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❝People cry not because
they are weak, but because they've been strong for too long. ❞

•••

S O F I A

AUTUMN HAVE KISSED the summer goodbye, and advanced towards a solitary, existence numbering my days spend in this room, and between these four walls. Time went by as it did, the restless countdown continued. People tend to forget their station with time, but I rather believe that it was hard for me to distinguish, myself as a solitudinarian, or a person with little passion.

I always thought that, life had a way of showing things, that you didn't want to be shown. Life gets hard as you grow old, you start comprehending things more, and more. You see things that, you never noticed when you were a child. You start to realize that, your parents aren't great, they're not very strong, or perfect. They are just like you, it's just that they've lived longer, suffered long; to know everything, to understand everything so very deeply.

So, they've learned to hide their pain more easily.

Life was beautiful. If only I was grateful, but not greedy as I was. I was so cruel to the people who cared about me. Before I came here, and started to live my life, I never imagined that there would come a time, I would never be able to see my parents again. To talk to them, to laugh with them, to eat with them, fight with them, it's funny how these little things were just our normal routine, and I never cared for it. But, now that nothing is the same, I am beginning to understand, and regret a lot of things I did in the past.

There's is nothing I long for more than to see them again. I just wish that I wasn't that me before, or what I am now.

I miss my parents, because I don't know what I am anymore. I have caused a difference between a happy couple. For them, I am an uncalled tragedy, that ripped their relationship apart. I know my time have come, I can't stay here as a burden and as an unwanted person anymore. I need to start living my life, without him in it, like I did before.

I am lorn soul. I cannot live life, simply with the leisure and, comfort he has provided me for so long. After what I have done, I don't think that I deserve to stay in their lives anymore. Just few more months, I've decided that I will leave them, because that was the right thing, the only thing that, will save me from  becoming something I do not want to.

Taehyung has tried too many times to get me out of this room but, I never paid any heed to his pleas, albeit being aware that I was hurting him. I've not forgotten about what happened days ago, and that is why I think it was good for me, to keep my distance until, their marriage, if it's still happening.

I don't know what Mia did, or if she told anyone. Eventually, soon she will, she can't let me go this way, I know that no matter how hurt she must be feeling right now, the betrayal she suffered from her fiance, wasn't that much. But the anger that she must be feeling towards me, was far greater. She would do anything.

Placing the book over the bed my legs sauntered towards the door, upon hearing the firm knock. My heart hammered against my chest, aching with a bittersweet delight when, I listened to the sound of his calm breathing, his soft presence outside the door soothed my heart, and ease the ache in my soul.

He is here again. Oh, how I wish that, things were different between us. I wish that there was never an  ‘us’.

          “You are hurting, I know that and I also know that you must be blaming yourself right now,” Taehyung pauses for a minute and I hear him breathing hard, leaning against the door, as if he's battling himself, in fear that he might say something he should not.

“I know it's all so fucked up right now but, I want you to know that it's not your fault. Eat something. Don't do this to yourself——”His voice cracks, his words at the end were barely above a whisper, as I sigh and close my eyes when I hear the sound of something being placed on the ground, not long after that, I hear his foot steps, slowly vanishing from the threshold.

Twisting the metallic lock, my presence invaded the wage solitude of the threshold, whilst unquiet silence flared through the windows, as thunder played wonders across the sky. The clouds must've been weeping, the bleeding sky that, I once adored felt so lethal to me now.

       My person felt so small and fragile standing alone, in this dark silence, the wind howled ghostly against the windows, making me tremble at my place, just then the cold breeze crawled against my skin making me shiver as I gulped lowering my gaze to the platter on the floor. My knees stumbled upon the wooden floor, as I held up the silver platter with food served on it, in my hands.

My stomach grumbled at the sight of food as, crunching my nose I inhaled the magnificent aroma coming from it. A faint smile crept up at the corners of my lips, as I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. Walking back inside, I placed the platter over the table careful enough to lock the door after me.

He cooked all this for me.

My inside warmed at the thought, as I wiped the tears formed in my eyes,that were blurring my vision, with the back of my sleeves.

