The nightmares had started years ago, before he'd even been thrown into this stupid cell. It was always the same fear that had the boy gripping the edge of his bed, or almost tearing his blankets apart in vice tight grips. It was so horrifying to him that he'd even scream, usually his mother or youngest sister would have to climb in bed with him, and carefully wake him up, because sometimes when he was woken up, he'd get extremely violent. Tonight wasn't any different. It was the same vivid memory, etched into the darkest corners of his mind. It was usually dark, and flashed like strobe lights. It was hard to remember what was playing, but since the dream had become a regular occurrence, he'd learnt to remember the flashes.

It was a head of blonde hair, that was being dragged through dark brown leaves and mud. It was wet and clumped with blood, and he can almost feel her fucking hair in his hands. Harry doesn't remember who, or why, or how, but he knows she was screaming for him to stop. It was really hard to see her face, since it was covered in her hair. Her skin was like porcelain, smeared in her own blood and tears. Her body was almost fully clothed, almost. She had jeans on, but they were torn and bloody. She was topless, except she was still wearing a bra. Her screams were muffled in between her sobs, no one would hear her anyway, they were too far from civilisation. Harry had pushed her against a tree, and she was crying, gripping the roots next to her, trying to curl into a little ball, as if she'd disappear. 

Harry doesn't know what it is, but there's so much rage, it's like he can actually see red. He can feel his pulse fast and loud in his ears, and his chest burns, and his hands ache because he wants to attack her, but she's sobbing. She's saying his name, over and over, like a mantra. She sounds so far away, like he's under water. Harry grabs her face hard in-between his hands, his fingers digging hard into her soft skin. He leans in, eyes skimming over her face. He brushes the messy and bloody hair out of her eyes. Her blue eyes are bright, shining with a layer of tears. Her pale lips tremble. He's so close, and he's so warm. 

"Harry," 

Harry kisses her, maybe a little too forced but she kisses back, because this is what they do. It's what they've done for years, since he was 16. They'd always fight, and maybe Harry would push himself over the edge, a little to far. He'd hit her, she'd cry. He'd cry, and then they'd kiss some more, and apologise, but something isn't right. Because she can feel it, they both can feel it. This time there is no apology. His kiss is too rough, bruising her lips, his free hand digging into her thigh. She kind of whines, trying to let him know he's hurting her, but he digs in harder. Harry moves his mouth from hers, and lips start to brush against her jaw, and down her neck. He stops in the crevice between her shoulders and her neck, and presses a soft kiss there, parting his lips slightly, His teeth brush against the soft skin and then he does it. It's his favourite place, it's always been his. his. 

He bites, eyes clenched close, focusing on the blinding anger coursing through him like a tidal wave. He bites down until she's shouting, trying to push him away. He pulls away once his tongue flickers across the skin, and he can taste the rustiness of her blood. His hands move to her back, unbutton her bra. She tries to push him away but he moves his face back to hers, stopping just centimetres away from her lips. Her bra falls from her shoulders and he sudden holds both her hands down with one. 

"So pretty, so fucking pretty," He whispers, barely audible 

"N-Not here, we can go home," She smiles, lips still trembling

"No," He shouts

His voice is like a crack of thunder after absolute silence, she shudders and his voice bounces off the tree's and boulders around him, and echoes around the empty forest. She nods, and closes her eyes. Harry still pins her hands above her head, blunt nails digging into her skin, and he uses his spare arm to unbutton her jeans, unzipping them and forcing them and her underwear off in one pull. He manages to kick out of his clothes in a matter of seconds, and he doesn't even try to get her ready, because he's absolutely buzzing. He forces her legs open slightly and positions himself between her legs, and slams in. He can hear her whimper and inhale, and he watching her bite her lip so hard it might bleed. 

"Hurts," She cries

"Good, pains good," 

Jade. Jade was the only person in the entire world that understood Harry, or tried to understand. She'd been there when he would get kicked to the floor and beaten until he ended up in hospital. She had been there when he finally stood up for himself, and almost killed the bully. She was the first "I love you" he'd ever heard. She was the first kiss he'd ever had, and she was the first fucking love, and definitely by far his last. He doesn't know why he was out here, and he doesn't know why he's about to allow himself to lose her forever, but if he doesn't, he'll probably kill himself. She rests her head on his shoulders, and he can feel her tears wetting his shoulders. He's relentless, and he knows it's a mixture of the adrenaline, anger and sexual pleasure that sets him off, because he only gets a good 7 or 8 thrusts in, before he shudders. He drops the hands that's pinning her arms down, and she tries to touch his face. 

