Though I was very tired, I was enjoying myself. We were on the swing in my mom's garden, lazily drifting. The sun was bright above, and much warmer than before. It seems like we'd come out of something again. I couldn't shake that feeling. He seemed happier today. Constantly smiling. Giggling. The bird song interspersed with his glee made my heart sing brighter than any bird.

He was wearing a t-shirt of mine, one of Esther Williams swimming, paired with a pink pleated skirt with a preppy white line on the bottom. His legs were exposed, a rare treat. It was getting too hot for him to wear his customary stockings, something he used to cover himself and preserve his feminine dignity. Though it was a little hot out, he wasn't struggling. The dancing breeze twirled over us as we created our own in our swinging.

Gently, I began to sing to him, overcome in my joy. Humming an old song, one of my favorites. He quieted at this, laying his head back on my collarbone, staring up at me with his lovely pink eye-shadowed eyes. His long, mascara filled eyelashes blinked at me in wonder. I sang Takeda no Komoriuta, and as I did, I felt him relax on me. Settling in. All mine, warm and safe, happy.

The flowers were blooming, hydrangeas opening. The grass was vibrant and strong of scent from the recent rains. More rains would be coming. This season made me know how soon the tour really was. Before the rains started too much, it didn't seem so close. But, we were in it now. Time seemed to go so slowly, but it was fast all the time. Getting away from us. But, I couldn't think about that now.

I kept singing, seeing his reaction. He snuggled into me slightly, a blissful smile on his face. I took a breath, and went into Akai Hana, Shiroi Hana. He sighed. That smile. His hand reached up slowly, and my hand met it, carrying it the rest of its intended way. It alighted on my cheek, dearly touching me. Holding me there. I went flowingly into Edo Komoriuta.

He listened as I lost myself in the music. Following the melody, letting my voice take lilts and dips, waxing and waning, letting it go as it would. My eyes closed, feeling the vibrations, the resonance in my body. Loving the words, feeling the meanings, embodying the character. Feeling her, in my body. Aurelia. Reaching out to touch the sun. A swan freed from the cage.

She came out at such odd moments. Appearing and then disappearing, like a spirit. Now, here she was. Just me, as if I were looking through new eyes. Finally awake.

I wanted to dress the part.

I stopped singing, smiling gently to myself. It felt like I was alive. Raw, heat filled, newly born. Just like every time. A radiant energy, like I was finally seeing life.

But, I didn't want to get up from our swing. Enjoying the sun, watching for clouds. The blue sky above. I looked down at Sana in my arms, and he was smiling at me, too. A glint in his eye. It made me blush.

"Encore," he said, quietly. Too relaxed.

I gave a small giggle. Of course. "Okay," I said, making my voice cute and high for him. This made him grin so much.

"Too cute," he snorted. His snort made me giggle even worse.

"Wah, I love you," I giggled, dancing with him from side to side. He laughed so hard, such a beautiful sight. It was another time where I wished it wouldn't end. Wanting it to last forever.

"I love you, too," he said, losing it in his laughter.

We were here, laughing together about nothing. Enjoying each other so much, that we made each other laugh. Incredible. I loved him so much that I could cry. Just here, right in this moment. My beautiful husband.

I kissed the top of his lovely head, and began to sing another one of my favorite songs. Million Roses, by Tokiko Kato. Letting the music carry us away like the warm wind.

In the evening, we received a phone call from Yami. He was with surprising company. I so wished we could be there with them.

"Who are you talking to? Do you want the blue one or the black one?" Nobu asked in a frustrated tone, talking over him.

"I'm going to buy the red one. I look good in red," Masaki declared in the background in his subdued way.

"Shh. I'm talking to Sana and Tetsu. Yeah, we're at a department store. We're buying swimsuits. It made me think of you two. Have you been thinking about what you're going to pack? We decided to get together after work and go shopping. We all got time off work. My boss was understanding, as he always is. But, Nobu's boss was pretty mad."

"She wants to fire me. But, I don't care," Nobu interjected. "I love my friends at the nursing home, but, and I hate to say it, this is more important. I think they'd understand."

"I agree, it's more important. It's your dream. I think anybody would understand that, or they're an asshole," Masaki reasoned. "Anyway, I have vacation time that I never use, so I'm using it."

