He was awake. He was staring at me, smiling. Our hands were together, and I was holding his hand gently. He was shaking, just trembling, his hand shaking in my hand.

"Baby, why are you shaking?" I asked gently, full of love, so calm for him. "Are you cold? Do you hurt?"

His eyes closed. A small smile was on his face.

"It's okay, baby. I'm here. It's not scary. I'm here with you."

His eyes were closed, but he was still shaking. I was so calm, watching over him. Keeping him safe. It was so warm in here. He couldn't be cold.

"I called a nurse. They'll know why you're shaking. You won't have to suffer anymore."

In the late evening, my papa, mom, and Natsuko were here with me. Keitaro was also here. He'd called his wife, and apologized for not coming home. She was completely understanding, despite having to take care of their son herself. I was so grateful for all of them, sacrificing so much for me. I still couldn't bring myself to call Lyra at all. I knew they should be here. But, it felt like... If I called them, then would it be good-bye? With everyone gathered, it felt too much like... Like it was going to end. I couldn't call them.

Sana was due to get a CAT scan. Harada-sensei was concerned, wondering why he was shaking, and wondering if there could be a deeper cause due to the nature of his genetic disorder, which is caused by the brain having dysfunction. I'd told him about the incident earlier that evening, with Sana shaking so much. Harada-sensei worried it could be his brain, but was also worried it could be the makings of a heart attack.

"Weakness and shaking can be a common symptom of an upcoming or in progress heart attack in female bodied individuals," he'd explained.

Sana had received medication to hopefully stop a heart attack if it was coming or in progress. He'd stopped shaking now, but Harada-sensei was still going to test him and be abundantly cautious. We were so grateful.

When the nurse had come earlier, Sana had been given an EKG immediately. It revealed he was having heart palpitations, and they resolved soon after. He'd started shaking so suddenly, and it seemed to stop just as suddenly. This made Harada-sensei very worried, and he wasn't shy about telling us. In some ways, I appreciated his candor. In others, I wanted him to stop telling me these things.

We told Harada-sensei that Sana was often awake. Not for very long, but he'd wake up frequently. He wasn't just sleeping, and sometimes he could communicate with us. Harada-sensei was pleased with this. He wondered then if the current medications were working, but he didn't want to wait and see. He still wanted to be aggressive in treatment. We appreciated this, too.

Now it was getting late. We learned that apparently, it was a special day, one my papa had been waiting for. He'd taken the TV remote, and held it in his hand.

"I was hoping to celebrate this day with my son-in-law. I waited for months. I'd bought him a BayStars hat. Don't worry, I bought myself a Tigers hat. It's opening day of baseball season." I thought I detected a mistiness in his voice. My mom took his hand and held it tightly.

Wordlessly then, he'd turned on the TV, to the game that was already in progress. In Sana's honor, we all watched the game. I hoped he could hear it as he slept, maybe dreaming he was really there in the stadium. I dreamed, too, that we were there, Sana wearing his new hat and my papa wearing his, wearing each other's teams' hats in respect for each other, no matter who was playing. In watching, I was full of hope. My daydream gave me hope. Maybe some day soon we could all go see a game as a family, my papa's dream. Maybe their teams would be playing each other, and we could cheer for both.

I'd never watched a sports game more seriously in my life. I wanted to tell Sana what I'd seen. I knew this was important to him. Tell him everything, bit by bit. Who struck out, who hit the ball. My knowledge was limited, but I could still tell him the basics. Tell him what I'd learned. I wanted to see his smile. When the game ended, I memorized the score.

"Well, then. I'd better be getting back home," my papa said. "I'll have work." He grunted as he got up. My mom looked up at him with such love.

"Be careful on your way home," she told him.

We watched him leave. I looked over at Keitaro. He returned my look. "Do you need to go, too?" I asked. "It's late."

"Nah, I'm staying." He adjusted in his chair, putting one leg over the other casually.

"Oh." I was secretly pleased.

About an hour later, my mom and Natsuko called it a night. Keitaro and I had said good-bye to them. We were here now in the room alone together again. I was so glad he was here. To be honest, I was very tired, but didn't want to leave Sana alone.

I was staring at my phone, trying to decide something. My phone was open to my blog, reading over the last post there. Keitaro leaned over, looking at my phone, too. He'd often done this when we were younger, interested in what I was looking at. I didn't often mind.

"Are you thinking about posting?" He asked.

My lips parted slightly. I nodded. Then, I shook my head. "I have to tell Sana's friends first about this. Lyra."

He let out a slow noise. "You haven't told them yet?"

I shook my head, staring at my blog.

"Why not?"

My hand gripped my phone too hard. "Because... If everyone is gathered around, it feels too much like... Like a funeral."

