shoved him off of her.

'No, I hate you. Fuck you, just leave! Leave me the fuck alone! Please...' she rambled, avoiding his eyes at all costs.

She had made her choice, and it was Yoongi. It had to be Yoongi. It was Yoongi's tender smiles and caresses that she wanted.

'This is all unfair,' said Sung, walking up to her once again and grabbing her wrists, more firmly this time.

Honestly, it kind of hurt Haneul. She was about to protest about the stinging sensation when Sung suddenly smashed his mouth against hers. 

Haneul's eyes widened like those of silly cartoon characters. She instantly began wrenching and struggling against him. The woman's cries became even harsher as she tried to scream, but he just silenced her.

Haneul struggled till the very end, and he pulled away, annoyed by the lack of response from her. 

'You are hurting me! You even forced me to kiss you, this is sexual assault! Since when have you become this awful? Han Sung-ah... who in the, for God's sake, fucking hell have you become? Who's this man standing before me right now?' she shrieked.

Haneul had spoken his name aloud after years of refusing to do so.

Her chest rose and fell heavily as the two stared at each other intensely. However, the intensity didn't last for long. Haneul witnessed the way his stubbornly furrowed eyebrows slowly softened just like his facial expression.

The anger in his eyes faded like a transition in a movie, being instantly replaced by remorse. The tight grip around her wrists faltered as his hands slid off of hers and his chin met his chest in shame. 'I-I am sorry,' he murmured breathily.

Sung suddenly looked up, 'Don't ever call me by that disgusting name again.' he shook his head, and without allowing her to ask for any sort of clarification, he spoke up again. 'I have missed you so much, to the point of death, Sky.'

Oh, the way her favourite nickname slipped out of his mouth... the tenderness still made her stomach churn. Sung would call Haneul "Sky" in English since that was her name's translation, and her heart still fluttered at its very sound. 

'Every day, the more I rotted in that rubbish place, the more I wanted to see you. At least one time, for a single second. I thought I was really going to die, but before that, I wanted to see you at least one last time. I wanted to explain myself, I wanted to tell you it was still you for me and that it would always be. I wanted to tell you that I am sorry.'

More tears trickled down the ex-couple's cheeks. Sung's words only pushed the knife deeper into Haneul's wounded chest. And at some point, she just couldn't hold back any longer. She was way too pressured and disoriented. 

The woman, reluctantly, grabbed the man's face and smashed her lips against his. It was an all-too-familiar feeling to her, one that felt very different from when Yoongi's lips were against hers. She didn't comprehend anything anymore, too dumbfounded and discombobulated. 

And ere long they knew it, the two were up on their feet. Sung's hands rested securely on Haneul's gracile waist whilst her arms were circled around his neck. Sung guided Haneul as she walked backwards, and soon her back met the wall.

They pulled away from each other to catch their breaths. With chests rising and falling, the tense silence and their hankering gazes, the temperature in the room rose even though outside there were minus fourteen degrees.

Haneul's thick and well-shaped eyebrows crashed into a bizarre frown, one that wished to depict thousands of diverse sentiments.

Sung removed his right hand from her waist and slipped it under the hair that was covering her cheek, cupping it. The coldness of his hands made a frisson run down her spine.

Almost like a bullet-time scene, with imaginary adagio music in the background, Han Sung slowly fondled his lips against hers before finally letting them indulge in an actual kiss.

They pushed each other, sometimes Haneul would smash him into the wall, others he would. The reasons behind those actions were unbeknownst, yet what they knew was that it was somewhat of a fight. The hate, the anger, the agony and longing that they had felt sprung free. 

That way, they ended up on the couch, Sung's coat instantly flying off. The tips of his fingers ran along the slightly exposed skin of her waist, but no breathy giggle came out of her lips like it would years ago.

He lowered himself to her swollen lips once again. However, the sudden sound of the door opening startled the both of them. 

They froze.

Haru came in, skipping like a little kid, holding a red rose in her hand. Nonetheless, her smile instantly faded at the sight before her eyes. It took a single second for her overall aura and mood to change—right then and there, Haneul knew she had screwed up. 

↳ TO BE CONTINUED... ❞

Author-nim's note:

I feel like this chapter is shit. Like I dragged on too much or something. I didn't know whether or not it was a good idea or not to dumb Haneul's background story almost all in one go, but it was a good occasion to do so... I hope this chapter wasn't boring, please let me know what you thought about it.

Published date: 16/10/2021.

Word count: 3,310.

—jiminandhisjams