Yami came in the morning as the rain thundered above for a second day. Sana was on the couch, and Sawai-san was attending to him as I flurried about, getting us all ready for his doctor's appointment today. Trying to remember things, packing things he might need, going over a checklist in my head.

Before this, Yokohara-sensei told me to bring him in earlier, because he'd woken up in a state which concerned us deeply. I'd woken him up with a twirl of my finger on his cheek. He looked so beautiful sleeping in my bed, the light blue of my comforter and the pale yellow of my sheets and pillow cases, like a beach. His eyes opened slowly, and I could already see there was something wrong, my heart devastated. They were unfocused.

"Are we in your department... uh...apart...ment?" He'd asked, the first thing he'd said. Alarm bells were ringing between my ears. "Oh..." He followed with this, so quietly. "I don't feel good."

He was confused. A "fog", as he put it. He was unsteady in his body, as well. Slower, but more sloppy in his movements. When I got him into a standing position to take him to the toilet, he stumbled over nothing, and I caught him in my arms. He stumbled again, and we stood there for a moment, him slumped a bit in my arms.

"I'm dizzy," he told me, his voice so thin.

I hugged him to me, so tight. Trying to soothe him. Quiet for a while. I kissed his ear, a long, hard, loud kiss, and then scooped him up into my arms. I took him to the toilet, and kept him stable on it. He kept wanting to lean forward, and my fingers could feel how dizzy he was. His body kept slowly leaning this way and that way. Because of this dizziness, I brushed his teeth while he was on the toilet today, no sense in standing him up when he might fall. Lately, he'd been brushing his teeth by himself. But, I was trying to keep positive. This was one day. Tomorrow might be a better day.

I dressed him in casual, loose clothes, because he wasn't feeling good. One of my t-shirts, and a pair of my sweatpants. They were comfortably loose on him with the waist tie cinched. I thought maybe these might make him feel better. Soon after, I got all the confirmation I needed.

I was near his mouth, fussing with the shirt, unfolding it at the bottom, and he slowly said in my ear, "mm, this shirt smells like you." I looked up, and he was smiling so cutely. It warmed my heart so much.

"What do I smell like?" I asked, his face so close to mine that his breath was all over my nose and cheeks.

"I can't describe it," he smiled.

My hands cupped over his cheeks and drew him in to me, and his eyes closed beautifully as I did. With a sigh, I kissed him fully as he loudly breathed in all of my scent, his breath noise sweeping upwards.

After breakfast, he wasn't doing much better. A weakness had set in, and he could hardly move his arms and legs. They were the kinds of symptoms he had with low blood sugar, but his sugar was fine. He'd eaten a bit. I'd patiently fed him some eggs and vegetables, because the tofu's texture made his stomach turn today. That was okay. I told myself he'd eat more later.

Sawai-san was sitting with him on one of my dining chairs near his head. She was keeping close watch, talking to him lightly about cooking. It was a subject that kept his attention and would prevent him from sleeping. Yokohara-sensei told us he wasn't supposed to sleep until she could check him over. She'd be using the time she'd scheduled for a break for herself in order to see him earlier, and I was so grateful for that. She always went the extra mile.

He was replying slowly, careful answers. It was clear that his confusion was affecting his speech still.

Yami arrived soon after. Now, he was sitting with his mom on another dining chair, holding Sana's hands, gently stroking them, lovingly. His face was one of such caring attention, his eyes half lidded and kind. It was a side I hadn't seen of his, and it sealed my liking of him. Telling me that he was okay in all regards. No more need to worry.

"Sana, it's going to be okay," he said quietly. I turned to see, stopping in my fussing around the kitchen, my hand halfway into stashing a Pedialyte into Sana's purse. I heard what he was talking about before I saw it.

Tiny sniffling was coming from Sana. He'd started to cry. My eyebrows peaked immediately.

"I don't feel good," he repeated. He kept saying that today, over and over. But, now, something new with it. "I feel uncomfortable, like I need to stretch and move around. I don't like it."

I knew what that was. It was a precursor to his joints hurting. But, Yami knew it, too, surprising me. But, I shouldn't be surprised. He knew about Sana's illness long before I did.

"Don't squirm, you'll tire yourself out," he said, so calmly, gently. "You need your Tramadol. Mom, can you get him some Tramadol?"

"No need," I said, interrupting them. He looked up at me, giving me a grateful expression. I took the Tramadol out of Sana's purse, and filled a glass with water. I handed these to them, and Yami nodded, smiling a little. The pill bottle rattled as he got some out of it, and I turned back to my task at hand. I was almost finished with my mental checklist.

"Did you check his blood sugar?" Yami asked. I turned again, but saw he was speaking to his mom.

