❝I'm well acquainted with villains
that live in my head.❞

CHAPTER THIRTY THREE

•••

THERE'S LIFE IN OUR SUFFERING, THERE'S BEAUTY IN our endurance, and there's pain in our sorrows. Life is supposed to be something that's worth living, feeling good about a lot of things. It's supposed to be warm, like childhood home and full of belonging. But, when did life turn so cruel? So, exhausting, so draining and above all so miserable. Feeling like there's nothing that is in our control. Did we grow up?  Or life just decided, it's not supposed to be this colourful?

You see life has never been fair to me. I wanted to do good, be a kind person, someone who never hurts someone, except I did. I did hurt someone. I ruined someone's happily ever after. Just for the sake of feeling loved, feeling wanted?

      I honestly want to know, is love really enough? If then why do I still feel so empty so lost? I wanted special.

He was special.

I was lucky to have a taste of him; but just a taste, not him.

My heart has not stopped racing abnormally ever since I stepped into this house it's pulsating, it's aching. I feel as if, I'm suffering a loss. I don't even remember the last time I ever felt so lost.

         It's after dinner, we're all sitting together. Discussing about the impending wedding. It's clear from the way of our conversation, that no one was aware of us not yet, at least not yet, it means she's not going to say anything. Mia will stay quiet. Who was I fooling? She loves him. She will always love him. Kim Taehyung was her world, a world where I should've never existed.

       And maybe he does too. Even though the thought of him loving her scares me, it makes me feel vicious, bitter. I don't why, why do I feel miserable when I think about just being a fragment in Taehyung's life, a phase. A toy, whom he played with cause he got bored?

I hate feeling like this. I don't want to feel like this. He is not mine. He will never be mine.

        “Taehyung, when are you going take leave from your job, you do know Mia has already taken the whole month off?” It was Mia's mother who asked this question, pulling me back from my deep thinking, I gulped, gripping my fingers together. He hasn't spoken yet.

I wonder why was it taking him so long? I wanted to look up, but all I did this whole night I kept away, refrained from even glancing at him. Suffering, and making him suffer more. I could tell it was eating him alive, knowing that we were in the same room, breathing the same air yet, still be so far away. More away then we've ever been.

“Yes. The wedding, I wanted to work a few more days but if Mia insists I'll take the few days off—” before Taehyung even finishes his sentence he was interrupted bizarrely by Mia's sly snicker, I could feel it then. The tension.

“Darling, it's alright you really don't have to ask me anything, just choose a month free of work after the wedding. After all it's our wedding and, I really want it to be special.”

“Mia what are you talking about? I don't understand. Taehyung needs to take a few days off before the wedding for rehearsal dinner and dress fitting, also the pre wedding shoot, you cannot be this easy on him. It's your only wedding, it's supposed to be special,” Mia's mother said, persistently, her voice artic and sudden, as it was the word special made it sound more real.

Up till now, I was acting like their wedding. His marriage was just an event. But now, after listening to them talk, I came to the absolute conclusion, this was not just a wedding. It was the ending to our chapter.

Unknowingly, tears almost blurred my vision, as my hand achingly, gripped my knuckles, trying not break down in front of so many people.

“I'll the bring car, let me drop you home. You should not be listening to this—”Jimin spoke from beside me, leaning close as I shuddered, completely caught off guard. It was comforting to know he was looking out for me.

“I can't——she invited me.”

Park Jimin frowns, leaning even more closer to so, that only I can hear him, “Don't you just love being miserable, Sofia?”

“What do you think, Sofia?”

Mia's mother asked me bringing me to my senses that they were waiting for my opinion. I think a lot. In my head I'm the one who's suffering, who's feeling wronged. But I'm worse I'm the girl who ruined everything for your daughter.

“I think it's nice,”I spoke, softly keeping my gaze low. Even when I didn't know what they were talking about, and everyone's eyes widened, in shock.

“So, it's decided, Italy it is for the honeymoon.”

“I couldn't be any more happier,”Mia murmured keeping a steady glance at my face as  I gulped looking away.

“Its not just a wedding it's your wedding, Mia,” Her brother, Sebastian spoke, sharply. I know it wasn't taunt but it felt like his words held meaning. A message.

Fuck. Suddenly I feel like coming here wasn't the best.

“I'll go get myself a glass of water,”I excused myself from the awkward situation.

“I can get it for you,”said Mia's mother but I just raised my hand and, passed her a smile.

I walked to where the kitchen was; the glasses were kept right in front of the marble counter. I picked up one glass, the jug was just in front,  filled with cold water.Filling half the glass, I went towards the barstool near the counter and sat over it.The liquid went down my throat, swiftly, yet it felt like needles.

