I was stuffed. However, somehow I was still hungry. As if there hadn't been enough to eat at dinner. We'd been presented with a buffet of things on tables that had been pushed together. We passed dishes to each other frantically, piling things onto our plates. All of us had been more hungry than we realized. In particular, I'd watched Tetsu carefully choosing for Sana. Roast chicken, carrots, corn. It had been tricky, because this was definitely more of the food that we'd been eating lately, which I found out was Mexican. 

I'd eaten fajitas, which I'd enjoyed from a few days ago as well. I was glad to see them again. Then came the well seasoned steak pieces and Spanish rice, chiles of different colors, whole corn cobs with various seasonings. There were slow cooked beans to be had, and chicken in soft tortillas which were somehow different from the fajitas. Then something called an enchilada. I had tried it all and more and now I just wanted more fajitas. I could eat them every day. 

As I sat in my seat, my hand on my stomach and reflecting, I stared into the fire in the fireplace next to my chair. It was warm and inviting, and I just might fall asleep here until morning and it would be pleasant. If only I had a blanket. Dinner had changed my mood a lot, and now I was finally relaxed.

Heavy shoes sounded on the tile to my right and I was almost too sleepy to notice. I blinked wearily in their direction, but sat up straight as I realized who it was. My hands gripped the armrests of my orange wingback chair. 

Ren plopped down in the red chair opposite mine. He groaned a little, holding his stomach, too. It wasn't as if I hadn't noticed him at dinner. He also liked the fajitas a little too much. 

"I found you," he said, smiling at me from across the way. 

Had he been looking for me? Immediate frantic thoughts.

"Yes, you did." 

"How long have you been down here?"

"I don't know. A while."

"Ah, okay."

Awkward silence. This morning, it hadn't been awkward between us. What was the difference? He seemed thoughtful at my response, thinking about it. Was it something to consider?

"Do you want to be left alone?" He asked finally.

Panic spread through my chest. My hands gripped my armrests even worse. "No." 

A smile eased onto his face. A real one, because his eyes followed it. "Oh, good. I was lonely."

Why was he lonely? And why would he look for me if he was lonely? A floating memory. One I'd arrived to this afternoon. As he smiled at me, I could only think of the coffee he'd bring to me. Finding me, then giving me coffee. Including me in his activities in L.A, then staying with me as we waiting for our buses in Las Vegas. He wanted to be near me. 

It only made more nervousness inside. "Why are you lonely?"

"Oh. Well, Salila went to bed already. I felt like talking, and there's nobody to talk to. It's not like we're in L.A or Las Vegas anymore, either. I thought Santa Fe would be...I don't know, bigger? But, they put us in the historic district. I asked why, and was told it was because nobody would expect Yellow Lizard to be here. It's an effort to not be mobbed, I guess. But, as a consequence there's no night life. There's restaurants that might be open late, but I don't want to go to a restaurant. I just went to one."

"Ohh, I see." For some reason, I couldn't give him a better answer. I realized the tips of my ears were hot.

"It's not as if I don't like it here. I do. When Keitaro said he wants to take us all on a walking tour tomorrow, I was for it. I want to go. The culture here is so interesting. What are those reddish brown things hanging everywhere? I want to know."

I sat up straighter in my seat. "I know what they are."

"You do? What are they? I'm dying to know." He leaned forward in this, actually eager to hear me talk. I was taken aback. My tongue messed up for a few seconds before I could speak.

"Um, they're chili peppers. Hot peppers. I think. I touched one."

"You touched one? I don't think you're supposed to touch them. They might be sacred, I don't know."

Oh, crap. Was that true? I had no idea. "Are they sacred?" I was a little scared now. 

"Something bad might happen to you. I don't know. That might be why they're around doorways and stuff. There's so many of them around. Maybe the walking tour guide tomorrow will know. But, for now you might be cursed."

I stared up at the ceiling for a few seconds. It was exposed blonde wood beams. It was gorgeous to look at, but what if I was cursed? Well, if I thought about it, I'd already lost almost all of my money in Las Vegas. How much worse could it get? 

"But, I lost almost of my money in Las Vegas," I admitted. "How much worse can it get?"

He let out a snort. "What? That can't be true."

I nodded, finding myself smiling. "I did. It was that night we went out with the other stylists. We were playing Craps."

"Oh my god, wait. We were betting together." He held up his finger to empathize what he'd just said. "Did you spend all of your money? That's not right."

I was just smiling more. Enjoying talking to him. I realized I really didn't mind losing almost all of my money. I'd been enjoying his company, just like I was now. It wasn't as high stakes, there weren't the noisy sounds of machines and games all around us and people shouting. We weren't drunk like then or in L.A. We didn't have coffee in our hands. It was just us now. Nothing between us. And yet, I was still enjoying being with him.

"I did, but it's okay."

"No, that's not okay. I'll give you some money. How much did you lose?"

He was so concerned. His mouth was slightly open, still leaned forward. Somehow, I started chuckling. This made him smile again. 

"No, it's really okay. I don't want your money. You don't have to do that. I enjoyed being with you." Being honest, something I wouldn't normally do, but I wanted to be honest with him. Something I couldn't do earlier, when everyone else was around.

"You did?" He asked, such a gentle way to say it. As if he were really touched. 

"Yeah, I did." 

He let out a small sigh. Smiling with me. 

I don't know how long it had been, but we hadn't stopped talking. Going from subject to subject. He wasn't kidding, he really did want to talk. Often, he'd be explaining things to me and I'd just listen. Things about his work, mostly. Explaining the intricacies of makeup, hairstyling. What he does for Tetsu, but also for other unnamed clients. He talked about his studio where he conducts most of his business. But, he paused and then asked a question that I wasn't expecting. 