She nodded. "A bit earlier. It's at a normal count, but it may have fluctuated. With his starting to get pain, I wonder if it's higher now. Let's check it." She took her phone out of her pocket. She brought the screen close to their faces.

It gave me a strange feeling, watching them together. In a moment, I knew what it was. A loneliness appeared, and I paused. Their heads were almost touching, so intent to see what his sugar count is.

I knew that this would have been the situation if Sana had never reached out to me that day in October. It would be just like this, with both of them taking care of him, and them alone. Weird tears choked my throat a bit, and I went back to the task at hand. I was so grateful he'd reached out to me, though. That this was the situation now. There was no imagining my life without his love, and without loving him back. He could be surrounded by love this way, from my family, too. Everyone loved him, and it was better for him to have more love.

In Yokohara-sensei's waiting room, Sana was relaxed. His head was on Yami's shoulder, and he seemed to be dozing a bit. He wasn't fully asleep, but he was resting. I held his hand on his opposite side. Yami's hand was on his cheek, keeping his head on his shoulder securely. This way, he was comfortable.

My mind was wandering. Wondering what was going on. If his blood counts were normal, why did he have symptoms of low and high blood sugar? He'd complained of numbness in his pinky and ring fingers as well, another symptom from a while ago. It all seemed to be a jumbled mess, so many random symptoms coming on today. From where, and why?

As I thought about it more, it hit me. It must be his hyper thyroid. Or maybe, it was his brain firing randomly, hyperactive today. It had to be something. There had to be a reason. But why would these things happen? It made no sense to me. It seemed like before, there'd be logic. For example, high blood sugar meant a certain set of symptoms, as well as low blood sugar. But this made no sense. It was too random.

The longer we were in the waiting room, the more I wanted to see Yokohara-sensei. I wanted her to explain all of this away, and assuage my fears. Tell me a good reason. Make it all make sense. But, I knew that there's some things that have no explanations. These were my greatest fears.

"Please come with me," Yokohara-sensei said as the door to the office hallway opened. She was taking us back personally, no medical assistant today. She paused, her eyes going wider. "Yami! What a pleasure. I didn't expect this."

"Oh, hello," he said, clearly preoccupied with Sana. It was okay. I was, too.

His mom got up, her hands out in front of her just in case. With Sana being this unstable on his feet today, it was a good precaution. I wouldn't have put him in one of the waiting room chairs if I hadn't known Sana doesn't like to sit in his wheelchair for long. I second guessed myself today about doing it, but I didn't want him to feel more uncomfortable. My love for him was too strong.

As Yokohara-sensei observed patiently, I crouched down and slowly leaned him on my chest, wrapping my arms around him. I lifted him up into a standing position this way, and Sawai-san brought his wheelchair over. Yami stood at attention as I helped Sana sit in his wheelchair, ready to jump in if he started to fall. I wheeled him over to the door, and Yami and his mom followed behind.

"I see what you mean by his not feeling well today," Yokohara-sensei remarked to us as we went past her. "We'll run tests. We might not know the results for a little bit, but you're in Tokyo, so if I find something, you can come to the hospital right away."

"Thank you," I said, trying to show my deep gratitude in my voice.

We went into a medical room, and Yami and his mom sat in the two chairs in there. Yokohara-sensei didn't bother with getting Sana onto the examination table. He was more stable in his chair. It might be dangerous for him to be up so high. She immediately started testing, running his vitals. Her pen light shone into his eyes, and she asked him questions as she moved about, doing different things quickly.

"Still dizzy?" She asked him.

"Yeah," he said in English.

"Confused? What time is it, do you know?" A test.

"It's the afternoon," he said.

"Close. It's the late morning," she smiled to him. "That was a bit tricky. I heard that some words are difficult today. Is it the definition of words, the Japanese meanings, or a slip of the tongue, do you think?"

"I don't know." He sounded troubled. "I know what I want to say, but it comes out wrong."

She paused. It made my heart freeze in place. She clicked her pen light on again. She crouched down, and shone it into his eyes once more, and asked him to follow it.

"Hmm, that's a sluggish response, as I thought," she muttered to herself. "Your pupils are responding, though."

She took his blood pressure, and it was elevated, sending alarm bells ringing in me. She listened to his heart and breathing, and these were normal. I got the overwhelming urge to hold him. Keep him safe. What was happening to him? Could it have something to do with high blood pressure? High blood pressure wasn't good. It could lead to so many terrible things for him. I wanted to prevent it with all of my heart.

"I'm going to order a full blood work up," she said, getting out her clipboard and a paper with lots of different checkboxes and text on it. She started ticking boxes rapidly. "This way, we can see if the new medication is affecting your thyroid hormone levels, and by how much. We can see if it has anything to do with this. I might be able to find more things, too. I'll check for everything. We'll do a urine test, too." She seemed to be generally talking to the room, letting us all know. She bowed to us, and left the room with her clipboard.

