I knew Sana was okay. However, his physical state worried me. On the couch, I was holding him. I was sitting with my back on the couch, my arm leaned on the armrest. Sana was draped across me, his head resting on the crook of my arm, propped a little bit. A bed pillow was against the armrest, making him comfortable. A thin, yellow quilt was covering him. I felt every breath.

He was resting, his eyes closed, but not asleep. With him being in this weak state, I didn't agree with his doctor releasing him from the hospital. Shouldn't they have let him stay and regain strength? Monitor him? What about his heart? Was it affected?

All I could do was keep him comfortable now. He had regained some strength, but not much. I knew his blood sugar was stable, and this weakness was a result of the ordeal he'd been through, but... It terrified me completely.

The only way I could keep calm was knowing my family was here, and that Haru was sitting at the kotatsu with my mom and Natsuko. Everyone was doing quiet activities. My mom was reading a book, and Natsuko and Haru were looking at their cellphones, a bowl of potato chips between them. My papa, in his chair, was reading an evening newspaper as he often did. I was pretending to look at my phone, too, but I was really looking below it, at Sana.

I knew Sana wasn't asleep, because his breaths weren't the slow ones I associated with his sleep. Now that he'd told me he sometimes wasn't asleep when he looked like he was, I could subtly tell if I really paid attention. I wondered what he was thinking about.

Slowly, I noticed a change in him. His back, draped across my thighs, was tensing up. My hand went to his chest, to better feel his breaths. They were jumping a little bit. I put my phone behind me on top of the couch, and leaned down to him.

As soon as I did, small tears fell from his closed eyes. My thumb immediately wiped these away, but they kept coming. His face was completely unchanged, but these small tears...

I leaned down, and put my nose to his. Just touching. Hoping this touch would make him stop crying. To show I was here. That I was paying attention. Comfort him. In the corner of my eye, I saw movement. I straightened up, and saw Natsuko looking at me. We exchanged silent glances. I wiped more tears away from Sana's eyes.

She got up, and came over. She stood over him for a few moments, watching, too. He looked like he was crying in his sleep, but she didn't know he was awake. Without a word, she left the room. After a few moments more, she came back with a box of tissues in her hand. I took them gratefully, and pulled one, using it to dab his eyes and cheeks gently. She stood with us. I knew my family was observing us without words.

After a little while, my mom finally spoke.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Sana's crying in his sleep," Natsuko answered.

"Oh no," my mom said, full of concern. "I wonder what's causing it. Can we wake him? It would be better if he doesn't have to endure that."

"He needs his rest," Haru said, putting his phone on the kotatsu.

"I know, but..." My mom tsked to herself. "Poor thing."

I couldn't think of a single thing to say. He wasn't asleep, I knew that for certain. He could hear everything they were saying. What did he make of it? What was he thinking about? I wanted to ask, but he wasn't choosing to speak about it. Should I let on that I knew he was awake? But, what if it was private?

I decided to soothe him instead. Provide him some comfort. I put my hand on his forehead, and continued to dab his new tears away. They just kept coming. Before I knew it, he was blurry. I blinked my own tears away. I had to keep it together for him. Keep comforting him.

I realized the solution in an instant, because my hand was on his forehead. My family thought he was crying in his sleep, but he wasn't really sleeping. But, if he fell asleep, he wouldn't have to cry anymore. He could stop thinking, and not have to be in pain.

But, pain. Was he in physical pain? Was that why his back was tensed up? Sometimes, he said his joints ached during high blood sugar, but he hadn't complained of this at the hospital. But now, his body was weak. Could he be in pain, and not be able to tell me? Small whispers of panic started darting around in my body.

I had to do what I had to do. My hands took his shoulders. Natsuko's mouth opened to tell me no, but I was too quick for her.

"Sana," I said with sureness, shaking him gently. "Sana, are you in pain? Do you need pain medication? If you're in pain, I want to help. I can help. Are you okay?"

A tear rolled down on to the couch from his face. His lips parted slightly, and something told me to get close to his mouth. Very quietly into my ear, he answered me. "My joints hurt."

The tears I had blinked away returned, causing me to attempt to blink them away rapidly. I looked up at Natsuko, and she was standing there, looking unsure what to do, just lost in her concern. Her hands were folding together and unfolding. "Can you go get Sana's Tramadol? It's in the medicine cabinet upstairs," I told her, as calmly as I could muster.

She nodded, and rushed out of the room.

"Tramadol?" Haru asked.

"He just told me he's in pain," I explained, still trying to keep my voice calm. "That's why he's crying."

"He was awake?" His face looked puzzled.

"Ah-ah, Sana, you should have told us. We would have helped you," my mom sighed. "Poor thing. We would have helped ages ago. You don't need to suffer. Please tell us."

Fresh tears appeared, wetting his eyes. I dabbed them away with a new tissue. My hand glided into his hair, trying to soothe him. My other hand went to the elbow closest to me, and I began to gently massage it between my fingers. His mouth opened slightly, his eyebrow creasing. I gasped a little, and stopped immediately. His eyebrow remained creased, and new tears came. He sniffled, barely a sound to it.

"Did I hurt you? I'm sorry," I said quietly to him. My hand swept his hair back over and over again, slowly. My heart had descended to my toes at his reaction. An emerging sadness in my heart. "I'm so sorry, my darling," I said again, my heart urging me to say this, to let him know how sorry I was that I'd caused him more pain.

