Birds were flying outside, bird song filling the air in the otherwise quiet of the sunrise. My arms were over my head in a good stretch, making my back long and feel good on the bed, letting myself take up much more of it than usual, because sweetly, I'd discovered Sana had fallen asleep with his head on my stomach, the rest of his body curled with his knees up, taking up so little of it. The weight of his head comforted me so much. It rose and fell with every one of my breaths, and I gazed at his sleeping face as I breathed.

This feeling. It was calm like the waves on a day without wind. A feeling where, absolutely, there could be no more storms or rogue waves. Smooth sailing from now on, ever forward, only out there to discover new things. Like anything could be over the horizon, but all of them good. It was a feeling of wanting to go out there and explore, the excitement to go and discover them all, endlessly, without pause or hesitation. Like everything was at my fingertips, and all I had to do was embark.

A feeling where everything was new again. The whole world was new again. The birds I was hearing all with new bird songs. The breezes, ones I'd never heard before. The wind chime in my mom's garden, ringing on the young breeze and arriving to my ears, too, brand new.

It was a feeling of the world after the rain, emerging from shelter to find the world washed clean.

More than anything, through this lens which made the world bright, Sana was different.

He'd absolutely lit up yesterday. The way he moved was different. More alert, quicker to respond to me and Sawai-san. Little smiles, more affectionate. Talking so much, talking about Lyra again. Telling me old stories, explaining things.

I don't know if he noticed, but he hadn't spoken about Lyra in a long time. He even barely mentioned his friends. Talk of telling them when he was sick had faded away, and he didn't answer Nobu's phone calls much anymore. I was the one keeping them in the loop. He'd been shoving them away, even getting nervous when they'd gathered here in my parents' house out of concern for him.

He'd opened up to me yesterday about something I'd never expected to hear. A massive coincidence. Why hadn't he told me about it? Wouldn't that have been one of the first things he'd have said, when he saw how close Keitaro and I are? He'd told me he'd known Keitaro was my friend, but hadn't known we were as close as we are. What was that about? I didn't want to pry, because he could become tight-lipped when he didn't want to talk about something.

I turned my gaze to the window, watching the clouds slowly going by. Even the leaves on the old tree outside looked more green, the millions of leaves interesting to observe. Their imagined shushing sound in my head was comforting.

My mouth parted, remembering last night. Blush bloomed on my cheeks, my hands traveling down and covering my mouth. It was too late to cover my mouth.

We'd been much too loud last night, celebrating with each other. We'd tried a new, ambitious position and I'd reached new levels. I'd held Sana tight to me as I led him to new places, and he was in so much pleasure that he couldn't contain his sounds. I'd gone wild, feeling too good inside my mind, translating that good feeling everywhere else. I hadn't covered up my sounds, either.

Had my parents been asleep? I began praying that they were. My face was red hot under my hands, probably redder than the richest of tomatoes. Maybe they'd forgive us, since we were celebrating...

My eyes flicked down to Sana, thinking of him, and I jumped a little, seeing his eyes staring back. A small, sneaky smile was on his face.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked.

"Um..." I grinned, removing my hands from my face, and one of them went into his sweet bangs.

"Mmm..." He moaned happily, loving my hand. His eyes closed, maybe falling asleep again. My fingers swept into the hair on top of his head, my nails digging in a little bit, giving him a comforting scratching. His moan deepened, feeling so good. His mouth went slack, enjoying this.

"I was thinking about you," I answered him after a while.

He breathed a long breath inward. "Ohh," he sighed, so happy, smiling so much.

My contentment was unparalleled. I wanted to capture this moment and return to it whenever I wanted. Instead, I had a different idea. An amazing idea. Something we'd never done before.

"Let's go take a shower, my darling," I said to him, ruffling his hair in the process.

"Oh, a shower?" He asked, so cute, starting to fall asleep from the pleasure of my scratching.

"Unless you'd rather sleep. Are you tired? We can shower later."

He made a cute American noise. "Nuh uh," he went. "Not tired."

"Nuh uh," I repeated. He immediately giggled at this, and I was already laughing, knowing he'd love this. My heart squeezed, again wanting to capture this moment in a bottle like a fairy, to be let out when I needed a bit of magic.

