I want to go on a picnic with you. I can see it all. When we went to the park, I saw a big open space. It was too cold then, but I can envision it green. The trees in bloom, flowers on the ground. Clear blue skies above.

On the same picnic blanket we used in the garden, you can be spread out, gazing at the sky. Suddenly, I'd appear in your vision, wearing a rose gold colored wig. There'd be a strawberry between my fingers, and I'd feed it to you with a little cream. I just want to see you eat a strawberry. I want to touch your cheek, and see you happy.

The birds would be singing in the trees. Maybe we can see some, if we search really hard. I want to play, and run away from you. You can laugh, and run after me. I won't run too fast, so I can be easily caught. I want to be caught by you.

Let's go there, and we can eat chicken and fruits. We can feel the Spring breeze and hear children playing in the distance. I want to see you outside in the fresh air, surrounded by beautiful colors all around us.

Maybe, if I get my wish, we can fly kites together, if the wind is strong enough. We can see them flying high, watch them twirl in the sky. I want to see your hair get ruffled by the breeze, and admire your shining eyes in the sunlight. I want to take a picture with you as we hold hands and enjoy our kites in the air. We can run around like children, competing to get our kites to go even higher.

I want to lay on the blanket and watch you practice your dancing. I've never seen you dance live. You can wear the pink kimono you were excited about, and I can sing for you to help keep your time, any song you want. I'd admire your elegant movements, wondering how you're mine. Maybe, you can teach me to dance.

I want to cuddle with you on the blanket. I want to hold you as you read me a book. Kiss your cheek and watch you smile, making it more difficult to read. We can forget reading, and just kiss. I'll hold your face and kiss you, taking you to another world.

I want to forget where we are. I want my universe to be your lips, your breath, your warm skin. I want to feel your body as my hand descends down to your waist, feeling every last bit of silk of the kimono you love so much. I'd touch your waist, then hold you to me, as we lose ourselves in each other's lips. I'd treat you as the precious being you are, keeping you safe and warm, taking care of you like this.

I heard that I've been in the hospital for about two weeks. It will be Tetsu's birthday soon. April 12th. It's a big birthday, his fortieth. I want to know what he'd like to do for it. I want to be out of here, able to enjoy it with him. Instead...

There's so many people in the room. They're quiet, but I heard their voices before. I'm too tired to open my eyes and see them all. I wish I could see Tetsu's face. Feel his hand on my hand. Just Tetsu, no one else. I don't want to see anyone else.

I want to go home.

There's a burning and straining in my throat. It builds, and goes into my sinuses, burning there, too. It spreads into my eyes, and hot tears bubble up. I want to go home with Tetsu and be normal. Make a meal for him, something delicious with gravy and rice. Maybe some thinly sliced pork, and vegetables like broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, and sweet red peppers. I want to make him happy again. I want to talk about normal things, but I don't know what's normal anymore.

"Oh! Oh, Sana, what's wrong?" His voice is so gentle and sweet. His hand is so warm and soft on mine. His thumb meets my eye, and wipes away what little tears I have. Sniffling, I can't respond. More burning.

"Maybe he's in pain," Yami says. "We can get him pain medication. One minute. Um. Oh, here it is. The call button."

"Yes, that's a good idea." Tetsu's thumb, stroking between my thumb and pointer finger. Soothing me.

Someone else's hand in my hair, from the other side of the bed, trying to help me.

"I wonder if it's his joints, like Harada-sensei said," Natsuko says, so concerned.

My mouth opens, and I push so hard. I managed to say what I wanted to say. My tiredness is overwhelming. I don't want to sleep anymore, but sleep wants me to go. It's always calling me.

"What, baby? Can you say it again? Please?" Tetsu asks. His breath is on my face. He's so close.

I push more, and manage to say it again: "I want to go home."

I just want to go home with you. I want to make some tea for you, and get you all cozy at the kotatsu. I want to play a board game with you, or we can do a puzzle. We can have quiet time after dinner, and you can tell me stories if you want to. I only want to be with you, enjoy life with you.

"Oh, darling, I know." He's crying now. I didn't mean to make him cry. My heart descends to my toes, where it stays. I made him cry. My throat makes a squeaking sound, and more tears pour out. "We'll go home soon," he says. "I'll take you home. Don't cry, it's okay... It's okay." He's wiping my tears away.

My hand is lifted up, and he's kissing my hand, holding it to his cheek. My heart soothes at his touch, the wetness of his full lips, so long desired.

Slowly, he sings softly to me. An old folk song called Akatonbo. He kisses my palm again, then continues singing. My body relaxes at his voice. Every word is a ripple of love, washing away my tears.

When I woke up again, I heard them all deep in conversation.

"Te-chan, I know you want to take him home," Tetsu's mom said. "But, you can't do that now. Oh, I know. I know. I want to take him home, too."

Tetsu's breath was shaky, as he began to speak. "What can I do? I want to make him comfortable. I want him to be happy. How long has he been thinking that? He needs to be home."

"We have to be reasonable," Yami said. "He's safer here at the hospital. He could have problems at any time. I know you now have the power to get him released whenever you want to. But, that would be a stupid decision."

"Yuuhi, don't you dare call him stupid," Yami's mom interjected. "You'd have done the same. Sana-chan is suffering. I'd take him home myself if it meant he could..."