"Ohh now... Don't think like that." He was so sympathetic. His hand landed on my shoulder, squeezing it. "They'd just be here to keep him company, no different than you or I. It wouldn't be like a funeral, I promise. Is that what you've been thinking the whole time?"

I nodded.

"Do you want me to call them instead? Is it too hard? You said things like this were too hard for you."

I turned to him, my head down. He wrapped his arms around me. I breathed deeply. I could smell his deodorant. He held me, and sighed, too. "Being a husband is hard, sometimes," he said quietly. I'd never heard a more true statement in my life.

"I wanted to protect him in times like this," I admitted. What he said was resonating in my very soul. "I wanted to be here, by right, when he is sick. I never thought about how hard having that responsibility is. Being the one to call everyone. Being the one everyone turns to. I want that right. But, it's a hard right."

Unexpectedly, Keitaro was lightly chuckling. I parted from him, completely taken aback. He was smiling, so good natured.

"What?" I asked.

He put both of his hands on my shoulders, looking me square in the face. "Just wait until you're a father," he said, so sincerely. "That feeling multiplies by ten times."

I blushed so hard that I must have been tomato red. He just kept chuckling on.

"Are you imagining it?" He asked, smiling so much. "You should imagine it. Let that image give you hope. Fight for it. I know Sana is fighting, too. Give yourself every reason in the world to fight."

The image of Sana and I seen from behind with a toddler between us holding our hands, all of us walking happily to the entrance of Enoshima Aquarium. Another image, of us in the Jellyfish Fantasy Hall, my favorite place in the world as a kid. Us pointing at the mysterious creatures, our toddler looking up with a wondering face, as we smiled so much. Our toddler's face, looking like both of us and smiling so much.

I didn't care what I looked like. I forgot where I was.

Another image of us in the hospital in my hometown, for a different reason. A joyous reason. Me, next to the window, holding our infant in my arms. Introducing our baby to the world outside. Our baby, holding my finger with that little hand. Of my mom, holding our baby and Natsuko taking a picture. Everyone in my family, so happy to see...

"What are you thinking about?"

I blinked several times. My head turned to Keitaro. He was holding a tissue box towards me. I took a tissue, realizing with this gesture that I was crying.

I stared at the wall again. A beautiful image appeared in my mind, again. Of myself, holding our toddler on my shoulders, Sana standing next to me. All of us looking around the Jellyfish Fantasy Hall. And suddenly, I would point. There. Right there. That is Aurelia Aurita. Moon jelly. That's where your father found his name. Look how pretty it is.

Suddenly, I knew. I knew with all my heart.

We had to fight. No weeping about the end. This couldn't be the end, because there was so much to do. There was so much I had to show. We hadn't gone to Enoshima yet. We hadn't gone to Hawaii yet. There was so much to do.

I brought my phone up higher. My lips pressed together.

"Tetsu?" Keitaro asked, clearly worried. I shook my head. The phone rang.

"Hello?" Nobu asked. He was clearly in a busy restaurant. "Nice to hear from you. How are you?"

"Who is that?" I heard Hikaru say in the background.

"You better hang up, we're going to start without you," Shizue mocked him.

I closed my eyes, and steeled myself, head on running at the raging bull in front of me. I took a deep breath. "Sana is in critical care. We're in Tokyo. It's his heart. You need to come now."

"I- WHAT?!" Nobu cried out desperately. A horrible sound. Shizue and Hikaru were asking him questions in the background, hurried questions. He went away from his phone clearly talking to them now. "We have to go! Come on, where's Masaki?! Did he go to the bathroom or something?! Shit! Hikaru, go get him! We have to go!"

"What happened?! Where are we going?!" Shizue asked, getting emotional.

"Sana's heart is- we have to go to the hospital! It's Tetsu on the phone!"

Shizue let out a little scream.

He was back. "Which hospital?! We're in Shibuya!"

I told him which one and the room number. He was breathing heavily, clearly running now. "We're getting a taxi! We'll be right there!"

"Okay. I'll tell the staff that you're coming."

"Okay. When- When did this happen?!"

"Over a week ago."

He paused. I braced myself, but nothing came. He came back. "Okay. Okay. We'll talk more when we get there. I'm going to get a taxi now."

"Okay... I'm sorry."

"Please don't be sorry. Please, please don't be sorry."

"Okay," I said quietly. We said good-bye, and hung up. I put my head down, my elbows on my knees, completely spent. It had been one of the worst phone calls of my life. Shizue's scream. I knew I'd never get that sound out of my head.

Keitaro's hand was on my back. He began to rub it hard. I hung my head even lower. I wasn't enjoying his back rub, and it wasn't comforting, either. But, it was nice to know he was there.