It was the early hours of the morning, I could tell. It wasn't quite morning in here, but getting there. I was watching Tetsu sleep. He looked so innocent. I was admiring his features, in particular.

The way the blue light was playing off him. The blue mixed with the black of his hair, creating an ethereal color, a blue-black. The light played off his chin, creating even more of a defined curve on the squaring of his jaw. And the way it made his skin glow. It was heaven. With every passing moment, the color changed due to the morning arriving. 

I thought of his skin tone now. He has a beautiful skin tone. It's a darker tone, one I would describe as sun-kissed. Even in winter, it looks like he's been in the sun, a golden tan. I wondered now what he'd look like in the summer time, with lots of hours at the beach. How beautiful it would be. 

And the color of his lips. It was hard to describe this color. They were pink, but a darker pink-brown. 

Thinking of this, seeing his colors change as the sun ascended. I wanted to touch his skin. It was easy to tell he took care of it. He had a lot of skin care products, which was one of the reasons why I'd bought him a gift basket of them for Valentine's Day. He had a routine every morning and every night, and I'd seen him mist his face to moisturize it randomly. It definitely worked. His face was baby soft and free of blemishes and discoloring. 

But, watching him, I remembered something, and it made me want to touch his skin even more. Tell him how beautiful he is. I wanted to remind him more. I wanted to wake him up, hold his face in my hands, and tell him how beautiful he is. 

Because the thing is, he doesn't believe it. I can tell him as many times as I want to, and he'll say he's beautiful, but I saw a crack in that confidence a while ago, and I am aware of it. I don't know how to fix it. 

It had been early November. He'd told me about himself a few days prior, and we were delighting in him getting to dress casually in feminine clothing. He had a euphoric way about him. And today, he was getting ready for the photo set that he'd meant to shoot earlier in the week. I was helping him again. 

I was watching him put on his makeup. I was admiring his skin tone against the burgundy of the dress. It looked absolutely beautiful, the color play between the dark tones of the dress and his golden tone. And then I noticed something odd, for the first time. It just struck me all of a sudden.

I watched him blend his foundation over his face. And my eyebrow wrinkled. He saw this in the mirror, and turned to me. 

"Hmm? Did I miss a spot?" He asked. "Where is it?" He looked back at the mirror, inspecting his face. 

I stared for a little bit, and shook my head. "You didn't miss a spot. You covered it all. That's why I'm wondering... Hmm..."

He turned back to me. "Hmm?" He smiled at me. He put his makeup brush on the counter of his vanity, and sat down next to me on the bed. He looked so gorgeous, and I picked up his hands. I knew he'd glove them soon, maroon satin shiny opera length gloves. 

"Why," I looked at his face, searching. "Why are you covering up your skin tone? Why is your foundation such a light color? I never noticed before, because I didn't know that wasn't your natural skin tone until you showed me on camera the first day we met. Your natural skin tone is so pretty. Why are you painting yourself so light?" 

He pursed his lips cutely. I had to break my seriousness. He was too cute. He had his wig on also, it was clipped up away from his face, but this made him absolutely irresistible to me. 

"What do you mean?" He asked. If I'd known him as well as I do now, I'd know he was playing innocent. Trying to be cute so I'd calm down. 

I doubled down. "I mean, your skin tone is so beautiful. Why are you trying to look like your skin is so light?" 

"I don't know. I've always done it this way. It's part of Aurelia."

But.

"But you said Aurelia is you, so why are you painting your skin tone so light?"

He paused. His eyes went wide. He looked towards the mirror. I started to rub the back of his hands, feeling his skin on mine. I looked at the blush of his fingernails against it. "Your skin tone is so beautiful," I said, staring at his hands. "Why do you change it? I think it's so pretty with this dress. The color of the dress really brings it out. It's gorgeous."

He looked back at me. His lovely lips were parted. He closed them, and looked down at me rubbing his hands. He took my hand in his, and he flipped it over so my palm was up, resting it on his thigh casually. He put his palm up with mine. I could see that his palm was much lighter than the other side. I thought that was beautiful, too. I wanted to kiss it. The pointer finger from his other hand started to draw on my palm, tickling me.

