I had watched Tetsu get ready this morning from behind. With beauty, his expert hands folded and tucked the pale yellow kimono he was wearing. It had lighter yellow flowers all over it, with sprays of white flowers and darker blue spots that suggested sky. He paired this with an indigo blue obi. He went to the closet and found the curly blonde wig which was his, and securely put it on, holding bobby pins at the corner of his mouth the whole time. He pinned it up into an French twist sort of hairstyle, with some of the shorter parts of the curly bangs arranged around his face.

He put on makeup, and I lost myself as I watched him put on lip gloss.

He knelt down in a proper manner, and started to go through the suitcase we'd brought from his apartment. Inside, he rummaged around, and out came a fan. Carefully, he got up, and I saw him smiling down at it in the mirror. It was an expression of deep love.

It was at that moment that I made the connection. He'd been dancing since he was very young. How long had he been dancing with objects such as fans and parasols? A warm feeling filled me. The way he was gazing at the fan...it was like how I looked at my violin. It made me wish we had a parasol for him, too.

Before I knew it, he was coming to the bed, a sneaky smile on his face. Too late, I was already awake. I giggled, and he gasped.

"Are you awake?" he said, smiling all the more.

"Yes, I watched you get dressed." I sighed, so happy. He was so beautiful. He'd drawn his eyeliner under his natural line, making his eyes so large. It had been so long since I'd seen him like this. Now he had an excuse to dress like this, with practicing for dance and dancing with me for the exercise. Just the way he was moving suggested that he was so happy and relaxed. This was how it was supposed to be. "I like your hair."

His expression turned cute, and his hands touched the air around his wig, as if flouncing imaginary hair. He smiled that lovely feminine smile. "Oh, this? I've been putting my hair up for dance practice like this for a long time. It keeps it neat."

"Well, it's gorgeous."

"You're the one who's gorgeous." He laughed, and climbed on the bed with me. He was so happy, that I thought he would start tickling me. I giggled with him, and instead, he laid down and wrapped an arm around me. I tried to turn to him, but it was hard. He saw what I was doing, and helped me turn. It made a small pinch appear in my belly, him having to help me this way when he looked so pretty.

But, I forgot all about it as he began to kiss me. His lip gloss was sticky and sweet, like cherries. It reminded me of the times before, back in November. It was the same taste. It was easy to get lost again. All of a sudden, I wanted to do everything with him. He looked so beautiful, he was so happy. I wanted to give him the world, getting lost in a fantasy of him, how beautiful he'd look in the throes of love, feeling good because he got to be himself, a beauty in it's own way, because he got to make love as himself.

But, I couldn't even turn over by myself today. How would I do all of that?

His lips were so soft, moving all the time, like petals twirling off the branch. Sometimes, my eyes would lazily open, and his eyelashes would brush his cheeks as he moved slightly, the length of them lending an elegance to his face. His strong hands held me securely, reminding me of his layers, that even though he was dressed like this, he was the same Tetsu underneath.

This relaxed me completely. There was no need to impress. I didn't have to do anything. He loved me no matter what. We could enjoy each other, and there was no expectation. Like this, his wonderful hands slowly moved down my body, and my mouth opened slightly as I stared into his large, searching eyes.

We laid together afterwards, and he was pressed against me, completely spent and breathing a little heavily. It had been a slow, tender thing. There was nothing I could compare his beauty to. His face was prettier than a rose, the blush on his cheeks deeper in hue than the sunrise. His lips, now devoid of lipstick and gloss, were a dark pink in ecstasy, more lovely and soft than the sweetest cream.

Simply the way he had moved during sex was different. There was a shyness, almost. He was still sure and strong, but the way he touched me was even more gentle than usual, and his eyes glanced at me along with a little smile.

This I remembered from before. We'd made love in November with him dressed like this a couple of times, but I'd been the one in control. He liked it that way when he was dressed like this. I put on something which gave me the power of a man, and he blushed so much.

"It's unlike with other men," he'd told me, shaking his head a little bit. He'd get so excited, so eager whenever I would put it on. A flurry of movements, pulling me to the bed or the couch. He told me he'd been waiting for so long to have sex dressed in feminine clothes. He'd done it before, but with me it was so different. "To have sex with someone I love when I'm dressed like this. I can't explain it. It's like it's meant to be," he'd tried to explain after the first time. We'd been in bed together, and I couldn't explain how I'd felt. He'd said it perfectly, fitting what I wanted to say, too. He just didn't know that. It was the same for me, but in reverse. We'd held each other then, full of such strange happiness.

Now it was the same, but different. He'd been the one to give this time, and he didn't seem unhappy about it. Gently, his kisses appeared on the side of my cheek, and I turned my eyes to him. The most perfect smile was on his face. He sighed, and his eyes closed, too happy for words.

In moments, he was asleep. Tenderly, I began to play with the bangs of his wig. Small tuggings, winding the fibers around my fingers loosely, following the curls. My fingers fell on his forehead, and I admired the warmth of it.

Slowly, I began to wish. The smile he had whenever he was dressed like this... I wished he could have it outside. We could be together outside, walking down the street. He could wear casual women's clothes, and we could hold hands. What kinds of casual women's clothes would he choose? He didn't seem to own any. No blouses, no skirts, no dresses from off the rack. Only elaborate dresses of the evening gown type, that he wore on stage and for photo shoots. Things that looked like they were from another era, because they were costumes.

His body was very masculine. His shoulders were broad, and he had no pinching in of his waist naturally. His hips were slender, and his arms were so strong, finely muscled. He has the body of a dancer, always working towards being fit in order to dance smoothly to appear that his movements looked so natural and fluid. It was hard to tell when he was wearing men's clothing that he was so fit and had this body type, but when he wore feminine clothing it could look obvious. It took a lot to make his very masculine body appear like it had a feminine shape, to hide his muscles and make him appear soft and curvy.

