"It doesn't make any sense. He was talking to me in the car pretty well. He seemed like he was doing better. I don't understand it."

I was on the phone with Natsuko. I'd told her about the whole incident last night, needing to tell someone I could trust. "I don't know. He's not doing well." Sana's head was on my lap, and he was sleeping. My hand was on his head.

"It sounds like he's doing worse. I don't know, I think you should take him to the hospital again. See what that is. We can't ignore it."

"I'm not ignoring it." I looked down at Sana. He seemed so peaceful, but I knew that wasn't true. His words from last night. I closed my eyes, breathing in and out in a controlled way to calm myself.

"I think I'd better call Haru. See what he thinks. If he says Sana should go to the hospital, then we should take him. He's so weak right now. I don't want to take any chances. His heart... I wonder if it's his heart."

I paused, staring at the opposite wall. She was absolutely right. "You're right, in his weakened state, his heart could be..." I didn't want to say it.

She got it anyway. "Exactly. We should be as cautious as possible. I'm going to call Haru about this, and see what he thinks. I'll have to catch him between patients, but I'll call back as soon as I can."

"Okay. Thank you."

"It's nothing. I'll call right back."

"Okay."

We hung up, and I stayed frozen. She was right. What she'd just said struck the deepest fear in me, like a cold claw striking against my stomach, a dread. I wanted to pick Sana up and check him over, magically make him all better and remove everything wrong. Make this go away. I wanted him to smile and tell me what he wanted to eat, and I wanted to take him somewhere nice to make him smile. I wanted... Tears were pricking my eyes, and before I knew it, one had fallen into his sweet hair.

I wiped the trail of it away on my cheek. As I did this, my mom walked in the room, holding a basket of laundry. She set it down, and came over to the couch. She leaned down, and wiped the rest of it away.

"Natsuko says she thinks Sana should go to the hospital," I said, sniffling a little. I hadn't meant to cry, it came on all of a sudden. "She said he's not doing any better, and she brought up how in the car he was talking to both of us. He could move a little in the hospital. It looked like he was doing better. That's probably... That's probably why they released him. But, he's not doing better. It's true. He's doing, w- worse, and... And..." Tears were going down my cheeks again, telling my mom this. My panic.

"Sometimes people get worse before they get better," she tried to assure me. "But what she said is true. We have to be cautious."

"What- what should we do, then?"

My mom took the tissue box from the back of the couch. She handed me a tissue, and I wiped my face. She seemed like she was thinking, and I waited. But, I realized I hadn't mentioned the most important part.

"Natsuko says she wonders if it could be his h- heart. His heart struggling in all this. His body is w- weaker, and..."

My mom's hand cupped my cheek. I sniffed hard. "Then we should take him. We should make sure he's okay, and if he's not then we did the right thing. We'll be doing the right thing anyway, since we're worried."

"He's going to be so upset. He's so sad. He feels so ashamed. He told me." Thinking of Sana feeling ashamed through all of this. I put my head down, and wiped my tears quickly. My poor Sana...

"Oh... There's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm going to have to tell him that. He can't help this. He's not doing it on purpose."

"I know, but... Mom, what do I tell him? I don't know what to do."

She sighed, staring at Sana sleeping. Her bottom lip was out a little bit, sympathetic. "Well, first thing, we should take him to the hospital. We don't need to call an ambulance, but we should get him checked out. He needs more help. That's nothing to be ashamed of."

I sniffled. "Okay." My hand swept his bangs back, this habit of mine. I wanted to soothe him, even if he was asleep and couldn't feel it.

At the hospital, once Sana was checked in and had a room in the emergency department, we explained that he'd just been here, but he'd seemed to have been doing better when he was released. That he'd declined, using the word that I hated. I was terrified of that word, "decline". My worst nightmare. My mom explained that we worried about his heart in his weakened state.

The doctor was sympathetic, and knew about Sana's case already. We were here so often, it seemed like everyone knew. A nurse we'd had before entered the room, and we greeted her like an old friend. She said she was sorry to see us, but she'd take care of all of us, not just Sana. This made me cry again, and my mom retrieved a box of tissues from one of the cabinets.

Due to him needing to be monitored and not qualifying as an emergency, we were switched to a different kind of room, in a different department. It was called the observation department, one we'd never been in before. The unfamiliarity made me uneasy. I was so glad my mom was here.

My cellphone rang after we got settled. My mom had bought a bag of potato chips and a coffee for me from a nearby vending machine from the waiting room. She was drinking a coffee of her own. "Oh, it's Natsuko. She said she'd call me back ages ago," I remarked, swiping the answer button.

"Turn it on speaker, I want to hear," my mom said. I obeyed.

"Hey! Haru says you should go ahead and take Sana to the hospital! I just talked to him. It took me a really long time to get him, I'm sorry! He had back to back patients."

"We already did," my mom answered.

"What, mom's there? Oh, you did? Good. That was a good decision. Can I come, too? Are you in the emergency department? I'll get my keys."