While she was out of the room, I crouched in front of him. He was staring into the distance, even though I was right in front of him. My hand caressed his cheek, and he closed his eyes.

"I'm exhausted," he confessed.

"That's okay, my darling," I assured him. "When Yokohara-sensei says it's okay, I'll let you sleep all you want. I promise."

He sniffled. Immediate tears jumped to my eyes.

"It's okay, Sana," Yami said behind us. I jumped a little, almost forgetting he was here, just so concerned for Sana that I lost touch with reality. "It'll be over soon," he continued. "We'll put you in your warm bed, and you can sleep. I know it's a lot, but hang in there. We'll get through it."

In a few minutes, Yokohara-sensei was back. She had another piece of paper in her hand. She gestured to a rolling chair that she usually sat on when she examined Sana. She wanted me to sit down on it. Why?

Tentatively, I sat down. I rolled it as close to Sana's side as I could, and took his hand in mine.

She took a big breath, and my belly pinched. I squeezed his hand a little too hard, and immediately unclenched it upon realizing. My thumb swept over it, apologizing over and over.

"Please don't be worried. It's just a precaution, but from his sluggish response with his eyes and his speech... I'm going to refer him to a neurologist. We'll work together. These symptoms may be strictly from his endocrine disorder and not need a neurologist at all, but I want to practice an abundance of caution. My colleague works in this hospital. Her name is Adachi-sensei. She is excellent. Sana, there's no need to worry. This doesn't mean that something neurological is definitely happening, but we know where the basis of your disorder lies. It seems that various things it can do affects other systems, such as your heart. Once again, I want to practice an abundance of caution." She looked at all of us variously as she was speaking. She was so calm saying all of this, but it made my heart race. A neurologist? I began breathing quickly. Was it that serious?

"I worried about that, too," Yami said, cautiously. His mom took his hand tightly, showing she was here for him. His head went down. "His speech... It's never been like that. Could it be temporary?"

"It's possible," Yokohara-sensei said. She crossed her arms in thought. "Tetsu, you said he gets confused sometimes when he has low blood sugar, but that confusion goes away immediately upon treatment. So, once we figure out what this is, then we can know if it will go away with treatment."

"If?" I asked, my eyes going wide. My hand squeezed Sana's again. He was staring forward, not responding to her at all. I heard him sigh, and my face turned to his.

"I'm tired," he just said plainly.

"Well, you can't sleep," Yokohara-sensei told him, no nonsense at all.

His lip went out, and I just embraced him. I pulled him to me, his side pressed against me tightly. He began to cry quietly, and I held him for a while, as we all took in her words.

Suddenly, it seemed as if I'd been taking his symptoms this morning too casually. So sure they'd go away. But, if she was this concerned, to send him to a neurologist... It felt as if everything I knew was wrong. More and more, I was holding him to me for my own need to soothe myself. Desperately clinging to him, due to the fear of possibilities filling my brain. A silent scream inside resonated in a darkness, a wide open space where anything could be lurking.

Soon after, as we wheeled him up to the floor which contained the blood lab, Sawai-san rubbed my back suddenly. It was strangely comforting, and I realized how tense I was.

"It's all going to be fine, you'll see," she said. A lie. It had to be, but such a kind one.

"Yeah, it will, I'm sure," Yami said, behind her, sounding completely unsure. I realized he was saying it for Sana's benefit. I joined in, catching on.

"I'm sure it'll all be over tomorrow," I said with them, smiling even though Sana couldn't see it. Yami caught up to me, and nodded at me.

It was always a reminder. No matter how bad I felt, Sana was feeling worse. I stopped in my tracks, and they stopped with me. I swung around to the front of him, crouching down to be face to face. I took his hands in mine. He stared at my face, his eyes distant, tired. I pulled his hands to my chest, holding them there. "It's going to be okay," I told him slowly, emphasizing, no hint of non-believing in my voice. His lips pressed together, and I saw his eyes shine. I rose his hands to my lips, and kissed his fingers. I held them, and rubbed them with my thumbs vigorously. Trying to comfort him as much as I wanted to be comforted myself.

As Yami and Sawai-san watched, they were patient for as long as I wanted to take. Silently standing there. We all knew Sana needed to be soothed, assured. He was even more terrified than we were, because it was all happening to him.

My mind went back to my thoughts earlier, of them in my apartment taking care of him. How all of us are here for him.

"We're all here for you," I whispered to him, so close to his face. "It's not scary, because we're all here. We've got you."

Small tears rolled down his cheeks at this, and I moved forward, fully embracing him. Like this, he cried quietly, showing his fear in complete knowledge that he was safe.