WARNING*- Mature content, including vulgar language, talks/ attempts of suicide, and trigger themes.

~•~•~•~

"Thank you," Finn turned towards Lydia with a weak smile.

Lydia smiled back, one hand still tightly gripping the steering wheel although the car had parked.  "It was no problem," she nodded as a small smile drifted across her lips.

Finn grinned weakly before stepping out of the car.  He nodded at Lydia before turing and walking towards the house that he once called home.  That he once felt safe in. 

But Finn didn't call this place home. When he thought of home he thought of her hair, the sound of her voice, and how her skin felt against his fintertips. 

For this wasn't Finn's home.

Home is where the heart is.

And Finn's heart was with Lydia.

~•~•~•~

Finn awoke with a jolt. He jerked to a sitting position before taking deep breaths. Sweat trailing down his forehead as he breathed in and out. Slowly, in and out.

His light chestnut hair had fallen down his forehead and stuck slightly to his skin.  His hands were trembling and the hot air that passed his swollen lips made a small shiver run up his spine.

Finn glanced around to notice that the place he had woken up in wasn't his bedroom. All he saw was darkness. Silence surrounded him with the smell of alcohol floating through the air.

His eyes immediately widened in alarm knowing that smell all too well. Finn frantically scanned his surroundings looking for the man that haunted his sleep.

But he saw nothing; darkness mixed with silence made him feel uneasy and slightly on edge.

Finn knew he was dreaming, because this was how all of them started.

But for some reason it felt real. And every morning Finn expected to wake up with bruises on his arms and scars on his back.

He told himself to calm down, that it wasn't real, but it only made his breathing heavier.  Finn's breath came out fast and choppy and he couldn't bring himself to stop it.

"Finn," a voice whispered through the darkness making Finn's eyes avert from his lap to across and through the darkness.

Although Finn could not see the face he knew the voice all too well and he knew what came next.

"Finn!" The voice snapped through the darkness cutting the silence like a butcher knife. The voice was low, rough, and the words that echoed through the darkness were slurred and loud.

Finn forcefully grabbed his ears, pushing his hands flat against his head as much as he could trying so desperately to block out the noise.

"Finn!" The voice bellowed as it rang through Finn's ears.

"Finn!" It felt as if Finn's head was on fire as he clenched his jaw and screwed his eyes shut.

"You're worthless," tears trailed down Finn's cheeks as his eyes turned red.

"You're a worthless piece of shit!" The words slurred as they rang through the air.

"You killed your own mother!" Finn choked on a sob refusing to believe he was the cause of his mother's death. 

"It's not real. It's not real." Finn chanted again and again in his head attempting to block out the nightmare with every ounce of flesh he had in him.

He wanted it to be over, he wanted so badly to wake up from this nightmare. But how could it possibly be a nightmare when it felt so real; when it was so real.

Finn instantly seized his attempts, staring into the darkness ahead as the voice boomed through the air. Finn's hands slowly dropped to his sides as the voice floated through his mind.

"You're worthless.

Did you hear me?

You killed your own mother

and your own sister

You ruined my life

the world would be so much better off without you in it.

And you know that no one will ever love you, right?

Not even her."

"Son of a bitch! Listen to me!" The voice shrieked cracking at the end.

Finn heard a loud smacking noise; the noise blared through the darkness making Finn flinch in pain. His vision blurred and small white dots formed around the corners of his eyesight.  

And that's when everything turned white.

Finn screamed himself out of his bed, thrashing violently beneath his bed sheets.  His breathing was heavy and sweat pooled around where he sat as he frantically scanned the area.

Finn looked for any sign of the voice.

Any sign of his father.

But he was merely in his bedroom sitting on his bed as a single drop of sweat trailed down his forehead.

It was just a dream.

But aren't dreams just a reflection of one's reality?

~•~•~•~

Finn hoisted his backpack higher up his shoulder with a sigh as he walked the school hallways. The horrendous chants that escaped his father's mouth from his terrifying dream still floating through his mind.

It was all a dream.  And that was what Finn kept reminding himself, but he couldn't help but think that he was right. That Finn was a disgrace and that he should've helped his sister or that it was his fault that his mother passed.

Sometimes Finn felt like he was in war. A never ending war that he was losing. He didn't think there was an end to this fight and if there was, Finn knew he wouldn't come out on top.

Finn wanted to surrender. Surrender to the war he had fought for years. Surrender to the war that made his knees buckle violently causing him to crash to the ground. Surrender to the war that surrounded his heart in darkness and haunted his mind with fear.

Finn didn't know how to fix his life, and he didn't even think there was a way to mend his heart from the damage his father had done. There were too many scars that tainted his heart and he felt that one more would make him fall into the dark abyss that was his life.

"Hey," Lydia snapped Finn out of his thoughts with a wave of her hand. "I wanted to make sure you were okay before I went to class." Lydia stated before looking into Finn's dark brown eyes that were filled with pain and suffering.