What could it be like to go shopping with him at a women's clothing store? Would any of the clothes fit right? How would it make him feel? Was that something he wanted, to wear off the rack women's clothing? How had I not asked this before? Maybe I was being too casual with this. The way he looked at me when he wore feminine clothing...maybe he wanted something more. How natural it was for him to wear them, how happy he got... How far did it go?

As I gazed at his sleeping face, a knowing began to form. It was almost simple to me, but I'd been on my own journey for fifteen years. I'd already achieved what I'd wanted. But, for him, he'd lived forty years and was living with this. Did he want more? I knew what I needed to do. I had to ask him.

I knew if we went to a women's clothing store, it might be hard to find things that fit right. However, he wasn't very tall. His shoe size was not too large to fit into standard women's shoes. As I thought about it, my eyes went wide. I pressed my eyes closed. I was running away with this. Maybe he didn't even want to wear casual female clothes. However, with how happy he got when he was wearing women's clothing... Especially with how much more confident he was...

There was one person who could help us. She was waiting in the wings almost, there if we needed her. Who knew about things like this more than anyone else I knew? Who had been through it herself, and might know what to do if he did want to wear casual women's clothing?

My heart relaxed as I thought about Shizue. I'd known back in November that I'd wanted her to be friends with Tetsu, to help him if he needed it. They were friends now, and quite close. Maybe it wasn't too much of a leap for us to ask her for help if he wanted it. I wouldn't do it myself, but I'd gently nudge him if he decided he wanted to wear casual women's clothes. I couldn't think of anything better, such a happy moment, for us to go shopping together. Natsuko and Naoko could come along, too, and suggest things. It could be one of the happiest days of his life, if we didn't crowd him or be aggressive with it.

If that's what he wanted. However, I didn't have to think about this now. But, imagining him in casual women's clothing... Him wearing a pair of close fitting jeans. Women's high heel boots. A pretty, pink blouse with a flowy bow in the front. Jewelry, lovely matching nails. It just seemed right. That was the vibe I was getting. I knew it now. That's the feeling I got whenever he wore feminine clothing around me. It was just right. All of the puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly, creating his beautiful smile whenever he was dressed femininely.

I knew, because it was the same feeling I got whenever I dressed how I wanted. That's what I'd been seeing, and only now did it make sense, imagining him like this.

I'd have to ask him. Maybe it would be a difficult conversation, and maybe he wouldn't entirely know what he wanted. That was okay. I was prepared for that. Anything he wanted, I wouldn't pressure him. All I knew was that I love him, and whatever he thought was best was the right thing.

Later in the morning, we were out in the garden. The ground had dried in the warm sun, and he was wearing tabi and geta as he danced. It turned out, there was a maigasa in the house already. It was an old one that had belonged to his sisters, stored away from their dancing days as well. He'd explained to me about it, touching it carefully and admiringly as he held it delicately in his fingers.

"It's not a regular umbrella," he'd said, so in joy that he was almost giggling, his smile never leaving his face, almost overwhelming it. "It's much lighter, made for dance. That's why it's called maigasa, a 'dance umbrella'. That way, I can move it how I want. I haven't danced with one in a long time. I'm so excited. Of course I remember what to do, but I might be a little clumsy."

I'd touched his face gently as he spoke, and his expression went so soft. His eyes were full of love.

"I can't imagine you clumsy. You're so elegant when you dance," I'd said, really meaning it with everything inside of me.

And he was showing me how elegant he was now. Slowly, he was remembering what to do, his small steps leading him around the garden as if it were a stage, the blossoms which were now making their appearance lending even more of a wild beauty to his performance.

Eventually, his mom showed up in the doorway to the garden. Together, we watched him dance. She was just as enchanted as I was. It was easy to tell there was pride within her as she watched him. She stood respectfully, transfixed.

His smile was everything. There was such a contentedness, his eyes curled a bit at the edges, a true smile. He stepped around, closing the umbrella, then opening it again in front of himself, twirling it in circles at me, then demurely closing it again and turning around, tucking it under his arm. It opened again and his arm stretched out as he held it out to the side fully, the beauty of it all overtaking me. He looked like he belonged in the garden, a flower come to life, expressing the joy of Spring, waiting for the showers which brought life. His dance made me think about the meanings, what he was trying to say with it. Something much more than merely watching someone move about.

This was his artistry. He made you think about much more than just what was happening in front of your eyes. You became lost in it, his dancing becoming your whole world.

He began to sing a song about Spring time in the mountains. A traditional song, the rhythm matching his movements. He was a show all his own, no need for anyone else. He was creating a world, his umbrella leading the way.

It was magic.

As I watched, I was overwhelmed with joy. My hand was over my mouth, fascinated with him. He looked like a goddess, playing around with the child flowers of the garden, and maybe in an instant they might start dancing with him. He made me feel like anything could happen.

As I watched, I wanted the world for him. He deserved to dance like this. Others deserved to see him, and he deserved to be on a stage. How could we get him back there? There was too much beauty for him to be contained in just a garden.

I wanted him to be able to do what he wanted. I was overwhelmed, seeing him use everything in himself to dance for just two people. That couldn't be all there was for him. I wanted him to be back on stage, making lots of people happy.

I took a chance glance at his mom, and was struck with an image which made me stop in my tracks. Her hand was over her mouth, too, and she was crying. At that moment, Tetsu's voice stopped, and I looked forward. He was in an elegant pose low to the grass, the umbrella open in front of him on the ground. He was finished. His mom started to clap so much. He turned to her, his face surprised.

She clapped for a long time, so proud of her son.