"Have you been thinking about the mini-album? What kinds of songs have you thought of so far? I'm not sure what I'm allowed to suggest." Yami was on the phone with us this morning. Tetsu had his head rested on my shoulder on the couch. He was wrapped up in a brown fleece blanket and was holding a cup of tea in his hands between his thighs, cradled on the blanket. His hair was brushed against my face, making me sigh inside.

Even today, I felt good. I still had the energy from yesterday. It was incredible. Maybe Sawai-san was right, and this was an up trend. I could only hope.

"You can think of what you want on there, too. It's a collaboration," Tetsu said, his head not moving from its spot. I felt his jaw moving. It made my eyes half lid, the pleasure of it. "I want ideas. This mini-album should have ideas from all of us on it."

"It's kind of odd, no offense," Yami said. He sounded a little unsure.

"Why is that?" I asked.

"It's almost like this is a Lyra mini-album, but Tetsu is our vocalist. Doesn't it kind of feel that way? It makes me uneasy. Like he's replaced you. No offense, once again."

He wasn't wrong there. That thought had occurred to me, too. It was hard to go back to thinking about it in a different light. But, I knew he wasn't replacing me. That wasn't the intention at all. I was still the vocalist of Lyra. I blinked several times. I had to not think about it. I'd get into thinking about, when will I perform again? Will I be the vocalist of Lyra again? What will that look like? I didn't like these thoughts. Just the fact that Lyra was back again, resuming activities. It still involved me, but at what capacity? Where did I fit in? I didn't like these thoughts.

I popped a zero sugar chocolate in my mouth to distract myself.

"Don't think of it that way," Tetsu responded. It was like we were on the same wavelength. "This is a collaboration. I promise I'm not replacing anyone. Sana is heavily involved. We're even planning on doing a duet together."

"I'm going to write songs like before," I said, my head pressing against Tetsu's. His cheek rubbed into my shoulder, enjoying this. "I know my own limitations, though. I can't sing more on the album, or play violin much. Tetsu said Keitaro wants this mini-album performed on stage. I don't feel confident that I can do that." It wasn't as painful to admit as I thought it would be. How strange.

Yami sighed. A sad sound. "That's what I was afraid of. I want to perform with you again. It's enough to perform songs you wrote, but still. I can't say I'm not disappointed." He hesitated, making sounds in his throat. "I- I mean, I'm not disappointed in you. I just wanted to perform with you, that's all."

I was smiling, though. Further surprising myself. Where was it coming from? "You get to live my dream, though. You get to perform with Aurelia! How incredible is that? I can see it now. Everyone playing on stage, and Tetsu is dancing in the middle, so pretty. I want to perform, too, but even seeing that? How is that not a dream?"

Tetsu's head came off my shoulder. I turned just in time to see his beautiful expression, that soft smile. "How can you not perform with me after saying that? We have to figure this out."

I was caught. Those thoughts of dread. No, I'll just ruin it, you go ahead. How could I perform with him? How would he dance? I'd rather he had the freedom of movement on stage. Where would I be? And my heart. I'd get too excited. It'd beat too fast. I'd get overwhelmed. It was better that I stay away. They could let themselves stretch with me not there, truly show who they are.

I was silent as I was thinking. Taking too much time. Tetsu leaned over and put his tea cup on the table.

"We'll figure out a way," he said, so much more gentle. "I want to perform with you, too. I've thought about it. We'll do it." His hand spread in mine, his fingers folding between my fingers. I held on tightly. My mouth was slightly open.

"Hmm," Yami went on. "Think about all the kinds of music we could bring to the table with this. We really do have an incredible repertoire, as a band. We've always had fun with it, bringing things to Sana and Nobu. They make songs our own, and they bring things to us that are completely original. So many different genres. Latin jazz, French chanson, Cajun music, opera, post-war popular American music, metal, rock. With Tetsu, now we have traditional. We could really do anything. Nobody will know what to expect when the next track starts. As for traditional, have you thought about the drums? I can't say I have much experience with that, I'm more of a metalhead myself, but I'd love to experiment. I love drums of all kinds."

Tetsu looked like he hadn't heard a word. Our eyes were locked together. My face was betraying my emotions.

"Oh, crap. It's noon. I have to go back to work. I didn't even eat. I'm too excited," Yami chuckled. "I'll be thinking about this, though. Let me know what you think about the drums. Bye. Bye, Sana. Bye, Tetsu."

"Bye bye," I echoed.

