In the dark, he thinks I'm asleep. Curled to me, his forehead on mine. His breath is all I see. Warm puffings, rhythmic. My everything. Smells like the spicy chicken he ate tonight, when we all went to the izakaya after the meeting.

It was a sake tasting bar. No one encouraged him to drink, and he didn't touch a drop. Maybe because I can't, I don't know. I know he used to drink a lot. He hasn't touched a drop since November. Keitaro patted him on the back as he toasted to all of us. Everyone touched cups and drank a lot, except for me, Tetsu, and Yami. Yami never drinks, because he knows the best way to take care of me is sober.

There were light snacks, like pork cartilage. I couldn't eat any of it, because it was all too salty. That's why we went to the second place. It had a lot of fried things, like chicken and tofu. I ate fried tofu. I felt tired by the second place, but I didn't tell anyone. Everyone was making jokes and telling stories, being loud. We were such a big party of people. It felt so good to get out like that.

Eventually, I fell asleep on Tetsu's shoulder. I woke up in bed with him, in my pajamas. Like it had all been a dream. But, it wasn't a dream.

His breath is like heaven in a dream.

Very slowly, out of the dark, small sounds pick up. Like they're being kicked up by kitten feet. The tiniest of whispers, the breath more rhythmic than before. A song.

A song I love. Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell, in Japanese. Sung slow, hopeful. Beautiful, his deeper, but young sounding voice. The silky, dark tones. I listen, and it's almost melancholy, the color variants of other colors. Becoming a depth far below, like I'm teetering on a cliff, and he keeps me hanging on.

His voice lilts like a breath in itself, rolling waves. Coming deep from his chest, traveling up his throat, floating slowly through his mouth. A breath unlike any other breath.

My hand slides up his body, and he doesn't falter. My fingers crawl up his face, and my palm cups over his mouth. The breaths tickle and overwhelm it, the vibrations and movements. Concentrated and controlled. His hands come up, and wrap around my hand. Loving me.

My eyes stare forward, knowing he's trying to see me, too. Our eyes so close, but like they're a million miles away due to the dark. His lips touch my hand, moving all the time. His full lips, making the shapes of the words that I love.

He finishes, and they kiss my palm, then he moves it down, and they work on each finger. Each one a beloved thing, meant to be focused on individually, too precious to forget and move on. Focusing on the shapes his lips make, little blooming buds opening on my fingertips. Warm flowers.

They go down my ring finger, so large compared. Kissing my palm again, pressing my hand so close, lingering. His fingers intertwine with my fingers, and he pulls himself more to me. Our noses touch, and his body finds mine. His arm wraps around me from below, taking me to him. He makes me feel so safe, like nothing will ever happen at all. In his arms, nothing will ever happen to me.

His breath is on my face again, deep huffing breaths. His arm tightens around me, and I feel his whole body. Like the full moon lighting up the whole sky and the world, his lips take mine, and I breath inward hard, smelling all of him. His slight sweat, the spiciness still in his mouth, his hairspray, everything. All of him. Everything I love.

With wetness, his sounds intoxicate me. The variations of his eagerness, his desperation. Kissing me like it's the end of the world. Kissing me for the joy of kissing me. Exploring, touching every part of my lips. The softness is taking me away. His hair brushes my face, and it's like electricity through my body. Tickling my cheek. His hand grips mine harder briefly, showing me he's feeling it with his whole body, too.

His tongue licks my bottom lip, and my toes curl so tight. I breathe out as it enters my mouth, our breath joining as one. We are as one. His hand slides up my back, finding my hair. His fingers lightly play with it as his tongue gently rubs mine, and I moan into his mouth, my heart so full and needing release.

He exits my mouth, and kisses me so hard, his lips overtaking mine. His hand comes down to my shoulder, and he rolls me on my back. Carefully, he slips up my short nightgown, and finds the sides of my panties. Expertly, these come off in a fluid motion. He breathes so hard now, anticipating. My hand goes up, trying to find him in the dark.

He descends down, and I feel all of him. On top of me, his hand curls down my face, the back of it adoring me. His pinky goes into my mouth, and I love it just as he loved my fingertips, kissing the tip over and over. Small sounds from his throat accompany this, showing how much he likes it. His hand goes into my bangs, pushing them back, so warm, that familiar weight.

"I love you," he whispers, much closer to my ear than I thought. It makes my heart become butterflies, flying away, all. His lips go around my earlobe, and I breathe out slow, audible, low in my throat. My moans jump up and down, like flowers in the wind.

His wet pinky goes down my neck, over my collarbone, following my chest, my belly. My hand goes to his hand, guiding him the rest of the way. His tongue licks my ear, and my back arches as he finds his mark down below.

After many intensifying moments, when he knows I'm close, he takes me. I feel the wholeness of him, and our love goes up into the sky. It becomes a cosmos of everything, infinite things. A universe of love.

When I woke up in the morning, it was to his coughs. Oh no.

He was sitting on the side of the bed, facing the window. His hand to his chest. He swallowed hugely, pausing. "Mmm..." He groaned. He took a breath, then sharper coughs came out.

I rolled over, being careful about my wrist. My good hand rubbed his lower back, trying to help.

"Hm? Hmm?" He made such cute noises. "Did I wake-" He coughed again. Long spasms. My hand felt it all.

"You need soup."

He started to laugh, adorable. But, this turned into coughing, too.

"You caught my flu."