"Yeah," Yami continued. "I'm going to buy these black swim trunks. It made me think. I know Sana has liked to wear women's swimsuits in the past, even after he transitioned. I wonder what he'd like? I know he owns a few already. But does he want a new one? And what about you? There's some nice swim trunks here. I could get you a pair. I'll send you pictures so you can choose."

Sana in a women's swimsuit. A women's halter bikini. My eyes glazed over as I stared at nothing but the image in my head. I blinked several times, trying to get myself to come back.

I cleared my throat a little. "That would be so nice of you. I'd love a pair."

"Okay, I'll send you pictures."

"What kinds of women's swimsuits are there?" Sana asked.

Was he making my dream come true? Blush splashed on my cheeks in a hurry.

"Hmm. There's a bright green one that I think would look good. A blue one with some flower type patterns. Hmm. A black and white one. That's all I can see from over here."

"Bikini or one piece?"

"One has a kind of tank top, I suppose. The green one is a bikini."

"Hmm. I see." He thought for a moment, and I squeezed him more from our customary position on the couch. This caused him to smile, his serious face disappearing. He played with the collar of my light green kimono briefly. This kimono, looking like a pond with white lilies growing out of the bottom, a sleeve and the bottom dipped in a darker green, depicting the different water. His finger swirled into one of the blonde curls from my wig. He looked at me so gently. His eyes in my eyes. Making my light for him inside brighter for the briefest of moments, but he looked away, focusing on the curl he was winding absentmindedly around his finger. "I like the idea of the green one. What's it look like?"

"It's got thicker straps. No bra cups or padding. I know you hate that. I wouldn't have brought it up if it had that. None of them do."

"Let me see."

"Okay. Wait a minute." He made a kind of sniffing sound, clearing his nose. It was quiet for a bit.

I stared at Sana as he focused on my curl. For him to do what he was doing. It was impossible just a little while ago. Did he recognize that? The strength he had today. It was overwhelming. All day, he'd done so much for himself. Eating, though slow. Getting up from a laid position. Now he was winding one of my curls around his finger. Seeing him move like this. It was fresh air. He was so happy today. These movements, combined with his happiness... It made me so delighted I didn't know what to do with myself. This was another moment that I didn't want to end. Especially because I was dressed like this. It was perfect. I never wanted to get up from this couch.

"Okay. Here. I'm sending them through text. I took pictures of the swim trunks, too."

Over so quickly.

"Okay. We'll take a look," Sana replied, pausing and keeping my curl tightly wound on his finger. He made popping sounds with his lips, still absentminded. I watched his lips eagerly. They were covered in a glittery pink gloss that I knew was strawberry flavored. I wanted to eat it.

One by one, my phone made pinging sounds as the pictures arrived. I hurriedly opened my texts, and showed the screen to him. He eyes lit up. My heart tightened, my lips disappearing into my mouth as my blush increased. Maybe he couldn't see my blushing behind my foundation. I hoped.

The green bikini was a halter style.

I couldn't contain myself. "I think you should buy the green one," I suggested quickly. My heart started pounding so much. Oops. I'd said it too loudly, too.

His eyes became cat-like, giving me a side-eye. A slow smile appeared. This was an expression usually reserved for when we were entirely alone. A completely different side of him. It made the pounding in my chest like a flurry.

"What was that?" Yami laughed. He'd definitely heard me.

"Get me the green one," Sana said, watching me with those sneaky eyes. I looked upwards, my lips pressed in my mouth, a smile on the corners of them.

"What size?" Yami asked, still laughing.

"Good question."

"Well, you're usually a size five. Let me see."

"If it doesn't fit, I'm sure your mom can take it in."

"That's true. I'll get a size five if they have it."

This made me look at him again. Him being too small to fit a size extra small... Was he that tiny? My eyes looked him over, searching him. He didn't seem any different to me. But, I remembered what Yokohara-sensei had said about weight. That it can get away from you if you see the person every day. You don't notice small changes. It made me wonder about his weight now. He'd been eating a lot more chocolate lately.

Yami made a shuffling noise. "Speaking of my mom. Is she on the train now? I have to go pick her up. That gives me about thirty minutes, right? I'd better get going."

I jumped a little. The time! My mouth opened as I saw it on my phone. "Oh no, it's almost six!" I gasped.

"No, Cinderella," Sana gasped with me, his lip poking out.