"Harry, it's me, hey, look at me,"

Her cold hands cup his face, and she knows god damn well that no one touches his face, and then before he can stop himself, he can feel the burning in his palm, and he can see the look of utter horror and pain flash across her face. His heart leaps into his throat and he smiles, he fucking smiles. He slapped her, and maybe he slaps her again. 

"No one touches me," 

Harry's skin is on fire and his mouth is dry and he shouts at her, and he's shouting louder than he's ever had. It's such a rush, knowing that he just fucked her against a tree, the fact she's bleeding because of him, and the fact he's about to have his hands around her throat. He pushes her against the floor, the sound of leaves crushing under her, and his long, slender and pale fingers brush against her collarbones. He has managed to slide into a pair of boxers that he'd thrown next to him, and he places a knee on each side of her, crushing her arms, so she can't move. Both hands rest gently on the throat, and he leans down, kissing gently on the soft spot, right below where the Adams apple should be, if she were male. He bites down, the flesh warm and rough against his teeth and tongue. He doesn't bite for much longer, but he finds another spot, until almost her entire neck is covered in little bruises and bite marks. Harry's fingers trace the sides of her neck and she stares at him, with wide and watery blue eyes. Harry doesn't feel sorry, his mind is so blank and everything in his body is screaming at him, telling him to do it. So he does. His hands are vice tight around her throat, and he can feel her swallowing and he can feel the muscles constricting, trying to gasp for air. She's trying to cry out his name, her legs kicking and her body convulsing. She's crying and gasping, and Harry doesn't stop because the feeling he gets it almost as great as it gets. He watches her face as seconds pass. He watches colour drain from her face and lips and her blue eyes are starting to go dark, and her face is covered in her tears. She lets out two little whimpers, and weak attempts to get air in before she goes limp beneath him. Her eyes roll into the back of her head, and her chest basically collapses in on itself. Her skin is basically blue, her lips turning purple. Harry pushes down harder once more before he pushes himself off her. He leans against the tree, and stares at her naked body.

"No, No," He whispers

The anger is gone, and it's replaced with pain, horror, sadness, grief. He runs his hands through his hair, trying to blink through the tears that have built up. His throat is tight and he can barely breathe, and he lets out a loud sob before he's pulling himself into his pants. He still has his shirt on, but it's covered in her blood. He'll take it off when he gets home, maybe. He crawls to her side, and shakes her, bringing his mouth to hers. He exhales, and feels her chest rise. He blinks, tears splattering onto her face. She's limp and she's not breathing and Harry is crying even harder. He does it again, and again. He grabs her clothes, and dresses her, clipping her bra back on, and sliding her pants back on, before he starts pushing down on her chest.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Jade. baby, please," 

His voice is wrecked, filled with sobs and screams. No matter how long he tries, she's definitely gone. That's when it first started. He murdered his girlfriend at 18. It goes black after that, and he can hear himself whispering "I love you" over and over. It's horrifying, to hear and see the same nightmare over and over, and he can't force himself out of it anymore, he's just too far into it. He does get woken up though, by a pair of strong arms, shaking him hard, but pinning his arms down before he can take a swing. His eyes open wide, and he gasps, his skin covered in a thick layer of sweat, hair stuck to his skin, and he's shaking. He gasps again, and tries to move his arm, but he's pinned down.

"Jade," He breathes, his voice broken

"Hey, hey, it's me," 

The voice is familiar, and Harry closes his eyes and relaxes, because he knows he's safe. The grip on him doesn't lighten until Harry is sure he's calmed down. He doesn't cry any more when he wakes up, he does enough of it in his sleep. He wipes the wetness from his cheeks and his eyelashes and breathes again, his chest hammering against his chest.

"Do you want-,"

"yes,"

His nightmares had become so bad lately, he'd been prescribed some strong anti-anxiety medication, it stopped his freakouts most of the time. Harry hears the foil opening and then a pill is popped into his mouth, he's passed a water bottle and he sculls it down, along with another pill. 

