After my mom had gone to bed, I sat awake as Sana continued to sleep with his head on my chest. He'd slept on until dinner. He'd woken briefly to eat and say good-bye to the other members of Lyra who had stayed for dinner. He was embarrassed about his sleeping, but we'd assured him it was alright.

This led me to wonder for the rest of the evening. I knew I was being unusually quiet, but my mom filled in the silence with some words. She said she missed Sawai-san, because they'd talk in the garden sometimes. She knew Sawai-san was taking the week off. We'd decided this, because Lyra would be here, and most importantly Nobu would. If there was any medical trouble, Nobu would know what to do at the first sign. Still, Sawai-san didn't see it as a vacation. She was preparing to go on tour with us, thinking about Sana's needs and what we'd need to bring and secure. That brought me a little comfort.

However, as silence filled the living room, and Sana was in my arms, I was alone in my thoughts.

Sana was this tired after two days of work. Earlier, the other members of Lyra had said that they didn't know what touring was like, so they wouldn't be able to predict how they could care for him. It was terrifying for them, in that regard. However, I'd been on tour many times. Maybe not at this scale and not with Fleeting World, but I knew what it was like. That was our difference. In this way, there were terrors that they weren't aware of.

I knew that if Sana was tired on tour, the tour wouldn't stop for him. It was like a machine, independent of care or worries about the people in it. There was a schedule to keep, and the ones who were in control were the fans who bought the tickets. There was an obligation to them. If we fell behind and couldn't make a scheduled concert, then the whole system fell apart. There'd be refunds to be made, angry and upset people, a mess. Sometimes on tour, I felt like a cog in the machine, angered myself at my role.

But, it sounded like Keitaro was trying to make that different. However, the rules were the same. It didn't matter how kind he was or what accommodations could be made, we still had to keep a schedule. I was looking now at the schedule on my phone, the stops on the tour. Sixteen cities, two months. It would be over the week before Halloween, in New York City. It seemed so far away. Impossibly a long time. Even for me now, that seemed like a tall order. I was tired just thinking about it, because I hadn't been working for a while. But, seeing Sana's exhaustion after practicing for two days? How would he ever do it?

But, thinking about my anger from before. I know I'd been unhappy at my old company. I was being forced to commit to a role that I didn't like. They chose my songs and music, what kinds of dances I could do. I had almost no creative control. They chose my costumes, too. Maybe this time it would be different. I trusted the people who were putting together this tour, that was the bottom line. Could attitude change things? Yokohara-sensei had said that Sana's mood and happiness level affected his illness. The stress. How much stress would he be under? Could we somehow limit that stress?

I know I'd been under a lot of stress in the past. My mood affected that stress. My unhappiness had definitely made me more stressed than I would have been. Thinking about my past experiences. Dissatisfaction with staff on tour and how they carried out their jobs, being dropped off far from venues for seemingly no reason and blaming the drivers for laziness, being presented with lackluster food and being made to eat it for time constraints. It sounded like Fleeting World was a lot better at this than my old company. It wasn't only about making money for them, I knew that. However, of course it was about making money, too.

In that light, thinking about Sana being used to make money and his illness... Maybe the word "used" wasn't the right way to think about it. However, it didn't sit right with me. He wasn't being exploited. They all wanted to be there. I trusted Keitaro and what he was trying to do. Lyra and myself were valued at Fleeting World, especially by Keitaro.

Deep in my thoughts, I found my phone pressed to my ear. My other arm supported Sana easily, loving him. He was so exhausted. How would he be tomorrow or for the next few days? How exhausted would he get, when he was just at home?

"Hello?" Keitaro's voice.

I decided to tell him outright. These concerns.

"Hello. Lyra and I have been talking about Sana being on tour. We have some worries."

"Oh." Immediate softness. He sounded like he was out somewhere, and I felt bad about that. Was he trying to have fun somewhere? "What's going on?"

"Um... Where are you right now?" It sounded pretty cheerful over there. Chanting, yelling.

"A bar in Aomori. I'm with Tatara and Davy."

"Have you been drinking?" That was something I hadn't considered. If he'd been drinking, maybe it wasn't the best time to talk about this.

"Not much." Relief. "I wasn't planning to. We have to get up pretty early tomorrow. Or rather, today. Wow, it's late."

"Oh, good. Well, do you have time to talk?"

"Mm." He made an agreeable noise. "Do you want me to get Davy, too? Is this about food? We talked to the catering team. They're aware of what Sana can and can't eat now. We had a good talk. They physically won't give him certain foods even if he accidentally asks for them. We made sure."

That made me feel a little better, but unfortunately it wasn't my main concern. I sighed in relief a little bit, though. He went on.

"We spoke to Lyra's new manager, too. His name is Koiwai-san. Ah, I guess he's your manager, too, isn't he? He's aware of Sana's struggles, too. He's nervous, but I'm sure when he meets you all next week he'll worry less."

Koiwai-san? I hadn't expected that. What kind of person was he? I thought about other managers I'd had in the past. I'd had three total. They'd been nice enough, though a little distant in their caring. They cared about the bottom line, making sure Mermaid Orchestra stuck to our schedule. They arranged things for us, created the schedule. They took care of things, but had the company's best interests at heart. Our needs didn't come into it much. It only made me more nervous than before.

"Who's Koiwai-san? Is he a good person?"

