In the evening, Sana was still asleep. He was on the familiar monitors, and their beeping was soothing. My sister had wanted to know more about where Sana was from. I'd shown her pictures of it from Google, and she thought it looked so quaint. I agreed. There appeared to be a lot of locally owned shops. The more we looked, the more I wanted to go there. I wanted to ask Sana about growing up there.

Eventually, we were looking at local flowers from Hawaii. Admiring the colors of the flowers, so many things. As we were looking together now on Natsuko's phone, she scrolled down and found a beautiful bridal bouquet of tropical flowers.

"Ooh, how pretty," she breathed. She peered up at me, and my eyebrows raised at this suddenness.

"What?" I asked. I couldn't help but smile, seeing all the pretty flowers that I'd been thinking of since last night, lost in my daydream.

"Do you think Sana would want to carry something like this? During the wedding? Oh, do you think- do you think he'd want to wear a dress?! Can we go dress shopping with him?!" She was just as excited as I was. I chuckled.

"Yes, I think he'd want to. I don't know what kinds of flowers he'd want to carry, but I know he'd want a dress. I haven't asked, but I just know." I wanted to add that I wanted to wear a dress, too. I didn't know what kind, but I knew that, too. My heart burned a little, not being able to tell her. I pressed my lips together, eyeing my mom who was sitting in the corner opposite of us reading a magazine.

Natsuko went on, so excited. "Ahh, I wonder what kind of dress he'd want to wear? This is going to drive me crazy. Empire waist or ballgown? Mermaid or sheath?"

Mermaid? My eyebrow raised. My mind was full of dresses of the cut now, pretty things. "Tell me more about your opinion on mermaid cut."

She was right on it. "Well, mermaid cut can be so pretty. You can do so many things with it. When I was getting married, I researched a lot of styles. I've still got some of my magazines! I could show them to Sana. Ahh, I want to help him pick his dress!"

I smiled. My cheeks were getting warm. My eyes softened. Inside, my heart was telling me. She was so excited about his dress. Would she be okay with me wanting to wear a dress, too? Suddenly, the idea of her helping both of us find dresses... It made my heart beat so fast. As she carried on, talking a mile a minute about bridal magazines, I almost wanted to tell her.

She was so accepting of Sana wearing feminine clothing. She'd never questioned it. I knew her opinion about men wearing feminine clothing, of course. She was absolutely okay with me wearing them as a performer. It was part of my costume, my presentation on stage. She'd been supportive of that for years, always admiring my costumes. She'd even called me pretty many times.

But, that's what it was. They were my costumes. In a context with me wearing feminine clothing, my family understood it to be a costume for me. Maybe this is why they never questioned it. But, bridging that gap between costume and day to day life... Sana had done it. My family hadn't questioned him. They'd just assumed it was something he did. I did find it strange that they never said anything about it. But, they knew he was a drag performer, too. I couldn't say why they accepted it about him, but I wondered if it had to do with him being a drag performer. Maybe they assumed that since he did drag, that he might like to wear feminine clothes all the time. Maybe, they couldn't separate his drag character from the real him. I knew it was a common thing to think among other people.

But, if I did it. They knew me, and could separate the real me from my drag persona. So, if I wore feminine clothes in my day to day life, they might balk. I worried that they might think there was something wrong with me. This thought always made the tears come. There was nothing wrong with me. Wearing feminine clothes, for any gender, is totally normal. They're clothes. They're designed to make us feel good. But, I wondered if my family understood that.

And now in this context, this important thing: a wedding dress. My sister was going nuts about Sana wearing one, almost euphoric about it. It made me almost tell her about myself. I wanted her to go nuts over me, too, talk forever about my wanting to wear one. I wanted her to ask me what kind I'd want to wear. Show me bridal magazines. Have joy together, about my own dress.

I'd just realized I wanted to wear one last night. How beautiful it would be, how meaningful, if both Sana and I wore wedding dresses. He accepted me, no question. He'd love to see me wearing one, I was one-hundred percent sure of it.