"Bye, I'll let you know," Tetsu said hurriedly. The phone call ended, and I put the phone on the table. I was kind of glad Sawai-san had stepped out to go grab some cooking supplies from my apartment, because now, I could definitely see that Tetsu had noticed my face. My intrusive thoughts, all over it like it was bleeding.

I'm not going back to the stage. It doesn't belong to me. That's ridiculous. I'm unpredictable. What if I have an emergency on stage? How embarrassing. What if I have an emergency backstage? What if I prevent them from performing? I can't do it. I can't even be there. I'd distract Tetsu too much. Yami, too. And Nobu. Everybody. They wouldn't be thinking about the music and the dance. I'm a problem.

They wouldn't stop.

My eyes closed. A long blink turned into them simply being closed. I sighed. The warmth of Tetsu's large hand on the side of my head made me relax a little, and it pulled me in. My eyes opened as it rested on his chest, and his hand unfolded with mine, wrapping around my back. He hugged me this way, loving me.

His lips found my hair line, and my eyes closed again. In this way, he loved me without words. Comforting me.

"It's ridiculous," I said, muffled a bit in his blanket. "I can't perform. I know that. But, what if I wanted to? Does that even matter?"

"I know there's limitations."

I almost hadn't expected him to respond. My thoughts were solo. No response to the contrary, tumbling over each other, making things worse. I knew they were out of control.

"How can you dance if I'm on stage? I'll be in my wheelchair... I don't want everyone to see me in it. I don't know what to think about it. I don't know if I'm ashamed of it, or what it is. I try not to think about it."

"You don't have to be in your wheelchair. We can think of other ways. Dance is very versatile. I can dance. We can make it even more beautiful than it would have been. If you want to perform with me... I want to perform with you, too. I've thought that ever since I met you and watched your videos. I wanted to be on stage with you."

Wetness was in my eyes. No control.

His voice went lower in his throat, less control, too. "We'll figure this out. It's my dream, too."

"I'm sorry." That was all I could think to say.

"There's nothing in the world to be sorry about. I can't think of a single reason."

He kissed the top of my head again, and my body jumped a little, and I was crying. Thinking terrible things.

In the evening, there was a knock on our door. Then, a strange sound. A scraping, like Freddy Kreuger was trying to get in. It came again, and Tetsu raised his eyebrows at me. We were on the couch again, a good dinner in our bellies, relaxing and watching a comedy program.

"What the heck is that?" Sawai-san asked. She got up from her chair and we watched her go to the door. Apprehension filled me. That scraping sound. What was it? I couldn't see the door because of the wall between it and the couch. "Oh!" She laughed. Immediately, the locks were undoing and the door swung on it's hinges.

Clicking appeared on the kitchen tile, and hurried, wet breaths. My jaw dropped instantly as a golden, yellow creature turned around the wall. Yami was grinning as he came into view, holding a red leash.

"Oh my god, my apartment building doesn't allow animals," Tetsu gasped, immediately worrying. He was smiling, though.

"Don't worry about it, we won't be staying long. I just thought, since you're in town, you should meet Eclipse. This is Astro's grand-daughter. She lives with me now." Yami was grinning.

A golden retriever was smelling and snuffling around the bottom of Tetsu's blanket, curious and adorable. She sniffed up the blanket, and was giving that puppy grin to Tetsu, tongue out and expectant.

"Eclipse? What a unique name," I said, reaching out and petting between her ears. Her head turned to me, clearly enjoying this.

"Yeah, we were trying to go along with the space theme. You know, because of Lyra, and Astro is her grandmother's name. It's all thanks to you, once again."

That touched my heart. Tetsu joined in the petting, patting Eclipse's side and rubbing it down. But, soon, Eclipse lost interest in us and started sniffing around, leading Yami around the living room. Too many new smells to find.

I watched her explore, taking her in. Her face was just like Astro's. The boxy shape of her head, her color, everything. "How old is she? Where's her mom?" I asked.

"She's two. Laika's gone now, unfortunately. She got cancer. But, Eclipse lives on and is her legacy now. It's strange how much can change, right? It doesn't seem like we've been gone that long from Osaka, but so much has changed in a few years."

"Wow, I'm sorry. I loved Laika." He was wrong, though. It did seem like we'd been gone a long time. Maybe it was what had happened in that time that made it feel that way. Too much packed into three short years.

"Here, Eclipse, fetch!" Sawai-san called out suddenly. Tetsu gasped as a ball of aluminum went flying across the living room. Eclipse responded immediately, turning around on clumsy long legs. Her tail crashed into the bookcase, sending some books to the floor. She went running and skidded on the carpet, grabbing the soft ball of metal in her mouth and loping along to return it to Sawai-san. She tossed the now slimy ball to me, and I held it in my hands. Eclipse bounded to me, waiting for me to throw it.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea," I said, smiling uneasily. I looked at the books on the floor.

