By 2AM, the after party was over. Nobu and Masaki stumbled out of the building, not even looking back. Most everyone had good drinks, and were exhausted. There were many good-byes and hugs, congratulations on a job well done. Fumi in particular was holding a giant bouquet of flowers that were made from a bunch that had been sent to his dressing room by fans. I struggled to hug him as he held onto it, laughing with him about how big and beautiful it was. I really wanted to talk to him again. It really had been too long. Almost everyone had boxed up food in their hands, too, taking it back to their hotel rooms.

It was all so cozy. I couldn't stop smiling, seeing everyone again, meeting new people. It felt like something had clicked back into place, so normal. I didn't want it to end and go away. Something in me wanted to hold onto it with hands like claws, stay in that world. But, it was assuring to know that we'd be back with them very soon. We'd be going to Sendai and opening for them. It'd be a hard couple of weeks, intense practice and rehearsals, but we had to prepare ourselves. I'd gotten a taste again, and I would fight as hard as I could to make them know I was worth it. This opportunity to be back there... I wasn't going to squander it away. How lucky I was.

As we were in the cab going back to the hotel, I thought about where we are now. Sana was in my arms, resting. My hand stroked up and down his side, and he was breathing comfortably and happily. We gazed at each other, such an easy smile on his face. There was a matching one on mine. We had this great opportunity, it wasn't only my own. We were finally entering this world together, something I'd dreamed of. Knowing this made me adjust my thinking from when we'd been outside the venue. I had an opportunity to be back in the world I knew I loved, but this time we'd be together. I knew for sure: I'd stop at nothing to make sure we could stay there. I'd try even harder, do things I didn't know were possible. Nothing was going to take that away, I'd make sure of it.

Reality set in when we got to the hotel, though. Sana was sitting in his wheelchair in the lobby as we searched for our room keys. Natsuko was going through her purse, getting a bit frustrated. She was a little drunk, a bit out of sorts. Sawai-san jumped in to try to help. That's when I noticed Sana was shaking. His head went down, his eyes pinching closed. He opened them wide, staring straight ahead, as if trying to steady himself.

I went over to him, squatting in front of his wheelchair to be face to face. Before I could do much, Yami came in through the double doors of the hotel. He was putting his wallet away, having paid the cab driver. He noticed right away that Sana was in trouble.

"Huh, what's going on?" He asked. He rushed to us. My hand went to Sana's face, wiping away some wig strands that had fallen in front of his eyes so I could see them better. This caused him to look at me. My hands took his, and I found they were trembling, radiating up his body into his shoulders, causing the shaking I'd seen.

Sana let out a quick breath, a shaking one following it. "I don't know," he answered Yami. "I can't stop shaking."

My brow creased, my mouth opening a little in concern. My hand dove for my cellphone and I found it, bringing it out of my pocket. Immediately I was looking at his device's app, searching for an answer.

"Are you breathing okay? You can take a deep breath? It doesn't hurt?" Yami asked. His hand went to Sana's shoulder, maybe trying to steady him. He nodded, assuring us a little. Yami took his wrist, tapping his watch to make it come to life. We were both taking care of him, causing me to relax a tiny bit.

"It doesn't hurt. I can breathe okay. I don't know what it is."

My cellphone finally showed his glucose reading. It was a comfortable ninety-six. This shaking didn't make any sense.

"Well, your O2 and heartbeat are fine," Yami said, a curious look on his face.

"Your glucose reading is ninety-six, too." My brow crease deepened. It didn't make any sense. If his vitals were fine...

Sawai-san and my sister came over. They were holding our keys. "What's going on?" Sawai-san asked. She handed me a key and I nodded my head at her, grateful.

"Sana's shaking," Yami explained. "But, his vitals are fine."

Sawai-san's hand went to her chin, clearly thinking. After a few seconds, she pointed at Yami. "Call Yokohara-sensei. She said before that if Sana's vitals were fine, then he might be fine. I want to make sure."

Even though it was past 2AM, Yami obeyed. We'd be waking Yokohara-sensei up, but we couldn't take any chances. He lifted his cellphone to his ear, and we all waited nervously. I held Sana's hands as he stared at me, his shaking increasing, his face the most nervous one of all.

In the early morning, we were in bed now. I was holding him tightly, and he was shaking rapidly. His breaths were quick bursts as he tried to control his body.

