⊱Rien ne sert de courir il faut partir à point⊰

There's no sense in running; you just have to leave on time

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{Son passé}

Ever since sixth grade, my eyes had always been glued to one boy in my class. As had all the girls'.

Popular was an understatement.

There was a certain inexplicable charm about him that made him dreamy like a fairytale come true. A handsome prince on a white horse coming for his princess. He serenaded and captivated every girl he met, and with just a long gaze with his deep dark eyes, girls irrevocably fell in his presence.

I was no different.

Over the years, I couldn't look away from those black eyes that stirred something in my heart, high nose that made him look so mature and reliable, full lips that gave off an endearing feeling, and the unique mole under his right eyebrow. Whenever he approached me, my mind went into panic mode and that happened so often. I couldn't help it. I was so fascinated with him and often found myself daydreaming about marrying him.

My friends always asked me if he confessed to me and would go on an on about him searching for me wherever he went and talking to his friends about how cute I was. I would blush and dismiss them, but in truth, I couldn't believe their words since he never showed me more interest than he did with other girls.

Their words and his small talks with me gave me a hope but it never amounted to anything for many years. My love for him was painful.

"I'm so sure he loves you!" One of my friends whispered before squealing as we walked past Beomseok to leave the classroom and head home. "His eyes lingered on you, whoop!"

I pursed my lips, holding in my frustration to not burst out. "If you're so confident in his feelings for me, why isn't he confessing then?"

"Just give him some time, Eunsook. I'm sure he's prepping himself as we speak!"

I shook my head, not believing that for the first time. Beomseok was flirting with another girl when I glanced back at him, but my foolish self tried to convince myself that he was just being friendly with her. I couldn't approach him since he was too friendly with all the girls.

And I was too shy. I could barely make eye contact with a stranger and exchange a few words without me stuttering.

Even to my own parents, I was always nervous when telling them about my day after school.

Approaching a guy and confessing? I'd rather die in a fire.

"I don't know... I've been waiting for him for years... How much more am I supposed to wait if he's really what you say he is?"

It was pathetic. I could only sit and wait for him. I was too enamored by him that I couldn't look at other boys.

Then, in the last year of our high school, the impossible happened.

My classmates led me to an empty classroom after school and I stood speechless at the doorway, looking at all the decorations. Everyone was all smiles and I told them it wasn't my birthday.

"It's not," Beomseok said, entering the classroom and grinning so gleefully at me, and pulled out a bouquet of roses. "It's me asking, pleading you to be my girlfriend, Eunsook. I love you."

I had never been happier.

My heart was about to burst in happiness and I cried hearing the cheers of my friends. 'Finally,' I thought to myself. My love was reciprocated and the following months were nothing short of perfect.

I never knew how being in a relationship was so beautiful and wonderful. Life was beyond worth living and I was drowning in the sea of his endless love for me.

It was just like a fairytale.

Better than any romantic movie.

"Did you know? Kissing at the top of the ferris wheel makes couples last forever and connect their hearts for a lifetime."

My cheeks flushed and I couldn't hold his intense gaze, focusing on the material of my skirt instead. "R-Really?"

"I want our love to last forever, Eunsook," he confessed and his hands gently held my face before he connected our lips and fireworks erupted inside me.

It was supposed to make our love last forever.

It was supposed to...

Beomseok was worried about my wellbeing and didn't want me to work all the time so I quit my job searching and stayed home to ease his worries. His parents didn't approve of it but he convinced them that I needed this. He wanted me to rely on him and live life in luxury.

He worked day and night and arrived late to my arms but always gifted me with hugs and kisses and sweet hushed whispers. We were each other's firsts and our married life was filled with happiness.

Although I liked dolling myself up and hanging out with my friends, they became busier and busier to hang out with someone who's always free, and I stopped beautifying myself since I was always at home. I got out of shape fast and my youth was fading. I had nothing interesting to talk to him after he came back home and our conversation was always short.

I went out to events and group activities once or twice but he didn't approve of it and demanded me to stop going out. At that time, I never knew he was possessive of me and always did what he told me. I was too naive and innocent.

And I always believed him whenever he said he loved me even if he just said that he didn't like the way I was.

He grew more and more distant. He was always at work and spent just a few hours at home with me.

I was always at home, confined within the four walls, banned from going outside. It really affected my mental health but I loved him and I could never disobey him for all he wanted was my happiness.

Was that the reason he was always stressed? Was that the reason he became prone to losing his temper and blaming me for his problems? Was that the reason he always drank and dragged me by my hair to slam me against the furniture, breaking my bones? Was that the reason he kept shouting that I was a worthless piece of garbage who didn't amount to anything?

Was I the reason I was suffering?

Years passed and my body was marked with the times he took out his anger on me. It happened countless times, but I trembled with fear every time it happened. And my scalp burned every time he gripped my hair to yell at my face.

Whenever I called his parents to tell them about it, they would blame me for doing nothing for his life. And I wondered if it was me who made our lives this way.

His friends would often visit sometimes when he's home and sometimes he wasn't home. When he wasn't home, they would feel me up and beat me when I fought back. Whenever I told him, he would get angry at me for attracting them and ruin my clothes.

All I did was cry during the day and I couldn't do anything to change things out of fear. He had everything and I had nothing. I wouldn't survive without him.

One day, one of his friends came to tell me that he always wanted me and force me into bed, I was never more scared. Shivering in tattered clothes, I was too weak against his strong hold and screamed for anyone to save me. Reaching for an object, I grabbed a flower pot and smashed it against his head, knocking him unconscious before he could get his way with me.

After calling the police and letting them take him away, I grabbed my coat and ran out of the suffocating apartment to breathe. I repeatedly called Beomseok but he wasn't picking it up. Tears blurred my vision and I couldn't see where I was going, but my legs kept moving, determined to take me far far away.

Fate brought me to a restaurant and my eyes found him sitting inside with a young girl who was all over him, giggling. The words spilling from him as he kissed her shattered my soul and I couldn't breathe.

"Don't worry, baby, my friend should be taking care of her right now."

I witnessed them going to a love hotel after that and it felt like my whole life crumbled in front of my eyes.

I felt like dying.

No, it was worse than dying.

Standing at the top of a building, I looked down my bloodied hands and realized that I had stabbed him and the girl but never noticed. They survived but it felt so good to see him fearing me for once.

I looked down to the ground hundreds of feet away and wanted to do nothing but free myself from this reality and all the pain.

"Just one step away."

And one step was all it took for me to arrive in hell for taking a life...

My own life.

"This is your chance to punish those who only chase after pleasure and populate this realm."

I cut my hair short enough that people wouldn't be able to grip it. I was stripped of emotions but plagued with my past that propelled me to punish the people that disgusted me. I became a monster and built walls around my heart to become an executioner.

But him...

That human, Jungkook...

He tore down the walls and made me feel human again... and made me so vulnerable, wanting to live life again.

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Stream Dynamite for happiness after this chapter y'alls