I was lost in this, when my sister stopped speaking. She poked my shoulder. I jumped a little.

"What are you thinking about? You're smiling so much," she giggled. "I bet you haven't heard a word I said."

I blushed. "Oh, um, just about the wedding. How it could look. So many pretty flowers, and the sunset."

She smiled. "Yeah? You want to get married at sunset?"

I nodded, grabbing the bottom of my chair, starting to rock back and forth in my excitement. "I want us to get married at sunset, on the beach. A beach he really loves. He loves the beach so much, and it's because he's from Hawaii, where he was surrounded by them. He has a lot of great memories on beaches. So, I want so many flowers from where he's from, in garlands strung all around. So many twinkly lights, because he loves twinkly lights."

"Oooh, pretty!" She gasped.

"Yeah." I couldn't stop myself now, describing all of it. "I want a white trellis arch with more flowers. White seats for the guests, and a bunch of rainbow petals from all the flowers as an aisle, just walking on flowers. So many colors. Maybe we can have some lanterns."

I noticed my mom paying attention now. Her reading glasses drooped on her nose, her magazine on her lap. "Hmm," she said, putting her lip out in thought. "That doesn't sound too expensive. I bet we can rent it all. The most expensive part would be the flowers."

"Absolutely! Ah, Tetsu!" Natsuko was positively jumping in her seat, so excited. "We can do this! Compared to so many other things, I don't think it would be too expensive. It even sounds simple!"

"You're really very mature about what you want, Te-chan," my mom said, nodding about Natsuko's words. "It doesn't sound crazy. You don't want anything extra fancy. It really is just a beach wedding at sunset with flowers."

I thought for a moment. I leaned over, my elbow on my knee, my chin resting in my hand. "You're right. I hadn't thought about it that way. What's important is that I want Sana to be happy. I don't know what he wants. He'll probably want something completely different."

Natsuko interrupted me. "He usually wants to please you. He'll probably agree, if you let him."

I nodded. "Ah, you're right. I should ask him what he wants first, before I tell him any of this! Thank you. I don't want him just going along with something that I want."

"Now, now," my mom said, sounding sensible. "Him wanting to please you isn't a bad thing. It means he thinks what you want is important, too. I think that's lovely. But, if he does that, then you need to be thinking about what he wants, too. It's a balance."

"I always do." I knew this with certainty. "What he wants is always the most important to me."

Natsuko sighed beside me. I looked at her, and she had the most content smile. I found out why. "You never used to think like that. I hate to say it, but you used to be pretty selfish. You used to do what you want, the world be damned. I used to admire that attitude, it was a good, independent trait, but I feel like you've grown up, almost. I definitely noticed."

My mouth opened slightly. She was right.

"Yes, Natsuko is right. I noticed this ever since you started posting about a mysterious young man on your blog. It was subtle, thinking about him more than yourself, just from your words on your blog. Then, you brought Sana home about a week after you started to mention that young man on your blog. I knew you meant him immediately. I could see in the way you interacted with each other. You were changing."

Natsuko gasped, starting to laugh. "I remember! I was there, remember? When he wanted to make pasta with an olive oil and garlic sauce for us? We heard that big smash from the kitchen and came running. It was so cute, how he was standing in the olive oil that had smashed on the floor. His face was so cute, so shocked. But, you leapt right into action. You put on your shoes, and insisted on picking up the glass even though you could have injured yourself. He was wearing house shoes, so you picked him up! I couldn't believe it. You rescued him like he was a Princess, taking him to safety! It was amazing. I never thought you'd do something like that in all my life. I knew from the moment I met him, that you loved him, and that love was changing you. You were thinking of someone more than yourself. You wouldn't tell us he was your boyfriend, but we could tell. We all talked about it."

"You talked about it?! Why didn't you tell me?" I was laughing now. She was just so happy, delighted in these memories.

"Of course we talked about it!" She laughed with me. "You don't not talk about it when you see your brother rescue his Princess from olive oil!" She covered her mouth, laughing so much.

"Whaaat?" I was laughing as much as she was.

