EIGHTEEN | I Look At You And I Sigh
"lut gaye ham toh pheli mulaqat mein."
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A charcoal pencil was clamped between her sylphlike fingers―her dove-grey eyes hooked to the blank sheet sprawled on the wooden study table and her frame was settled on the chair.
But her mind was far away; wandering and wandering through the lanes of the past moments until it clashed with a pair of dark eyes.
Her mind stopped wandering.
And she started wondering about the possessor of those enigmatic eyes who was equally mysterious, deep and unfathomable like the dark abyss of his inky irises.
It had been a week and Iman still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that Zain was a law enforcer―a special investigation officer who was probably on a mission when he crashed into the room that night.
Why did he never let her know? Why didn't he tell her he wasn't a criminal even when she kept calling him that? And how could he just leave like that?
She wanted to stop him that day.
She wanted to ask him so many things; she wanted to say so many things to him―she wanted to thank him for everything he had done for her.
But she couldn't do anything other than quietly watch him leave. And now he was gone and she didn't even know if she was ever going to see him again.
The thought shouldn't have unsettled her that much but it did.
It stung her insides.
Her grip on the pencil tightened and when her eyes fluttered over the empty sheet of paper staring back at her, a surge of irritation coursed through her.
How easily her hand had glided on the paper when she had sat down to draw last time―when she had drawn him.
Iman slammed the pencil into the paper and her frame slumped into the chair, head tilted back and eyes tightly shut as frustration spurted in her veins.
A loud crack of thunder followed by the howling of clouds made her eyes fly open―startling her. After a few seconds, the pattering sound of rain hitting the soil resonated around.
She got up from the chair and ambled to the window of her room which had collected fog because of the downpour. Her hand rose up and her cold fingers trailed the trickles of raindrops cascading down the window pane when suddenly an image flashed in her mind.
Zain.
His misty eyes.
That heart-stopping look he had given her before stepping out.
It haunted her.
Her heart sulked as she sadly gazed at the murky rainy sky outside and kept thinking about him.
Zain―the man who barely knew her for few days had defended her in front of her father who had known her all her life.
Mend your relationship with Iman.
His words gleamed in her mind as lightening struck the sky and she couldn't suppress a wave of hopelessness that overcame her.
Mend... there was just too much to fix.
Her father's broken trust; her broken dreams―their relationship was shattered into so many pieces and she didn't know how to gather those pieces and glue them back together without cutting herself.
Her father refused to see her face. He only regarded her with disdainful stares whenever she appeared in front of him or just walked away in fury―propelling her to spend most of her days being holed up in her room.
She heaved a despondent sigh that reflected her inner struggle to cope up with the feeling of loneliness and being repulsed.
Whirling around, she stepped out of her room and decided to go see the only person who appreciated and tolerated her presence in this house.
She made her way to Omer's room.
Moseying through the dimly lit corridor, she was passing by the caramel-coloured room of her house dedicated to the ever-expanding collection of books when her older brother's vexed voice coming from inside reached her ears and made her stop in her tracks.
She wouldn't have ceased her expedition and noiselessly sowed her frame near the entrance had she not heard Zain's name.
Standing outside by the wall, her stormy eyes took a peek inside and spotted her brother and father engaged in a conversation.
"You shouldn't have met that cop's father and asked him to get his son married to Iman, baba jaan. That's just... below our level."
Iman's heart leaped into her throat when she heard the words that came out of Amir's mouth.
Unbelievable! Her stomach rolled with trepidation. That couldn't be true...
"Then what else could I have done?" Her father's furious roar was like a clap of thunder echoing outside. "You already know Khawar has cut off all ties with us. It was already a miracle Haider had agreed to marry Iman after what she had done but now, after this humiliation, even he would never see our face!"
"Yeah, I know. I tried to contact Haider and even went to see him at office but his staff didn't let me see him," Amir mouthed in an aggrieved voice.
"That's why I had to meet Shahnawaz Awan. This girl left me with no choice."