I moaned as the food melted inside my mouth, arching my neck I took a large bite out of the bread, before taking a careful sip of the warm mushroom soup. The flavours exploded in my mouth. As I closed my eyes and sighed.

This tasted divine, it was just wonderful and too good.

The food was great and perhaps that is why, it did not take long for me to consume it. My body, felt energized, and my heart felt full. Never have I eaten with such delight.

My brows furrowed, and my eyes blinked. Approaching footsteps could be heard, from outside not long after did I also hear a soft knock. My heart paced with a rapid speed, as adrenaline rushed in and I gulped.

I wondered who it was now. Surely, the way he left before with so much of unsaid words, and pauses to linger between, the possibility of his coming was far imaginable. This wasn't him it was someone else.

I rose up to my feet and made my way towards the door, taking a deep long breath, I pulled the door open, only to be greeted by a sight of a very tired and pale looking Park Jimin.

He smiled faintly, a kind of smile that didn't reach his eyes. My heart raced as he stepped into the room, and I stepped aside. Few seconds of silence went by as I waited for him to say something. The ghostly look across his once bright face, now puzzled my confusion further, I was starting to feel unsure about this meeting.

I was aware that, something wasn't right. His presence in the room made me feel uneasy. It was getting hard for me to stay quiet any longer, the coldness that was submerging within his gaze, numbed my senses and made me feel hyperware of myself.

       “There are a lot things I want to ask you right now Sofia, But, I don't think that I am brave enough to hear them?” He murmured, his body sinking down on the bed as he burried his face between his arms, and I trembled when his words registered inside my head.

“So, you know?” I asked, my voice weak and shaky as I took my place beside him on the bed, my words irked the man sitting beside me, as I stiffened when I hear his throaty laugh, mocking me for my words.

“Taehyung told me about it. Well, I forced him to. When you didn't come to school for days and, Mia was acting strange when I saw her. I started to get suspicious, although that wasn't hard, I was always aware that my brother possesses odd feelings for you, but you? It tortures me.”

Jimin spoke in a bizarre restrained voice. When he looked at me with those life less eyes, devoid of any emotions. It became almost impossible for me to breathe, in his presence, my heart clenched brutally as warm tears rushed to my eyes.

     “It hurts doesn't it? Watching the one you love become someone else's?” He asks after awhile when my tears subsided, and my heart calmed down. Clenching my hands into fists, I placed them over my knees, and briskly turned to look at him, a faint smile crept up on my lips as I held his fathomless gaze.

“My fate was always him. His was always, Mia.”

I spoke, softly as he raised his brows, his dark orbs glowing with mischief as I composed the raging emotions inside of me.

“How tragic, my brother is a lucky bastard,” He spoke, undeniably in a low tone, as I shivered when a laugh erupted out his throat as, his head arched back, and he clenched his abdomen whilst glancing at my face sideways. His eyes brighten with mocking amusement, he balled his hands into a fist, before clapping them against each other.

The claps sound slow, and indifferent. It was as if he was laughing at me. My eyes flared, with unshed tears as I searched his face, looking for any signs of mockery, but when I found anger, hurt and mistrust my heart swelled and I averted my gaze, keeping my eyes, focused at the ground.

“After what has happened, I know that I would have to leave soon, Jimin after their... marriage and my graduation I will leave—”I started to speak, but he cuts me off, by grabbing my hands with a tight grip.

“I love you—” his words were said with such urgency and, such abruptness that I could do nothing but, just stare back into his eyes.

He urges close to him, his warm breath fans against my face as he stares down into my eyes, with an intense gaze. His eyes searching down deeper into my soul as, I felt my breath shudder, when he holds my face between his hands.

“Let me go,” I whispered back, as I watched a tear run down his pale face, he sighed shaking his head.

“If you leave me now, Sofia my heart would break.”

“I can't—” my voice breaks, as he engulfs into his seemingly warm, and soothing embrace.

“So, stubborn,”  He grunted sharply, but I am sure, I heard a hint of laughter in his voice, as my eyes blinked, and tears trickled down my face and he stays still, keeping me in his arms.

“If I ever leave, you'd be the first person to know—” I murmured, softly placing my arms around his waist as he sighs burying his nose into my neck. 