Slowly, I got us up. He smiled, waking up more and more. I carefully took off his nightie, letting it pool on the floor. His panties came next, slipping down and being left where they fell. I sat him on the toilet and let him go to the bathroom, smiling at him the whole time as I held him there. He relaxed into it, still smiling at me as I smiled at him in all of my love. I wiped him when he was done, and I used the toilet as well. I closed the lid, and sat him there against the tank. I quickly rose my button up night shirt over my head, throwing it in the corner of the bathroom. My boxer briefs and night pants fell to the floor.

I made a come hither motion with my finger to him, and he grinned, so delighted. I pulled him up, and we walked slowly to his shower chair, only a few steps away, but we were patient. I was so proud of him as he sat down by himself. It was so low to the ground, but he made it. Like this, I soaped up his body, making sure I got every part. He watched me the whole time, that smile never leaving his face. It was gentle as a breeze, causing the tiny dimple under the corner of the the left side of his lip to show. It only showed when he was truly happy. I couldn't resist, seeing it. I dove in for a kiss. My soapy hands trailed down his shoulder blades, and before I knew it, his sweet, little tongue was in my mouth. The intense need for him coursed through my body so fast, electricity surging down from my throat to my toes, making me moan so loud into his mouth. His breathing quickened, hearing me, and I lifted him up from the shower chair.

Briefly, I parted our kiss as I stepped into the shower while holding him tightly, making the giant step inside the tub with strength that I didn't know I had. He was grinning so cutely. I let him down, his feet touching the bottom. I turned on the shower, and it was briefly cold, but heated up quickly. He leaned against the tiles, gazing at me so happily.

My hand cupped his cheek, and he closed his eyes, loving my touch. He pressed it into my hand, his mouth parting in such an expression of love. My thumb wiped over his mouth, getting the soap that had landed there when I touched his face. He puckered at it gently with his rosy pink lips, and I was a goner.

My other hand cupped his other cheek, and I went in for a kiss. Our lips found each other, and he moaned immediately, his high, gloriously beautiful sound. Pretty soon, we were both moaning, kissing so deeply. His hands were on my back like claws, starting to scratch me. He couldn't control himself anymore.

Just what I wanted.

My hands traveled downward, and I lifted him upwards a bit, sliding him up the wall. He parted from the kiss, an adorable surprised expression on his face. I pressed him to the wall, and as I entered him, he let out the loudest noise. I made no attempt to put my hand over his mouth, as I normally would, something he enjoyed so much usually. It was our little game. This time, I let him cry out with abandon, wanting to hear all of it. My arms held him tightly, as his hands went up and down my back, not knowing where to alight, losing himself. I kissed his neck, everywhere on it, making my own sounds.

Something inside of me was taking me to new heights. It was true again, as it was last night. A freedom in it, letting myself go, only caring about Sana and watching and feeling him, my complete focus on pleasure, no cares in the world. He seemed to not care either, letting himself get so loud, not needing to be coaxed to relax at all, or be coached in any way.

It was like it used to be. This freedom, this spontaneity. That's what it was. Realizing this, I felt something new inside, traveling outward, and I hugged him the tightest I've ever held him, crying out too loud, my toes curling, as I finished at an entirely new height that I'd never felt before. He wrapped his legs around me, kissing all over my face, as I breathed so hard, so satisfied that my eyes were half lidded and I couldn't close my mouth. His hands went into my hair, and he kissed me so full of love. We kissed for a long time, letting the streams of warm water go over us until it turned cold.

This freedom. It was like we were new to each other, too.

After our shower, I toweled him off. He was exhausted, and so was I. Carefully, I picked him up in our customary pose, and entirely naked, we got into bed again. I swept the covers over us, and he snuggled his face into my neck, and I rested my cheek on top of his head. I held him like this, loving him with every part of myself. This deep, syrupy, tender, rosy love like they write about in storybooks, flowing through me without any inhibition.

As I listened to his slow breaths of sleep, reflecting to myself about the morning, my eyes went wide as realization swept over me, as I figured out what this freedom feeling truly was. I hugged him tighter at this, bringing his sweet, little body closer to me, protecting him, feeling how small he really is. How sick he is. Like this, my eyes became wet, and my breath shuddered in my sudden emotion, this realization going over and over again in my head.

This freedom feeling. I felt free, because I could truly take care of him now. I felt free, because I could make my own money again. With the opportunity I was being given, if I worked hard, I could give him anything in the world, that the whole world was absolutely in front of us to claim. And I could protect him forever, and he could be warm and safe and never have to worry. I could finally provide for him, and give him a home.

My tears began to fall, realizing that I could make sure he's happy just like this morning until his last day, if I tried really hard from now on.