26th November, 2024

Tuesday

Dearest Hongjoong,

I see the moon from the window, silvery beams of a pristine hue shimmering down upon the place, the beams making their entry through the open, adding a soft glow to the room. The window sill is deserted, with no one to perch upon it and stare back at the celestial beauty and make me jealous, with vivid intentions.

I miss it. I miss you.

I don't know what to feel anymore, Joong. Two months, three weeks, two days, twenty hours, twenty four minutes and all the seconds that are passing by- without you.

Regret gnaws upon me like a desperate parasite. Only if I had not given up so easily and had taken your hand and made you sit upon a seat and had talked it all out with caution and calm. Only if I had not put the ring down and walked away without turning back anymore. Only if I had not signed the papers without taking any note of the plausible repercussions and instead, had give it a deeper thought-

Only if I hadn't done any of the above, perhaps you would still be here.

With me. Beside me.

The darkness grows deeper within, and I happen to find solace in its grasp. My vision is weakening, but I don't seem to care anymore. I can feel my body quiver, my hands shaking and the interior of my body seeming to twist and turn, sending pulses of trembles. The grip around my throat seems to grow tighter with every moment passing by and my fingers holding the pen within happen to loose it's grip.

It's working. 

Finally.

I don't know if I'll have the chance of seeing you again. But if fate chooses to show me any bit of kindness and I happen to lay my eyes upon you as I reach to the other side, then I'll be at your feet, begging for forgiveness for every bit of turmoil that I had caused to you, resulting in your departure. And if you choose to forgive me, then perhaps, I'll dream of laying my head upon your shoulder and cry all my sorrows out, fingers intertwining as a sign of a new beginning.

I love you, Hongjoong.

And I'm sorry.

For now, I must put this down and close my eyes, an early preparation for the approaching darkness, a permanent peace to offer. 

'Cause now, I no longer strive to breath under the moonlight.

All I presently need is the hold of the void, the hands of the dark, the lygophile in me finally sprinting towards my desire.

Only in the hopes of seeing you again.

In the lands of the other side.

-----------------------------

~The End~

Yeah ik this wasn't the one to meet the standards:') I wrote this book out of pure exhaustion (and slight depression) and without ANY plot thought out in my mind. So yeah- wouldn't call it one of my best works.

But if y'all happen to like it, do tell me in the comments. Your comments keep me highly motivated and encourages me to write more<3

See y'all soon with another book.

Take care♡♡

Adios~