By the night time, we'd had a casual dinner somewhere dreamy. It was made to look like a New York City street, and we'd bounced around like children. We'd gotten cheap things to eat, and I'd enjoyed the same food as Sana. Yami, Masaki, and Nobu had gone on a rollercoaster earlier and told us that story. They were hanging out together and actually having a good time, maybe the excitement too much to hold resentments. It was special to see. Shizue and Hikaru had a romantic time strolling about a place called Fremont street, and the others vowed to go there tomorrow. I was enchanted by their story, also. It held promises of old Las Vegas, the kind I'd seen in old movies. To think, it was still alive and there if you only knew where to look. I couldn't hold in my excitement, and didn't want to. 

Sana had been doing well, so we'd went around that particular hotel, beholding sights and pointing things out to each other. I never wanted it to end, but I had to remember why we were here. We weren't tourists. We had a job to do, and though much of tomorrow would be spent doing touristy things, much of the afternoon would be about business again. I'd have to call Keitaro later to ask him about the details, and no doubt I'd hear from Koiwai-san about it. He might send over something official and I'd have to ask him about the details. It made me soberly wonder if he was keeping in mind our limitations. In thinking of these limitations, I was fully brought back and had decided to end our activities for the night, not wanting Sana to get too tired. There'd be tomorrow to explore, but we both needed rest. 

So, we'd come back to the Bellagio. We'd called driver-san and he was there within twenty minutes. It was understandable, because we were far away and the traffic was insane this late at night, not to mention calling him out of the blue. He'd shown up in a black car, no fancy limo like Los Angeles. This was okay, though. It was more than welcome. Natsuko and Sawai-san had said good-bye to us, waving away with smiles. They'd be coming back to the hotel soon, but I didn't want them to stop having fun on account of us. Surely we'd be fine for a while. 

He dropped us off at the front of the hotel again, in front of the fountain. It was silent at the moment, but no doubt it would burst forth some time when we were in our room. I still enjoyed seeing the water, despite it. He helped me with Sana, getting him comfortable in his wheelchair, then watched us for safety reasons as we made our way back towards the hotel. I don't know when he'd stopped watching us.

Knowing the path now, I'd gotten Sana into our room fairly quickly and gotten him ready for bed. He made no protest, showing me that he was actually more tired than he'd let on. Maybe he hadn't wanted to spoil my fun, too. I was overcome with love for him, wanting to touch his hair and adore him. He enjoyed this attention, getting cuter in response as we went along. He was irresistible. 

When we were both in our pajamas, I'd gotten into bed with him. We laid together, and I poked the tip of his nose. He made an unbearably cute sound like a cat sneezing, making me laugh. He giggled with me, and I reflected on our day. Getting lost together, the fountain, the glimpse of those gardens. Gambling at the slots, eating dinner in that weird but amazing place. How much we'd done, and yet we'd barely scratched the surface of this place. So many wonders, that there wasn't a possibility of doing it all. What did he want to do? I opened my mouth to ask him, but saw that he'd fallen asleep so soon. Right in the middle of playing. How exhausted he truly was. 

I'd taken him into my arms then, my lamplight even still on. Not caring about it. Rubbing his back slowly, needing and loving him. Protecting him as he slept. So glad we came back here when we did. 

My mind began to drift about different things. Thinking about the tour and what we needed to do. Needing to call Keitaro, but not wanting to let go. Feeling Sana's warmth against my body, his raw heat. How beautiful it was. 

How different this tour already was from every other tour I'd ever been on in every single way. 

In the past, Mermaid Orchestra had never been allowed to explore and wander. It was go-go-go, all the time, no objections. People snapping at me, being unkind. It was rare that we'd have a good time. It was a constant reminder that it was all about money and that I was an object to be sold. How dirty it felt at times, how much little care they took of us. 

We'd travel in old vans where sometimes the air conditioning didn't work. They'd break down all the time, making us late and yet we'd be the ones blamed for not getting there on time. I'd often be left without a ride, completely stranded and in a panic. I didn't make a lot of money, saving where I could. I often would not have the money to get a taxi at such a time, so I'd be running blindly, my phone not even GPS capable to get me to where I needed to go. I'd rely on maps, but have no idea where I was if I were in a city where I'd never been. 

Often, when the vans stopped to get gas we'd run inside the various connected stores to grab whatever we could and that would be our only meals. Our company did not provide them or give compensation for money spent. One would argue that they shouldn't, but compared to Fleeting World it was unthinkable. 

Fleeting World was night and day. We'd had drivers of the vans from my old company in the past, but they'd be independent, not part of the company. They didn't care about getting us there on time, it was of no consequence to them. But, from driver-san, I could already see that he took pride in his work. He wanted to be here with us. He saw it as an opportunity, too. How different he was from the drivers at my old company. 

