In the car, my mom was silent as we sped to Tokyo. We'd had a light breakfast, but I was surprised to see Sana attempt to grab more of the turkey sausage onto his plate this morning. I'd carried it the rest of the way, and fed it to him. Two more patties than usual. He was happy to eat them, enjoying them, clearly that look on his face. Compared to yesterday, his appetite was back. It gave me a hope that maybe things were going back to how they were. His energy last week, withstanding the concert perfectly, no bad effects. Maybe this had been a temporary dip, and he was coming back.

Sana was laid on me, and my hand was drifting lazily on his belly, rubbing lightly there, making sure his larger than normal meal was sitting well. I was only met with a smile, though he was peering into the distance, clearly in thought. Thought about what? His eyes were half lidded. He was tired, but awake. It was a step up from yesterday.

I was watching the sweet red bow tied behind his bangs as it bobbed up and down with his breaths. There was a bliss in this moment, and I was savoring it. He was happy, unlike yesterday. He'd become so upset during practice that he'd cried. I'd lost it, too, unable to take seeing him cry in that state, or in any state. He was so vulnerable, telling us he was sorry. Listening in, hearing us consider excluding him. How must he have felt? But, I had my answer. We'd made him cry. It was unforgivable.

It only gave me more resolve. My questions for Yokohara-sensei today.

How were we going to manage Sana's tiredness on tour? How could we predict it? What could be done once he got tired, and he needed to work? How could we avoid pushing him, and him pushing himself? And most of all, I wanted a note from her. If Koiwai-san wouldn't listen to us, I wanted a letter from her saying Sana has a medical condition, and if he dared step one toe out of line then I was the authority to answer to, and the next one above me was Yokohara-sensei herself. If he was anything like the managers I'd had in the past, I needed this letter. It wasn't that I didn't trust Keitaro. I just didn't trust Koiwai-san.

I also was reminded yesterday by her that this behavior, this tiredness, out of Sana wasn't beyond the ordinary. She'd told me I was bothered by it more, because I was expecting different things out of him. I could still hear her voice.

"That isn't fair to him," she'd said gently, carefully. "I know you mean the best for him. You want him to be successful, and this tour is his dream. I know that so much. But, we have to remember where he is. What he can do. He has good days and bad days. We know this. He gets tired in the afternoon and into the evening. We know that, too, and were actively trying to remedy it. I know a lot has been happening in your lives. I'm really very proud of both of you. But, you can't lose sight of the big picture. You have to remember where he is in his journey. You can't ask a flower for petals when it hasn't even budded yet. You just can't."

I was trying to take that to heart. I had to remind myself. She was absolutely right. I was expecting too much. We all were. He'd been doing what he had been doing, and we were horrified by it now that we'd wanted him to go on tour with us, with it being so close. He wasn't going to hurry up and be better. I had to remember... He wasn't going to be better... That was unfair to him, too. The worst thing I could have done. It made me so ashamed, wanting to make it up to him. So, I granted his request. The only thing he'd asked me yesterday.

I want to go see Yokohara-sensei.

We were going.

"Mm..." Small noises from him. He wiggled a little bit in my arms.

"Hm?" I adjusted a little, trying to see his face. His gaze met mine, and I locked onto those beautiful brown eyes. Curious eyes.

"Don't hate me," he said, now more alert.

"Oh, I could never hate you." Said with all the adoration I felt in my heart for him. I gave him a squeeze. What did he mean? He was my world. I smiled at him, and he smiled at me, giving me such relief.

"Uhh..." So shy.

"Hmm?" I wanted to kiss his cheek. He was being cute now.

"Uh... I'm hungry."

"Oh?" I kissed his cheek, giving in. It got me a cuter smile. He pressed his lips together, trying to hide it. I was smiling, too, wanting more. I kissed him again, and those lips appeared and he was grinning. Such a beautiful grin. "What do you want to eat?"

"Turkey sausage."

"We have more," I said, remembering the box. There'd definitely been more in there.

"Oh, good." Contentment on his face. "But, I'm hungry now."

It had hardly been an hour. Still, I thought hard. We were on the road. What could we eat if we were on the road? But, there was no need to speculate.

"Ooh, a McDonald's," he gasped, so adorable that I had to look away and smile. Of course he wanted McDonald's. I squeezed him again, loving him. It was as if how he was yesterday never came to pass.

My mom heard him, of course. We were turning in there faster than I could ask her to. She knew how important it was for him to eat. It was yet lunch time, but if it was okay for his glucose and he wanted to eat, more calories were good.

He began bouncing against my body, excited. Smiling like a little kid. But, he stopped suddenly. His head turned to me, worry there.

"Hm?" I made puckering lips at him, and a small pink blush appeared on his cheeks, a demure look of his eyes turning from me, but still that little smile there. It made me blush, myself.

"Is it really okay? For us to stop?" So nervous. What did he have to be nervous for?

My mom answered before me. "Oh, yes. We have plenty of time. I'll go inside and get what you want. What do you want?"