A brittle huff almost flew out of her lips as she heard the statement. The man who had never given her a choice was lamenting over not having a choice today.
"Still baba jaan, I just hate that police officer. He's too smug, I can't stand him," Amir whined.
"I'm not fond of him either leken bohot fiker hai na usko Iman ki, he threatened me to treat her better. Now I'm going to force this chore on him. He should take care of this burden now."
Burden. The word hammered her brain repeatedly as hot tears stung the corners of her eyes and she drew a clamouring breath.
"What did his father say?" Amir asked curiously.
"He was very shocked and embarrassed and honestly, it was a treat to watch a man of his stature not being able to look me in the eye. It made me feel better." A wicked smile manifested on her father's lips and Iman balled her fists tightly―anger simmering up within her.
"I have invited the Awans to our house on Sunday," Ashfaq announced, making her breath hitch in her throat.
"We'll decide the date of Nikkah and get it done as soon as possible. I can't tolerate Iman's presence anymore. Just the sight of her makes my blood boil. I just want her out of my house!"
Each word that came out of her father's mouth was like an icicle of hate plunging into her already bleeding heart―quelling every little hope left in her. The whimpers she tried to extinguish singed her lungs as she wiped the burgeoning tears in her eyes and tried her best to hold her ground.
"If that's what you want then alright. I don't have any objections," Amir assured.
"But I do."
Iman's hoarse voice rippled in the air as she exposed herself and strode inside with red-rimmed eyes and trenchant visage, earning deadly glares from the men inside.
She halted in front of her father and peered straight into his eyes as her heart thudded inside her chest.
"Sharam or lehaz, sab kuch bhool chuki ho tum!" Amir spat angrily. "You were eavesdropping-"
"I don't want to talk to you, Bhai." Iman cut him off sternly, without sparing him a glance and kept her hollow gaze tacked to her father.
"You forced me to marry the man of your choice first and now you're forcing someone else to marry me? How can you do this? This is wrong, so wrong." Her voice wobbled at the end.
She had never confronted her father like that before but tonight, she had to because it wasn't just about her anymore, it was about him.
"Did I ask your opinion?" her father hissed virulently.
Iman swallowed―a number of flashbacks of her father crushing her wishes and dictating her life drowning her mind.
Don't do this. Don't do that. You are not allowed. Be quiet. Women shouldn't talk much. I've fixed your marriage. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. You're always supposed to listen to me.
"Never." She couldn't curb the indignation that bled into her tone.
His father's eyes burned with wrath as he shouted, "Just shut your mouth and get lost."
"No," she intoned and then she bellowed, "No! You can't do this to him. Zain has already suffered alot because of me. He doesn't deserve this!"
He doesn't deserve someone like me, she chanted inside her head. Zain deserved better. So much better. She couldn't ruin his life with her cursed presence. She would not.
"Let's not talk about who deserves what because you and that officer, both deserve the worst." Amir roughly grabbed her forearm and whirled her form towards him. "Aur uske saath bhaagna wrong nahi laga tmhe? Ab shadi karna wrong lag raha hai?!"
"Two wrongs don't make a right, Bhai," Iman stressed, tugging her arm out of his grip. "Why does he have to take responsibility of what I did? Why are you dragging his family into this?"
"Woah. Did you ever think of your family's honour like that?" Amir taunted dryly.
Before Iman could say anything, her father's thunderous voice sliced through the air.
"Shut up both of you!" Ashfaq yelled, chest heaving with frantic breaths. "And Iman," he turned to her with a warning glower, "Don't even think of defying me again or else I'll... I don't know what I'll end up doing this time so don't push your luck."
"Baba Jaan please, you can't--"
"Just get out of here!" her father hollered, making her flinch and stumble back.
Before walking out, she summoned all her strength―holding his threatening stare―and declared loud and clear, "I'll not marry him, baba jaan. I can't do this to him. "
And she spun around after saying that, heart racing, hands shaking as she marched outside and drifted to the right to disappear into her room.
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"Ek toh har waqt ye sari hui shakal bana ker bethay rehtay ho tm. What happened now?"
