It was the late evening. We'd come home, and Tetsu's papa was there. He made a big fuss, welcoming me home. He was glad to see me, and his enthusiasm made me blush. 

"Are you feeling better? Did they find a medication that works? No more shaking?" 

I told him I was feeling good. I thanked him for helping me that day where I'd been shaking. He made me blush worse when he said, "that's what family does for each other." Tetsu was very touched by his words. I could see his shocked face, his eyes shining. I didn't know what to say, so I gave as deep of a bow as I could from my wheelchair. Tetsu's papa was bashful about this. 

Now Tetsu and I were on the couch, our customary pose. His parents had gone to bed, but not before asking if I was feeling okay. I assured them I was okay, just tired. They told him to call them if he needed them. He agreed and had a beautiful smile at this. 

I nuzzled my face into his neck, and he sighed happily. His arms tightened around me comfortably. I kissed his neck gently, and he made a curious noise. I kissed it again, and he breathed long, enjoying this. I kissed it quickly three times in succession, and he let out a small giggle. I giggled with him, and relaxed my face against his neck, breathing him in. I couldn't stop smiling. 

"Are you feeling okay?" He asked suddenly. I wasn't expecting that question.

"Yes, I'm okay." 

"Okay."

"Are you feeling okay?" I lifted my head and looked at his face. He was smiling at me. 

"Yes, I'm okay."

I extended my hand and put my fingers in his hair, something I knew he liked. His eyes followed my hand, and he made a cute face. I giggled, and began scratching his scalp. 

"Mmm," he moaned a little, closing his eyes. 

"I love you. Thank you so much for everything you do for me." 

"I love you, too." He opened his eyes, still smiling that smile I love so much. It made his whole face brighten up. "You don't need to keep saying thank you. I noticed you've been doing that lately. Thank you isn't necessary."

"Oh."

I removed my hand from his hair, and put it on his cheek. He leaned his cheek into it, closing his eyes, then opened them again. His cheek felt hot on my hand, and I noticed he was blushing. His eyes were so beautiful, reflecting the light from the window. Like shining candies. 

"Why have you been saying thank you? Seems to have popped up suddenly. You didn't used to say that." He made a pouty face, and he was kissing my hand, having turned his face into it. It filled my heart with butterflies.

"Oh. Um..." I had to think a bit. Make sense of it. "It just seems like the right thing to say. I want to express how grateful I am. Lately, I've noticed that I've been taking up a lot of resources and time. Like...I'm taking you away from your music. You haven't even talked about it. I feel guilty."

He stopped kissing my hand. He began rubbing my back, and I relaxed and put my chin down, putting the side of my face against his neck. He sighed a long sigh. "Don't worry," he said. "Don't worry about my music. You're more important." 

"But," I paused. I nuzzled into his neck. Strange tears struggled to the corners of my eyes. I realized I was emotional about this subject. Something I was trying not to think about, but came up now suddenly to the surface. My worries. "I do worry. It's been months. Are you on hiatus? You haven't talked about it on your blog, so your fans don't know. Is it okay to be away for so long? I think I'm-"

His arms tightened around me, and his kissed my head, starting to rock me back and forth on the couch. He kissed my head again. 

"Mm?" I closed my eyes. This was making me so relaxed. Feel so loved. 

"Don't worry," he repeated. He kissed my head again. A long kiss. "Don't worry. It's okay."

"Is it? Because I know in the music industry, it's not-"

"Don't worry. I love you." He kissed my head again.

But his words had a strangeness to them. He sniffed hard, and I heard liquid sounds. I was alarmed. I looked up at him. He was looking at me. 

"Tetsu, what's wrong?" I asked, so serious. No hint of play. He'd been acting like he was playing, though he'd sounded serious, too. His eyes were full of tears.

"Don't worry about it. It's okay." His voice had a hint of fog in it. 

I propped myself up on the couch using my hands. I was face to face with him. "Tetsu, what's wrong?" I repeated. 

He looked cornered. He couldn't look at me. 

"What happened?" 

He shook his head quickly. He brought his hands up to his face and wiped his eyes. He sniffed hard. His hands went into his hair and he swept it back. He covered his face. I heard him say muffled words.

"I didn't want you to find out."

"Find out what?"

"I don't want you to worry. The last thing I want is for you to worry about me."

I leaned on one of my hands, and tried to pry his hands from his face. They were stuck there. "Look at me. What happened? What-" I found myself breathing harder. I had to calm myself down, but how could I?

He shook his head slowly. 

"Of course I'm worried about you. I worry about you all the time. How you're feeling. How you're doing. I love you. I just don't tell you, because I can't. I worry about you 24/7. How is this any different?" I sighed. "Do you think I don't worry about you?"

His hands slowly left his face. "You worry about me?" He asked, innocently and quietly.

"Yes! Of course I do. That's why I keep saying 'I'm sorry' and 'thank you', because I worry I'm not showing you how I feel. I want to show you I care about you. I don't know how else to show it. I'm sorry. Oh, crap, I did it again. See? I can't stop." 

Amazingly, this made him laugh a little. A small smile. I poked the tip of his nose, and the smile expanded. It filled my whole body with relief. 

"Now, what happened? Why are you crying? Please tell me. Don't hide. I love you. It makes me sad to think you have to hide from me. Am I scary?" I looked into his eyes sincerely. His beautiful eyes, still swimming in tears.