I already knew. He didn't have to say a word, but we said it at the same time anyway. Our voices echoed off each other, making us laugh.

"Chicken nuggets!"

He was so adorable, I couldn't stand it. His giggles, combined with that red bow on his head. I wanted to squeeze him and never let go.

After feeding him chicken nuggets, we were in Yokohara-sensei's office. He'd done the usual tests. She'd led us to the blood lab, taking his hormone counts and other levels. She'd run his blood glucose, finding it to be a little high, where she'd learned about the chicken nuggets and praised us, liking that he was eating more. He'd been weighed, and it was the same as before. He'd done a urine cup, and we were waiting on these results, too. She thought the color of the urine was good, though, because it was a healthy light color. He was well hydrated, she said.

Finally, she'd done the usual check up tests, such as blood pressure and checking his eyes with a light and asking him to follow her finger. His reflexes were tested, too. So many tests, but they were necessary. She was looking for absolutely anything out of the ordinary, no matter how miniscule. Any symptom could lead to a bigger discovery, even if the diagnosis didn't make sense to a layman based on the kind of test. I'd learned that the hard way so many times.

She made him walk a line on the floor, though it was hard for him, checking for strange wobbling. She even swabbed his throat, which was a test she didn't do often. She stuck a probe sort of thing up his nose, too, which made him cross his eyes and sneeze, making me burst into tearful laughter. He was too adorable, I couldn't stand it. He'd wiggled his nose afterward for me like a rabbit, trying to get me to laugh more. I couldn't control myself, and he'd laughed with me.

After all this, he had a kind of soft medical tape on his arm over a cotton ball, something I was used to seeing now. It was the only evidence that he'd been so tested, the result of his blood test.

"We won't get the blood lab results for a couple of days," she was saying after all of it was done. "Those are the most important. If there's something wrong, most likely the answer is in those results. It could even be his thyroid returning back to normal-"

I clapped my hands together in front of my chest, pressing them there, my uncontrolled smile so big. Ohh, that would be wonderful. The result of his new thyroid medication, no longer needed? His thyroid, cured? Could that be what it was? It had been a while. Maybe-

"Hey," Yokohara-sensei laughed. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket! But, it's a possibility. It would explain why he's tired, absolutely. But, there's so many reasons for someone to be overly tired. It could be a UTI, or the start of a cold or flu, his hormones going up and down, anything. The only thing for sure is that we'll find it, one way or another."

Sana nodded on the medical table. He was sitting well, leaning over and his hands gripped to the edges. He was sitting so strong.

"Now," she turned to her cabinets, opening one and seeming to rifle through it. It sounded like a bunch of bottles and boxes being moved around. What was she doing? "I have something for you, Sana, which I want you to take. I know you've fought it in the past, but you really need-"

"I'll take anything you want me to." So quick. It shocked me, and clearly it shocked Yokohara-sensei, too. She turned to him, her face one of complete surprise. She paused, staring at him. He stared back at her, his eyes so clear. I recognized this look. It was one I hadn't seen in a long time. He was so focused, like someone had turned a light on in the back of them. It seemed like since April, he'd been in a fog, and suddenly the fog was gone. It was the stare of someone who was truly seeing you, and everyone was home behind those eyes. My hand went to my mouth, recognizing this.

But so quick, it was gone. He relaxed again, those eyes going half lidded. But, what was that? I wanted to hug him.

My emotions were already being drawn out when Yokohara-sensei took a large bottle out of her cabinet. The pills, or rather discs, rattled in there as she turned it in her hand as she faced us. She gestured them to Sana, putting them into his hands. He held them, staring at the label.

"Take one of these every day. Prenatal vitamins, I want you to-"

The loud shriek was out of me before I could stop myself. Both of my hands were over my mouth now, covering my nose, too. Yokohara-sensei's head whipped around to me. She was laughing immediately.

"What the heck was that?!" She bark laughed.

"Prenatal vitamins! Is- is-" Oh, I couldn't say it. Tears were forming. My heart was racing, my face going red and throbbing in my ears. "Are we- baby?! Are-" I let out another, smaller shriek.

Sana was smiling gently to me, holding the bottle in his hands calmly. Yokohara-sensei was staring at me, grinning.

"What, do you want one?" She laughed. She looked at Sana. "Do you want one?"

Sana's face went pale, his eyes went wide, his mouth forming a small "O" shape. "What, am I?" He asked her, his eyes continuing to go to the size of dinner plates.

She folded over herself, her hand going onto the edge of the exam table, laughing. "What is this?!" She squeaked, trying to contain herself. She straightened up, glancing at each of us in turn. "No. No, honey, you're not having a baby. I already did the dipstick test. I didn't even tell you the results, because I thought you wouldn't even be thinking about that."

"Oh, I thought..." I pointed at the bottle in Sana's hands, my blush total and complete. My face must have resembled a tomato.