Saif asked the raven-haired man perched on the chair in front of him with a wistful look which was his default setting nowdays. Pulling out a pack cigarette from his pocket, Saif plucked out a stick and clipped it between his lips as he rolled his hand forward to grab the lighter placed on the table.
The warm beams of morning sun were spilling from the ventilation window of the interrogation room of Sindh Police special branch where Zain and Saif were seated after having a meeting with an important witness of the case they had been working on.
"That damn old Bakhtiyar met my father and told him everything, and now he... he wants me to marry Iman," Zain informed him.
The cancer stick fell from Saif's mouth and his jaw momentarily patted the floor before he picked it up and cried out, "What the fuck? That's amazing!"
Zain's crestfallen visage was barely affected by his friend's enthusiastic reaction.
"What's with the funeral look?" Saif hoisted a confused brow. "You're getting what you wanted without even doing anything. You should be jumping in joy and some shit like that."
Zain pulled a frustrating breath and combed his hair back with his fingers. "Yaar, that buddha Bakhtiyar must be forcing Iman to marry me now."
"That's ridiculous. How do you know that?"
"I just do."
"Okay. Even if he is forcing her then let him." Saif shrugged. "Tumhara kaam toh horaha hai na."
"Are you fucking crazy?" Zain snarled, raking his friend with an ire-laden glare. "Do you think I left her there so just after a week he could get her married to me?"
Saif's expression twisted. "Okay, why did you leave her there?"
"Because I wanted to give her time. I wanted things to get better between her and her father!"
Saif snorted. "Well that's clearly not happening so just grab this golden chance to get her out of there."
"I... don't know yaar." He tipped his head back and slammed his eyes shut.
"What do you mean by you don't know? Marry her! And besides, she wouldn't find a better guy than you who's already so madly in love with her."
Zain cracked his eyes open and regarded him with a pensive stare before pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Wesay, bhabhi kay baap ko tumhare baap kay baray mein batane ka acha faida hua," Saif mused with a proud gleam in his eyes.
Zain's straightened his head and his eyes spanned in astonishment. "You ass, you told him about my father? And don't call her bhabhi for fuck sake!"
"Acha chalo, hone wali bhabhi?" Saif suggested, smirking. "And yeah yeah, I did. You should be thankful to me."
Zain narrowed his eyes and whammed his fist into Saif's shoulder, groaning out;
"Ek number ka kamina hai tu."
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The sun had slipped down the horizon and the rain clouds had bid farewell to the city of lights, leaving the sky painted obsidian and allowing the pearly moon to twinkle and mingle with the stars strewn around.
Under the pyramid gazebo rooted in the garden of his house, Zain's frame was leant against one of the four columns holding it―the full moon reflecting in the dark galaxy of his eyes as he forlornly looked at the sky.
"What are you thinking about?"
A soft voice prompted him to untie his gaze from the enchanting canvas above as he veered his head and let his eyes descend on the person standing next to him.
His mother inquisitive gaze met with his brooding one.
"Something," Zain whispered and then bit the side of his lips before murmuring, "Alot of things. My mind is messed up."
"Well, that's because you messed up, Zain." His mother pleated her arms across her chest. "I know you could be impulsive and reckless at times but helping a bride run away? I seriously didn't expect that."
He straightened himself and scooped his cold hands in the front pockets of his maroon hoodie―turning towards his mother and facing her.
"Mama, I've already told you everything and why I did all that."
Fatma wanted to tell his son that he hadn't really told her everything―he had missed out the most important part but she didn't need to hear that directly from his mouth. It was written all over his face―gleaming brighter than the full moon in the sky.
So, she just hummed and decided to inform him of what her husband had told her earlier.
"That girl's father has invited us to his house tomorrow and Shah wants you to come with us so we can settle this issue."
Surprise tinted Zain's pale features and his heart skipped a beat when the thought of seeing her again ignited a fire in the cold chambers of his heart.
He gulped. "H-Her house? Tomorrow?"
