"Yeah, of course there's tickets," Keitaro had laughed over speaker phone. Yami had let out an unintentional whoop at this, his hand smacking over his mouth in embarrassment. Keitaro had laughed so hard. "I'm glad for the excitement. Shows we're doing something right, after all these years." So good natured. "Tell me how many you need, and something can be arranged."

By the evening, there was news that the water had receded enough in some areas so that Shizue and Hikaru could go home. Yami was still stuck with us, but he didn't seem to mind as much now that we had Yellow Lizard tickets. He didn't even mind Sawai-san prodding him at dinner about his romantic prospects, a subject that usually got under his skin.

"I'm not going to get a girlfriend," he told her in finality. "Music is my main focus."

"You will give me a grandchild someday, I didn't raise you for nothing," she said, poking her fork in the air at him as she chewed on her steak. My hand went to my mouth, trying not to show my giggle as I chewed my piece of pork. "Somebody in this room is giving me a grandchild, and it's going to be you."

"Sana can give you a grandchild. Don't put all the pressure on me."

The amount of blush in Tetsu's and my cheeks could have made the world explode.

"Besides," he went on. "I already gave you a grandchild to play with. Eclipse. It's like she's not even here." He gestured at Eclipse, who was under the table hoping for scraps. As if on cue, her wet nose poked my knee. So precious. If I hadn't known we weren't supposed to give her food from the table, I would have.

"I want a baby to play with!" Sawai-san boomed, looking scandalized.

Tetsu gave a sort of choke of a laugh, hiding it behind his fingers. It was like his face could be defined as the new red. I began laughing, too nervous.

Now, he and I were hugging in bed. The moon was out, the window streaming in its silvery color. Casting a pallor of loveliness. He began rubbing my back, and my mind was brought to his warmth and familiar skin. His muscles moved against my body as his large hand rubbed up and down my back, loosening my shoulders and spine. I realized I'd been tense.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, his mouth so close to my ear. His breath was wet and hot, making my toes clench far below.

My hand closed a little on his back, then pulled him closer. There was such strength there compared to this morning. The good pork, gravy, spinach, and rice was going through my veins, all that wonderful nutrition. Tetsu's breath smelled like the steak I wasn't allowed to have. He'd tasted like a food I wasn't allowed to have for the second time today.

"Nothing." I thought about Sawai-san standing up from the table, her hands on either side of her plate, threatening Yami with taking away the life she'd given him if he didn't find a girlfriend in the next five years. Talking about that he was at a certain age, and she expected a lot from him. The conversation had turned serious, and had made my mind wander about certain duties in our culture. Things we owe our parents. If that's even true.

Yami had seemed quiet after dinner. He'd drummed his fingers on the couch in a complex rhythm as we watched a comedy show, not laughing and so deep in his thoughts. It was unlike anything I'd ever seen from him.

It reminded me of what Masaki had said before, that I'd dismissed, about what he thought he owed his parents, too. About reaching a certain age, and that was the cut off. That he felt like a failure otherwise.

In this thought, I started talking.

"We're so removed from it, aren't we?"

"Hmm?" Tetsu wiped my bangs away from my eye, something I hadn't noticed was there. He was always so attentive.

"Our relationship. We're not expected to be on a timeline."

"What do you mean?" So gentle, his cute tone. He hadn't been expected something so serious.

"Pressure. Like what Sawai-san was saying to Yami at dinner. Expecting him to be on a timeline. Masaki was talking about it, too. That his parents expected him to be married and produce children by the time he's forty."

"Ah, that."

In the colors of the moon, the many colors I couldn't see, the grey color masking them, Tetsu's eyes went to the side, but his smile was still there, though wistful now. A strange sadness there. What did it mean?

He went on, massaging away my fears. His hand resumed its rubbing, absentminded. "I was thinking about that, too. She kind of shocked me. She seems so progressive, but she brought that up. I guess you can't remove that from the older generation, or maybe I'm being too broad. But, I think maybe she wants a grandchild, and that's where she's coming from. Maybe she's worried she won't get one. If I think of her individually, that would be my guess."

I moved closer to him, my face going into his neck. His head curled inward, resting there against me. Making me feel so safe. "You're right. I thought she was progressive, too. But, I think what you're saying is right. She just wants a grandchild. It's true, our birthdays are coming up fast. We'll be thirty-five. Unless he gets with someone much younger, he doesn't have a lot of time to make that happen. And I-" I caught myself, too much spit in my mouth, halting my words. And me... There wasn't much thought to it.

"Hmm?" He parted from me a little, but I couldn't see his face. I only felt his warmth. So cozy under the blankets.

I shook my head a little, ridiculous. A small smile, impossible on my face. "And I know I can't have one. I can't have a baby."

"Huh? You can't?"

