As I fed Sana lunch, I thought about the physical therapist's visit to us in the late morning. Sana hadn't seemed receptive, and I had the suspicion that he might not be. He'd said, after all, that he didn't want any physical therapy exercises before. Maybe my trying to convince him hadn't worked.

We'd gone over how to use the exercise bands and which exercises with these might be the most appropriate. The physical therapist was happy to learn that I keep up with my own fitness and was able to keep pace with what she was saying. It all made sense to me, being a gym rat myself. She thought I could be an ideal coach for Sana for this, as if I'd refuse.

Sana said he didn't want a physical therapist or to go see one. In fact, as our conversation went on, he fell away from it more and more. He turned his head on the pillow and looked like he wasn't paying attention anymore, but I knew he was upset and not indifferent. I was trying to be polite to the physical therapist. She was a nice lady. However, I get that he was upset.

In the end, she said that for heart patients, walking was actually the best exercise one could get. Build stamina, make the heart stronger.

"I have balance issues, how am I supposed to walk? Think about what you're saying before you say it," Sana had snapped, tsking after and looking like he wanted to be far away from all of this. "It's not safe for me not to use a wheelchair. I fall down too much. Really, all of this is bullshit. I don't want to talk anymore about it."

We'd been stunned into silence. I'd never heard Sana say anything like that before. It was a completely new side of him to me. I'd said the only thing that I could think of in that moment, hoping he wouldn't turn that anger on me.

"Are you tired, darling? Hungry? Let's eat lunch." I turned to the physical therapist, who seemed awkward now. "Thank you for showing us these things. It was really nice. I'm glad to have met you." I bowed to her, and she bowed to me. She left the room, glancing back at us, clearly offended.

I'd gotten into the bed with him, and took him in my arms. And after that short burst of anger at her, he'd burst into tears. It turned out, he wasn't angry at all. He was upset at himself, his own limitations. Hopelessness.

"How am I supposed to walk? Look at me. How can she say that? She's so careless. How can she say that? Tetsu, look at me..." He'd covered his face, pressed it into my chest. I'd hugged him so tight, petting his hair, kissing his precious head over and over.

When he'd calmed down some, I'd ordered us some keihan from a local restaurant. It had shredded boiled chicken, mushrooms, egg, and greens all in a bowl. It was important to help him feel like everything was normal. We could eat from a restaurant. The world wasn't ending. He could do things that everyone else could. He was still sniffling as he sat propped up next to me, but he was eating. I put my hand under my chopsticks as I brought each mouthful so carefully to him. I made sure to eat as he was eating, too, because I knew that was important to him. He might worry if I didn't.

"This tastes good. What is it?" He asked.

"Keihan. I've only had it one time, when I went to Kagoshima. I'm surprised to have found it."

"Mm. I wonder what the recipe is. I'd love to make it myself."

A smile flew onto my face at this. I turned to him, so he could really see me smile. His eyes opened a little wider, his eyebrows going up. A small blush formed on his cheeks. "I'd love to eat it when you do. I want to taste keihan that you made." Teasingly, I popped a bit of egg in his mouth before he could say another word. I watched him chew it as the pink of his blush took over his entire face.

In the mid-afternoon, we were watching a nature program about volcanoes. I was holding Sana in front of me, and we weren't paying attention much. Instead, he'd asked me if Japan has any volcanoes. He figured there must be volcanoes, because we're an Island chain like Hawaii.

"What do you think Mt. Fuji is?" I'd laughed.

"What?" His eyes got so big. We'd started talking about what could happen if Mt. Fuji were to erupt in modern times. It was a very interesting conversation.

"I'm sure there'd be a large scale evacuation. People would filter out of the surrounding areas," I said.

"But, the trains would probably be stopped. That many people? What about those who don't have cars?"

"Ohh, true. I wonder."

There was a knock on our door. I wasn't expecting mom or Natsuko until later. We looked at each other, curious.

"Come in," I called out.