"Ohh, noo, no, sweetie." She turned to me, so kind. "Prenatal vitamins are good for people with endocrine disorders. Often, the body can't process certain ones very well, so a prenatal vitamin is overpacked with them. It makes sure they get enough. I want him to go on them so that he gets more vitamins and minerals, and it might make him feel less tired until we know what's going on. I'm sorry." She turned to Sana now. "I shouldn't have laughed. But, you've always been Mr. 'I'll never have a baby, I'm a man, that's ridiculous, tie my tubes as much as you can'. Should I not be laughing?" She eyed me again, joyfully suspicious.

Sana was nodding, though, smiling with her. This had to have been a story between them that I hadn't learned. I'd definitely be asking. This made so much sense. But, it reminded me of what we'd been through recently. And now... It was almost coming full circle.

"We actually have been talking about it. Um, not favorably, but... I want..." I didn't know what to say. I was looking at the tiles now, white squares with gray between them. Overly medical, but it made sense with where we were. So stark white. I studied them, trying to figure out what to say.

"You have?" Yokohara-sensei asked, giving me time to say what I wanted to say, but I couldn't find the words. "Sana, what do you think about it?"

I began speaking again, knowing what he was going to say. His opinion was pretty clear. They were good reasons. It was better for us to adopt, but maybe she could have some good ideas about that. This subject seemed to come up so suddenly. My heart was pounding in my chest. "Oh, well, Sana says he doesn't-"

"I want a baby."

I froze. My eyes were locked on the tiles now, unmoving. My mouth was dropped open.

"Sana?" Yokohara-sensei's voice was as shocked as the tears that had jumped to my eyes.

I slowly looked up, and Sana was staring at Yokohara-sensei just as lucidly as earlier. That stare, so sharp. No hint of fog. He was gripping the bottle in his hands tightly, as if it would break. He squeezed his eyes shut, but then opened them again, a look of earnest on his face now.

"I know you can help us have one. We want a baby. Please help us. Maybe not now, there's too much going on, but in the future..." His voice drifted, not knowing what to say.

I was completely speechless. I couldn't help. My jaw may as well have been on the floor.

"S- Sana..." Yokohara-sensei looked like she'd seen a ghost. Completely dumbfounded. She turned to me again. "Is this what you want?"

My head never nodded so fast. Must have been warp speed. I leapt from my chair, racing to him. He looked overwhelmed as my arms met him, holding him to me so tight. His hands were still in front of him, gripping that bottle. Even though they were for a different purpose, they were giving me hope. Knowing he was taking those, reigniting a feeling that I thought I had to shelve. That defeated, torn apart feeling inside that I had put on the back burner to focus on other things. It was ebbing away like something was rubbing it off of glass, or attacking it with cleaner. Instead, I was seeing something so clear. That previous want, that need.

Needing to have a family with him. Wanting to give him a family. That love I know we could feel. Something unimaginable, but it made me feel whole. Something I was so desperate for that I was crying now. He was jumping a little against me, too. I recognized these breaths. I separated from him, seeing his crying face. I bent my knees, getting face to face with him. Loving him.

"I want a baby with you," he said to me, sniffling hard. "I fought it, because I'm worried, but I want a baby. I want one..."

"Don't worry. We're going to be okay."

"Okay..." Said so small. He hugged me, the pills rattling against my back as he tried to hug me just as hard as I was hugging him.

After a few minutes, Yokohara-sensei's senses came back. "Wow. Well, okay. Okay. Let me think. I'll think about this. It's difficult, I know you both know that. But, you never know. I can't guarantee anything, and let's figure out what's going on with you right now first. We'll figure this current tiredness out, and then we can discuss anything further, okay? I think it's wise to wait at this time. You two are going through a lot, with the tour and starting off at Fleeting World. It's best to plan these things, especially with Sana... But, you know that. I know both of you want to do this smartly."

We both nodded eagerly, hanging on to her every word. Was this really happening? Were we really having this conversation? Suddenly, I couldn't contain my joy. It was hitting me.

I let out a little squeal, grinning wider than I ever had. I hugged Sana anew, burying my face into his shoulder, but it couldn't contain my smile. He giggled at this, smiling, too. His hand climbed up my back, and he was kissing my ear. I straightened a little, and dove in to kiss him. Just like that, we were kissing.

"Whoa, not right now," Yokohara-sensei was cracking up. "I have other patients to see."

This made Sana burst into laughter so hard. He was so adorable. I was so happy that I didn't know what to do. So, I lifted him up into my arms. Hugging him like this. His legs went around my waist, and my arm went under him to support him. I held him like this, rocking back and forth. He sighed deeply, content and in bliss. I was in bliss.

"I'm really so happy for you two," Yokohara-sensei was saying. "I never would have thought Sana would agree. You should hear those stories. It was only last year, where he said..."

But her words faded away, because Sana's happiness became my whole world. His loving arms wrapped around me, his chin on my shoulder. This crazy joy. I never knew what happiness was. And I knew, that I still didn't. There was so much happiness to come, that I couldn't fathom what happiness was.