"Yes, we talked about it a lot. We didn't know why you wouldn't tell us he's your boyfriend. We knew right away." My mom said this so matter of fact.

I sighed. "I was so worried that you'd all find out. That's why I hid it."

"Whatever for?!" Natsuko sounded scandalized. "We'd have been overjoyed! He kept trying to help mom with her chores!" She flicked her chin at our mom. "You were so happy about that, right?"

My mom nodded, smiling so contently.

"Mom said, 'if he's Tetsu's boyfriend, I will be so happy, because none of Tetsu's boyfriends have ever wanted to help me with my chores.' I was so touched."

I was the one who was touched. "I didn't know you felt that way." My hand was over my heart.

"Why did you hide from us? You could have told us. I've been wondering," my mom said, smiling even more, clearly so pleased.

"Well..." Ah, this fell in line with what I had been thinking about, with my dress. It was the same thing, I realized. "I was worried I would be judged. You always get so...meddling when I'm dating someone. I hope that's not offensive. I don't mean it that way."

"We do, because we love you. We're so happy that you find someone to love. It's what families do," Natsuko said immediately, like she'd had the answer ready to go.

"It's not offensive, Te-chan. Don't worry. I know we can get too excited sometimes. It's who we are. We love you a lot."

"Honestly, though, you've dated some real assholes. I don't know what they were like in private, but they gave me some bad vibes. That's why Naoko and I judged you. I know mom was too polite to say anything, but... We didn't like those guys. They didn't treat you right. But with Sana? It's night and day! The subtle things he does. It's like he never thinks about himself. He's always trying to do the most for you. Naoko and I noticed that right away. Not only that, but he tries to do things for us, too. Such, as again, trying to cook for us when we first met him? What kind of guy does that the first time he meets a friend's family? That's one of the reasons why we thought you must be more than friends, that he must be trying to impress us. But, come to find out, no, it's just who he is. He's so good. I have no other way to describe it. We're so glad you found him."

I was smiling so much now. "Well, he found me. I never would have found him if he hadn't overcome his shyness and reached out."

"I'm glad for that every day, I really am," she sighed. She was smiling so warmly at me. "He makes you better, I think. No, I know it."

I sighed. She was absolutely right. "He really does. In ways that you don't even know." Images of he and I, sitting at the kitchen table at my apartment. Me wearing a dress and full makeup and hair, playing cards with him, or doing our nails, or any of the many things we'd done. Him accepting me for me, being so kind, complimenting me. Not batting an eye when I told him about myself. Saying he loved all of me, that I'm perfect the way I am. That I'm perfect...

I sighed even deeper. If he loved me for me that much... Did it even matter if my family wouldn't? Oh, but... I shook my head, having been about to say something about it. If they didn't accept me, where would we be? If my mom didn't want to help us anymore? If we were alone... A cold claw dragged my heart into my stomach. No way. I couldn't tell them at all.

"What is it, Te-chan?" My mom had noticed. She closed her magazine.

I realized my facial expression had changed. My brow was creased, my mouth downturned.

"Do we need to know something?" My sister asked, sharp as a tack, as always.

"No. No, it's nothing." I smiled, my eyes not following. My body was tensing.

"You know you can tell us anything. We just told you that," my mom said, leaning forward a little in her chair. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." I smiled, staring down at my knees. I couldn't even look at her. "Um, oh. It's almost six o'clock. Shouldn't you call papa, mom? Let him know where we are?" I changed the subject quickly. They were starting to do just what we'd talked about, the meddling. It wasn't always a bad thing, but with more pressure... I didn't want to tell them.

She slapped her hand on her magazine. "Papa!" She gasped, glancing quickly at her watch. "I'll call him now! He can meet us here."

I nodded. Natsuko squeezed my shoulder, making me jump a little. As my mom fiddled with her phone, she leaned in to my ear, so my mom couldn't hear.

"I think I know what this is about," she whispered. My eyes went wide, and they darted away from her. Unafraid, she went on. "I'm going to talk to you about it later, when mom and papa go home."

The cold claw on my heart pulled it down all the way to my toes.