"I'm coming in," Yokohara-sensei answered, opening the door. She gently closed it behind her, and I could immediately see she was in a sour mood. Not good. Her usually friendly mouth was pursed and her eyebrows looked cross. She sat down in a chair next to us. "I have a bone to pick with you, Sana," she sighed, exasperated. She turned to me, and I shrank back a little. "And with you, Tetsu. I'm surprised at both of you."

"What happened?" Sana asked, feigning ignorance. I knew exactly what we'd done.

"What happened is that you refused to be weighed this morning and then you yelled at your physical therapist."

"Ah- that first one was my fault. I wasn't sure why he was being weighed, and his nurse didn't understand that he needs a wheelchair. I wondered how appropriate it would be to get him to the scale. I wasn't trying to be rude. I'm sorry." I bowed my head a little.

"That may be. It was relayed to me that you didn't understand why Sana needs to be weighed in the first place. Please understand, I'd never do anything to harm him."

A small blush was burning on my cheeks and on the tips of my ears. "I know that. I'd never imply... I was just wondering why he needed to be weighed. I was worried that getting him to the scale might be too much for him. He wasn't doing very well this morning."

She nodded slowly, crossing her arms. Her leg crossed over the other, too. "I get that. Can I tell you why?"

I nodded. "Please do. I want to understand as much as possible. And please accept my apology. I really wasn't trying to be rude. My complaint came from a place of love."

"I accept. I can understand that, too." She sighed deeply, and looked straight at me. My blush increased. "The truth is..." Her eyes explored Sana in my arms. Sana wasn't looking at her, staring out the window, being defiant. I rubbed his belly, and he turned his head to me, smiling. It relieved my tension in my stomach. Yokohara-sensei sighed again, pausing.

"What is it?" I asked, my eyebrows creasing now. Why was she hesitating? Was it bad news? A pinch formed where the tension had left inside.

She leaned forward a little. "The truth is, I've noticed that Sana lost some weight. With him, it's really noticeable, because he doesn't have the room for that. I know some of it is muscle mass, but I wanted to make sure. I want to know how much weight he's lost. Being underweight can affect how the heart functions. I don't want this to get any worse. Weight can be something that goes under the radar. When you see him every day, it's hard to notice that gradual change, but even in the short time since I'd seen him in March, it's dramatic."

I'd gasped as she spoke. Sana stared blankly at her, and then looked out the window again. Faintly in the distance, we could hear a car alarm somewhere go off. He was acting much more interested in that than what was going on in the room. I squeezed him a little tighter.

"What can we do? Increase caloric intake? Eat an extra meal? Or... What do you want us to do?" I asked, trying to show her she had my undivided attention.

"Something like that, yes. I can ask a nutritionist to come see you and consult-"

"I don't want a nutritionist. Just tell me what to do, I guess." Sana interrupted her, and was staring at the building across the way like it was the most interesting thing in the world. He seemed angry, but I knew from earlier...

It just made me want to take him away from all of this. Take him to the beach, somewhere where we could be free. I wanted to make him smile somehow, anything he wanted. Maybe if I found a shell on the beach, or a piece of sea glass. He might smile if I gave it to him, that precious smile. Make all of his worries go away, taken away on the sea breeze or on a sea bird's wings. We could stand in the surf, and he could be strong, and I could dance with him as the water kicked up on our legs, and maybe his smile would never go away. Maybe...

I didn't notice the heavy silence in the room as I ran away with my daydream. My daydream was broken when Yokohara-sensei spoke again.

"If you want to be uncooperative, how can I help you?" She asked. Her hands were balled into fists on her knees.

"I don't know," Sana said, shrugging slightly.

I had to intervene. Her getting angry at him wasn't what he needed. It was inappropriate. If she'd known him all these years, why didn't she understand that he wasn't really angry with her? Why did there need to be an angry response at all?

"Um, if I might suggest... Can you write down for us what you recommend and give it to us later? I think that would be best. We can look it over and talk about it." There was a desperation in my voice that I hadn't intended.

"I have to say, once again, that I'm so glad you're here," she sighed. "I can do that. But, there was something else I have to discuss with you."

"Please go ahead," I said.

