In the light of the morning, we were sitting outside together at our house, waiting for some of the members of Lyra to arrive from their hotels. Tetsu had me in his arms on the outdoor couch, and everyone was lounging around as they spoke about music. It was early, so it wasn't so hot yet. The breeze was nice. I stared up at Tetsu's face as he talked animatedly with Nobu about the stage set up. This morning was for talking about all things Sendai, from what we could guess at from here. The final arrangements could only be done when we saw the space physically.

"I will of course be to Sana's left, as always. It's similar to how we've practiced it here, but I don't know how big the stage is. How practical will it be for me to stand so close? I'll be honest, I'd feel more comfortable if I knew how big it was. I wonder if we can somehow find the measurements? Can we call the venue? Oh, but..." Masaki stopped himself as he thought too much. "That's kind of odd, isn't it? Asking them like that? Is it common to ask such a thing?"

I watched Tetsu's brow screw up a little bit, thinking himself. "I'm not sure. Maybe people do ask. It's a good idea to know how big a stage is before planning how to set it up. I know in the past, I was told how big a stage is so I could plan out my dancing better. I'm sure someone on Yellow Lizard's team must have asked them, or somehow found out. Otherwise, their stage decorations might not fit, too. They have large screens, right?"

Masaki and Nobu nodded from the opposite couch.

"Right," Tetsu continued. "How could they know how to set up without asking?"

"I'm going to call, then," Nobu said, already bringing out his cellphone. "It's practical, that way. We can space ourselves out like how we'll be on stage. We can get used to it these last few days. That way, there's no surprises."

He looked at me pointedly for a moment, before tapping around on his phone. I gave him a smile, liking that he was thinking about me. I was in a good mood today, happy to be under the trees, smelling the green grass and having the fresh air in my lungs. The breeze was fluttering my white midi dress's ruffly sleeves and Tetsu's hair. Our trees were shushing in the wind.

"Yes." Masaki was still clearly in deep thought, losing himself almost, trying to visualize it. "I'll be to the left. Nobu will be the right. I'll need Hikaru and Shizue's input as to where they'd like to be. I think it makes sense for Shizue to be near me, because her instrument is in a lower range. Therefore, Hikaru should be near Nobu. Or, since he's taking Sana's usual role in violin, should he be more centered? Sana, what do you think?"

My usual role? Masaki definitely hadn't been thinking when he said that. I tried not show him I was offended. My smile increased. "You're right, he should be more centered. He can move around, as he needs to. Like I usually do."

Masaki didn't pick up that what he'd said had been wrong. "Yeah. That's brilliant. He'll be independently mic'd up, so it shouldn't be a problem. Maybe I should be writing this down, so we can show everyone in a detailed way." He struggled to take out his cellphone from his pocket.

"Hello, good morning," Nobu said, getting someone from the venue on the phone. "Yes, we'll be performing at your venue next week, and have a few questions about your space."

As we listened to Nobu talk, and Masaki wrote down his ideas, my mind was wandering away.

Hikaru performing my usual role? I hadn't thought about it that way. No, I thought of him as my second violinist. But, the reality was, I wasn't playing the violin. Any violin music I'd written, he was playing it, not me.

"If Hikaru is playing the violin as a solo in the center, where will I go to stand?" I asked, not thinking about it. I more asked only Tetsu this, but Masaki heard it, too.

"You'll be where you are," Masaki answered, not looking up, still tapping away at his phone, absorbed in it. "You can't move around the stage, so he'll move around you. He'll go where he needs to go."

"Huh?"

He finally looked up at me. "I don't know what your seat looks like yet, but I was told that it can't be moved around the stage. You'll be sitting there."

Nobu faltered a bit in his talking, his head whipping to Masaki. He began shaking his head at him.

"What, I'll be sitting?"

Tetsu's arms squeezed me. I looked up at him, and he was giving me a smile. His eyes weren't following, though.

"I don't want to be sitting on stage."

The sound of a car door slamming came from the front of the house.

"Well, um," Tetsu seemed a little distracted by the noise. He didn't know what to say.

I had to control myself. I could feel my emotions coming up, and I didn't want to be like that. I was about to say something else, when Masaki spoke up again.

"You've been doing so well sitting in your chair. It's safer that way," he said, plainly.

My eyes traveled up to Tetsu, and in the bright morning sun, he was blushing. "When was I going to be told this?" I asked, my voice in a measured tone. I didn't want to show them I was upset.

"It was decided a long time ago," Masaki said. "I thought you knew about it. Right? We discussed it a long time ago." He looked around to all of us, trying to get an agreement.

"I don't want to be sitting on stage."

Nobu said good-bye to the person he was on the phone with, equipped now with valuable information. But, what did that matter? Something deep inside was becoming a hot whirlpool. Burning hot. My cheeks were flooding with it. The tips of my ears were even burning.

"Darling, you need to sit on stage." Tetsu's voice was no nonsense. I couldn't look at him. My burning ears were making me feel like a child. This whirlpool inside was making me feel about five years old.

"Hey!" Yami came around the side of the house to where we were. He waved to us. Nobody waved back. It made him stop in his tracks, a questioning expression on his face. I realized that because of me, the conversation was now deadly serious.

It only made my ears hotter.

He came closer, sitting in a chair nearby me. "What's going on?" He asked. "Does Sana feel sick?" He looked at me laying in Tetsu's arms. Maybe I did feel sick.

"I'm not sitting on stage," I repeated. Suddenly, the whirlpool inside became a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. The image of the venue, thousands of fans staring at me from the floor to nearly the ceiling, with myself so small on stage, sitting in my wheelchair, trying to sing, but nothing coming out. My ears, as hot as they are now, no sound coming out due to the whirlpool inside, frozen.