His mother bobbed her head. "Yes, so let me ask you this, do you want to marry her?"
"I..." he trailed, averting his gaze. "I am sure she doesn't want to marry me, Mama."
"I'm asking about your approval."
"And I care about her approval."
Profound emotions swirled in his eyes and leaked into his tone as he met her gaze again.
"It hasn't even been a week and that old man is already planning her wedding again instead of making an effort to understand what he has put her through. How the hell can he do that? How can he treat her like an object?" he exclaimed.
Fatma was momentarily taken aback by the medley of emotions ranging from anger to protectiveness marring his face.
"Zain," she said calmly. "I know what happened to her was terrible. No one should be forced to marry someone they don't want to."
He took a deep breath to calm himself.
"But, as a parent, I can understand what her father must be going through and what he had had to face as well. Mocking smiles, unbearable questions and what not? No parent deserves to be shamed like that."
His jaw tightened. "You are right Mama, but I'm sorry, I just can't bring myself to sympathize with that man."
"But don't you care about that girl?"
"I do," he replied without missing a beat.
He cared about her more than his life.
"Then do you think it'll be easy for her to survive in her father's house after that drastic step? You told me you want to pacify the tension between her and her father but do you think it's that easy?" she asked sharply.
He remained quiet, unable to form a coherent answer as his mind tangled up even more.
"It's hard for both of them, Zain." His mother replied for him. "They need time... as well as space. When relationships start hurting and become unbearably bitter, it's better to create some distance and take some time to heal and reflect. Sometimes, you have to grow away before you come closer."
He hearkened her spiel, mulling over each and every and word before whispering out, "Then what... what should I do, Mama?"
"Whatever you think is right," Fatma intoned, and then a hint of amusement contoured her porcelain features. "Mainay us larki ko dekha nahi hai leken tmhari ankhon mein sirf wohi dikh rahi hai. You like her, don't you?"
A fiery blush dusted his traits as he swung his head to the side to escape his mother's teasing gaze. Putting his hand on the back of his neck, he murmured under his breath;
"Alot."
Fatma broke into laughter at her son's flustered state. "Look at you. I have never seen you like that."
Zain swept his hand across his wavy mane of black, awkwardly clearing his throat and looking at the ground.
"So, are you coming with us tomorrow?" Fatma asked with an amusedly mounted brow, hauling back his interest as he lifted his gaze.
"How can I refuse an order from Sir Shahnawaz? I don't wanna get suspended." His lips transitioned into a small grin.
His mother chuckled and shook her head, relieved to see the smile back on her son's face.
"By the way, what's her name?" she asked.
"Iman," he intoned. Softly. Fondly. Like he was caressing a delicate flower.
"Mhm, and how does she look? Is she pretty?" His mother's brows winged playfully.
His inky pools twinkled like all the stars had fallen into his eyes. His traits illuminated and a warm, besotted smile broke out on his lips as he whispered;
"She's mesmerising."
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Zain had never waited so impatiently for a Sunday in his whole life. He couldn't stop pacing around anxiously until the sun melted into the horizon, leaving the sky bathed in a burning red, and the time to leave for the Bakhtiyar residence finally came.
His parents didn't want Zunyra and Arsal to know what had transpired until they met Iman's father and sorted out the issue so, both his siblings weren't part of their visit and weren't aware of it either.
In the chilly eve of the weekend, Zain left with his parents and drove his father's car to their destination. After a twenty-minutes drive, the car momentarily halted before the mighty gate of the Bakhtiyar mansion as the guards unfurled it and let them drive through the entrance.
A sense of nostalgia enveloped Zain as he hopped out of the vehicle and his eyes cruised over the panoramic garden he had darted through to sneak out after meeting Iman that night.
Thank God his father wasn't aware of that stunt he had pulled on new year's night, he mused internally.
Tweaking his ivory coat that he was wearing over a crew neck sweater of the same colour and a white button down shirt, paired with tailored pants―he footed inside the building with his parents.