He tickled my palm slowly. "You think my skin tone is beautiful?" He asked quietly.

I nodded. "So beautiful. I admire it sometimes. Do you tan a lot in the summer? I know you like the beach." 

He nodded. "I do go to the beach whenever I can in the summer. But that's not why I'm dark. I've always been dark. My sisters are dark, too. I think it's genetic."

I remembered this, about his sister, Natsuko. "You're right, I remember, when I met her."

He nodded again, quickly. "But, I don't know..." He continued to trace on my hand. I watched his progress. I wasn't prepared for his words. "I've always wanted a skin tone like yours. You look like a porcelain doll. I couldn't believe it wasn't foundation. Your skin is so white and delicate. I admire your skin tone all the time."

"Huh?" My mouth dropped open.

"It's true. I do. Aurelia is an exaggerated version of myself, so I exaggerate her skin. No one but my close friends and family knows my skin tone is actually dark."

I was shocked. I stared at him. "What- are you trying to tell me you're ashamed of it or something? Your skin..." I stared at his beautiful golden tones. His exposed arms. His collarbone. His lovely neck. I wanted to kiss every inch of it. 

His eyes softened. I stared into them. 

Very slowly, he began to nod. He looked down at our hands again. "Since I was a child," he said almost in a whisper. "Kids used to say that I played outside too much. That I must not be entirely Japanese. They said so many mean things. And not just kids. Adults, too. They'd ask my mom if she ever let us inside the house. They'd say things about my hair, too, because it's wavy." 

My face had dropped. He'd been...bullied? 

He went on. "There's lots of things they'd pick on. They didn't like that I don't have creases in my eyelids, too. Ah. When I first saw your face on camera. I thought, 'what a perfect face'. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. You have a perfect v-shaped jawline. Your skin is so milky white. Your eyes are double-lidded. You have high cheekbones and pinchable cheeks. Your forehead is broad and high. I couldn't believe anyone could have all of those features at once. And then you took a shower at my apartment and I saw your skin tone isn't foundation, and none of those features had been made with makeup. I was astounded. I was so jealous." 

My face was a picture of shock. "What are you saying?" I asked, so surprised. "I'm jealous of you!"

"Huh?" He asked, his beautiful eyes going wide, too. He stopped tracing my palm at this.

"I've been watching you for over a decade. You change your makeup so much, that I could guess what your face looks like, and I was right." I sighed, staring at his face. "Your lips are so plump and beautiful. Pillow-y soft. Your eyes are so big, because you don't have creases. I think the shape of your face perfectly shows off your big features. I think you're perfect. You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen. That's not a lie. When I learned your skin tone is a golden tan, I was so taken. It's the most beautiful skin tone to me, because it's yours."

His face relaxed, his eyes curling at the edges, though he was smiling only a little. I knew it was a true smile due to the corners of his eyes curling. I reached up and cupped his cheek with my hand. He leaned into it, staring at me with those soft eyes.

My other hand joined the other on his face, cupping his other cheek. His smile increased, his eyes so soft and happy at this. "Don't listen to anyone who says you're not beautiful. They're just jealous," I said. "You're the most beautiful person in the world."

He made a cute noise, and I felt his cheeks going hot in my hands. He was blushing. I wrapped my arms around him and he scooted closer to me on the bed. He wrapped his arms around me, too, and we were kissing. His hand found the spot between my shoulder blades, and he pulled me closer. I pressed against him, and he leaned me to the side, commanding the kiss. His hand found the back of my head, and he was kissing me in a dipping pose. My head felt the softness of the bed, and he was kissing me as we laid. I sighed into it, and he took my hand, interlacing our fingers. 

Now, in the early light of the morning, I admired him. I wanted to remind him he is beautiful. I could only wait until he woke up. And when he did... I'd kiss him like he'd kissed me that day. I'd kiss all over his skin, kiss the tips of his fingers. He'd told me some other physical insecurities of his, so I'd kiss those, too. Even if he was unhappy with some of his features, I still thought they were beautiful, and I'd appreciate them. I wanted to make him laugh and be full of joy as I kissed all the things he thought were wrong.