22nd November, 2024

Friday

Dear Hongjoong,

My heart tugs at the strings of our past, how melancholic it has become, now that you're not around. Yet, I found myself cogitating back on them, the memories bringing back so many emotions, my eyes dilating almost immediately to bring forth all the suppressed feelings in the form of teardrops upon the pages that lay open beneath my vision.

I still remember the very first day my eyes rested upon your presence back in high school. I was a mere nobody, residing at one corner of the classroom, striving to evade all the chaos and focus on my books. I wasn't expecting, and neither was I sacrificing any bit of my attention to the surroundings.

Yet, there was this sudden ripples of giggles followed by a loud laughter that made me look up and search for the source.

And of course, it had to be you.

Sitting amidst your companions a few seats away from mine, with your ravenous strands pushed back from your forehead, the tie hanging loosely from your neck and sleeves rolled up to your arms, I saw you laugh away to someone's jokes, looking so carefree and oh so handsome.

Perhaps, that was the day when a sudden realisation dawned upon me that falling for someone's laugh is not at all impossible.

After that little incident, I found myself staring at you everyday, from the farthest corner of the room, my eyes remained fixated upon the second bench of the third row. I tried my best to make a mental note of almost everything about you, from the way you communicated so freely with everyone to the way you messed with your friends but never caused any harm. From the way you never failed to answer a question that was directed to you during classes to the way you being a perfectionist in nearly everything you did, even surpassing the class president whom everyone assumed to be the best.

You were the heartthrob of the school, the one everyone desired to be with. From looks to manners to talents, there wasn't a single spot where you lacked. Rumors spoke of you being a playboy, and perhaps, that made me hate you the most in the beginning.

But now, gone were the days when I used to loathe your name, so popular for being a renowned 'playboy'.

I was now head over heels in love with you.

But, I never thought of approaching you. How could I? How could I even bring the thought to myself about going closer to someone who was so famous with the masses? I tried, but everytime I dared to take a step forward, I failed.

Miserably.

But perhaps, there was something already planned for us.

Two weeks later, one Saturday morning saw me sitting right in front you within the space of an empty library, flipping through pages of plural books in search of resources to work upon for our upcoming assignment.

Who would've thought that I would bear the luck of being paired with the one that happened to be the school's beloved and also, my crush?

I remember being quite timid, simply reading all the books and collecting information while you were the one to initiate every conversation. It's absolutely impossible to forget the sparks of excitement and joy that flashed upon your face, making my heart beat faster, the heat engulfing my cheeks and ears and all I could do was sit and listen to your beautiful voice immersed in explanations, little giggles appearing as intermissions.

We became close, from acquaintances to friends, but maybe this heart of mine craved for more. I was scared. Scared of facing a verbal rejection right upon my face and hence, I chose to write it all down, the depths of my feelings that I felt for you. I etched them down upon a paper and left it inside your book, waiting for your return and open it, flip through the pages, find it and read it.

And you did.

I would've never imagined your eyes catching my presence outside the door once you completed reading it, peeping into the empty classroom to watch your reaction. And when you saw me sprinting away, you ran after me, chasing me down the corridors to another classroom that resided in the third floor.

Finally surrendering myself to your grasp, I gave up my escape. Caged within your arms on either side with my back pressed against the wall, you finally brought me to a hault and demanded for it. For a verbal confirmation of all the words that I had written upon that paper. You wanted to know, to be sure of it, completely.

And I did, just as you told me to do. I was shaking all over, fingers fidgeting with each other in nervousness, lips quivering, eyes brimmed with tears, threatening to fall any moment. I saw you inhale a long breath and immediately squeezed my eyes shut, allowing the tears to spill.

I had already prepared myself for the brutality of your reply but astonishingly, it never came.

Instead, I felt a soft pair of lips rest upon mine, a sweet smooch placed upon them, shocking me. I had no time to open my eyes and comprehend it all, when I felt a pair of hands snaking around my waist, the lips now moving against mine in a perfect sync. I trailed my hands against your chest, locking them around your neck as I pulled you closer to deepen the kiss.

My first kiss.

Soft and sweet, the kiss dissolving me within a whirlpool of giddiness, my mind way too foggy to even think clearly, the pit of stomach uncoiling as if to release a new surge of emotions. Is this what they say about feeling butterflies fluttering within your stomach? The feeling of your patient lips moving against mine feels so fresh, as if it had all transpired yesterday. You kissed me and wiped my tears away, honeyed words of love rippling out of your lips, the answer to my letter already given.

And I couldn't have been happier.

That was the day when I came to be known as your 'boyfriend', your lover. And for all the times that followed and for all the memories that we built together within that duration, I am immensely thankful to you. With you by my side, it seemed as if my life viewed the infusion of chroma for the first time, the dazzle of so many new colors, a life that had been stuck in black and white for this long.

And as I write to you presently, crouching against the wall, the darkness of my room engulfing my breaths, all I can afford to do is to close my eyes and fill my mind's eye with a vision of brightness, the glow of the setting sun shining upon us as you kissed me away under the crepuscular hue, with a promise of never drifting away from me, no matter what.

A promise of no departure.

~Hwa

-------------------------------------

Thoughts?