The damn old Bakhtiyar, who was waiting for them inside along with his older son, welcomed his father with courtesy while he regarded him with a cold stare, dryly replying to his salam.
Iman's older brother, however, didn't shy away from openly displaying his disdain as he made a disgusted face and shot daggers at him.
And how could Zain let go of this opportunity to ruffle his feathers so he padded towards him with his devious eyes locked on him.
"I told you not to give me a reason to come to your house again and you guys straight up invited my whole family here. How nice." Zain hurled a cheeky smile at him.
"Kya karien, kabhi kabhi gadhe ko bhi baap bnana parta hai," Amir spat with a venomous sneer.
Zain cocked a brow and shot a deliberate glance to Iman's father before setting his gaze back on her brother.
"Now, that's rude. You shouldn't call your father a gadha," he said with a dead-serious face.
And when fury blazed in Amir Bakhtiyar's eyes and his nostrils flared like a disgruntled dragon because of Zain's reply, he had to bite his lower lip to contain his laughter.
Clearing his throat, he hiked forward and joined his parents in the grand foyer―alight with the soft glow of sconces and chandeliers―coiled with pale-gold pristine furniture.
He settled on the symmetrical seating arrangement in the center with his family while the Bakhtiyar men plopped on the front sofas.
With his fingers intertwined and his teeth grinding against each other, Zain listened to the rant Ashfaq Bakhtiyar started delivering to his father on how his actions had caused an irreparable damage to his repute.
Zain really struggled to give a fuck about his reputation―this buddha was the cause of his own miseries.
While Ashfaq Bakhtiyar continued to exert more pressure on his parents, Zain's mind got filled with the overwhelming thoughts of her and his dark eyes darted around the place in search for his beauty.
He had thought nothing was more agonizing than the pain of staying away from her he had been through the prior week but he had just realized how excruciating it was to stay put when he was so so close to her.
He only came out of his reverie when his mother slowly nudged him and gestured with her eyes to focus on what Iman's father was vocalising.
"I want this marriage to be done as soon as possible. Just a small nikkah ceremony at home with your family and mine. I don't want any guests and nor do I have any courage to invite anyone for the second time," Ashfaq apprised the Inspector General, making him lower his gaze for a moment.
Zain could tell by the rigid posture of his father that the cunning Bakhtiyar had successfully guilt-tripped him into agreeing for his wishes.
Shahnawaz squared his shoulders and nodded his head in agreement. "I understand and I assure you," --his gaze flitted to his son as he hissed out-- "Zain will take responsibility of what he has done. He will marry your daughter."
"I won't marry her," Zain blurted out abruptly.
The words that flew out of his mouth shocked everyone present there but before anyone could react, Zain dragged his narrowed gaze towards the grey-eyed man in front of him as his lips parted to speak again.
"I won't marry Iman unless you call her here and get her consent for this marriage in front of me," he completed the sentence.
The lines on Ashfaq Bakhtiyar's wizened face deepened as a frown assaulted his feature and his eyes burned in fury like Zain had said something extremely offensive.
"What nonsense!" the old man roared. "After all that happened, you want me to get her consent? You've got to be kidding me."
"I'm not," Zain shot back in deadly seriousness.
"Shahnawaz Sahab, samjhaiye apne betay ko." Ashfaq urged.
"I don't think he said anything wrong," Zain's mother piped in. "You should call her here. We want to meet her anyway."
"You can meet her of course but please cut the consent drama."
"Then forget about this marriage. It's not happening," Zain declared, leaning back into the sofa and crossing his leg over his knee.
Shahnawaz fired him an agitated glare but Zain just sat there―unaffected and adamant on his demand with a grim look in his eyes.
His father puffed out a defeated breath and veering his head back to the Bakhtiyar, he uttered, "Let's not waste time, Mr. Bakhtiyar. Just call your daughter and ask her. It's not something that hard."
Not that hard, Ashfaq scoffed inwardly. If he called Iman here and asked her, he knew she would refuse because she already had done that last night.
This girl had become a nightmare for him. He absolutely couldn't let go of this chance to get rid of her.
