-Late August 2005-

Hand in hand, we strode down the path. He was dressed in a women's yukata of a red snapper kind of orangey red, with white bold stripes, an orange obi around it. An orange and red ornament was in his tied up hair. My mom had dressed him, so proud of herself. I was wearing a dark blue men's yukata. My mom had excitedly taken pictures of us, celebrating like we were going on a date. Fussing over us.

We weren't on a date. Over the past month, my feelings for him had changed. I'd put it into perspective, slowly changing over the weeks. As we spent more time together, I got to put him into context more. He was a boy. I still loved him, but now it was different. Separated feelings from romantic love. I realized, it doesn't need to be romantic love to feel about him this way. Just like he was changing, my feelings were evolving, too.

He looked up at the sky as we were walking, a grin on his face. I squeezed his hand, stopping, too. We looked up together, and then I pulled him along. We were in people's way. But, the way he was grinning. He looked the happiest he'd ever been. That smile was so free to come about these days. No hesitation. As we started walking again, his red fan popped out of his sleeve and he began to fan himself demurely, and I had to look away, blushing.

He was still the same, and I admit, I was confused as hell. Not about him. That part was solid. He'd explained himself to me enough. I understood that part. But, my feelings were a mess. I could act casual and cool about holding back romantic feelings all I wanted, but at the end of the day, they were still there.

But, he's a boy.

My brain says, logically, that maybe there are exceptions to every rule. But, I also know that I'm only attracted to women. Would my feelings change when his body looked more male in a few months? I'd thought about this for the past few weeks. With strange, strange feelings, I knew the answer was no. That these feelings went deeper than how he looks. They were for him alone, no matter what-

I pulled him along a bit more hurriedly. Running away from these thoughts.

When I held him in bed, I thought about him as a boy. There was absolutely no change in my desire to hold him. No change in wanting to kiss his forehead, and kiss down his face, to his lips. No change in wanting to-

I realized I was almost literally running. I slowed down.

"Where are we going?" He asked, panting. Oh no. My hand went to his kinchaku pouch, fumbling with it to open it. "Hmm?" He made a cute sound.

I brought out his inhaler, and he smiled at me. Somehow even cuter because he's a boy. Crap. He took it and turned his head politely, covering his face with his other hand, ducking his chin. He took two puffs and tucked the inhaler back into his pouch. He looked back up at me expectantly.

"I- uh..." I said, quickly searching around for an excuse. Oh, there. I pointed to a stall nearby. "I smelled takoyaki, and I wanted some. I thought maybe they'd be sold out." What a reasonable lie.

"Oh, yeah? Silly. Why would they be sold out?" He opened his pouch again, cutely poking inside it. He brought out money. "I'll buy you some. My treat."

I took his hand again. "You don't want any? Are you sure? I'll get you some." Before he could say no, I held up two fingers to the vendor and handed him the money.

"Oh, uh," he said, shifting on his geta.

"What?"

"Um," he said, more nervous.

The vendor was making fresh takoyaki in front of us, putting batter in half ball-shaped molds and inserting octopus pieces inside. With deft hands, he finished the job and we watched them cook. He placed the fragrant takoyaki balls in boxes for us. We bowed to him appropriately and took them.

We went to a bench and I opened one of the boxes. I poked it with a chopstick, and some steam came from it. The smell of it was childhood to me. They were still too hot to eat, but suddenly I was over eager.

"Ah, ah- dangerous!" He cried out too late.

"Hot hot hot hot hot!" I yelped, chewing furiously and blowing out of my mouth. His fan popped out of his sleeve again, and he was fanning my mouth to help. The breeze was so nice. I swallowed the molten lava in my mouth and it heated all the way down to my stomach.

I scooped one up with my chopsticks. "Your turn," I teased, holding it up to his face.

"Oh," he grinned. So pretty.

"Say 'ah'," I said, following his smile.

"I, uh, was going to say earlier, I didn't want to be rude in front of the vendor. I don't like takoyaki."

"Whaaat?!" My mouth dropped open in shock. He covered his mouth and started laughing at me. "Are you Japanese or not? Your dad's from Osaka, right? Are you Osakan? Just checking."

So bold. He never would have said something like that a month ago. He'd have eaten it politely, and hated it. I was glad he wasn't sitting here hating it.

I cleared my throat. It was still burning. Somewhere far away, a taiko drum started up. I shot up from my seat, the takoyaki still in my chopsticks.

"Oh, a drum," he said beside me, pleased, getting up, too. "Let's go find it. I know you want to see that."

"Definitely."

His mouth opened, his hand going up to stop me, as I thrust the takoyaki ball into my mouth without thinking. My eyes opened wide, and I let out a sound like a reverse sneeze as molten lava filled my mouth again. His giggle erupted into the air, and I was so happy that I couldn't hold it in.