“How easy it is for you, to talk about leaving. Do you think I don't see how you are hurting inside? You  don't have to act so humble all the time, silly.”

I chuckled bitterly hearing his words, as more tears brimmed my vision, and I hugged him close so tight that, I was afraid he might think I was trying to suffocate him.

Minutes of sweet silence was interrupted by the sound of clearing throat, as I swallowed hardly, his arms move away from my waist, as I straightened my back and looked ahead. Standing, there in his suit was my dear friend, his eyes smiling when he glanced at my face, I was sure he must've noticed the tears but he was kind enough not to pry for any questions, and if he did I was sure that, I would break down again in front of him.

“I missed you,” Jungkook murmured, realistically as I saw, from the corners of my eye Jimin rolling his eyes. Jungkook scorns when he glances at Jimin, as I tried to hide back my smile.

These two would never change.

“How is Cindy?”I asked, standing up from the bed, as Jimin shifted crossing his legs.

“She is good. But, she is not happy about you not answering her calls, you should remember that, we care about you. You are family, Sofia.”

Jungkook’s words managed to warm my heart, as I smiled looking up at him. The way he delivered those words, with such vehemence and seriousness, that I started to realize  suddenly, I don't feel so alone and as, I did before.

But that moment of seriousness did not last long than another second, as Jimin interrupted,“ Why the hell you here?”

Sitting back in his place, he spoke in an arrogant tone, that sounded so like the Jimin I always knew. I tried to hide my smile once again, when I caught the two of them glaring  at each other. Each showing evidence of great annoyance, and irritation.

“You better get dressed we only have an hour,” ignoring the man sitting on the bed, Jungkook spoke to me, and I look at him at with confusion.

Jimin steps forward giving Jungkook a knowing look, by which his eye brows twitch in confusion.

     “Don't tell me you haven't told her yet,” Jungkook exclaimed with annoyance, as Jimin scoffed pushing his hands into his pockets he comes to stand beside me.

          “Can you not see that, she is not well, and she probably won't be able to go,” Jimin explained, cocking his head to my side as I furrow my brows not at all understanding where this conversation was heading.

“She deserves an escape. Just for a change of place—”

“Sofia won't go, Jungkook.”

“Wait a minute!” I scowled, as they both stopped and looked at me,“Can you both please tell me, what is going on, cause I seriously don't know what you guys are talking about?”

            “Mia's mom and dad have invited everyone for dinner at their house, since the wedding is in four days from now,” Jungkook speaks up and I was tongue tied, staring blankly at the ground I felt paralyzed in my place, until I felt Jimin holding my hand into his, squeezing it before he let goes of it. I blink back staring at Jungkook, then back at Jimin.

“I will be there,” I answered back without a thought. Everyone would be present there, if I refuse to go it would seem suspicious. Jimin already knows everything, I can't risk anyone else to find out.

“You don't have to go,” Jimin begins to speak as Jungkook leave the room. I sighed turning round, folding my arms across my chest I passed him a reassuring smile, as he stared back confusedly.

“I think it would be a matter of disrupt, if I did not go.”

He laughs tiredly, before passing me a curt nod he walks out of the room, leaving the door ajar behind him. As I at last sighed, falling down on the bed. Minutes passed by, but I did not move. There was so much going inside my head, I could not help wonder.

What was stopping Mia? Why didn't she expose us?

TO BE CONTINUED

Author's note:

Hi!  I hope you all are doing fine and living well, and eating healthy. I am sorry for taking so long to update. I've been quite disturbed these days, with the amount of spam messages and calls I've been receiving on my phone. It is beginning to scare me a little. I don't know what's the matter, I just find it so odd. Yes, I did receive  spam texts and calls before, but never like this. There is no end, I just don't understand what's wrong.

Nevermind, I hope you all liked this update and can forgive me for taking so long.

Jimin knows everything now, so does Mia what do you she will do now?

Stay beautiful, stay
amazing as you are,
spread love and peace. 💜

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Thanks for reading <3

Love,
Shafaq-Shapel ♥

EDITED
JULY.5TH.2020