And this was also her last chance to get married with dignity into a well-off family. If she was going to throw it away, then he was also going to throw her out of his house. That was enough. He had tolerated enough.
Making up his mind, he summoned a servant and told him to call Iman.
Silence prevailed, straining the ambience―and with each ticking second, Zain's pulse beat faster in the anticipation of seeing her.
Time passed by painfully slow but his wait eventually ended when Iman's figure emerged on the top of staircase where he had last seen her standing.
Zain looked at her.
Just looked at her.
Kept looking at her and he sighed.
A sigh of qaraar. A sight of sukoon.
His own frame slowly rose up from the seat as his inky irises absorbed the sight of her descending down the stairs. Garbed in a navy blue velvet dress with the same coloured dupatta resting on her head, she looked like the fulfillment of his dreams―the cure for his longing.
Her eyes were concealed by the wings of her lashes because she was looking down but he could see the shadows of weariness spread across her face.
And then when she reached the second last stair, her eyes flapped up and her grey gaze pierced into his heart like an arrow.
Her stormy eyes flashed with a fervent emotion and she stared at him for few seconds―and in those seconds, everything else melted away; and so did his heart.
The moment soon faded when she dipped her gaze and quietly walked towards them and Zain couldn't help but discern a strange aura swathing her countenance.
She stopped in front of his parents and her sooty lashes lifted upwards as she said salam to them.
His mother trudged forward with a beaming look on her face and caressed her head. The action momentarily changed her expression as she blinked in surprise and her mouth parted slightly.
After greetings, she recoiled and walked to where her father and her annoying brother stood, not sparing even a single glance to Zain.
"Iman," her father called in a trenchant voice and took a long pause like he was preparing himself to say something very painful. Motioning towards Zain with distaste, Ashfaq spoke; "He wants me to get your approval for this marriage."
Her smoke-hued eyes widened in bewilderment and she visibly swallowed.
"Do... do you want to marry him?" Ashfaq reluctantly posed the question.
In that moment, Zain felt like his life depended on her answer.
It was true that he cared about her approval more than anything. He wanted her to have the freedom to say no but to actually hear it from her mouth...
He swallowed the growing lump of distress in his throat as his nerves bundled up and the thumping cadence of his heart echoed in the walls of his ears.
And the moment Iman regarded him with a profound glance―a glance he couldn't read―a shiver of anxiousness crisped his spine.
She had been avoiding meeting his gaze but now that she was looking at him, he felt like he was trapped in the eerie calm center of a tempest―in the eye of storm.
She shifted her gaze the next second and Zain's heartbeat reached its apex as he held his breath and waited for her answer.
Her lips finally moved and when her voice reached his aural, it almost sent his heart into cardiac arrest.
It was a loud murmur of assent.
"Yes."
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A/n: Iman said yes coz Zain looked so fecking hot in that ivory suit, she couldn't RESIST his charm.
Lol, tune in next chapter to find out what caused her to change her mind.
Anyway, THEY ARE FINALLY GETTING MARRIED and I'm soo excited to write the wedding chap but you know what has me extremely psyched up? ZUNYRA'S MELTDOWN IN THE NEXT CHAP AND HER AND OMER'S MEETING lmao. I cannot wait to write it coz it's gonna be more epic than the wedding.
This chapter is dedicated to my fairy Khanfairy14 who's such a ball of sunshine, a lovely friend and a fellow emraan hashmi's songs enthusiast XD I love you babe. Thankyou for always hyping me up! <3
Also, FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM IF YOU WANT TO SEE SOME SHADI EDITS OF ZAIN AND IMAN - AND ZUNYRA AND OMER because I'll be posting them this week @ _zinu13
and of course, if you like the chapter, don't shy away from giving me stars and sharing your thoughts. Honestly, this was such a hard chapter to write because of the dialogues and povs, took me such a long time and blood sweat and tears to finish it so plis lemme know what you think.
Also, raise your hand if you missed Haider :P
I'll see you uhhhh... try to see you soon. Please hang in there.
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