He seemed surprised. Where was the surprise coming from? Of course he'd have to know already.

His arm went around me fully, his hand sliding under me. Like this, he brought me up on his body, his other arm joining. He rolled with me, and my body brought the blankets with me. In a moment, we were in our familiar pose. My head rested on his neck, laying there in bliss. His hand slid up my back, touching my shoulder blade, as the other rested at the small of my back.

"No way," I said, still on track. I shook my head again. "With my body? There'd be no way."

"But would you want to...have one?" His words were scared almost, extremely hesitant, going quieter with every word. It almost made me want to cry.

My arms went around him, squeezing his sides. The side of my face cuddled into his neck, finding my favorite place. "Of course I'd want to. But, look at me. I'm too weak to even support myself. I can't imagine it."

"I can imagine it."

His tone was heartbreaking. So sweet, certain in themselves, proud almost. Said so quiet.

"Tell me about it." Automatic out of my mouth. Wanting, but seeing no way. This strange longing, that was there before, but unacknowledged. Now out in the open, it was too vulnerable. Shivering in a wind, brought out and not able to be put back. It made me feel cold, wanting to cover it up.

I wished I hadn't said anything.

"We can do it. I've wanted to. I told you in the hospital..." More hesitance, like the idea would break at the slightest touch, careful. "Remember...? I said..." He made a deep swallow, one I felt in full against his neck. So nervous and shy. It made me squeeze him tighter. "I said... Remember?"

Strange tears were coming in. Filling my entire eyes, trying for him. There just was nothing.

"No, I'm sorry. I don't remember anything. Did you say something about this?" They began to wobble, threatening to come out. This terrible, sour feeling in my heart. I wanted to spit out, this shameful acid, going deep into my stomach, like I could fall off the world. This nothingness, where I wished I could spring forth a memory for him. I didn't remember anything.

"Oh." A small gasp, hurting. I'd hurt him.

"I'm so sorry." I sniffled, and the warmth of my tears fell on my cheeks. They dripped onto his neck, and he jumped as he felt it. His hands left my back, traveling upwards. They found the sides of my face, lifting it up. I was suddenly staring at him, and I wanted to crawl into a dark hole.

"It's okay," he breathed, such a gentle thing. "It's okay, darling. If you can't remember, I'll remind you." So suddenly, like my tears, he was kissing me. Assuring me, like there was no wrong. Like I'd been forgiven.

I settled my cheek back onto his neck, but I stared upwards. He craned a little so see me, and he held me as he told me a beautiful story. It sounded like one about boys turning into swans, and a whale flying in the air, of a girl on the moon shooting an arrow of stars. Just as beautiful, and just as impossible.

"I've dreamed about it," he said, rubbing my back slowly, trying to assure something that couldn't be assured. "I don't know how, but I've dreamed about us having a child. Some day... I know what our family could look like. I struggled with that, but I know now. I thought, if you wanted to... We could... We could have a small family? We could go to the beach. You can hold our child as they sat on your knees. We can all be on the sand, making sand castles. You can show them how to make a turtle out of the sand. We can mold things with sea shells. With Sawai-san with us, it'll be even easier. There's so much we can do. You'll see." His throat was so wet with these last words. Emotional, beyond words.

I realized I was crying again. Imagining us all together, a little older, so happy. Smiling on the beach. I imagined a little child, looking just like him, wearing my kitty eared bucket hat as they played in the sand.

What an impossible dream. In the sky, millions of miles away. No way to reach it, no matter how long you traveled, no matter what speed you carried.

The fact of the matter was, with my body, it was impossible. My hormones would never let us see a way. There'd be no way to balance them even to conceive. My hormones fluctuated every day. And even if we did conceive... I couldn't imagine it... The idea of losing his child. That devastation. It made me not even want to try.

It made me squeeze him even harder, but he misinterpreted my movements.

"See? We can do it. There's so many ways. If you want it, too, I'll make it happen. We can do this. We can- we can do this..." He dissolved into tears.

Inside of me, these complicated feelings. Unsureness, everywhere. A rising terror, without a sound, but with all of my screams. Warning me. Don't entertain this. Don't let him do this.

"Okay," I whispered, sniffling hard, adjusting and burrowing more, hugging him. "Okay." So gentle.

"Okay?" He asked, his voice a squeak in his careful happiness, his tears. His hope.

"Okay."

"Sana..."

His body was jumping in his silent sobs. His arms went around me so hard, loving every inch. He sat up slowly, bringing me with him. My arms went around him tightly, with all of my strength.

"I love you," he whispered into my ear, too many tears to be otherwise. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

It was with these words, I knew. Even if my body told me no. Even if we had to try a million times. His beautiful kiss met my lips, and I let out a tiny moan of love.

Even if we had to try a million times. I loved him too much to tell him no.