He was awake now. It was late at night, and my mom was with me. My papa had gone home to get some rest for work tomorrow. We sat together, puzzled. Sana was on his usual machines, and there had been a discussion about which tests should be run. With Yokohara-sensei's input, a full work up of his blood had been ordered, testing his endocrine system.

But, she wasn't so confident. "We might find answers that way. However, it isn't always an endocrine problem. The endocrine system affects the whole body like rocks colliding in space and then sending other rocks towards other things to collide with other things."

This seemed logical. The only question I had for her was of if he was in danger. She admitted she didn't know, and we'd have to take things as they came. It made me sit with my head in my hands for a long time. Many questions there, but no answers. My mom could only put her hand on my back to be there for me.

There were so many possibilities. Anything could be wrong. What sorts of things makes someone weak like that? It could be anything from a virus to kidney failure or unimaginable things medically that I didn't know the words for. This struck terror in my heart.

We'd called her again, when my fears became too great. "It could be anything and it could just as easily be nothing," she'd tried to explain. "He has had his good days and bad days. It could just be a bad day. No explanation, it's just what he body chooses to do. It could be working hard on something and resolve on its own. We've seen it before. He feels terrible for about a day, and then feels fine the next. It's harder now, because he isn't as healthy as before. It's more concerning."

I considered this, but that didn't make it any easier.

He woke up around midnight, saying he was hungry. He'd missed dinner, so we scrambled to find something for him. With the doctor's approval, we ordered some chicken from a late night pizza chain and I was feeding him this now. There was no breading, but it did have a sauce that was savory and most likely very salty. He was being monitored, so it might be okay. However, I was going slower than usual just in case. We could stop at the first sign of trouble.

He did seem to be doing better. It was a relief, but what had caused him to be that weak? He was moving a bit now, but not nearly as strong as he was. He made noises of effort, and I told him not to worry, I'd do all the work.

My mom observed us silently, eating her pizza. We hadn't had dinner either. I'd eat after he did, making sure he was fed first.

"Are you feeling better, baby?" I asked, pausing. I wiped some of the sauce off with a napkin before giving him more. He took the chicken in his mouth, beginning to chew. He nodded a tiny bit. It sent a little relief into my heart.

I went to give him another piece of chicken, and he closed his mouth. I was about to ask if he didn't like the flavor, when his hand pointed at me. "You eat," he said. His eyes closed a little, lingering there, until they opened again. He was tired.

"Do you not want any more?" I asked.

He smiled. "I do, but are you hungry, too?"

Oh. He was thinking about me. A small blush formed on my cheeks, the tips of my ears getting hot. "I am. But, I've got pizza. This chicken is for you. I want you to eat first, then I'll eat."

"Hmm. You eat first," he said. That smile.

"Are you sure, baby? You're more important." The chicken was still hovering in the air in my fingers, waiting for him.

He gave a small snort, making me smile despite myself. He was too cute. "I'm not more important. You're hungry, so you eat. I'm fine."

Gentle butterflies lifted off inside of me. "Oh, but..." I was speechless. I offered him the chicken piece, and he took it in his mouth, smiling more. I put a sauce covered finger to my lips, sucking on it absentmindedly to clean it before I grabbed a slice of pizza, and his eyes went wide. Cute pink blush appeared. It made me smile, and I couldn't help it anymore.

Even if I was worried and he felt sick, it didn't matter. He was still him. This pink blush reminded me. He was still himself, worried about me, attracted to me, everything.

I took a slice of pizza out of the box and began eating. He watched me, satisfied. The edges of his eyes curled up in his smile. It reminded me of something significant that I often forgot, making me want to eat more than I usually did. It reminded me, that ever since the start of our relationship, he was so concerned about me being fed. Making elaborate dishes, things I'd be interested in, making sure that even his desserts would be things I'd enjoy. Now he was watching me eat just like back then, making sure I was full and content, taken care of.

He was taking care of me, even though he was confined to a hospital bed.

And I just... My heart became a butterfly. No more tiny ones, just a simple feeling of pure joy. A wholeness.

I took a piece of green pepper off my pizza slice. I offered this to him, and he grinned, opening his mouth for me. It slipped inside, and I heard him crunching. It was a beautiful thing.

By noon, his blood test results were back. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary, and he was moving pretty well again. He was still tired, but he said he was okay. These results were faxed over to Yokohara-sensei, and she looked them over. She called us on speaker phone by one o'clock.

