Sprache: Englisch

~Poem

Triggerwarnung: sadness, gender dysphoria, suicidal thoughts (Please get help if you're not okay)

I don't know when it started,

this feeling like my skin is wrong.

Like I was given someone else's name,

someone else's body,

someone else's life.

I wake up every morning

and avoid the mirror,

because every time I look,

I feel like I'm disappearing.

Like I'm fading into someone

I was never meant to be.

They call me their daughter

tell me I'm beautiful in dresses,

but every time I wear one,

I feel like I'm suffocating,

like my own reflection is,

laughing at me.

I cut my hair—

they told me I ruined myself.

I lower my voice—

they tell me to stop mumbling.

I wear clothes that hide my shape—

they say I look like a boy.

And God, I wish I could say

thank you.

But I can't.

Because I don't even know if that's what I am.

Because if I say it out loud,

it becomes real.

And if it becomes real,

then what?

Then I lose them.

My mother, my father, my family.

They would never look at me the same.

They would never call me him.

They would call it a phase,

a sickness,

a sin.

And maybe they're right.

Maybe I'm just broke.

Maybe this is just another thing

that makes me wrong,

another reason I wake up

wishing I hadn't.

Some nights, I wonder


if it would be easier


to just disappear completely.


To let the weight pull me under,


to quiet the noise in my head,


to finally rest in a body


that no longer feels like a cage.

No more mirrors,


no more wrong name,


no more pretending to be


someone I will never be.

Maybe they'd cry,


maybe they'd say they never saw it coming.
But deep down,


I think they'd be relieved—


at least they wouldn't have to love


a son they never wanted.

I don't know who I am.

I just know that I don't want to be

her

Idk... I'm not okay I guess and I have no idea how/if I can come out... I haven't even figured if I'm transgender but I think I am.. and my parents probably wouldn't allow hormone therapy anyways.. 

yeah I'll go cry in a corner