I take a swig from my vodka bottle as Effy and I dance to the booming music in Naomi's kitchen. Cook's party is quite a success, I have to give it to him. I didn't expect any less from him though, when it comes to Cook, it's all or nothing.

I'm having a good time, I am at a good level of intoxication, not too drunk, yet not too sober either. I close my eyes and feel the music and just let my body dance. I open my eyes and notice Cook coming into the kitchen.

My heart skips a beat. Over the couple weeks since college started, my feelings for him have only grown. It's so frustrating to even say because I usually don't fall this easy for a boy, fuck, I usually don't fall for a boy in general. But Cook is different.

He's in front of us now. His hair sticking to the sweat on his forehead, drink spilled over his blue polo. He looked so effortlessly good, considering the fact that he's most likely on something right now, and he's sweaty and intoxicated.

"Alright girls," he shouts, a grin on his face, a cup in his right hand.

I smile at him and continue dancing. He joins in by taking Effy's hand and dancing with her. I feel a sudden pang of jealousy in my chest as I watch them dance together, Effy turning around and grinding into him. He looks so enamoured, it hurts.

I try to continue dancing, try to blot out the pair in front of me. I'm about to take another sip of my vodka when I watch it all unfold, Cook turns Effy back around to face him. He grabs her chin, he pulls her in, and they're kissing. Just like that.

I don't know what to do. I feel frozen, I can't tear my eyes away. Until Cook opens one eye to look at me. I suddenly can work my limbs again, and I hastily make my way out of the kitchen, and into the living room.

Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

I press my palm against my forehead as I'm jostled to and fro by the masses of people jumping about. I feel tears welling in my eyes.

Don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry

I start pushing through, knocking back what's left of my vodka as I do so. I keep pushing until I bump into somebody's chest. Somebody tall. I look up and realise it's Freddie. Oh no.

I internally groan. "Hi," I squeak.

"What?" He shouts over the music. "I can't hear you!"

I smile sheepishly at him, trying to hold my tears back, a painful lump forming in my throat.

"Are you okay?" He asks me, and I can't help but let a tear slip out.

I nod, my lips pressed together, as a tear runs down my cheek. "Fine," I respond.

He wipes my tear away with his thumb, then takes my hand, leading me out of the living room and into the hallway.

I notice Effy leading Cook up the stairs, and suppress a sob. Freddie doesn't notice.

He opens the front door and leads me around to the side of the house, where it was more quiet, bar a couple people passed out and getting sick in the gutters.

"You know you can tell me what's wrong," he coaxes gently.

"It's just the vodka," I sniff, giggling lightly.

Freddie shakes his head. "Drunk actions are sober thoughts, Eve. Something happened."

I sigh and let myself slide down the wall until I'm sitting on the cold cement, my knees touching my chin.

Freddie slides down beside me to join me. "In your own time."

I wipe away some stray tears that escaped. "Cook and Effy," I sob, hugging my knees.

Freddie looks taken aback. "Effy?"

I nod, sniffling. "They -"

"Hang on, do I even want to know?" he falters.

I blink at him, bewildered. "Why wouldn't you?" And then it clicked. "Oh, you like her."

"No!" he objects defensively. Then, a moments pause.

"Ok, fine. Yes."

I look at him for a moment, before looking away. "So we're both getting fucked over right now," I shrug, defeated.

Freddie looks at the sky for a moment before looking back at the ground, his fingers fiddling with a small pebble. "Pretty much."

"It's our own fault though, I suppose," I murmur, looking back at Freddie. "For falling for people like them."

Freddie doesn't look up. "What do you mean, 'people like them'."

I sigh. "They don't belong to anybody, except each other. You know?"

Freddie shakes his head irritably. "No, I don't."

I scoff at him. "Don't lie to yourself," I mutter. "They're both unattainable, except to one another. That's why they're with each other right now and not with you and me."

Freddie suddenly gets up and towers over me for a moment, before walking off.

"You can keep pretending," I shout at him as he stalks off. "It won't do you any favours in the long run."

I close my eyes as I lean my head against the cold, uneven wall, tears dripping down my cheeks.

-

I'm sitting on the sofa opposite Cook and Effy. Majority of the party has gone home by now, bar a few passed out on the floor. The house is now quiet, the only people occupying it being our small group.

The party at Naomi's started properly at around half five. Before that we just hung out in her house, drinking and just chatting pure shit.

There was a moment between Cook and I earlier on where we were in the garden, and he'd picked an extra long strand of grass. He creeped up behind me and shoved the grass in my ear, causing me to squeal. He roared with laughter, the way he does, and I playfully shoved him.

"Cook, you tosser!" I gasped. "I thought there was a spider in my ear."

He held his hand on his belly as his laughter ceased. "Awh, fucking brilliant, man."

I pretended to scowl at him and he gazed at me. He put his finger gently under my chin and lifted my head to properly stare at him.

"Pretty," he smiled. I remember I could feel myself blushing.

Then Effy emerged out of the sliding doors to join us in the garden. Cook noticed her and instantly perked up like a little dog when it sees it's owner.

He patted me on the back before saying, "bye babes," and then trotted off over to Effy.

I smile at the bittersweet memory. It had only happened a few hours before, but it feels like days since.

I try to avoid looking at Cook and Effy. He's trying to talk to me but I'm ignoring him. I can feel his gaze on me now.

I only look up when I hear Pandora enter the room. "Mind if I sit?" She asks groggily. I shake my head, absent minded, and she flops down beside me.

"Did you have fun tonight, Eve?" She asks me, sleepily playing with the corner of a cushion.

"Sure did, Panda," I mutter, now staring at Cook. He stares back for a moment before turning his gaze back to Effy. He plays with a piece of her hair while she snoozes on his shoulder.

I tear my eyes off the couple and instead look at my fingernails. "JJ?" I murmur, glancing over to where he was sitting, looking out the window.

"Mmm?" He answers.

"What time is it?" I ask him, closing my eyes briefly.

I see him check his watch. "4 am," he sighs.

I give him a tiny smile. "Thanks."

He just nods in response.

I continue to examine my fingernails until I decide to just get up. "I'm going to sleep," I announce, avoiding looking in Cook's direction. "I'll talk to yous in the morning."

Everyone who is awake mumbles something incoherent in response. I pick my way over the scattered bodies and empty beer cans on the ground and begin to head up the stairs. I could try to find a free bed, hopefully.

As I'm about to go up the stairs, the light is switched on and I whip around to see Cook standing by the door.

I simply look at him and turn back around, heading up the stairs.

"Eve!" He hisses. "Come back."

I keep going, ignoring him. Just block him out.

I hear footsteps behind me on the stairs and suddenly a hand is gripping my arm. I stop to finally turn around and look at him.

"What?" I snap. "I want to go to bed."

"So do I," he smiles sheepishly, letting go of my arm.

"Okay, and what do you want me to do about that?" I huff. "You're not sleeping anywhere near me."

He runs his hands through his hair, a discarded look on his face. "What's your problem."

I scoff at him, shaking my head. I don't answer him.

"I asked you a fucking question," he hisses.

"I don't have a problem," I state calmly. "Now, will you let me go to sleep?"

He shoves his hands into his pockets, and stands there on the stairs while I head toward a random bedroom.

I slowly open the door and flick on the light. It's empty. Thank god.

I flop myself down onto the bed and stare at the ceiling, letting my tears roll out, my hand covering my mouth so I don't make a sound.