"Cinderella doesn't want to go," I sighed, hugging him tighter. I really didn't. "Yami, we have to go, too. I like the blue swim trunks. The dark blue is nice."

"Okay. Why do you have to go?"

That was a tough question to answer. "My papa's almost home."

My curl unraveled from Sana's finger. I was sad to see it go.

"Alright. Well, we'll finish up here. Go ahead."

I nodded, even though he couldn't see. "Good night, Yami."

"Good-night," Sana repeated after me. His eyes were sad. Oh no.

"Night, night," Yami said in finality. He hung up.

I let my phone drop to the floor, preparing to get Sana up. Instead, his arms went around me, securely around my light yellow obi. His head went to my chest, his cheek on where the kimono met itself. Loving me. The real me. He was my everything.

"Don't go," he said, too quiet. "You're so happy. I saw it. You're smiling more. The facial expressions you're using. They're so different. I don't want you to take it off."

I hugged him tighter, too. I began to rock him back and forth. "I have to. My papa..."

"I know." Not accusing. Gentle. Deeply understanding, like only he could understand. Knowing, with a part of himself that was like me. It was like the cool water of my beloved ocean meeting my feet after too long away, this relief inside of myself. That he understood like this. He loved me like this.

"It's not forever." It felt like would be forever. This dread. I knew it was as simple as putting on a kimono tomorrow, but tomorrow was like a million years, universes away. I smiled for him, and his innocent eyes lit up just a little at this. "Besides, if I dropped food on your kimono I think I'd die. It's almost dinner time." The beautiful smells of my mom's cooking were already in the living room. It was some kind of pork. I knew what I was saying was an excuse, though. Another justification. Hiding Aurelia away, in a closet, just like this kimono would soon be. Disappearing.

"Okay, but..." That lip.

A sneaky smile formed on my lips. An idea. My head leaned forward towards him. My teeth gnashed in the air, and I made a cute noise, trying to bite his lip. His poked out more, but this time before a giggle. His smile was back. I laughed with him. Trying to smile a true smile. Trying to make myself feel better just like him.

We got up, and I wheeled him to our room. But, the whole time, I couldn't shake this feeling. My tabi were padding along the hardwood floor, steps closer and closer to our bedroom door. With every step, my heart dropped a little more.

I didn't want to take this kimono off. I didn't want to take it off. I didn't want to take it off.

Our creaking door opening masked my heavy sigh. He'd watched me painstakingly do my makeup just hours before. He'd helped re-wind the curls of my wig, making them more neat. He'd set a matching white flower ornament in my hair, perching it just so with such a seriousness. How important this was to him. How that made me feel. Like I was the most special person in the world, the only one so deserving. His attention on me. So careful, adorning me as a girl.

I helped him sit on the bed, against our headboard. He was safe there. I put some pillows around him to support him, more stalling for time. Wanting to stay like this a little longer. A few more seconds. Precious time. Even my nails were painted green. I stared at them against the pink of our pillows.

Could I keep them? Could I make an excuse? Oh, Sana wanted to paint my nails. Would that work? Would my papa take that? It wasn't true. This rich, moss green color. I'd painted them myself.

I stared at my nails too long, paused in my movements.

All of a sudden, Sana's hands were on my wrists. Pulling them together. I gasped a little at his strength. Where was it coming from? My eyes grew misty, thinking about my papa, my nails, Sana's strength, all at once, a mixture of emotions. He pressed them down, and then drew them up. Three times.

"Look at my face," he ordered me. It was out of character. Strange fear.

I peered up at him, and was met with the most gentle thing. His understanding smile. His eyebrows were a little peaked. Loving me. No need to be scared at all. How foolish of me.

"You," he said, pressing my wrists down for emphasis, and then pulling them back up again with every slow word, "will dress like this at our house. It's ours." He folded his hands over my hands, so warm. Every bit of his love. "We'll get more clothes that you like. You can wear whatever you want. I love you. You don't have to be Cinderella anymore."

"Oh." Stunned. Only one word came out.

His smile spread. He rubbed my hands, making my heart beat faster, realizing his words. The depth of them. His meaning. What this really meant. He was entirely correct, and I was so stunned I couldn't move for a few seconds.

I'd never loved a person more in my life. This part of our love. How much it completed me. It was something I could never express. Just a feeling in my heart. My real heart.