After my parents had gone to bed, Sana and I were in our customary pose on the couch. But, instead of being tired, he was staring at me. My arms held him as he laid on top of me, and he stared quietly at me, focusing on my face.

I know I'd been pretty silent all night, and most of us had been. There'd been a good movie on TV, and we'd all watched that together. It was an opportunity not to talk further. It seemed like my papa needed reflection, and he had time to do that himself without any pressure. His hug had told me all I'd needed to know that he was okay. He wasn't mad at me, and he wasn't rejecting me.

In my heart, I'd known he wouldn't. If I really looked deep inside of myself, I knew he wouldn't. But, I'd been scared. How well do you really know a person, even if they're your parent? They can do unpredictable things. It was obvious he still didn't understand, but he wasn't upset at me. It was a lot to take in, and from the way it had been presented, I could see how it would be confusing for him.

I had to think about how my papa was raised, the history of my family. My papa had moved here when he was a young man. He'd met my mom, and they'd settled down together. But, before that, I knew he'd been raised much differently than I had. Men were men, women were women, and he didn't have any opportunity to think outside of that. There was too much work to be done, expectations to be met. He had to do what his parents wanted of him, and that was it. The only rebellious thing he'd ever done in his life was marry my mom. Their parents hadn't wanted this, but they eventually saw the need. Their children refused to leave each other. That's the kind of love foundation I'd grown up in, and I was very lucky for it. It meant that they in particular hadn't expected their children to fit into a rigid structure.

"Are you okay?"

My eyes blinked a few times, and I came out of my thoughts. They landed on Sana, who was staring at me curiously. I'd been staring at him, too, but not really seeing him. His hand went out and swept back my bangs, making me close my eyes in pleasure.

He was incredible. I loved him so much. My arms held him tighter, and he smiled a little, his eyes not following. They only said he was worried about me, probably because I wasn't talking much.

I nodded to him, and he breathed out a sigh. Relief? His hand started to scratch my head gently, so I didn't have much time to think about it. My eyes went upwards, struck with the pleasure of this. He was trying to comfort me, but I didn't need to be comforted. I was happy, and that was so weird to me.

"I'm out to my whole family," I said, almost a breathless response.

"No, there's still Daichi."

Oh, darn. My lips pressed into my mouth, and I let them out with a smacking sound, starting to laugh. He grinned with me, his eyes finally smiling, too. I rolled back and forth with him, loving him so much. "Daichi, the last hold out. Well, he's a policeman, what do you think his response will be? Severe?"

He giggled with me. "I don't know, I don't think he has much of a choice at this point. How awkward would it be if he didn't approve? I think everyone would gang up on him."

I laughed so loud, and so did he. Laughing together, just so relieved. My papa loved me. It was amazing. After all these years of doubt, there he was. He'd loved me all along. I wished I'd known sooner.

"I wish I'd known sooner that my papa has always approved," I sighed, changing track.

Sana followed along with this, not missing a beat. "I'm glad you know now."

"Me, too."

He settled his chin on my chest, and my hand traveled up his back, over his head. I started to push back his bangs repeatedly, and his beautiful face was so content. His eyes closed at this, and he was smiling. He was like a fresh breeze, too beautiful. I paused to unclip his hair ornament, taking it in my hand and dropping it in a controlled way on to the floor. We'd find it later. Free now, I started to play with his hair. He made a little moan of pleasure, enjoying this so much.

There was so much I wanted to say, but I couldn't find the words. I was grateful to him in ways that I couldn't comprehend. He'd helped me so much in telling my family. He'd been there for it all. Encouraging me, just by existing. Showing me every day what acceptance looks like. He was an example of what I could have, if I would just be myself.