Myself sitting there, as the music went out without me all around, frozen in fear.

"What-" Yami began.

"Darling, you have to. It's going to be so pretty, I bet it's-" Tetsu didn't get any further.

I wanted to run away into the woods behind our house. All those thousands of faces, staring at me sitting in my wheelchair. This whirlpool inside. It was telling me that I didn't want them to see me. These red ears...

"I'M NOT SITTING ON STAGE!"

My mouth closed, and my head went down. Trying to hide. My cheeks were flaming so intensely that they might never go back to their regular color. I couldn't believe I'd just yelled at them. The whirlpool inside was soothed a little bit by this, though. I knew what it was now. Anger, embarrassment. All these terrible things.

All those faces staring at me. No, it wouldn't only happen in Sendai. We were about to go on tour, with the same set up. Hikaru, replacing me on violin. Me, sitting down and... Doing what, exactly?

As I though this, I realized everyone had gone silent. After about a minute, Tetsu's comforting hand started to rub up and down my arm slowly. Trying to soothe me, even though I'd yelled at him, too. My lips pressed together so hard at this, my anger fading away. Even though my ears were pulsing red still, the whirlpool was going away. Replaced only by all its water trying to go upwards. I pressed my eyes closed just as tight as my lips, trying not to cry. My anger, always a flash in a pan.

"Okay, what is going on?" Yami asked carefully.

Nobu let out a long sigh. "Masaki told Sana that he's sitting on stage. I told you we were going to tell him later. That I had a plan. Now it's ruined."

"I thought we already told him in Okinawa," Masaki reiterated.

"We didn't." Nobu sighed longer than before. "Okay, I guess I'll do what I had planned now." The wicker of the couch he was on eased up as he apparently stood. Soft thumps in the grass were coming closer. I peered out, and he'd sat on the glass topped table in front of Tetsu and I. He was tapping on his phone, and I retreated back, my face going down and hiding like a child.

Quietly, a small sound roused me from my retreat. A curious, shining sound.

"Ohh," Tetsu gasped, one in awe. It wasn't at me, though.

"See it?" Nobu asked. "That's what I mean. Sana isn't the only one. Someday, I'd like for them to meet. I bet he'd have a lot of things to say to Sana about things like this. That's my dream."

"Ohh... That would be wonderful."

It was a song I knew, this sound. The theme from Schindler's List. The notes wandered around, their sadness escalating, traveling and greeting me. But, when I looked up, there was... My brow creased, but tears filled my eyes gradually as I watched the video on Nobu's phone. He was holding it out to me, and I knew his intention immediately.

The violinist on stage. Of course I knew who he was, and Nobu did, too. He knew that this artist was one of my very favorites, the reason why I use a Hill and Sons violin and bows.

On stage, Itzhak Perlman was sitting in a chair on an elevated platform. Very clearly, I could see the braces on his legs. Arranged neatly on either side, his mobility devices laid on the platform. As I watched, it was clear he was lost in the music. He wasn't thinking about his mobility devices or issues. He wasn't thinking about the audience, or even anyone around him.

As he played, it was like magic was in the air. His face of concentration, feeling the music inside. He was so beautiful, and even more beautiful wonders were coming out, creating this wandering sound that entranced everyone around him.

We watched silently as the old violin master played and taught us. Showing us how it's done, making me feel like my worries were insignificant. It gave me the feeling that there was a bigger world out there, and I was only one person in it.

By the end, I was crying small tears. Tetsu noticed, and his thumb cleared them away with warm touches. Nobu took his phone back to himself, and tapped around for a second. He looked back up at me.

"See, Sana? He sits down on stage. I know how much you admire him. How could you forget?"

I sniffled, wanting to hide again, but he was right. I could only nod. His hand came out, and he was petting my hair gently.

"It's going to be fine, okay?" He didn't stop. "I know you're worried about this. But, it's not just him, alright? Lots of musicians sit down on stage. In fact, I can't think of a single time where I was standing when I played jazz. But, I wanted to show you this. I know you admire him a lot, and he's just like you. Nobody cares that he doesn't stand on stage. And, if anyone cares that you don't stand on stage, I'll beat them up."

I snorted suddenly. My lips pressed harder, but I couldn't stop my smile at what he'd just said.

"Oh, I saw that," Nobu said, starting to laugh himself. "I got you."

"I'll beat them up, too," Yami called out to us. "If anyone complains that you're sitting down, I'll give them a piece of my mind. I'm in the fan forum now, so I can find out where they live."

"There's no way you're in the fan forum," Masaki said somewhere in the background.

"I am," Yami said in a huff.

"Bullshit. Show me."

A small argument was breaking out, and I lost control of myself finally. Having to laugh at them. Thinking about Itzhak Perlman, this relief in me. Tetsu squeezed me harder, and I gazed up at him with a smile on my face.

His lips were coming toward me, and I tried to pucker mine, but couldn't in time. He kissed my smile instead. I giggled worse when he started kissing all over my face, his grin uncontrolled, too. He looked up at Nobu, having gotten me to smile pretty good. I couldn't stop.

"I want to see the video again," he said. "Show it to us again."

"I want to see it!" Yami said loudly, stopping his argument. Masaki got up, too, rushing to us. Pretty soon, he and Yami were gathered with us.

"Alright. Let's watch it," Nobu said, pretty pleased.

He made it full screen, and though it was hard to see in the shining sun, soon the beautiful tones of the old master filled our yard once again. I cuddled more with Tetsu as I watched, strange happiness flowing where only turmoil had been just minutes before. I breathed a sigh of what could only be called relief, as another refreshing breeze ruffled my sleeves.