“My sister always talked so much about you and now I know why,”my head perked up towards the owner of the voice, only to find Sebastian standing by the door. I gulped the last few sips of the liquid then rose up and walked over the sink.

I did not want to know what he meant. But I could feel it, under his icy scrutiny, he wasn't fond of me. His resentment was palpable, it made my head dizzy with self loating.

God—good thing my parents died before they saw me like this they would've resented me too.

“I see. You don't really like my company,”he spoke, with a  chuckle, at his words I turned my face.

“No it's not that, I just don't feel comfortable around you, and I only just met you,”I spoke biting my lips roughly.

“I make you uncomfortable?” He questions and I already regret my words.

“Sebastian,”I muttered as he took a step closer.

I took three steps back until my back collided with the counter. My eyes, now wide and open. It's difficult to breathe. I raised my hands, placing them carefully upon his shoulders to create distance between us, his eyes darkened and as he viciously dipped his head low, his mouth brushing against my ear.

“If you hate being so uncomfortable, then you never should've gotten yourself in this situation,”he says as he puts his hand over my shoulder,“Then again you're just a child. You know nothing. ”

My heart was wreaking a havoc within my chest,  as very cautiously I met his gaze, and looked exactly back at him. He knows. It was clear. Looking below at our feet, I laughed, painfully aware that his hate was justified; my behaviour was not. Sighing, he abruptly moved back, as if being near me filled his body with filth.

“Mia is so in love with, Taehyung that, I just don't want her to get hurt—” I waited for him to continue more, say anything to me, curse me yell at me but he didn't the silence between us was shameful, it was like even his words held a lot more worth than me.

“I don't blame you for it. I blame him,”he says while taking out a cigarette, and holding it in between his lips, lighting it up with the lighter.  He releases the smoke, I let it intoxicate my lungs, closing my eyes shut.

“It was young love and I never really liked Taehyung, he is so much different than what Mia truly deserves,”he puffs out, I don't know why he was still talking to me, but I listened but it was nice to know, Mia had a brother who loved her this much.

“You have to tell others the truth.  I can't see my sister marrying a man who don't even love her,”he says roughly through, clenched teeth.

“I can't it's too late,”I said almost, wistfully.

And before he could, speak any further; Mia and, her mother enter.

       “Sebastian, go with your father he was asking for you,”his mother told him and with no protest his feet padded towards the exit.

“Mia why don't you show, Sofia your room,”her mother insisted.

I looked towards Mia her face didn't show any sign of what actually happened days ago.

“Sure,”she murmurs before walking where the staircase were.

    She stopped in front of a locked door, then twisting the knob she opened the door letting me in her room. Her room was like some princess's it was beautiful, with cream coloured walls and white woolen carpet, an enormous bed, a huge closet.

Her room smelled of daisies. It was warm.

“Come sit with me,”she said as she sauntered towards the couch, her gait soft and graceful.

I don't know what should I do, and I really don't know what's happening.

        “Mia, I know what happened shouldn't have—”I say taking my place across her.

“Yes, you're right what happened should never have,”she spoke almost to herself. I was shaking, my hands were, trembling.  I have never been this scared in my life .

A part wanted her to hate me. Yell at me, call me names. But she never did, seeing her this calm, and collected almost stoic scared me. It made me fearful of what might come next.

        “This file contains the contract, Taehyung signed at the time of our engagement, it says our company owns,” She paused taking a deep breath,“My father owns seventy percent of Taehyung's share, if this marriage does not take place, his life would be ruined. His father's legacy means everything to Taehyung. ”

“Mia..I don't know what to say,”I sobbed my voice breaking in front of her, my hands gripping the front of my dress.

After a few minutes of painful silence, I heard her sigh.

“Let's have a talk shall we?”she asked, softly looking at me as if she was looking at a child.  I just knew it then, Mia didn't hate me. She still cares. And, that was enough.

TO BE CONTINUED

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Author's note:

Hey lovelies !how you'll been doing ?

I hope you liked this quick update ^^

I  am so excited to write the further parts ,I am curious to see the reactions from you guys .

THANKS YOU FOR 11 FREAKING 'K'
Am I still dreaming? I don't deserve this .

Spread love, stay amazing ♥

Edit:

It's been four years. I know I can't make any excuses but I had a medical exam to give and a lot of different things.  I hope I'm forgiven.

Don't forget to vote,comment and share :)

Thanks for reading <3

Love,
Shafaq-Shapel ♥