I definitely didn't feel confident enough to wear women's clothes in front of my papa if I wasn't on a stage. But, maybe now there was hope. My mom had told him I want to wear a wedding dress. He hadn't disapproved of this. What did that mean now? Inside, there was still that nervous feeling. A "I shouldn't do this". Worried about wearing such a thing in front of him. Even the idea of wearing a barrette in my hair like Sana did tonight in front of him was scary. But, maybe over time...

A whip of nervousness went up from my stomach. A pinching, uncomfortable feeling. It made me twitch, and Sana opened his eyes again.

"I felt that," he said. "Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?"

I knew he was fishing for answers. But, I really didn't know what to say. Maybe that was enough.

"I don't know what to say," I admitted. "There's a lot there, but it's all jumbled."

"That's okay." His brows went up in concern for me. It made my heart melt. "When you figure it out, I'm here. You can tell me. I'll always listen."

This made me smile hugely. Such a big grin. He smiled so much, too, seeing this. If I thought back, what other boyfriend that I'd had would have said the same? Exactly zero. They'd have wanted no part of this, and maybe shrugged if I'd told them I'd come out to my family. Maybe one or two would have been angry at me for it, because they were closeted themselves, wanting to keep as much as possible a secret. But, not Sana. He was so different, and I loved him for it. Over and over again, I discovered this for new reasons. Loving him more and more.

My lips puckered for him, waiting. In his love, he met my lips. My hand went back down, holding him close as it met my other one. His long bangs fell over his face in his position, and lightly brushed my closed eyes. They tickled, and I found myself smiling in our kiss. So overwhelmed with love, nervousness, even maybe excitement.

Something felt like a new beginning again. So fresh and new. It hadn't hit me yet what we'd done tonight. I still felt trapped in that other world, but it was over. Somehow over. How could that be true? After so much of my life. Keeping this secret, hiding around. Getting so worried, that I'd literally run to my room and change. But, now I could wear any clothes I liked around my parents' house as much as I wanted. It just didn't seem real, and I was still scared.

Sana parted from our kiss, and I was left wanting more. My lips were still puckered when he dove back in, and all thoughts left my mind as he gave me one of the most passionate, deep kisses of my life. My fingers spread apart, an electric shock going up from my spread apart toes to the edges of my hair. As it met my throat, I let out the loudest moan. His head moved around as he kissed me, his tongue entering my mouth and I lost myself. My hands gripped his back, and he made heavy, animalistic breaths as he continued to surprise me and it only got wetter. He made smacking sounds as he parted, coming back for more several times with the same sound. He was finished too soon. He stared at me again, smiling gently like his lipstick wasn't now all over our faces.

My mouth was parted a little, and I made a perfect "O" with it, trying to be cute. Convince him for more. My hands made gentle fists, and softly pounded his back. "More," I said, as cute as possible. I knew he wouldn't be able to resist. "More, more," I demanded.

He started giggling. He wasn't often aggressive like that, and oh how I loved it. My lips puckered again, still trying to be cute. Being irresistible. He met this as I watched, and my eyes closed as he was sweet with me. Slower this time, but no less full of passion. He kissed me for a long time, and there were butterflies and flowers and all the pretty things inside of me.

His hands touched my hair again, his fingers gliding through it. Very slowly, he started to move his hips over a sensitive place. My back arched in response, and I couldn't believe he was doing that. He was usually the one telling me that we couldn't do this in the living room. But, he was throwing out the rules. His mouth moved down my chin, and he slid his body down, getting into a better position for what he was doing. He started kissing my neck, and I was a goner.

"I love you," he said. Before I could respond, he continued, so quick. "I'm proud of you. You're so brave. I want to show you how much I admire you." His lips went to my neck and started to suck, and my chin went up as I further lost myself at his touch.

"I love you," I breathed, my breath starting to get heavy. Trying to be quiet, but he made it such a sweet impossibility.

I said "I love you" on that couch so many times in the coming half hour, that I wouldn't be surprised if I'd worn them out. Wanting to tell him how much I adored him, how much he'd changed my life. Thanking him for loving me.