But Lydia didn't see that. She didn't see the pain that laced through his eyes or the light that struggled to stay lit. Instead she saw brown, the color that filled his eyes and reminded her of chocolate and her favorite type of cake.

The way she looked into Finn's eyes were different.  The same happiness that laced her irises was still present, but instead of looking at Finn as a friend it was almost as if she looked at him like a lost cause.  Quite frankly, Lydia didn't know what to do or say to make things better for Finn.  Lydia had never dealt with someone in such a horrible situation to want to take their own life so asking if they were okay seemed in her mind like that best option?

"I'm fine," Finn stated with a small smile knowing full well he was lying straight through his teeth.

But Lydia didn't know he was lying, for Lydia was oblivious. So Lydia smiled before walking off to her next class without even a single glance back.

For Lydia didn't know that when someone says they're fine,

they're lying.

~•~•~•~

The shrill of the bell rang through Finn's ears making him jolt in his seat. Finn quickly sat up, grabbing his backpack and quickly walking to his next class.

Finn walked through the hallways with his lips turned down in a small frown and eyes that no longer holding that same light that once shone in them.

Finn was tired. He was tired of school, tired of his father. Finn was tired of his life.

Finn wanted to be free.

Finn knew that the sooner the end of the school day came the sooner the end of the year came. And the sooner he would finally be free, but he didn't know if he could wait that long.

So, Finn hoisted his backpack up his shoulder once more and headed towards his rusty locker in the corner of the hallway.

The hallway smelt of body odor and new polish that covered the cement floor, leaving a bitter taste in Finn's mouth.

Students laughed and talked around him, but all Finn could do was walk on with a frown etched on his face.

But before Finn could arrive at his destination a sudden hand reached out and grabbed his wrist. Finn was yanked into a closet as the unknown person slammed the door behind him.

Finn whipped around to see none other than a smile filled with light.

Lydia stood in front of him with a grin plastered on her face as a small giggle escaped her mouth.

"Hello to you too," Finn grinned as Lydia giggled once more before speaking.

Finn didn't know why he was in a janitor's closet with Lydia, but he also didn't think it was going the way he wanted it go.

The janitor's closet was filled with shelfs and shelfs of bottles, bucket, and tools. Different colors of chemicals filled the containers as mops and brooms lined another wall. The stench of bleach laced through the air making Finn cringe.

Finn turned to Lydia with eyebrows furrowed and forehead crunched, "why am I here?"

"We are ditching," Lydia stated making Finn even more confused than he was before. Lydia had never missed a day of school in her life and now Lydia wanted to ditch with Finn for the second time this week.

"This is the second time you are offering to ditch school and you've never done that. What's going on?" Finn voiced his thoughts making Lydia shrug in response.

"It's always good to try new things."

"Don't you have to leave school to ditch," Finn quirked an eyebrow making Lydia giggle.

"Not the way I do it."

"I'm a little scared," Finn stated warily making Lydia giggle once more.

"Oh come on, it'll be fun." Lydia placed a hand on Finn's arm. Finn sighed before crossing his arms.

"Okay. So what do we do for an hour and a half in a janitor's closet?" Finn asked not wanting to sit and do nothing, but still excitement built within his heart at the idea of skipping a class with Lydia.

Lydia's smile grew as she yanked a hand from behind her back revealing what she was hiding. Finn looked at the rectangular box with eyebrows raised and lips parted in confusion.

"Monopoly? Really?" Finn asked before averting his eyes from the box to Lydia.

"Yeah," Lydia's smile widened as she stared into Finn's cautious eyes.

Realizing she wasn't getting a smile out of him she sighed before sitting on the concrete floor.

Lydia slowly took the lid off the lime green box before holding up a small metal object with a smile.  "I call being the money bag," she giggled before placing the small piece on 'GO'.

"Why not the hat?" Finn picked up the small metal hat before furrowing his eyebrows while examining it.

"I don't know, I'm always the money bag.  It makes me happy." Lydia simply shrugged as Finn nodded his head in understanding.

"Money does make the world go round," Finn pursed his lips before placing the small metal top hat on 'GO'.

"But money can't buy you happiness," Lydia corrected Finn, making him reply with a small chuckle.

"I'm not too sure about that," Finn sighed as Lydia averted her eyes from the game board to Finn.

"Money can buy you items that can make you happy for merely moments.  But true happiness, that's priceless." Lydia smirked before picking up and dealing the colorful paper with cash symbols printed on top.

"We are literally playing a game about money that you bought with money," Finn quirked an eyebrow with a grin making Lydia roll her eyes and giggle once again.

"So?  Monopoly's fun," she stated before picking up the small white die and shaking them in her hand.

"If you say so," Finn chuckled before watching the small die jump and roll out of Lydia's small hands and onto the game board.

~•~•~•~•~•~

I hope you you are enjoying the story so far!

Updates will be slow!

Also, I took down Wailing Silence and Moon Gazing because I realized that they needed a lot of editing and I wasn't proud of them so I decided to take them down until I could make them pride worthy. (I don't know if that made sense).

Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Thank you for reading!

~ moe