"Wait, why are you wrapped in a blanket, Tetsu?" Yami asked, standing in the middle of the living room where he'd dropped Eclipse's leash.

"I have the flu," he responded plainly.

Yami's face fell. "Uh oh."

I tossed the ball in the air toward him, and Eclipse leapt towards Yami. He caught the ball mid-air. "Should I be here, then? Are you feeling well enough? I didn't think." He scratched his head.

"I'm fine. I'm recovering. I definitely don't feel as bad as I did." He was looking at me now, and I realized I was fully smiling, having thrown the ball. Yami threw the ball directly upwards and Eclipse did a kind of twirl in anticipation. It made us all laugh. She caught it in her mouth, and brought it back to him.

The refrigerator opened, and we all saw Sawai-san leaned over, taking leftovers out.

Yami grinned. "Oh good, I'm pretty hungry, actually. I came home and took Eclipse for a walk, and thought about you being here only for a few more days. I wanted you to meet her. I didn't eat."

"What are you talking about? This is for me," Sawai-san said, closing the fridge as she held a wrapped plate of dumplings in her hand. His face dropped. I laughed, my knuckle on my lip. "I'm joking," she said, letting him suffer for half a second. "They're pork. Sana helped make them, so they're extra good."

"You did? Now I want to eat them even more." Yami gave Eclipse the ball. She came over to me, dropping the ball in my lap. We were bonding. It made my heart squeeze.

"Yeah. It's my recipe. I only helped seal them, but it's still mine in essence. Your mom made them, but, you know." As I was speaking, my eyes went wide. A realization. It was so simple.

Yami sat down at the table, waiting to enjoy my dumplings that his mom had made. She popped them in the microwave. Eclipse picked up the ball in her mouth and went over to Tetsu, dropping it in his lap. He smiled, and tossed the ball gently to the middle of the living room, where she raced to get it.

The mini-album. This was so simple, the connection. It was like with my cooking now. What I'd been doing the whole time with Tetsu's mom, and now Sawai-san. My recipes, but someone else was making them. A collaboration. I was still proud that these were my recipes. It still filled my heart with joy, knowing people were enjoying the food I'd come up with, and it didn't bother me that I hadn't made the food myself.

Could I feel the same way once the mini-album was made? I might contribute a little, the equivalent of sealing dumplings of my own recipe. But, I could still be proud. All the worrying about it...

I might not be able to perform, but seeing others, especially Tetsu, perform my music?

Pride confused the worry. Flooding in on all sides. The image of him singing something I wrote, the sound blank for now, but the image was there. Squeezing in my stomach, a happy nervousness. Longing to perform with him, but so happy that he was singing my song. Dancing to its rhythms, making whole worlds out of it, an interpretation that I could never do myself. Making it something entirely different. A true collaboration, in a way that I hadn't realized before.

Anyone could make a recipe I'd come up with. Different people could make it all kinds of ways. So many ways to enjoy the same thing, everyone bringing their own perspectives and experiences to the dish.

I was only one of those ways. How thrilling and lucky to be able to see and hear my music being interpreted the same way. Especially by Tetsu, the man I loved and had admired for so long.

How odd to find the pain was less when I thought about it all this way. This simple connection, brought on by an even more simple dumpling. Attempting to change my perspective, a brave pinpoint of light in what was only darkness.

Eclipse stopped playing, her nose going upward. The smell of the dumplings released into the air as they reheated. She bounded over the counter, looking up at the microwave and furiously sniffing around.

"Don't you dare," Yami barked. "Those are all mine." He turned to us. "We fight like this a lot. She tries to eat my food."

The image of them fighting made me burst into a giggle. My hand went over my mouth. It was too adorable. The microwave beeped, and Sawai-san picked up a dish towel and brought the plate out. She picked a dumpling up and blew on it a lot. With a flick of her wrist, the dumpling went into the air quicker than lightning.

"Ah! No! My dumpling!" Yami gasped, getting up from his chair.

Eclipse caught it and Tetsu clapped. "Ohh," he said, impressed.

Encouraged, Sawai-san picked up another one.

"Oh no, I want Sana's dumplings," Yami said in a harassed tone.

My hand remained over my mouth, a smile behind it. How weird to feel so much better by something so small. "Huh?" I asked, as Tetsu's arm went around me. He pulled me to himself, and I relaxed fully. My head went on his shoulder. He kissed the top of it, but this time, I couldn't stop grinning.