We heard pounding on the stairs. Natsuko came running into the room. "Ah, wait, water," she said, pausing halfway.

"He can drink mine." My mom raised her water bottle off the floor. Natsuko hurriedly grabbed it from her and made her way to me. I took it, and moved my arm gently under Sana's upper back. But I paused, worried.

I looked over at Haru, my eyebrows creased, my hand gripping the water and pill bottles too hard. "Is it safe for him to try to take this? In his state?"

He got up from the kotatsu, and came over to us. Without a word, he helped me sit Sana up. Freed, I got up and swung around to his front, leaning over to see him. "Sana," I said, trying to get his attention. "Do you think you can take this?"

Very slightly, he nodded his head. His eyes were still closed, making me less confident. If he was weak all over, did that mean his throat was weak, too? Should we even attempt this? My stomach was pinching, so in fear.

Haru was watching me hesitate. "If he chokes, I'm here. It's okay," he said gently.

"But, if he chokes," I said a little too quietly.

I heard my papa's newspaper rustling. I turned my head to him. He was watching intensely. "I'm here, too," he said. "Go ahead. It's alright."

Remembering him carrying Sana, so calm in the face of a storm. Small tears were forming in my eyes again. I turned back to Sana. His face looked like it was in pain now, when it wasn't before. Sitting up like this was causing him more pain. I had no time for hesitation. He needed me. He needed me, and that's all that mattered.

I put the water bottle under my arm, and opened the pills. I took one out, and screwed the cap back on. I handed the bottle to Natsuko, and opened the water bottle. Gently, I put my finger between Sana's lips, and he opened his mouth. I put the pill on his tongue, and tilted his head back slightly. I poured a little water into his mouth, and he seemed to take it well. As he swallowed, relief filled me.

"Did you swallow it?" I asked, full of love.

He nodded slightly.

"Okay, my love." I quickly went back to the couch, sitting where I had been. I helped Haru ease him back down his more comfortable laying position. Natsuko spread the blanket over him again.

I put my hand on his hair once more. It seemed to not cause him any pain. More than anything, I wanted him to fall asleep. I knew that even before the medication started to work, if he fell asleep then he wouldn't feel the pain anymore. Before I knew it myself, Natsuko noticed my panicked tears rolling down my face. She took the tissue box from the top of the couch, and handed me a tissue. I was surprised, and accepted it. I dabbed the tears on my face, never stopping my mission to soothe Sana to sleep.

After Natsuko and Haru left in the late evening, my mom, papa and I were still sitting together in the living room. Sana was finally asleep, I could tell. However, I was stroking his hair as before. But this time, I needed to do it for myself. It soothed me like nothing else, knowing I was doing this for him, easing his suffering in this small way, even if he was asleep.

My mom left the room for a little bit, and I heard something odd in the hallway. My papa saw it first, because he was closer to the doorway. He put his newspaper on the floor, and walked out the door. Slowly, what was causing the sound started to emerge.

"Mom?" I gasped.

She was dragging a queen size futon and comforter into the living room. "I'm going to grab two more," she said, straining to bring the giant bundle in the room, half dragging it on the floor. My papa picked up the other end. "It unraveled, but it's okay. I swept the floor today."

"But... Why?" I asked, in awe.

"I thought it would be best if we all slept in the living room together, just until Sana feels better. I don't feel comfortable leaving you two alone. Is that okay?" She asked, throwing the futon on the floor. My papa took the comforter from her with determination.

My mouth dropped open. I was speechless. This show of love.

"I'll get the other two," my papa told her. She nodded, and began to arrange the futon on the floor.

I found my voice. "I- I think that's a good idea. I was worried. I don't know what I'd do..." I couldn't say the rest. My throat was tightening.

"It's okay. I'll be here, and so will papa. We wouldn't leave you alone. Sana needs more care right now, so we're here to help."

I nodded, feeling my bottom lip jut out.

"Oh, it's okay," she continued, seeing this. She paused in her work, and came over to me. Her hands cupped my face. "You're doing good. We do what we have to do. Right now, he needs more help. There's no shame in that."

My body jumped, trying to keep my emotion down. "I know," I said, my voice choked. "I don't feel any shame at all. But... Thank you... I don't know what I'd do..."

She nodded, and went back to her work. I watched her arrange the futon, and she was smoothing out the wrinkles of the comforter when my papa came back with a regular sized futon and comforter in his arms.

"Ah-ah, papa that's too much to carry at once, what if you dropped them?" My mom scolded him.

"Are you telling me this when you just tried to carry that one and a queen sized comforter into the room by yourself?" He asked, matter of factly.

She let out a harsh burst of air through her nose, and didn't say anything, continuing with her work. He left to go get the other one.

I was filled with an overwhelming feeling. It was unnamed, and made me want to cry and swell with pride at the same time. Watching her, hearing my papa fuss around with the closet in the hallway which held our futons. Knowing why they were doing this. Her words. My hand went under Sana's yellow blanket, and found one of his hands. I held it as gently as I could in mine. This show of love from them. My throat choked, and again, as I had over the course of a couple of days, I began to sob again, just overwhelmed by it all.