Timmy Liu McKenzie

How likely is it to get a heart attack at seventeen?  I'd say pretty likely, seeing as I barely dodged one at the ice rink.

Curtis almost kissed me...

It's as unbelievable as it sounds, I can't even believe it, maybe I dreamt it all up? I turn to glance at Curt at the steering wheel and my face gets stove hot, I quickly look away, my fingers tightening the more around each other. Oh fuck... I didn't dream it up, it almost happened. My mind plays the scene again as it has a hundred times for the past twenty minutes.

"Okay," Curt breathed out, searching for points to draw whatever he was about to say from. "Maybe you're right but there's nothing we can't change."

My heart skipped at the way he said 'nothing'. It sounded like some kind of personal dare and a promise all together.

"Curt—" I planned to scold or whine but something about the determined look in his eyes stopped me.

I thought I was imagining things but I wasn't, Curtis Salazar definitely moved closer to me. I was too scared to blink, maybe if I close my eyes for even a split second, I'd miss something. Curt just looked at me, his hazel eyes clear as snow, moving between mine and then his eyes flickered to my lips, so fast and so short, even with my eyes open I nearly missed it. My heart picked up pace and started pounding so loud, I thought I'd faint. I surely wasn't mistaken, he looks like he wants to kiss me. I couldn't help my eyes widening at that conclusion— Curtis kiss me. I both dread it and anticipate in with inmesurable excitement. What if he kisses me and he hates it and it ruins our friendship and possibly gives me my first fatal heartbreak that's not really a heartbreak? And what if he kisses me and he likes it, then what? It's something I've dreamt about so much, I couldn't help feeling scared... If he regrets it—

I don't get to complete that thought because Curtis blinks and the look is gone from his eyes but he doesn't stop looking at me until one of this friends yells something that I'm too dazed to get... The moment snaps and reality seeps in, reminding me of the fact why we're still just best friends after all this while. It like my brain comes back and I startle away from him, raising my wall back up as if preventing him from making a huge mistake.

Curtis looks away and then I don't know who I was protecting more— him or myself?

Even in that fragile moment of stupid determination, he couldn't do it.

He couldn't do it.

I sigh, "of course, what were you expecting Timmy?"

"What?" Curt asks, looking away from the road to glance at me. I startle, remembering exactly where I am— Curtis's car. He gives me a small smile, "sorry I didn't get you."

"Uh," I swallow, clearing my throat because my voice came out so small. "Nothing, I was speaking to myself."

"Why?" He asks and I almost get angry at his obliviousness and curiously and most of all, myself.

"I don't know, okay?" I snap. "Just happened."

"Um--" Curtis falters. "Okay."

I sigh, "I'm sorry." I get the urge to dig my fingers into my hair and pull but I resist it, opting for pinching my nose instead. "I don't know where my head's at. Shouldn't have snapped, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he sighs too, as if understandingly. "I get it."

I am not expecting that. "You do?"

"Yeah," he drawls and I see that he's getting uncomfortable, blushing a bit. "You're clearly still wound up about what happened at the ice rink."

My heart skips. "What?"

"Look, I shouldn't have tried to-- do what I did," he murmurs. "At least not without your permission. We even talked about it and I almost broke the rule. I'm sorry."

Oh.

"Oh," I look at my red fingers. Red from all the tangling together I've been doing. "That's-- that's nothing. I'm fine."

"No, I'm serious Timmy," he says, voice clearer now. "I almost violated your privacy and personal space for my selfish purpose. This whole agreement is already selfish enough as it is. Rules are rules."

I exhale in defeat. That's not what this is about you idiot! I wanted my privacy and personal space invaded, thing is, you were too straight to do it. Proving me and my love for you completely stupid and an act of punishment to my own self.  "It's fine, it was a stupid rule anyway."

"Yeah?" Curtis asks, wanting an elaboration like he is think the same and just needs me to back him up. I am not expecting it but I go with the flow regardless.

"Yeah," I nod, looking for excuses. "I mean, who fake dates without fake kissing. It's stupid. Kissing is the very act that shows and demonstrates intimacy, even if it's fake."

"Yeah, I totally agree," Curtis said, nodding with me. "And what highschool couple dates without kissing?"

"None," we both say at the same time and then we look at each other and smile. Curtis is driving so he quickly looks away first and I'm so thankfully because it allows me to blush my face off in peace.