"In regards to diet, again. I hate to say it, but for his heart... Sodium intake should be cut down. It helps with high blood pressure, and Harada-sensei noticed that a lot of the cardiac events have led with high blood pressure. A low sodium diet should help with that-"

"AND IF I HAVE TO EAT LOW SODIUM, WHAT SHOULD I EAT?!" Sana yelled, making me and Yokohara-sensei jump. He breathed in harshly, breathing hard all of a sudden. "YOU JUST SAID I NEED TO INCREASE MY CALORIES. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO INCREASE MY CALORIES?! I GUESS I SHOULD JUST EAT NOTHING, RIGHT?! HOW SMART OF YOU!"

"Sana..." Yokohara-sensei sounded scandalized.

"Baby, it's okay. It's okay... We'll figure it out..." I was trying to soothe him, but I didn't know what to do, either. It was true what he was saying. Even what we'd just ate, I didn't know how much salt was in there. How could we take care to be cautious of salt, as well as sugar? How could we do that? I squeezed him again, overwhelmed. I kissed the back of his head, feeling him breathing so hard. "Calm down. You're going to be okay..."

"But, Tetsu..." His voice was already on the edge of tears. I could tell he was trying to be brave.

"Yokohara-sensei, I'm sorry, but can you give us time to process this? Can we talk later? You can call us."

"Yes, I can do that." She sounded disturbed, unsure what to do.

"Thank you. We'll talk about it, and then we can discuss it later with you. I don't think right now is the right time."

"Okay. I'll leave you, then," she said, getting up. She bowed to me, and I nodded to her. Sana was still staring out the window, refusing to look at her. She went to the door and bowed to me one more time.

As soon as she left, Sana let out the loudest scream he could. So frustrated. He fell over forward, but I caught him, tightening my grip. Tears were flowing on his cheeks now that she was out of the room. I knew he would cry, but I was no more prepared for it.

"Baby..." I said softly, pressing my cheek to his as he mourned.

"What am I supposed to do?" He asked, in gasping breaths. "Without salt... How am I supposed to eat? There's no replacement for salt... I was okay, because at least what I could eat was tasty. But now... What am I... What am I supposed to do?" He collapsed into new tears, and I began to sniffle, too.

What he was saying was absolutely true. I didn't know the answer. I was completely lost. It was like we were on a small boat going out to sea, and we had no way to control how far we drifted. That fearfulness.

"And I..." He hiccupped, and breathed in, half choking on his breath, making me press him to me tighter. "I can't walk, and the physical therapist says the best thing for me is to walk... I can't walk! I can't walk..."

Us on the beach, the ocean water covering our ankles. Hand in hand, holding our sandals. The sunset in the distance, blooming the waves and clouds in colors. Orange, pink, purple. Colors in between. With a smile, I took his other hand, and he gave me a look of curious surprise. With a grin, I began to dance with him in the gentle ripples around us, and we began to laugh, so free.

I put my chin on his shoulder, and leaned back more, taking him with me. "It's okay if you can't walk," I said, tears falling down my cheeks, joining his already wet one. "I'll hold you, and you can dance with me. I'll hold you to me, and we can dance like we did in your apartment. I don't think that will be too much. If you can't walk, we can dance. And when you get tired, that's okay. It's okay."

He let out new sobs, loud and with abandon. "I want to," he whispered, too in emotion to say it any louder. "I want to try. I want to dance with you."

I kissed his cheek. "You don't need to walk. It's okay. You can even stand on my feet, and we'll dance. That's therapy enough." I swallowed hard, trying to control myself, but I couldn't. Just nothing but tears. "Don't worry about a physical therapist, or a nutritionist, or Yokohara-sensei. I'll heal you. Dance is what I know, and I know it can help us. You don't need to worry about anything. I'll do it."

He coughed a little, trying his best. I began to rock him gently, trying to soothe him.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too." I kissed his cheek, and he turned his head to me. His poor face. It was completely wet, so in pain. I'd do anything to make that pain go away. I brushed his bangs out of his eyes, and kissed his lips. Anything to make him stop crying. He kissed me back, and like this we kissed for a while. He was relaxing in my arms, all that stress finally melting away.