H.S. POV

  Hospital food tasted like crap. I was glad to go home the next day. I hadn't slept properly in days, worrying about Louis and the last show of the tour, rescheduled for next month. Everything in my life right now was a complete mess. I had promised myself to avoid any situation that could end up in me getting hurt again. But I couldn't seem to help it.

As time passed by, the doctors confirmed that Lou was in a coma. I didn't know whether he could hear me or not, but I went to him everyday, talking to him, praying for him to wake up.

I took his hand in mine for the millionth time that day, tracing the soft lines on his palm as tears threatened to fall yet again.

Three years ago

It was since six months since I had dinner with Louis. We couldn't hang out together much, but I didn't care, because I remembered his sweet promise with crystal clarity.

I love you, Hazza

The mere recollection of the words sent shivers through me. I had fallen for him fast, even though I knew he was with Eleanor right now. I figured management had a say in whom he had to date, so I didn't mind. Much. But it was hard to see him go places with her, while I stayed behind in his apartment, texting him through the 'dates'. It was hard to see their pictures posted all over the place, to see fans shipping 'Elounor'. But I put up with it, for a while, grateful for the existence of 'Larry' shippers.

When I couldn't take it, I locked myself in his bathroom and forced my body to feel a different kind of pain, the blood trickling along my arms temporarily blocking out my pained heart.

But this one day, Louis was home early, and I knew I was in trouble.

I heard his key turn in the door just as I was in the middle of quite a deep cut. I froze, the blade digging into my skin. He let himself in, locked the door behind him, and was walking towards his room, whose bathroom I was in.

"Haz? You have to hear about this thing that happened today..."

I closed my eyes for a second and calmed down. As soon as they were open, I worked silently and fast, putting everything back in order, wiping the blood off the sink and flushing everything down the toilet. I pulled my sleeve over my arm and opened the door, smiling confidently, and stepped into the room.

Lou immediately wrapped me in his arms, hugging me tight.

"I missed you so much, baby. It's torture to be out without you.."

His voice trailed off as his lips came down on mine, soft and sweet. His hands moved up to my face, then slowly made their way down my neck, my shoulders, my arms...I flinched in pain as his fingers brushed the fresh cuts through my shirt. He noticed immediately.

Breaking away, he looked up at me, worry written all over his face.

"What's wrong, love?"

"Nothing, just been missing you, that's all"

He smiled. "Me too", he said, squeezing my arm lightly.

Fireworks of pain exploded in my arms and I jerked my hand away on instinct. Instantly, I knew I was done for. I couldn't even imagine how to begin answering his questions. I could already see in my mind the hurt on his face, his disgust as I showed him my scars...but it never happened.

He looked at me questioningly, visibly unsure of how to proceed. He reached for my wrist, then looked to me for permission. I nodded, unable to meet his eyes.

He took my hand in one of his, and with the other, gently pushed up the sleeve of my sweater.

A faint gasp escaped his lips, and I closed my eyes, guilt washing over me like a wave.

He led me to his bed, and sat me down. "Don't move".

I could hear him rustling around the kitchen, opening and closing cupboards, and finally running back to the room with a small plastic box that said 'First Aid'.

I sat there silently, as Louis cleaned and dressed my wounds, pausing only to ask if it hurt. I could feel his tears falling onto my hand once in a while, and my stomach clenched at the pain I've caused him.

After he finished, a single word escaped his lips, his eyes searching mine for an answer.

"Why?"

I took a deep breath and let the words flow, hoping they made some kind of sense.

"I just..It hurt so bad, sometimes. Being here, knowing that you were with someone else, your hand held by someone that's not me. When you're with me, I feel strong, safe, and loved. But when you leave, it's like you take the better part of me with you...you leave me in this dark, dark place that's filled with hurt...The sight of my blood always brought me back to reality. It seemed like a small price to pay for sanity when you're gone. You're my source of strength, Lou. Without you, I'm nothing..."

I broke down, my head dropping into my hands. I could feel his small arms wind around me, holding me tight, anchoring my heart to his. He whispered in my ear as I tried to calm down.

"You know what? I depend on you for strength too. You are my rock, the one I always look forward to come back to after crappy days with girls. I carry around a part of you, it's true, but I leave a part of me with you as well..You just have to focus on it...Ignore the voices telling you otherwise. There's nothing to run from, baby. I love you, and you are my entire world. So please, love, I'm begging you, please, don't ever do this to yourself again, okay? I love you for who you are, and you don't have a dark place inside you. You are full of warmth and sunshine. And if you ever feel this way again, don't hesitate to call me okay?"

I shook my head. "I don't want to cause trouble..." He cut me off.

"You're not trouble. If anyone thinks you are, I'll take care of them".

My heart swelled with emotion, and it took all my energy not to start crying again.

I nodded, folding myself into his open arms. He took my damaged arm and kissed it gently, before bringing his lips to mine.

I'm sorry if I say, "I need you."

But I don't care,

I'm not scared of love.

'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker.

Is that so wrong?

Is it so wrong

That you make me strong?