Here I am waiting, I'll have to leave soon
Why am I holding on?
We knew this day would come, we knew it all along
How did it come so fast?

Ahsoka took me out for dinner tonight. I was surprised to say the least, she doesn't particularly enjoy fancy dinners and getting all dressed up. I asked her what the occasion was, but she just responded with "I love you".

I got the feeling there was something she wasn't telling me, but I shook it off. If it was really important she would tell me eventually, right?

This is our last night but it's late
And I'm trying not to sleep
'Cause I know, when I wake
I will have to slip away

I haven't told Lux, and I don't think I will. He knows I'm going to Mandalore tomorrow, but he thinks it's just gonna be a quick in and out, stop Death Watch and come home. He doesn't know about Maul, and he doesn't know about my visions. Visions of pain, suffering, and death.

I've been having this visions for the last couple days since I accepted Bo-Katan's proposal to come with her to Mandalore. I've been seeing the deaths of thousands of Jedi at the hands of blue blaster fire. Our own troops that we've fought side by side with turned on us, killing us by the thousands, younglings and masters alike.

I get the sickening feeling that I'll never see Lux again, that I'll never return from Mandalore. I don't want to worry him though, I just want to make my final moments with him the best we've ever had.

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
'Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close

When we got back from the restaurant it was late, but Ahsoka suggested that we watch a movie. Normally I would tell her it was too late, that we needed to get to bed, but she kept insisting that we watch a movie. Finally I gave in and turned on the holo and found a good movie to watch.

Ahsoka curled up next to me and I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close. The warmth of her body next to mine is a feeling that I never want to go away.

Here I am staring at your perfection
In my arms, so beautiful
The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out
Somebody slow it down

As the movie came to a close, I saw that Lux had dozed off. I smiled and pecked him softly on the lips. He slowly opened his eyes and looked into mine. "Your eyes are so beautiful," he breathed. I blushed and kissed him with more passion than I ever had. He seemed surprised at first, but seemed glad to return it. I ran my hands through his hair, as he stroked my lekku.

Things began to heat up, we got more into a rhythm, kissing each other and only parting long enough to take a breath. I soon began to unbutton his shirt, as he slipped off mine. We made our way to the bedroom, lips still locked. I pushed him down on the bed and got on top of him, continuing our kiss.

I unbuckled his belt and he stopped me. He asked if this was really what I wanted, if I was ready for this. I smiled, he was always such a gentleman, making sure I was okay with everything we did. I told him yes, that this was what I wanted. He nodded and we continued. It was the best night of my life.

This is way too hard
'Cause I know, when the sun comes up
I will leave, this is my last glance
That will soon be memory

I bid Ahsoka farewell as she left for Mandalore, the very planet she had saved me from years before, off to fight the very people she saved me from once again. To think of it, she's saved my skin on many occasions, and that's one of the things I love about her. The list was practically endless though. She was kind, caring, selfless, beautiful, etc. I didn't deserve someone like her, but for some reason she choose me, and I couldn't be happier.

As she walked away from me, I smiled and waved. She looked back and I saw tears in her eyes. I didn't know why, maybe she was worried about her first mission since leaving the Order, I don't know. Regardless, I kept on smiling to her, trying to keep her strong.

Suddenly she dropped everything she was carrying and sprinted back to me. She flung her arms around me and buried her face in my shoulder. "I love you" she kept repeating over and over again as I stroked the lekku down her back in an attempt to comfort her. 

"I love you too, and I always will," I said. She pulled away from me and smiled. I wiped the tears from her face and she kissed me with the same passion and fervor she had the night before. We pulled out of the kiss and rested our foreheads on each other. She told me that she loved me one more time, "I know," was my response. I kissed her tenderly on the forehead and she ran off back towards the ship. She turned and gave me one last longing look before entering the ship.

I never wanted to stop
Because I don't wanna start all over, start all over
I was afraid of the dark
But now it's all that I want, all that I want, all that I want

I stood in front of the wreckage of the Venator. I had just buried the last of the clones. My visions had come true, they turned on us, I felt the deaths of every single Jedi. I don't know why I had been spared, I felt unworthy. Maybe it was because I wasn't really a Jedi.

Looking at the graves, my life flashed before my eyes. Master Plo finding me on Shili, my training at the Temple as a youngling, being Anakin's padawan, and finally, Lux. I thought of all the happy times we shared together in just the last couple months. He was always there for me, and made me feel like the most important person in the world.

It broke my heart to do this, but the Empire needed to think I was dead, I couldn't go back to him, I would be putting both of us in danger. I had to say goodbye to my old life. Ahsoka Tano is dead. I let my lightsaber slip out of my hands and fall to the ground.

"I love you Lux Bonteri, never forget that."