"I don't see anything concerning. Even his thyroid levels have improved. My guess is it's his new medication doing too good of a job. That's the only thing in his treatment that has changed recently. There isn't anything out of the ordinary here. Sometimes it's a mystery and we have to go with it. I think the only time to be concerned is if such a symptom persists for more than a day. Certainly, when it arises, get him checked out. But, don't panic."

"Don't panic? That's easy to say," he told her. He was holding my hand now, even sitting up against the propped up bed.

"Well, of course it's natural to be worried."

"Mm-hm."

"Well, have some lunch. I don't see a reason to keep you there. You're improving, and your lab results are normal. If your glucose count is normal after lunch, they can release you."

I gave a silent cheer, grinning at him. This caused him to giggle with his hand over his mouth. "Thank you," I told her. "I'll give my mom a call to come get us."

"Sounds good. Really, if something like this happens again and you are concerned, don't hesitate to ask for him to be put into observation. We really don't know if it could be something serious. It's the smart thing to do. I don't want to scare you, though. I'd say that most of the time it shouldn't be something serious, but he's always been a worst case scenario somehow. As I've told you before, when it comes to diagnosing for a horse or a zebra, he is usually the zebra. So, caution is a good thing."

I nodded. "I'll keep that in mind. It's a good plan. I like plans. It's less scary that way."

"Indeed it is."

"Thank you, Yokohara-sensei," Sana said.

"Wow, you're saying thank you to me? Something must be wrong," she chuckled.

We both laughed at that. We said good-bye and hung up, and I brought the smart monitor around on its arm. It's something the observation department in this hospital had connected to its beds. Rather than a TV on the wall, a patient could watch TV intimately by bringing the smart monitor up to their face and pressing the buttons on screen to change channels. They could also order food from the cafeteria. We used it for that purpose now.

As I pressed the buttons and we looked at it together, it struck me how normal it seemed. This setting with him, somehow becoming normal. Like it should be this way, that feeling. Almost cozy, us together, him in bed, choosing from a food menu. It made me pause, though I was still moving and going through the menu. A bit of a blank spot in my mind. A kind of wonder.

I ordered us blt's on wheat toast with a side of carrots and broccoli. A lot of the other things they had didn't seem suitable, too salty or with unnecessarily sweet things, such as honey all over something. Looking at this, it really made me consider food differently. Seeing the images of the food brought it home.

When the food arrived, we ate together. He was struggling to feed himself, so I fed him. It was a strange bliss, this feeling striking me again. How normal it seemed. How peaceful.

In the car, he laid against me like usual. He was tired, but not sleeping. My hand was running through his hair, something else so usual. Like it was supposed to be.

As we rode on, it struck me what it was, making my face screw up in itself, but I made it go back just as soon as it appeared. This feeling. It was so obvious now. This difference.

At the beginning of our relationship, when I'd first found out he was ill, I thought that there was no way I'd ever get used to it. Every time something happened, it was a terror. A surprise every time, making me go into a flurry of worry and panic. The unknown, not knowing what to do.

But now, with my hand in his hair, and him so calm in my arms, it was obvious. I knew what to do. I finally knew what to do most of the time, and it wasn't hard. Holding him, carrying him. Pushing his wheelchair and mastering its movements. Feeding him. Helping him to the bathroom. Dressing him. Loving him. I knew how to do all of it.

It wasn't so scary anymore. Somewhere along the way, it had become normal. Our normal. It had become familiar. Maybe I wasn't entirely used to it, and never might be. Some things would always be unpredictable. But, the majority of it was simple. It wasn't so scary.

As I thought about this, we started up a familiar street, and I perked up.

"Sana, look, our house is coming up," I said, smiling and pointing. He adjusted himself a little, trying to see. I sat up a bit, and he came with me as a result. My arms went more securely around him, and I pointed out of the window straight ahead.

And what we saw. He made an increasingly high sound, a magical kind of slow gasp of surprise. The smile on my face might never leave.

Yami waved to us from in front of our house as we passed. A spade was in his hand, and behind him was a new line of little bushes covered in hydrangeas, planted by him along the front of our house. My plan, in action.

"Now we can always look at hydrangeas together," I said, kissing Sana on the cheek. "Well, when they're in season," I laughed.

He let out that high sound again, so appreciative of me. I squeezed him, and his hands squeezed my arms gently, returning my love.