"So we need to kiss," I slowly say and it's also a question at the same time.

"To seal the lie on our 'relationship'," Curt slowly completes and I feel it's also a question none of us are willing to answer.

He glances at me and I know it even though I am not looking his way but completely focused on my fingers. Timmy, what the fuck are you doing?!

"Ah," Curtis laughs to break the mood in the car. "We can have this conversation later and figure out what to do. For now, we're going out so I can make it up to you for the ice rink thing and so you'd forget and have a little fun and eat."

Yeah, back to that. "You don't need to make up for anything, I told you to just drop me off at home. I don't want to hang out with your friends," I groan.

"Sorry Timmy, but going home isn't an option."

"Why?" I ask although the reason is clear seeing as we have already driven past both our houses. I must have been too distracted by my fingers to notice.

"Because I already told them I'm coming with you, it'll be strange if I don't and what better way to quench rumors than to hang out together in public?" Curt looks at me with a grin, listing off reasons that don't really matter.

I face palm, "I can't believe you."

"Cheer up, we're going to a place you like," he said with a mischievous smile.

"Where?" I peck up but then I don't stay curious long as Curtis pulls his car into the driveway of Mr. Been's Shake Up Joint. . . Also plainly called,   Mr Been. I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be Mr Bean but the typo stuck.

I smile; did Curt really bring me here because of their famous goat cheese or because it's one place where Fritz is always available. I love Fritz by the way, I'm obessed with the Pretzel in Peanut Butter goodness and my stash at home is actually running low. How thoughtful.

I come out the car and Curt gestures with a huge grin at the hopefully soon to be repainted building.

"I brought you to," he drawls for effect and I smile expecting him to say Fritz but then— "Alex. Your fine crush."

My smile sinks so fast, Curtis doesn't notice. Okay, I'm not sad or hugely disappointed, Alex is a sight for sore eyes with the most friendly eyes ever and a defect of winking but... Argh... Okay, I'm hugely disappointed. What about Fritz and can this guy be any more oblivious?!

I force on my widest I Am So Excited, Kill Me Now smile.

What was I expecting? He's straight.

*

The bell on the door jingles as we enter, making our presence known but it's not like anybody cared, the place is almost full and as rowdy as always. Most of the people hear at this hour are Glendale's students, Mr Been is a well known hangout for them and there's hardly a time you'd come here and not see an ash blue uniform sitting somewhere. At a corner are the guys from Ice Hockey team wearing the teams casual jerseys that don't get pads stuffed in them and a few other girls and boys, they were currently occupying three booths, eating a lot and making a whole lot of noise— that unfortunately is our destination.

Mr Been isn't a place one goes to when they need coffee and quiet, of course you can get the coffee but the quiet is impossible. It also has a karaoke stashed at a side so at anytime you can get your ears attacked by a group of silly teenagers or a caffeine high one. I'm not a regular of any sorts and neither am I a stranger to the joint, they serve great food and they have a handsome guy running the coffee machine, that's enough reason to come here.

"Well," Curt says nudging me with his shoulder, wearing a loopy grin. He's feeling so full of himself and proud, if he isn't my best friend I'd have smacked the grin right off. "Should we go together or do you want to go greet your beloved alone?"

I shove his hand off me, "he's not my beloved and I'd go alone, you can go tell your guys to quieten down a bit."

"As you wish," he starts walking off. "Don't stay too long."

I watch him go for some seconds before looking away and making my way over to the somewhat of a counter where orders are made and bills paid. Is it just straight boys that are this oblivious or boys in general? I'm so lost in my thoughts that when my turn comes, I just sigh relaxing my elbows on the wooden top like it was my kitchen counter.

"Earth to Timmy," a voice says and I look up to see Alex raising a perfectly craved brow at me with a smile. Okay, this wasn't all a bad idea.

Remember when I said Alex is a sight for sore eyes, yeah I think that expression is far too underrated when it comes to him. I didn't even know his surname and he looks like someone who deserves a full name calling status. Alex wasn't always like this though, I've known him for a pretty long time. Way back when he was attending the public school downtown, then he graduated and went off to college earlier this year, and now stories have it that he dropped out is back here. Alex was a fat kid, but not in any way shy or withdrawn. He was the kind of fat kid that dominated the place and demanded respect, no one dared make fun of him. When I first came out to Curt and he started teasing asking me what my type was and if he had to stop changing in front of me and having some sleep overs, I panicked. I panicked so hard because I didn't want anything to change between me and Curt just because I'm gay, so in my panic state I had laughed and told him there was nothing to worry about because I liked fat guys.