Towards the end of the night, we were standing in an area where we'd been directed. There was to be fireworks, and we got some good spots. He held my hand, swinging it back and forth, excited. My heart was beating a mile per minute at this. He loved fireworks.

Earlier, he'd watched me eat the entire contents of two boxes of takoyaki without stopping. He'd cheered me on, and it was all I could do to comply. It was delicious and not a problem at all to finish. He patted my belly after, happy that I got a lot to eat. He was so cute. After the taiko drum performance, we'd gone off in search of something he liked to eat, and found yakitori. He was delighted. I ate some, too, and he was surprised that I could fit any more food inside.

"You don't know I'm bottomless?" I asked, my mouth full of food. I took another bite. "I could eat everything here, no problem. Is that a challenge?"

"I double dog dare you," he said, slamming his fist into his palm.

"What is 'double dog'?" I asked. "Anyway. Let's go! Bring it on!"

He laughed so hard, and I wanted to hug him. "I don't have the money," he gasped, trying to regain his breath. I'd made him laugh until he was breathless. Mission accomplished. I reached into his kinchaku pouch again and offered him his inhaler. He took it gratefully, and puffed it twice.

Now we were hand in hand, watching the fireworks. I watched him bounce on the balls of his feet, so happy, like a child. I copied him, and we were both bouncing. He giggled at me, and I made silly faces at him, causing him to cover his face with both of his hands, so overcome with joy.

I wanted to pry his hands away and kiss him. Right here. Right now. In front of everybody.

I was in trouble.

It was like a craving. So powerful, that you break every rule. You'll get it no matter what, doesn't matter what it takes. But, unlike a food, he had feelings. This was the only thing stopping me. He was so beautiful. So cute. It was so romantic here, we were holding hands. He was so happy.

Two booms went off in the distance, and he pointed, his mouth opening as he followed the swirling trails of light in the sky. The balls of light burst into giant chrysanthemums, red in color. The red light washed over him, his face full of wonderment toward the sky. More booms, and his color turned yellow. Yet more, and he turned the color of rainbows.

He was dazzling colors, every color all at once.

My arm wrapped around his shoulders, and he looked at me, a surprised face. I pulled him to me, and before I knew it, my lips pressed to his. He breathed in a long breath, and my other arm went around his waist, crushing the bottom of his obi.

Slowly, his hands found my waist, and they slid around my back. My arms tightened around him, and he moved his chin slightly, kissing me back. He pressed harder on my lips, and that was it. I was all his. Forever. There was no going back.

He wanted to kiss me, too. He'd been so bold earlier, refusing takoyaki. He could be bold about this, too, refuse my kiss. But, he was kissing me back. It made no sense, but also all the sense in the world.

Wasn't this completely correct? I'd loved him for years. He was my best friend in the world, and I was his. Our classmates had called us boyfriend and girlfriend for years. We could be together. I didn't care if he was a boy. He was still my best friend. Nothing had changed. Not really.

He parted from the kiss, and I feared the worst. But, he gave me that sneaky look of his, when he was about to do something rebellious. He took my hand, and we strode away under the fireworks, completely ignoring them.

He led me over to some trees, where not a lot of people were. Here, he pulled me close. His lips puckered, and his eyes closed. Mine descended to his, and we kissed under the moonlight, under the red maple leaves.

When we got home later, my mom was all excited. What did we do at the festival? Were there performers? Did we play games? She was going through a mental checklist.

"Your high school years are your most precious. You should make the most of them!" She exclaimed, hovering around us and not leaving us alone.

"Um," I said, clearing my throat. He looked nervous next to me, his eyes going towards the floor.

Yes, mom. I received my first kiss. That's what happened. Your dream came true, we might be together now. Would you leave us alone so we can talk about it? I was going to explode with this secret between us.

"I'm tired. Will you help me with my yukata?" He asked my mom, gesturing to the back of his obi.

I jumped in. "I'll do it! Let's go to my room!" I said, diving for his hand. My mom slapped it away.

"Nonsense! She's a girl! Stop being gross!" My mom scolded me. Damn it. She waved her hand at me, shooing me away. "Go to your room. We need privacy."

I wanted to tell her he's not a girl. But, he hadn't chosen to tell her yet, and I respected that. I had to act cool. "Okay, fine," I said, putting my hands up. I gave him a look, and he returned it. I went into my room. I took off my own yukata and put on pajamas. I got into bed, waiting for him.

That was the biggest mistake in the world. My stomach was too full of good, fried food. He told me later that when he entered my room in about twenty minutes, I was completely asleep on top of the covers, snoring like a bear. He'd laughed at how adorable I was, and covered me with a throw blanket.

But, the moment was over. And I was a gigantic idiot.