Reader Discretion is advised! WARNING- this novel contains vulgar language, talks/attempts of suicide, domestic abuse, and trigger themes! And please if you or a friend/family member is going through depression, abuse, or has thoughts of suicide please get help.  Suicide is not the right answer there is always another way.  Suicide is not the answer! This novel explains other ways of getting help and that suicide is not the answer.  Granted, this novel is the not the best tool in finding other ways to get help because I'm not the greatest writer, but my point is suicide is not the answer!

This chapter is a submission to #FreeYourShorts contest!  It is under the category of YoungAdult! Hope you like it!

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"Your eyes are lined in pain
Black tears don't hide in rain"

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A single tear trailed down Finn's swollen cheek as he lifted the cool metal towards end of his hair line. Goosebumps involuntarily rising on the surface of his skin at the contact of the silver to his head. Small clicking within the barrel made Finn's flinch, fear still buried deep within his mind. A slow grin spread across his lip, knowing he'd be free, finally, free from the life that he didn't deserve. 

He deserved better, but deep down Finn wasn't too sure that was true anymore.

He had been trained to think that he deserved the worst, trained to believe that he was as low as the dirt beneath his feet and he couldn't take it anymore.

All he ever wanted was to be free of the life that gave him nightmares every time he fell asleep.

Free from the life that sucked the air from within his lungs, only to leave just enough for him to live but struggle to breathe.

Free from the life that made him feel like he was constantly drowning in the false smiles of the supposed 'loved ones' around him. 

Free from his tormentors, his demons, his fears.  He wanted to rid the sins that soaked his body from head to toe.

He was determined he was to end up in hell, but how could that be when he was already in it. 

Finn knew he wasn't strong, and that no body cared. He was coward and suddenly he didn't care either.

If he left no one would know, and no one would stop to look.

He wouldn't even get a goodbye, he'd be lucky if his father even glanced at the footprints he left within the sand of his house. 

He squeezed his eyes shut as the metal between his fingers began to shake.  His hands shook violently, trembling as if wanting to be put out of its misery. 

Finn thought of how pathetic he was to not even be able to pull his finger back.  To rid his mind of thoughts, to rid his body of life.

Finn set down the small handgun to look at his trembling hands.  Bruises covered his arms and legs, glancing down at himself and realized that no one would want him.  No one would want a broken boy like him, not even his own parents. 

Nothing brought him joy in this world, he thought as he searched through his mind to find one thing that made him smile.  Nothing came to his mind.  Until one single face floated through his thoughts making a weak smile spread across his face. 

Lydia.

Lydia Quinn was the only thing, the only one who brought him joy.

He smiled thinking of the years they spent together as friends.  Playing in the sand as children to studying together in library as teenagers.  Every moment spent together brought a smile to his face. 

Finn thought of how her brown hair fell into her face when she was reading.  How she bit her lip when she was lying and then gave a small giggle that told Finn that she was a horrendous liar.  Or how her eyes always held so much light in them when she looked into his eyes.

Finn had known Lydia for years, and they were closer than anyone could ever be to another person.  Although he knew everything about Lydia and Lydia said she knew everything about Finn, that was the only lie that Lydia was good at telling.

She was oblivious, but then again Finn was the master at lying. Unlike Lydia, everyday Finn put on a fake smile covering the many bruises that blanketed his arms with a long sleeves jacket and walked on, knowing that he probably would never truly be happy.

Finn loved Lydia and he wouldn't bear to see her heart broken by the darkness that filled her best friend's world.  Finn knew it would break Lydia and even imagining that image made Finn's heart clench in various positions.

And that was when Finn started to doubt himself.  He had attempted this before.  But every single time he tried he'd think about her, and she would feel. And although Finn was indeed in love with Lydia, Lydia thought of Finn as a brother and ripping away that type bond from a person is an emotional scar that could never be healed.  Especially as fragile and cheerful as Lydia, and Finn wouldn't do that to her. No, he couldn't do that to her.

But then Finn thought about the recent events that filled his mind.  Watching the love of his life, a girl so pure and so innocent, be asked out by the most popular boy in school. A boy notoriously knowing for his womanizer ways and disloyalty to other. That was not even the worst of it, but would split Finn's heart in two was when Lydia smiled and nodded.

Finn knew in the end that the boy would break Lydia's heart and he even tried to warn her, not because he was in love with her, but because he cared about her. But in the end, Lydia simply shook her head and uttered words that broke Finn's heart, "I thought you'd be happy for me."

Finn's demeanor shifted in that moment, his eyebrows furrowed as something laced through his eyes. Something evil, something cruel; jealously. 

Finn wanted Lydia to look at him the way she looked at that boy.  He wanted more, but he knew, and he knew he couldn't have it.

This fight was different, it held feelings that were strong and reckless and that's what made Finn realize he had lost Lydia too.  Along with his father and mother and his sister.

So, Finn picked his the gun back up, this time hand steady without a single tremble.  They were calm as he pointed the gun at the side of his head, just a few inches away from his earlobe before squeezing his eyes tightly together. 

He said goodbye silently to his father buried deep in the cruel monster that lurked in his nightmares.

He said goodbye to the mother that left him when he was only a child.

And finally, he said goodbye to the girl that stole his heart and still held it to that very day.

He took a deep breath before placing his finger on the cool metal.

"Finn, I'm so sorr...," Finn's eyes shot open to see Lydia standing at the door way to his room wide eyes and mouth agape.

"What are you doing?!" Lydia screeched, moving to grab the gun from Finn's hand.

Finn couldn't speak, he just sat there staring at Lydia's beautiful green eyes that slowly welled with tears.

"Why?" Lydia's voice came out at barely a whisper as tears spilled down her eyes.  She slowly knelt down in front of Finn and grabbed his hand her other hand holding the gun as if it were poison.

Finn still didn't speak, just simply stared at the woman in front of him that he had grown to love. 

And in that moment Finn knew he was living his worst fear.  Watching the tears slide down her cheeks made Finn internally cringe.  He watched as her heart broke right in front of him and all he could do was stare.

"Why would you do this?" Lydia choked on a sob glancing down at the gun in her hand as if speaking to herself instead of Finn.

Finn took a deep breath before answering  with a voice that was barely audible, "I'm not happy."

The statement only made a sob rake through Lydia's body as she yanked his hand forward and wrapped her arms around his neck.  He visibly stilled as Lydia gripped him as if he were her lifeline.  She cried into his shoulder, Finn sat still and stared at the wall where Lydia once stood.

"I'm so sorry," Lydia sobbed as Finn's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.  "I'm so sorry for not knowing," she sobbed as Finn went to speak, but no words came out.

Finn wanted to tell Lydia that it wasn't her fault that he was depressed, and it wasn't her fault that his life wasn't what he deserved.  That none of it was her fault, and that she was the only thing keeping him from leaving this earth.

But all Finn could do was sit still as one single tear slid down his cheek leaving an internal trail of water that could never be wiped away.