One thing I've learned in the past couple years is not to get my hopes up. Everything good comes to an end eventually, everything is temporary. If something is too good to be true, it is.

Things were going great for Ahsoka and I. Even when we couldn't see each other in person we could still call on the private comm link Master Skywalker had set up for us. We would talk every night before I went to sleep, and every day before she did as well if we were on different schedules with the planet she was on. She'd call me after every battle so I knew she was okay.

When we were rarely together, it was pure bliss. To see her face again, to kiss her, to hug and hold her, to remember she was real and not just a voice coming through my com link. It was all so surreal. I couldn't believe I had found someone like her, I was so lucky.

Then came our anniversary of our first meeting, the first time we talked. At that time we didn't know it would evolve into what it did. I had a nice night planned for us, dinner at a nice restaurant, shopping at the Coruscant shopping center, then coming back to my apartment for a movie or wherever the night led. She was supposed to be returning from whatever planet she was on at that time fighting in the morning and we could spend the whole day together, we hadn't seen each other in months and I was bursting with excitement to see her.

Then came the call that changed everything, our whole relationship was changed from one simple call, five words: "I can't make it tonight," she said. The separatists had sent reinforcements and they would have to stay there longer. Obviously I understood, she had more important things to attend to and she'd see me when she got back. The war was more important. Sure I was upset, but there were more important things going on, things neither of us could control. She felt bad, but it was her duty, she had to stay and I understood.

I figured when she got back, we'd get to see each other, spend time together again finally, just be together. I longed for her in my arms and every night I dreamed of it. Dreamed of the time when she would finally be back with me and we could be happy together. And that's where it would stay, in my dreams.

Whenever she came back, she was gone again almost right away. She'd come back we'd make plans, but she'd always have to leave again on another assignment before we could see each other. Every time without fail this would happen. She always had to bail because something came up with the war, and every time it broke my heart just a little bit more.

Finally came our 3 year anniversary of dating. It had been almost 2 years since I'd seen her. We didn't get to spend our 3 year together, I got to see her for only a couple hours on our 1 year. She was supposed to be coming back and we would get to spend not only the day together, but we were supposed to have a whole week where I'd get to see her. The Council recognized her hard work with the war and granted her a week for meditative retreat where she was supposed to spend time relaxing and decompressing.

We had an amazing week planned, something for every day to make up for the lost time over the last 2 years, and at the end of the week, on our 3 year we would spend the entire day together. To say I was excited was an understatement. I had not seen her face in nearly 2 years, I had no clue what she'd look like. Of course I had pictures, but they were old, I hadn't seen anything less than 2 years old and people can change a lot in two years, I was excited to see what my Soka looked like now. More than that though, I was excited to just have her in my arms again. To feel her touch, to feel her lips on mine. She was excited too, I could tell from her tone when we talked.

I got my hopes up, that finally we'd get to see each other, that I'd get to have her finally. I got my hopes up one final time that it would work out, but they were shattered again. The day she was scheduled to return, the day before I got to see her again, she was shot in battle. She didn't make it, she died there on the spot. She was ripped from me before I could even see her again. I never got to see what she looked like after all these years, I never got to hug and hold her. From that day on, I lost all hope in everything. I lost hope in the republic, lost hope in humanity, and I lost hope in myself.

That was 5 years ago and I still haven't found anyone else, anyone to replace her, because that was impossible. There was only one Ahsoka Tano, and she was gone, never to return. I had gotten my hopes too high that things would work, and when she was torn from me, it destroyed me. I never again would get to lay my eyes on her beauty, hear her laugh, see her smile.