Yokohara-sensei thought it could be nerves and adrenaline. "If you think about it, Sana's body can't form a natural response like ours can to such stimulation. A lot of amazing things happened today, right? Congratulations. However, all of that response to excitement in the body comes from the endocrine system. Since Sana's is disordered, it wouldn't be able to know what to do with that stimulation. It might have released too much adrenaline and other things that go along with handling that excitement response."

It made a lot of sense, but only made me more nervous. If this is how Sana was responding to just seeing Yellow Lizard on stage, then how would he be performing alongside them? Yokohara-sensei assured us that this was most likely harmless, with his vitals being fine. "If his heart rate gets too elevated, that's where the problem comes in. However, if his vitals are fine, then this is benign. You don't need to worry, though I'm sure it physically feels uncomfortable. Tramadol might help ease his muscles."

I found out that this shaking was hurting him as soon as we got in bed. He'd been shaking for thirty minutes or more by that point, and was starting to make noises. Moanings, showing me he was hurting. He was so tense, his muscles so tight. I gave him Tramadol, and got us cozy in bed. I turned on a movie to try to get our mind off it, but eventually I turned it off. He couldn't pay attention to it, he was in too much pain and discomfort.

In the darkness, I massaged his back as I held him to me. He was in a fetal position, his shins against my legs. He was struggling so much that his toes kept curling and uncurling, and I could feel that against my skin. Writhing in pain as his body was out of control, doing what it needed to and he was a victim to it. Riding out that adrenaline and everything else, and there was nothing he could do. It made me want to cry in helplessness, but he was in good spirits. Somehow, he was happy despite this happening. How could that be? I'd be panicking if it were me.

"Re- remember when Fumi led Tatara around the stage by his ch- chains?" He asked me, smiling in the dark. The moonlight from the windows glinted off his teeth and eyes. My hand kneaded down his back, like a cat making bread on bed covers. I smiled back to him, encouraged by his smile.

"Yeah, I do. I thought, 'oh no, Tatara's nipples. Are they going to be sore?'"

Sana laughed. Oh, his laugh. How could he laugh? "Yeah, I wonder." He sighed a deeply happy sigh. "I can't believe I got to see them on stage during this era. Their aesthetic for this album is so cool. I can't get over- over it. How does someone come up with something like th- that? So cooool..." He breathed out another long breath, even more happiness. It made me realize he was finally breathing better, taking these deep breaths without shakiness to them. It made me breathe my own internal sigh of relief.

My smile was becoming easier to make. My fingers dug into his back, starting to scratch like I liked to be scratched. This made him moan, his head went to my neck, enjoying this so much.

"You know, Keitaro and Tatara are the ones who come up with the aesthetic. They work on it for months as the album is being written. They weave it into everything, thinking about the concerts to come. Their concepts are everything. It affects the costumes, the sets of their music videos, everything. They know that whatever they do is going to become a fashion trend among their fans, so they're very serious about it. I watched them come up with things all the time, seeing Tatara draw things out. They'd look at the drawings together and show me, too. Sometimes they'd ask my opinion, but I don't know much about that stuff. Tatara even came up with some of my aesthetic, too. Anything gothic, he's responsible."

"Whaaat?" Sana gasped, such a sweet little voice, like a kitten in his weakness. My chin met his head, nodding a little. My arms hugged him tightly, bringing him even closer to my body. My smile was so big. He was so incredibly happy, still excited.

"Yeah, absolutely. Tatara even comes up with the concepts for their costumes, drawing them out. He thinks about what each member needs on stage. It isn't only about what looks good, he has to think about how they're going to move around and if they'll get too hot, things like that. I don't think a clothing designer would know those details. It can't be done by a designer."

"So cool... I knew he was gothic, but I didn't know all that. I want to know more."

I kissed his lovely hair. He was the incredible one, riding out his illness, but still somehow being this sweet and happy. How could he think about Yellow Lizard right now? He had to be in so much pain... How was he doing this?

"I'll tell you anything you want to know. Ask me questions. I was there for so much of it. I was practically attached to Keitaro's hip. He made it his mission to help me at our old company. I went everywhere with him."

"Whoaaa."

He was so adorable. I giggled, despite what I was feeling. He was just so...amazing. Making me feel better, too. His child-like wonder. It was beautiful.

In the darkness, the moon creating a silvery glow, I sighed deeply in my happiness, and started to tell him a story. He settled in to me, his body relaxing more all the time. This long story, of a time from twenty-three years ago, when I was bright eyed and innocent, and this metal god descended down to me and took me by his side.