Not only that, but I'd never been scolded by Fleeting World. They were excited to hear about my thoughts and ideas. I'd toured with Keitaro and Davy in the past. Yellow Lizard had been a part of my old company long ago, so they were affiliated and therefore I was allowed to go. They'd negotiate with Fleeting World for a set number of appearances. This was how I'd been able to be with them during certain summers, seeing how different Fleeting World did it. I didn't get jealous, but how I longed for it to be my only universe. They were pampered princes compared.

I'd thought that they'd been so pampered just because they were from Yellow Lizard, by far the biggest act that Fleeting World represented. How wrong I was. The respect they were giving everyone in Lyra now. The respect they were giving the man I love... Studying our trip to Okinawa to work with him, to see what he needs. How Koiwai-san was still listening to me and getting them to adapt, no request too small or large. 

It made me think. Just how much of my depression back then had been due to the treatment of my old company? Dreading coming back from performances, because it would inevitably lead to a meeting about numbers. Attendance numbers, ticket sale numbers, how much money had been brought in. My manager would be there, having supplied them with these numbers. I'd be there, my head hung down in a show of respect as they berated me about my low numbers. Fleeting World had never spoken to me about numbers. They didn't think that was the artist's responsibility. After these summer tours, it was a "you did great, congratulations! See you next year!" How I longed for it. This shining sun in a disarray of night. 

And yet, I felt so devoted to my old company. You don't just quit and go somewhere else. Keitaro had begged me to come over for years, but I kept going along. Honored to be represented by my old company, since they'd been the ones to believe in me so long ago in the first place. Yet, I knew I was a cog in their machine. Trapped in ways, mentally blocking myself from getting out. 

It was only when I'd met Sana did I start to see my struggle clearly. These more than unfair things. Keitaro had always complained that our old company made it so that we couldn't afford to have lives in all respects, from money to time spent. I thought that was just working hard, that's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to give all of yourself. You can't be successful unless you do. That successful people are only successful if they climb up above others, sometimes literally. Willing to sacrifice. How wrong I was, once I realized what I had on the other side. Sana. This loving, devoted person who patiently waited to see me. Who actually cared about me and wanted me to be well. How blind I'd been. 

Keitaro had known that all along. He'd found his wife when he was young, leaving our company in large part due to wanting to marry her and suffering our company's no dating policy. He'd always had discontent with much of their policies, but this was the final straw. Look how successful he'd become. He was part of one of the biggest bands in Japan, now an internationally known band. How much he didn't need our old company to achieve that. 

Look where I was now. The difference... There were no words for it. How long I'd suffered, and for what? Would I have been able to find some kind of happiness earlier? I hadn't believed Keitaro when he'd told me how easy it would be the make the jump. Part of me believed that Fleeting World couldn't possibly want me. What a low opinion of myself I'd had, because that's what my old company made me believe. I thought if I left, I'd never be successful again. That was the true reason I'd stayed. It was like an abusive relationship in every way. Believing that I'd never find happiness if I didn't stay with them. 

But how lonely I'd been. Even with so many friends, how lonely I was. How full of dread. My only sanctuary was being on stage, my only freedom. It was another world. Expressing every emotion, showing this. My only outlet and escape. Addicted to the stage, needing to feel something, anything but worthless even if for a few hours. Feeling my adoring fans, them hanging on to every movement of my little pinky finger and beyond. I was only important on stage, but in the back of my mind I was all too aware that I was only important on the stage for my old company due to the money they could make. It wasn't about the art, and it robbed me of my artistry little by little.

Now, it was the true opposite. A waterfall of money was being spent on us so that we could be successful. Uplifting us, to give us the best start possible. It felt impossible. A quiet unsureness, if this was correct. Shouldn't I be the one sacrificing for them? But it was incredibly the other way around. Surely it was an investment that we might give back in time, but it showed their belief in us. If my old company had done similar, I'd be suspicious of some misdeed in the future from them, but I knew Fleeting World. I knew Keitaro would never have us be part of something remotely similar to our old company. An uneasy trust, but one becoming stronger all the time. 

Keitaro... He'd had to stay an extra day with Yellow Lizard in Los Angeles due to giving a panel today. He'd be here tomorrow. 

As I held on to Sana, hugging him gently but more tightly to my body, I only got the urge to thank my best friend. Thank him for giving us this precious opportunity. For caring about Sana and what we needed. For taking such time and effort, the littlest details never overlooked. 

I wanted to thank him for the past. All those times he'd encouraged me, when no one else would. Trying to make me see the light of a better place, if I only had the courage to step into it. This light, called Fleeting World. His unwavering belief that I belonged here. 

I finally understood him. I could finally begin to believe. As I held the man I love, protected and safe and knowing my direction, I could begin to believe.