"I was infected from the start." He turned to me, such a pretty smile. His eyes went wide, and he covered his mouth as he went into another long cough.

As I watched him cough, hunched over and helpless, I realized something problematic. My eyebrows creased. Trying to think.

"Ohh... My head hurts. I think I have a fever."

"Come here." I gestured with my finger. He turned to me again, and fell on the bed strategically. He crawled over, getting under the covers in the process. I kept my injured wrist close and straight, tight to my body. He pressed in and didn't hurt me. My good hand was able to freely go to his forehead, rubbing with my thumb just as he had done to me.

"Oh... Ohh..." He moaned a little, his whole face relaxing.

"You're very warm. I think you're right."

But, he was smiling. In a moment, he was laughing. So cute.

"Hmm?" I rubbed harder, and he let out a low moan.

"You're taking care of me."

"Of course I'm taking care of you."

He made a gorgeous sound, like a whirlwind taking up spiraling leaves into the air, his voice twisting up from low to high, a sound of deep love and adoration. I started giggling. His hand went up and covered his mouth, and his body clenched, coughing again.

"You need lemon and ginger tea."

"And miso soup?" His eyes were so big, adorable.

"Of course miso soup."

He smiled even more adorably. A sparkling thing.

For a while, we laid together as I rubbed his forehead. So calm, warm together under the covers. He was sweating a bit, his eyes were closed like sleep. As long as he was relaxed and comfortable, we could go on like this all day.

Eventually, I heard Sawai-san moving around in the living room. I called to her, with a much stronger voice than recent days. She came running immediately, expecting an emergency. Instead, she found us in bed together. Tetsu's forehead was on my chest, and he was making slow breaths, clearly still in the throes of his fever. My arm was around his upper back, trying to soothe him.

"Tetsu has the flu," I told her.

She jumped into action, pulling him out of bed. He was kind of bleary eyed, half-lidded. He made a grabbing motion at me.

"Come with me. You're going to the couch," she said to him, leading him by his arm. He slumped over, suddenly so heavy in his walk. "You're not doing anything today. You're going to nap and watch TV and that's it."

"But, Sana needs help."

Oh, Tetsu. I watched them go. I listened, and heard him drop onto the couch. It was quiet for a while, and I assumed she was taking care of him. It gave me comfort to think about. Eventually, she came back for me.

"So, I assume you haven't been to the bathroom yet?" She asked. I nodded, blushing a little. She was so straightforward. "That's okay. It'll be like when I took care of you so long ago."

I nodded. I knew there was nothing to really be embarrassed about. Still, it was a change. One I'd have to get used to. She came over to my side of the bed and stood there for a minute, her pointer finger and thumb cupping her chin, thinking. She snapped her fingers, and put her shoulder against my collarbone. She wrapped her arms around me, and like this she lifted me up. We adjusted, and she took me with her arm under my armpit, and my good arm wrapped around her back. We walked like this into the hallway and into the bathroom, very slowly. I was a little hard of breath by the time we reached it, even though it was so close.

We went through my morning routine like it was no big deal. It occurred to me that she'd raised Yami, and therefore definitely knew how to take care of somebody. A difficult somebody. It set me more at ease.

When we finished, we went back to the bedroom. I sat on the bed as she took out some clothes for me. She dressed me in one of my black punk t-shirts and a cute pink tartan skirt. She finished this with black stockings and some silver jewelry. Her sort of fashion was all over this outfit.

"Hmm. It needs something," she said to herself, her thumb and pointer finger back on her chin. Her finger went up into the air, and she took off her own thin black headband. She put it behind my bangs, and made a frame with her hands. "Perfect," she announced.

"Thank you," I said, smiling. It felt familiar, wearing this. Like home. I hadn't worn something like this in a while.

"It's nothing," she said, making a motion like wiping dust off her shoulder. "No sweat." She grinned at me. I giggled a little, her grin went even wider. "Let's go into the kitchen. I'll make soup for the both of you. I know you still have the flu, too, but you seem like you're doing better. No coughing. Maybe he'll recover quickly, then."

"I hope so," I said, maybe a bit quietly. Worried.

"Oh, sweetie, it'll be okay." Her hands went to my shoulders. She squeezed them a little.

"Yeah," I said, looking down a bit.

She smiled kindly to me, and went to the closet. She opened it, and inside was my folded up wheelchair. She prepared it, and brought it over to me. Like before, she got me up. I sat down in it carefully, and I calmed myself as she began to wheel me forward. My heart pumped a little faster, blush on my cheeks, knowing she was having to do this.

It was over quickly, and she helped me sit at the table in the kitchen. From here, I could see Tetsu on the couch. He'd fallen asleep. He looked so cute there, his face at ease. He had a blanket on, his head on an exceptionally soft looking pink pillow.

I turned to Sawai-san, and saw her getting ingredients down from the cupboard. Familiar ingredients. With a sigh of relief, I recognized everything she was gathering on the counter. She brought a bowl to me, and set some of the ingredients in front of me. I eagerly set to work, much slower than before, but so delighted to contribute. To be able to make this for him again was magic.

"Whisk, whisk," she sang a little, "whisk the miso, twirl, twirl." I picked up the melody, making my counter variation, hearing the answer on the wind. Singing with her, like so long ago.

I sang with her as I whisked, feeling for all the world like this was perfect. Such strange happiness, so perfect that it's scary, but so right that there are no fears.