"Why is your name 'Yami'?" He asked. 

"Hmm?" He'd had me in a trance of some kind as he'd spoken, so I was completely caught off guard. His sudden change of subject.

"Yeah, I've been wondering. Why did you choose that nickname? I heard your mom call you something different."

"Oh." I sat up straighter in my seat. He chose this time to cross one leg over his knee and it made him look so elegant compared to me. I hadn't felt nervous this whole time except for in the beginning, but now it was back because of this simple movement. I cleared my throat. "Well, Sana named me, actually."

"Oh, really?" He asked, leaning forward again.

"Yeah. He um, noticed that I have a lot of favorite drummers. But, in particular I like Yoshiki from X Japan and Kami from Malice Mizer. So, he combined their names. He started calling me 'Yami' as a nickname, because I was obsessed. He didn't understand a lot of Japanese at the time, so I don't think he knew what it meant at first."

"That makes so much sense," he breathed out, smiling again. Every time he smiled, something inside of me came alive. His arm went to his forehead as he fell back into his chair. He went right back to his former pose, though. "I thought the nickname 'Yami' was a bit dark for you. You're not like that name at all."

"Huh?" My eyes went wide. Was he thinking that? What was I like, then? 

"Yeah, I think the name your mom was calling you fits you better. Is it spelled with the kanji for 'sunset'? If it is, that's the prettiest name. Is that your real name, since she's calling you that?"

My heart was beating so fast now. Was he really thinking of me that much? To even wonder what kanji my name was spelled with? "Um, yes it is spelled with the kanji for 'sunset'. My mom's kind of eccentric, she just-"

"Wooow, that's so pretty. It really suits you."

"Oh. Um. Thank you." My tongue was getting stuck on itself again. He was smiling so much at me. This conversation was not going how I thought it would. Though, I'm not sure how I thought it would go. 

"Can I call you 'Yuuhi'? Or is that too personal? Do you prefer 'Yami'?" He seemed so overjoyed to ask this. The redness on the tips of my ears was spreading.

"Um. Yeah, you can call me 'Yuuhi'. If you like it."

"Good. I wanted to..." He seemed to hesitate at this. Strange, because he'd been speaking so smoothly to me for what must have been the better part of an hour. Never stopping, except now. We sat in silence awkwardly for a few seconds as he stared at the floor. His mouth opened and then he smiled at me again. 

"Um, what's your last name?" I asked, trying to break the silence. Continuing the conversation. I didn't want us to stop talking. 

"Ah. It's Sasahara. What's yours?"

"Sawai." Ren Sasahara. Memorizing it. 

"Oh yeah, I heard your mom being called that. I don't know why I didn't make the connection."

"It's understandable." Not wanting him to feel bad about himself. 

"Yeah."

A silence between us again. Why was that? What was the difference? I began tapping on the armrest of my chair, one of the songs from the album he'd asked me to listen to stuck in my head. A question popped up in my mind, as I thought about it. Wanting to ask what his favorite song was from the album. But, before I could ask, he spoke first.

"Well, I guess we both better get to bed. We have an early morning tomorrow, Keitaro wants us to go on that walking tour. Then, we have rehearsal. It'll be a full day." He was already getting up from his chair. Ending it like this. 

I didn't want it to end. "Ah, that's true, I guess. We do have to be up early." Not wanting to stop him, either. If he really wanted to go to bed. I got up out of my chair, too. 

We stood in front of each other, and now he was definitely hesitating. The memory of his thigh against mine came back. His elbow going into my side. Being that close, even though there was all the rest of the couch that he could have had. 

My mouth was open slightly, so many things I wanted to ask. These real things. Missing him for the ten hours it took to get here. His tape in my tape player. The intense, unnamed feelings, since the first time I'd ever seen him. But, I'd only just learned his full name. Saying these things wasn't appropriate. 

"Well, good night, then," he said, but it was unsure. He still lingered, even after saying that. Not turning to go.

I just stood there, staring at him. He was so much taller than me. There was an elegance to his body. Those long limbs. His lean musculature, though he was so skinny. His waist was so tiny. Being able to observe him like this, but I shouldn't be looking. He was right in front of me, watching me look at him. 

"Um," I said. I looked up at his face, and saw him studying me, too. Quietly. 

He blinked a few times, and he leaned so close. So close, that his breaths were on my face. Every centimeter of my body lit up like a suddenly thrown switch, and the softness that met my lips was completely unexpected. 

They were slightly wet, warm. Soft and silky. Pressing, over and over. Gentle ones. And I found myself pressing back. A rushing nervousness was going from my toes to my stomach and chest and back again, then rushing forward again. Like an enormous wave. 

As he kissed me, I didn't know what to do, but he did. He lead it all. And how strange it was to be led. Satisfying this feeling inside that I'd felt all day, the longing for him. Missing him. Wondering about him.

I didn't care about anything else. Not wanting this moment to stop. The fireplace was crackling before us, the warm light of the room. We were alone. 

But, he parted from me. His eyes looked drunk, even though we weren't. We were actually sober. 

"Um, you don't have a roommate, right?" He whispered to me, and we were so close that I heard him. 

"No, I don't." 

"Okay, let's go." 

He grabbed my hand, and it was like a whirlwind. What did he just ask? As we walked together, going up the staircase next to the lobby, the old fashioned key was heavy in my pocket. Just as before, he led me, just like he'd led me everywhere.