Floating like a smoke, higher and higher. Pain waves undulating like a rope around my head. Waiting for the medication to work, darkness.

I coughed, and Tetsu's mom was whispering to him beyond the darkness of my closed eyes. His thigh was soft and warm against my cheek, his hand against my ear, making me unable to hear their conversation clearly.

I coughed again, this time shocking me with pain in my back, my teeth clenching as I opened my mouth. His mom's voice was more persistent. He responded, and there was shuffling in the room. A familiar hard shape was shoved in my mouth, and I prepared for my inhaler's puff.

I wanted to melt away. Strength leaving my body. Another racking cough. His hand was on my back, rubbing hard. My body was so heavy. The sudden puff from my inhaler choked me, but I tried to keep it in my mouth. It worked, and another came. Satisfyingly, the inhaler left my lips. His palm was on my forehead, the other on my back. Rubbing. Little rumblings of liquid sounds in my chest came to my ears.

"I don't like the look of him," Tetsu's mom said, now clear due to his hand being off my ear. "He's very pale."

My toes twitched, strange muscle movement that I couldn't control.

"Should we call Yokohara-sensei?"

"I'm not sure. His headache could be from an asthma attack. Oxygen deprivation can do this. He's had his inhaler now, but I don't think it is wise to wait and see with him."

"I don't know what to do." Scared sounds.

Small wheezes. His back rubbing increased in speed and pressure, making my eyes roll up into my head in pleasure behind my eyelids.

"I'll call her."

"Okay."

As the evening went on, they called Yokohara-sensei. She told them to put me in recovery position, sitting up with my hands on my head, opening up my lungs. She suggested a spirometer to make me cough in situations like this, to rid my lungs of liquid.

"He's not going to like it," she explained on speaker phone, "but it's necessary. That liquid can't sit."

They thought I was sleeping at this time, but I wasn't. Her assumptions weren't true. I'd do anything for Tetsu. After hearing him be so scared yesterday, I'd do anything to make those fears ago away. If a spirometer was part of the solution, so be it.

They roused me, and got me into recovery position. I leaned against the back of the couch with my hands on my head. To their surprise, I started to make myself cough. I didn't have a spirometer, but I could still follow advice.

After a little while, I didn't need to cough anymore. Enough liquid had come up, and I started feeling better. In a reversal, Tetsu laid on the couch on his back, his head on my thighs, face up to me. It was the most wonderful thing. What he must see every day from me. He was gorgeous there, comfortable.

They started to talk to each other, but I began coughing again. This time not on purpose. I covered my mouth, doubling over. It was worse this time. Liquid mist came out onto my hands. Tetsu got up, rubbing my back and my chest was on my knees, my head pointed to the floor.

Then, I smelled it, coming up from the floor. The culprit. No wonder I couldn't stop coughing.

"Cigarettes," I gasped, but coughed more.

"Huh? Cigarettes?" His mom asked. I nodded as hard as I could. My headache was back, but this time from all of my coughing. My back hurt so bad.

"They can set off my asthma. I smell-" I coughed.

"Smell?" Tetsu asked. His hand stopped cold. "I have new neighbors!" He gasped. "Oh no. Mom, what if they're smoking?"

"I thought your apartment building was a non-smoking building? Is that not true?" She asked.

"That rule wouldn't stop someone who's very determined." He thought for a second. "No, mom. If they're smoking, then we have to get out of here. Sana's main asthma trigger is particles in the air, like smoke, aerosols, and mold. We have to go."

I was highly aware of the rain outside. Where would we go? I didn't want to leave his apartment.

"Let's go home, then. He can sleep in the car. We'll figure this out. Maybe put in a complaint about smoke."

"Okay. Let's go now."

I felt him get up from the couch. My sleepiness. This wasn't good. I coughed more, my hands over my face. It hurt so much.

"Give him his inhaler again," his mom said. "He doesn't sound good. Then, we'll go."

"Okay."

In the car, I laid on Tetsu, his arm over my stomach, securing me there. My head was spinning, dizzy. The coughing was definitely less now. We must have diagnosed the problem correctly. The sky was spitting, constant thin rain with distinct plopping sounds interspersed. The car's rumbling was comforting, but sleep wouldn't come.

I sighed, easier to breath now. I was sad. We'd been having a good time before this. We'd ordered and eaten the whole wheat pizzas from the place Sawai-san found. Tetsu's mom enjoyed the pizza, saying it was more chewy and interesting to eat. She wanted to try her hand at making whole wheat bread, asking me about it. I admitted I'd never made any.

In the car now, Tetsu wiped my hair from my face. His fingertips felt nice, smoothly swiping across my face over and over. After a while, the car stopped, but it felt too short of a ride to be at his parents' house. Had I fallen asleep and not known?

"Oh!" Tetsu said, his arm tightening around me gently. "A medical supply shop? That's a good idea. Can we get a spirometer here?"

"Yes." His mom sounded pleased. I opened my eyes, and saw the bright, glaring lights of the store. I blinked, and closed them again. She continued. "I input it into the gps. I'll go in and buy one. Stay here. I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm not sure we can find one near our house."

My mouth opened, but I hesitated, remembering. Oh. I'd been about to ask her if she could pick up some diabetes testing supplies for me. Testing strips, maybe, if I needed more. But, I didn't need any more. I had my device. A strange, comforting feeling went up through me.

Her door slammed closed, and suddenly, we were alone. Such a rare moment.

In the darkness, his hands came to me. His arm slipped up my body, leaving me. His hands descended, on my shoulder and my belly. He pushed and pulled, and I was laid on my back, my legs bunched up on the seat, my head on his lap. He pulled again, and my arm went above my head. Again, and my other arm joined it. He pushed my hands, and they went onto my head. Recovery position.