"I'm not calling Tetsu stupid. You're misinterpreting. I didn't mean to offend. The point is, he is getting better. You've seen it. He's been awake a lot today. That means he is getting stronger. Don't take him out of the hospital when we might have just found what could work. Be reasonable...please."

"I don't know... I don't know..." Tetsu was miserable, because of me...

"Tetsu, hey." Natsuko's voice was unusually gentle. "I hate to say it, but I think Yami is right. We have to think about Sana's welfare here. I know you want to take him home. I know that's what Sana wants. But...how much is Sana aware of the situation? I don't think he's able to advocate for himself right now. You know much more than he does. You know what the right thing to do is, even if your heart says another."

The sound of Tetsu crying was overwhelming. My sinuses were burning again.

"It's going to be okay," Natsuko said, trying to calm him. I wanted to be the one to calm him. Hold him and make it all go away. "Please tell me what I can do," she said, her voice breaking. "We're all here for you."

"I don't know," Tetsu said, sounding so broken. Tears were filling my eyes again.

"Maybe I can get you something to eat, hmm?" His mom asked. "What do you want? I don't care how expensive it is."

"I'll pay for it," Yami's mom offered, always so kind.

"No, mom, I will," Yami said quickly, surprising me.

"What? You would?" Tetsu asked, just as shocked.

"Yeah, it's the least I can do."

"Oh..." Tetsu's voice collapsed into new tears.

I heard them ordering, arguing a little bit. They finally decided to get ice cream. The TV turned on, and it was a cooking show. After a while, Tetsu's breaking voice asked to turn the channel.

"Reminds me too much of Sana," he apologized. "I can imagine him cooking this."

"I'm sorry, I should have realized," his mom said.

The channel changed to a trivia show, but Tetsu was still crying. "Come here, it's okay," Natsuko said gently. "Do you want to talk about it? You don't have to cry."

He sniffed hard. "I just want him to cook for me..."

"What do you want him to cook?"

"Omu- Omurice. He makes something called 'kitchen sink' omurice. I don't know what 'kitchen sink' means, but it's so delicious."

"I know what it means," Yami said, softly. The TV's sound went down.

"Oh?" Natsuko asked, gently.

"Yeah. It's an American phrase for putting lots of different things in a food. The full phrase is 'everything but the kitchen sink', meaning you put everything in your kitchen into the dish, if that makes sense. Does he make that for you?"

"I still don't get what it means," Natsuko admitted.

Yami made a sympathetic noise. "He does it to fried rice, ramen, and stir fried foods a lot. He puts weird things like Spam, sausage, American hot dogs, eggs, every vegetable he has available, all into a single dish. You'd think it wouldn't taste good at all, but it's amazing, especially if he makes it spicy. You never know what you're going to find in there. Somehow, he balances everything with the seasonings he uses."

"Ohh, wow. I can see why you'd miss it, Tetsu," Natsuko sighed.

"I'll try to make it," Tetsu's mom piped up. "I'll figure it out. It won't be easy, but I'll try."

"I've seen him make it," Yami's mom said. "He made it using the leftovers we had all the time. I can show you. Here, let me write down what I know."

"Thank you," Tetsu breathed, so shaky.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it," Yami's mom said, along with the sharpness of a piece of paper ripping.

They were quiet for a while, and the TV's sound went up. Eventually, Natsuko excused herself to grab their ice creams from the lobby. She came back, and everyone was quiet. I fell asleep to the cheering noises of the TV show ending.

When I woke up again, the room was dark. My eyes blinked a few times, and they went to my left. With massive effort, I turned my head a little to the side. In the incredibly low light of my machines, cast in green, Tetsu was on a chair, sleeping. His arms were crossed, and his head was dipped.

I watched him for a while, taking in his precious image. Every time he breathed out, his head fell a little, his bangs bouncing with it. He'd go back up when he took in a breath.

My eyes closed and opened again, the lids sticking. If I listened very hard, I could hear him breathing.

All I wanted was to hold him in the bed. Let him sleep properly. Spoon him from behind. He had to have been so exhausted. I didn't want him to have to sleep in an uncomfortable chair like that.

I woke up to his hand caressing my cheek. His mouth parted as he saw my eyes. His face descended closer to mine, like a dream in the low light. I puckered my lips, closing my eyes. His breath caught. Quicker than lightning, he took off my oxygen mask, and quicker still, he kissed my lips. Everything inside of myself squeezed together, opening again to reveal billions of colorful butterflies fluttering their wings. My mask was placed back where it was.

"Mm." An adorable noise from his throat. The back of his hand smoothed my bangs like a beautiful, warm wave. We stared at each other as he smiled at me.

I couldn't tell if it was a dream or not, but I'd gotten my wish. I realized, all I wanted was to kiss him. A real kiss. It satisfied everything I had, every sad feeling. I wondered if it satisfied him, too.

"I love you," he whispered. My mouth opened, and he came down again, his face so curious.

"I love you, too," I said, trying with all my effort.

"Oh," he breathed deeply, "my darling, I love you." He lifted my bangs and kissed my forehead. Before I knew it, he was slowly kissing all over my face, every part of it getting turns. I closed my eyes, feeling the softness of his beautiful lips, his breath in rushes.

I had to be in heaven.