"No, you're not scary." I was so glad to hear his words. They were like a song to my ears, his true feelings.

"Why are you crying?" I swiped at his bangs, because they'd gotten messed up. I loved feeling them between my fingers. Made my heart warm.

He seemed to think for a moment. His lips pressed together, and his eyes went bigger. I wanted to kiss him. I was about to, when he spoke.

"I... I was fired. For lying that I was taking care of my mom, but they found out I wasn't taking care of a family member. I tried to tell them that you are my family. You're the man I love. But that wasn't enough. They said it would be a scandal. That I'm 'gay', and that isn't the image they wanted for the company. I asked them what they thought my image was, with how I dress, and they said that's different, it's a character. They... They said they own Aurelia as a character, too, on that note. I... I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't know... I don't want to worry you. I- I can't- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." His hands swept into his hair again. His face crumpling terribly. Tears leaked out from the inner corners of his eyes, then overflowed. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice pinching. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I tried. I tried. I'm sorry."

I felt myself breathing harder. My heart starting to beat faster. I tried to calm myself, but my eyes searched his crying face. My heart began to pound, and I felt myself wheezing. 

"I- uh- I-" I sputtered. 

He gasped. "Sana!" He breathed, my name in a whisper, in his own grief. 

"Because- because of me-" I wheezed. 

"Sana!" He cried out. 

I felt my world spinning. The darkness. Just my wheezing. I heard him calling for his mom, his papa. I knew I was sitting up now, and then I was laid face up on the soft couch. I saw his crying face above mine. He was standing up. 

"Calm down, calm down, I'm sorry, I'm so-orry," he sobbed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." His voice collapsed in his tears. He knelt down next to me, crying. His beautiful voice sobbing.

There was a pounding sound, and heavy footsteps. His papa's and mom's voices. I heard the clips on my purse. His papa was telling him to calm down, control himself. I felt my inhaler being shoved in my mouth, the hard plastic hurt. 

"Breathe," his mom said gently to me. I obeyed. She puffed the inhaler once. She told me to breathe again, and I did and she puffed it again. "That should help. It's okay. You're okay."

My fingers were shaking. "I'm shaking," I whispered.

"From the inhaler," she tried to assure me. But I wasn't sure I believed her.

I found I could breathe, and my heart was calming down. I focused on my breathing. 

"It's okay, you're okay," she kept repeating. I listened to her voice. 

"What happened?" Tetsu's papa asked gently. 

"I said something bad," Tetsu said, still crying. "Really bad. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He made a small, drawn out sob under his breath. "It's me. I made him upset." His words became too mixed with sobs to be comprehensible to me. 

I didn't want him to be upset. I felt my body tense up.

"Whoa, whoa, stop that," his mom scolded me. "Calm yourself."

"Did you fight?" His papa wanted to know. 

"No," Tetsu answered. 

I looked over to them. I could see his papa was embracing him. I was glad. It made me feel more relaxed to see him being comforted. 

"That's it," his mom said to me gently. "Relax."

"Tetsu, it's okay," I said as loudly as I could, which wasn't very loud. I heard footsteps, and he was knelt down next to his mom. He took my hand, and his face looked so apologetic. I wanted to comfort him. 

"Oh, your hand is shaking-" He gasped, "Oh no, your blood sugar. Mom, can I test his blood sugar, the kit?" He gestured to his mom, at my purse beside her.

"I don't think it's his blood sugar. I think it's jitters. But we can make sure." 

"Okay," Tetsu said, trusting her. She rubbed his back hard. His head went down in this. She opened my purse again, and handed him my blood testing kit. Calmly and steadily, he tested my blood sugar, going through the motions. It came up normal, and he visibly relaxed. His mom set my kit up for next time and put it back in my purse, and I heard my purse clips closing.

"Don't fight with each other," his mom scolded, rubbing his back hard again. "There's no reason to fight. I can't think of a single reason for you to fight."

"We weren't fighting," he tried to explain. "I would never fight with Sana. I promise."

I shook my head. "We weren't fighting."

I heard his papa sit down in his chair, the familiar sound of the depressing cushion. "You two should go to bed, get some rest," he said. "Especially after this. It would be good for both of you."

Tetsu nodded. "We'll go to bed now."

"I'm glad you're both okay. Are you sure you're okay? You don't look okay," his mom said to him, still rubbing his back. 

"I'm okay." He nodded, trying to assure her. "Now that Sana is okay, I'm okay."

"I know it's upsetting. It's scary for both of you," she said, looking like she was in thought. She got up, and I watched her walk across the room to Tetsu's papa. She pulled his hand and he got up. She turned to us. "Go get some rest. I think maybe tomorrow I should talk to you both about how to cope with something like this. I don't think I've paid enough attention to that. This situation can be stressful, and I think what just happened is a good example of that. We can talk tomorrow about it, okay? Managing stress is more important than ever. For both of you." 

I nodded, unsure what to say about that. She didn't know the real reason. I was trying not to think about the real reason, trying not to get upset again. But, Tetsu... He'd... I felt my heart beating faster and I tried not to think about it. His mom and papa left the room and we heard them going up the stairs. 

Tetsu grabbed my hand. He got up on his knees, and his head was on my chest, the side of his face. He was looking at me, and I looked at his apologetic face. He closed his eyes, and tears fell onto the side of his nose. At this, I felt my own overflow. 

"Don't say you're sorry." That's all I could think to say. "It's not your fault." The same words he always said to me over and over.