He tapped my watch, which made small impressions on my wrist underneath. His precious touch. He was checking my watch face, reading what it said. He tapped more times, and I was curious as to what he was looking at.

"Hmm," he made a deep, slow grumbling in his throat, almost like a grumpy grandpa.

It was unexpected. Too much. I didn't know he could make a sound like that.

A small laugh went up into my mouth. But, it caused a little cough. I didn't dare open my mouth to let it out. Not while facing him like this. What if I was actually sick? Caught something somewhere?

"Oh, oh, you should cough. It's okay. Don't keep it in," he said, his high, natural, youthful sounding voice was back.

"You might get sick." I coughed into my mouth again, tightening my cheeks to stop myself from letting it out.

Like a warm petal, his thumb was on my lips. Like a willing servant, I allowed it between them. He pressed on my teeth, and I didn't need much convincing. My mouth came open, and he kept his thumb there. It had too much vulnerability. Without a second thought, my teeth went on it, nibbling as gently as kiss.

"Hey," he said, a sound I cherished. Such a light, breezy sound. Full of pleased joy. He started to laugh, a small thing. I persisted. It became a belly laugh. "You're too cute, don't stop," he snorted.

But, I had to, because I need to cough again. This time, liquid from my mouth must have gone all over his hand, but he didn't flinch. Wanting to please him, I let his thumb more into my mouth. Thinking about a time like this in the car, where he played a game. His thumb in my mouth then. He liked things like this. The perfect trap.

I began sucking.

"Hey, hey," he laughed, so cute. I smiled, tasting his skin. It didn't really taste like anything, but still enjoyable. "Mm, hey," he said, an entirely different tone. Like the top of a wave, rising and falling.

I opened my eyes, and he was staring down at me. The harsh lighting of the store did nothing to diminish his beauty. His other hand swept my forehead upon seeing my eyes open. They closed again.

Out of nowhere, his fingertips were on my face again. But, taking their time now. Exploring. Tapping a little on my cheek, gliding up my skin. Gently, his thumb came out of my mouth, and it left wet trails as it joined in. His hands went up my cheeks, then down, the pressure becoming more.

"Ohhh," I moaned, my jaw relaxing, pain going away. The pain my coughing had caused.

They made small swirling motions, going up and down my cheekbones, then to my jaw, and back again. Slowly, lingering.

"Do you like it?" He asked, almost shy.

"Yes."

"Good."

"Mmmm."

We stayed like this, silent together, listening to the sound of the light rain. Puddles were being filled, cars were going by and making whooshings. The sounds of the wet city at night. Which neighborhood were we in?

"I like your watch," he said, after a while.

"Hmm?" I was almost asleep, too relaxed.

"I like it."

My eyes opened lazily. He was smiling down at me, so pretty. He took my breath away. Those eyes. His grin expanded, as I watched fascinated.

"But you know," he said, his eye crinkles deepening. He let out a chuckle, and it made my eyes go big, smiling with him. His unexpected laugh. "You know, my watch is much more expensive. It's designer."

The way he said the word designer in English. I wiggled a bit, so taken by his cuteness. Overjoyed by it. He laughed more, seeing me. I made a tsking sound.

I pursed my lips at him. "My watch is fancier than your watch," I said, a fake stubbornness.

"My watch is gold."

"My watch is a computer. Your watch tells time. What else can it do?"

He was giggling so much. I couldn't help it, I was, too. My fake stubbornness fell away. He was adorable. Joking like this.

"My watch makes me remember my love for the most beautiful boy in the world," he declared matter-of-fact, completely winning the battle.

"Wow, your watch is definitely better than my watch." This smile on my face felt like it would never leave in a million years.

His hand went to my wrist, touching my watch band on either side. Slowly, with so much care, he lowered it down a little bit, above my face. His other hand joined, and his wrist went next to mine.

"Now we both have watches," he said, looking down at me so seriously. "We bought them for each other. They both tell time, and something more. Something about both of our hearts, right? I think so."

Tetsu... He was making me... Tears welled up in my eyes.

"Don't cry," he almost whispered, this breezy voice that I loved. So gentle and loving. He brought my wrist up, and like one would to a Princess, he was kissing my hand. Just lovingly, warm, kind. My everything.

We both jumped as the door opened. The car moved around as his mom got inside. She let out a rushed sigh. But in a split second, I saw Tetsu's intent in his face. Ah, this smile. This true, beautiful smile, that told me all I needed to know. His love for me. That look, the one that told me I was his, and he had eyes for no one else. His devotion for me. It could heal my heart a million times.

"Here, I found it. Do you want to try it? I know you're still coughing. Might be a good idea," his mom started to say. She reached behind her, and clear plastic device was in view. It was kind of small, book sized. It looked like a cylinder with a tube attached, and I recognized it immediately. I'd used one before, but didn't recognize the name. Yokohara-sensei had been right: I'd hate it. It would make me not only cough, but choke and gag, and I'd be doing it to myself. But, I'd matured since I'd last used one. The smile Tetsu had given me. His happiness, after being so sad a little while ago. I'd do anything to continue that smile.

Tetsu took the spirometer, and he helped me adjust my body. He pulled me into an upright position, and he moved himself against the door. He sat against it and brought me up to him, my back against him. His arm went around me securely, and he handed me the meter. He helped me get it to my face, my weakness still so apparent despite how I felt inside, wanting to feel as good on the outside.

He brought the tube into my mouth, and I breathed in, feeling its effects immediately. A small tickle in my lungs turned into a big one, and I coughed around the mouthpiece. Like this, he started to rub my belly. My eyes closed again, and as the car started up, I relaxed against him completely.

Loving him, trying my hardest for him. That's all I wanted.