"No, we're in the observation department. We've never been here before." I adjusted my phone in my hand.

"Observation? Hmm. I'll find it. Do you need anything? Something I can get? Are you are hungry?" We heard the sound of her keys, her millions of keychains clacking together.

"Yes. Get us some lunch. I'll pay you back," my mom said.

"You don't have to pay me back! What do you want?"

"I don't know. Something good," my mom shrugged.

"Thank you so much." I let out a deep sigh.

"Nonsense! I'll be there as soon as I can. I'll get something good." Her door slammed, and her keys were clacking a lot, locking her door. "Okay, I'll go now. I'll be there soon."

"Okay, see you soon," I said. My mom echoed me. We hung up. I leaned back in my chair, sighing again. My mom rubbed my hand, and I looked over to her.

"It's okay," she said, her voice unusually bubbly. Maybe on purpose. She rubbed my hand harder. "I know you don't want to be here. But, we're here with you. You're not alone. You don't have to do this alone."

Strangely, I found myself with a small smile. She smiled, seeing this. A hopeful one. I didn't want to disappoint her. "Thanks, mom," I said, clasping my other hand over our hands. Her smile widened, and her other hand met our hands. She held my hands like this for a long time.

I was ravenously hungry by the time Natsuko arrived. I didn't know where that came from. I could smell fried chicken coming from the bag she'd brought. She set it on the counter, and started to set it up. "What kind do you want? What piece?" She asked, turned away from us. "I've got french fries, too, and coleslaw and biscuits. I brought some soda, too. I didn't know how hungry you could be. I bought a lot."

"I'll take a chicken breast, and a little of everything." I was eagerly anticipating this, I realized. Strangely, my smile was back. It made me pause, such a weird feeling.

"Okay." She started to make my plate. "Mom, what do you want? I'll make it."

"I'll take a thigh and some coleslaw."

"Okay. Sounds good."

We sat down together, eating quietly. Natsuko turned on the TV, and we watched it. It was a show about animals, and I found myself enjoying watching them. They were adorable. Quickly, I realized it was a show about a zoo.

My mom started to speak, catching my attention. "Hmm. When Sana gets better, we should go to the zoo all together. I'm sure Shinji and Aki will enjoy it. I know the zoo is wheelchair accessible. The weather is becoming Spring-like now. I think it would be nice." She broke apart her piece of chicken, so casually, like what she was saying was no big deal.

Unexpected, my heart warmed. I had expected the opposite reaction. I'd noticed this as she was speaking, surprising myself.

Natsuko perked up. "Oh, yeah! That would be great! Tetsu, does Sana like the zoo? We should go all together."

I paused, my fork went to my plate. My mind was full of images of this, Sana smiling and looking at penguins or an elephant. Pointing, and looking at me, wanting me to see, too. I nodded, eagerly. "We should go. I know he'd like the zoo. He loves animals. I think it could make him very happy. I want him to feel happy. I think it's perfect."

"Yeah," Natsuko sighed. "We all need to feel happy, I think. Especially you."

My lips pressed together, and I looked down at my plate on my lap. It was weird, being called out.

"We should do more things as a family," she went on. "You just got married! I want Sana to feel included. He's officially part of the family now! We should do more things as a family, because our family is bigger now. I think that would be amazing."

"But." What she was saying was filling me with a feeling I couldn't name. Something like joy, but also caution. The two feelings mixing together into a strange one. "What if he doesn't get better. What if he..." I stared down at my half eaten food. I started fiddling with my fork, unsure what else to do.

"You can't think like that!" Natsuko gasped. "It's going to be alright, you'll see. Think about the future. Think about all the things we can do!"

I nodded. "I... I have been thinking about the future, actually." Images of us together, wearing white dresses. But, I couldn't tell them about that part. However... "I've been thinking about... About our wedding. To try to make myself feel better."

"Oh, that's wonderful, Te-chan," my mom breathed. She sounded relieved, so full of love.

"Y- yeah... Did... Did you know Sana is from Hawaii? Did I ever tell you that?"

"Sana is from Hawaii?! Lucky duck," Natsuko burst out.

I found myself strangely smiling again. I couldn't look at them, though. "Y- yeah. The big island. That island is just called 'Hawaii', so he calls it the big island. He's from a place called Hilo. I so want to go there. I want to see where he's from. I want to take him there. I haven't talked to him about it, but I'd love for us to get married there. I think it would be so beautiful, and it's home to him. Maybe it would help him...to see it again." My sinuses started to burn, as I said the last part.

"Oh, Te-chan, that would be beautiful." My mom sounded enchanted. I looked over to her, and noticed her expression was a mixture of gladness and sadness. I supposed my face must look like that, too, with how I felt inside.

"Yeah, I don't know if he can do it, but..." I turned back to my plate.

"He can do it," Natsuko assured me. "Don't worry."

I nodded. I lifted my biscuit to my mouth, and started to eat. It filled me with relief.