When I said that, I had absolutely no one in mind. I just said that because Curtis wasn't fat, so there's no way he'd think I like him. Now coincidentally the only fat guy we actually knew was Alex and one fateful day when we were going to our school, Alex smiled at me and we waved as we usually did and then Curtis miraculously put 'two and two' together and I couldn't deny it because then he'd know I lied, so I just accepted it and have been living that lie.

Now Alex wasn't fat anymore, he lost all his fat his junior year and has been more of a hotshot ever since. Alex has a full sleeve tattoo covering his right arm, he has a tongue piercing and he wears eyeliner that makes his cerulean blue eyes really pop out. His saggy brown hair is currently dyed to what has to be the darkest shade of black ever and with his chiseled jaw, straight perfect nose and full pink lips, Alex is totally worthy of being on the front page of Vogue. He is almost as tall as his Curtis and wears a chain on his neck and  belt. In the late evening if you strolled around Mr Been which also happens to be run by his family, you'd likely catch Alex outside, playing his guitar without a worry on Earth.

I chuckle, blushing at the situation and pushing my glasses back in place with a finger. "Sorry, got lost in my thoughts back there."

He slowly nods understandingly, "are you okay?"

I purse my lips, "Define okay?"

"Um," he leans closer to the counter, "Okay means a situation where I don't have to bust you out of here, beating some rich white ass in the process."

Um...

Alex smiles, showing his really white teeth with canines that were really pointy. I chuckle, "I'm okay then."

He shakes his head amused, "good to know, although it still seems like you're out of place."

"Yeah," I drag, looking over at the booths with the Ice Hockey guys and meeting Curt's eyes because he is looking at me. I look away, back at Alex. "That isn't really my crowd."

"Not in anyway," he uses a rag to wipe his hands and I notice on the right arm with the tattoo sleeve, he also had letters tattoed on four of his fingers, excluding the thumb, it read: HEAL. "Is Curt dragging you off to his hangouts now?"

I sigh, "not really and also yes. And although it's not my crowd, they aren't that bad. Had lunch with them today and didn't die. How did you even survive highschool? I feel like at this rate I won't survive it."

Alex laughs, "honestly I don't even know. One minute I was in, a century later I was out."

I laugh, "a century alright."

"But you're a smart kid Timmy, smart people always survive."

I nod with a smile before looking up and narrowing my eyes at him. "Kid?"

Alex winks, "I'm a highschool graduate and older than you, I get to call you that."

"No way, you're just eighteen," I say, then I point at him. "And you know you're a graduate now because you skipped a year in middle school. Fucking public school."

Alex holds my lean finger pointing at him with his big hand, smirking at me. "Skipped a year? Did I really? Did I?"

I look into his blue eyes and he looks like he's trying to hypnotize me with the serious look he's giving me but it doesn't work, "Yes," I cry out like I'm breaking out of a compulsion. Quite dramatic of me in hindsight.

Alex maintains the serious look on his face, not looking away from my eyes and just when I begin to feel myself unnerve and question whether he really skipped a year or I'm confusing what I know— Alex winks and breaks into a laugh. I inhale deeply, not believing that he almost succeeded in hypnotizing me, then I join him him in a laugh.

"Fuck you, I was about questioning my sanity."

Alex seems like he's unable to get his lips back to the normal state and he runs his un-tattoed fingers through his dark hair. "God, you should really come here more often."

I blush, "why?"

"Because you always make me laugh," he simply said. "It's-- amazing."

Then my mind flashes back to earlier today when Curtis said he came over because he knew I'd make him laugh. I sigh and shrug, "yeah, seems likes it's what I do. My superpower."

"The most cool superpower if you ask me."

I don't get to say anything in response to that because a hand slings over my shoulder and with way the person takes caution not to crush me with his weight and the scent, I just know it's Curt. I turn to look at him, raising a brow and Curt smiles, touching my nose with a finger.

"Hey, what's taking you so long boyfriend?"

Why am I not surprised?

Fuck my life!

---------------------------------