"Ah, I hear your worry about him already. I promise he isn't like anybody at our old company. I've known him for a while. He's very nice."

This only made things more difficult. I hadn't figured a manager into our plans. I thought it'd be Lyra, Sawai-san, and my sister. Suddenly, putting another person into this was overwhelming, especially someone I didn't know. What if he demanded too much of us? Wanted things that we couldn't give, especially Sana? I found myself breathing too fast. It was one thing to have to stick to a schedule and trying to get Sana to do that, but to have someone else demanding it?

I shook my head. "This is exactly why I called. I know we have to stick to a strict schedule, and sixteen cities in two months is a lot. I called to talk about how we were going to do that, because Sana is very tired after only two days of practicing at home. Now you're saying there's a manager who's going to make us stick to it?" I realized my voice was too harsh. I paused, and Keitaro didn't say anything. "...Sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

There was another pause as Keitaro must have considered this. I listened to the people in the background obviously having fun. So full of energy, calling out to each other. It only reminded me of the conversation I'd had with Lyra this afternoon. About how Sana couldn't have rambunctious fun like that. Especially being this tired. Just how exhausted was he going to get? I was having my doubts. The idea that now someone would be demanding even more from him? It was impossible to separate Koiwai-san from the other managers I'd had.

I went on. "Is Koiwai-san going to be like the managers I've had in the past? I know you knew them, too. Does he care about us, or what the company wants? I know it's his job to keep the company's best interests in mind. But, I'm worried Sana won't be able to keep up with his demands. It was hard enough to think about him being exhausted on tour, but I don't want Koiwai-san to make him even more tired, trying to get him to do things that he just can't. I'm sorry, I know I sound... I don't know how I sound."

"We can discuss these things." Of course Keitaro had an answer. That's why I'd called him. It only made me more upset right now, though. I tried to calm myself down, trying to measure my breaths like my mom had taught me. This was all caused by worry, I knew that. But, it was so hard...

"We have to. I'm so worried about Sana. He- he gets so tired even going up to Tokyo from here. Now, he'll be traveling all the time. He'll be in unfamiliar places." Fear struck my heart. "And... I won't speak the language. What if there's trouble and I can't get him help? What if he gets too tired, and his body lashes out in unpredictable ways? Things I've never seen..." My voice drifted off, thinking of these new horrors. New scenarios were coming out as I talked about them to someone else.

"Koiwai-san speaks English. He's another resource."

Oh.

He went on. "If you have an emergency, he can speak English for you. He'll be checking you into hotels and getting your hotel keys, too, for example. He'll take care of a lot of it. I really think he'll take a lot of stress off of you. He's there to take care of Lyra, and you. Especially, he's there to make sure Sana is okay. I promise it won't be like it was before."

I almost knew what he was going to say next, and mouthed it along with him. He'd been saying it a lot.

"Fleeting World is unlike any other company."

I was nodding along with him. It was like a mantra at this point.

I went on as if I hadn't heard, too in my own thoughts, despite what he'd just said. "I want to make sure we can schedule naps for Sana. Make sure his needs are taken care of above all else. I need that assurance and promise," I said. My words were still harsh, but he had to know.

"We'll discuss this with Koiwai-san. It's going to be okay."

It sounded so easy, but it wasn't. Who was Koiwai-san for Keitaro to be trying to ease my fears like this? He wasn't an answer to this problem.

"I need to know it's going to be okay." I was only repeating myself at this point.

"It's going to be okay."

His words were doing nothing. I was getting nothing done with this conversation, and it had only made my worries worse. I had to calm down. I was mature enough to know that my panic was making this worse.

No, seeing Sana get this tired by only being home. Thinking about him on tour now was terrifying. Not speaking the language, having this new person in charge. That was it. It felt like I wasn't in charge anymore. All this panic. It was out of my control.

"Okay." It wasn't Keitaro's fault. I had to let him know that. Make him think I agreed, that things were alright. But, they weren't alright. Suddenly, I knew who I had to call, and it wasn't Keitaro.

"Okay? Let me know about what you need. We can arrange it. You haven't really told me anything about what you yourself need, do you realize that? What do you need on tour?" He was being friendly and casual still. My fingers made waves on Sana's arm as I held him to me, nervous.

"I'll tell you later. I have to go now." Rude of me, but I couldn't bear this.

"Oh, okay. Go to bed, alright? I know you all have been practicing pretty intensely. Are you going to have another day of that tomorrow?"

I wasn't sure. With how tired Sana was now, and this new idea of a manager? It was too much. "Um, yeah, we are."

"Okay. Go to bed. I will, too. I'm going to get Tatara and Davy and herd them to bed." He made a little chuckle, joking. I gave one back.

"Okay, good-night."

"Good-night. Don't worry, I mean it."

"Okay. Bye bye."

We hung up, and I dialed another number without another thought, even seeing his name was a small relief. I made more waves on Sana's skin as I waited for him to pick up. In a few seconds, he did.

A big yawn met my ear. "He- hello?" Yami said sleepily.

I went into what Keitaro had said about Koiwai-san immediately, not stopping for an opinion. As I spoke, Yami's voice matched my own. His outrage and worry. The same feelings. Of course he understood, and that was all the assurance I needed. His feelings about Sana, his priorities, shone through with every appalled noise as I spoke on and on about my fears.

He had the same fears, because he loved Sana as much as I did, and that was the most comforting thing I could ask for.