"Was it the same? you were screaming again, you were saying her name, and I thought maybe...maybe you remembered," 

"Always is the same Liam, never stops," 

Liam sits on Harry's bed and stares down at the sweaty boy. Harry's really fucked up, but deep down, in that dead black heart, there's still something living there. It's just hard to find it. Jade was in there, deep in the core of his heart, pumping some kind of emotion there, no matter how many times Harry will screw another girl, it's Jade that really should be there. Liam would be working here for almost 3 years now, he knew Harry too well. He knew Harry before this stupid place though, they were half brothers. Harry's dad and Liam's mum had a thing a while ago, and out popped a little Liam. Liam and Harry had grown up together, but Harry was a year younger than him. Liam was always aware that Harry was always a bit insane, but he didn't love him any less. So when he had found out Harry was found guilty and was being sent here, Liam knew that Harry's mum and sister, and entire family would leave him. Liam took a job offering at the place, worked here full time. He liked being here. He guesses it's because he'd spent so much time aiding Harry, he was used to all the insanity. Liam had changed his name when his mum got re-married to a man, he knew if he was seen as Liam Styles, he wouldn't be accepted into the facility, so he was known at Liam Payne now. Liam breathes.

"I know, I know you loved her-,"

"don't use it in past tense, I love her," 

"Harry it's been 5 years...." 

"I don't care!" Harry screams

Liam brings a hand over Harry's mouth, frowning.

"Will you shut up, it's midnight. If guards here you screaming, they'll take you out of here, and I'll be in trouble because I'm Louis' guard, not yours," 

"Louis?" 

"The one from group therapy," Liam answers 

Harry rolls his eyes, and rests his hands behind his head, breathing in the filthy air in his room. 

"The boy with bandaged. I wonder what made him do that. I mean, I'm pretty sure you can't get as fucked up as I am. He's weak," Harry chuckles

"You have no right to judge that boy Harry, you have no idea what kind of trauma he could have been put through," 

"And you do? Tell me, I'd love to hear it," 

"No I don't, I just care. I don't judge Harry. If I judged, I would have fucked off a long time ago,"

"Well I'm glad your heart is still alive and well, as kind as ever. Mind if I borrow it sometime?" 

"You have one,"

"I don't think it beats anymore," 

"Oh fuck off, it does. You just have to find a reason,"

"I had-have one," 

Harry automatically corrects himself, and stares at the ceiling. He can hear Liam inhale sharply, and he can basically visualise Liam shaking his head. He knows Liam will reply with something like "find a new reason, someone or something that's alive", but fuck it, Jade is alive, even if it means she's alive up in his dark little mind. Harry doesn't realise he's fidgeting with his sheets, until Liam talks again.

"You're fidgeting," 

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious," Harry replies back, dully. 

"You do that when you think too much,"

"Maybe give me another pill, that'll put my thinking at ease,"

"I can't, that's bad," 

"You know what else is bad? Liam. Me. Bad people do bad things," 

"I'm not a bad person, I'm the most trusted person here, I can't break a rule just to make you feel better,"

"fucking asshole," Harry grunts 

Liam doesn't reply, he just stares down at Harry again and he starts to feel sorry for Harry because Harry, even if he is the most fucked up person on this planet, he doesn't deserve to be locked in the little room. He's going to rot away in here, and the court has made that clear. Harry's accepted the fact, but he doesn't want to die of old age. He's asked Liam to let him "accidentally" overdose on some strong sleeping pills. Liam refuses to do it, but he thinks it's unfair for Harry to sit in here until he's 80 and possibly dying of a stroke or heart attack, or god knows what. 

"There's some new people here," 

"Thought it was only that bandage guy," 

"No, he has a new room-mate," 

"Oh yeah, he'll get laid then,"

"The guy he's with doesn't seem like the type to..uhm," 

"oh, he's bunking with a male," Harry breathes

"Yeah,"

"He could be gay,"

"I don't think so,"

"Who, bandage boy or the random?"

"Both," 

"Oh, tell em about this room mate,"

"He's uh-his name is-I can't remember, wasn't really paying attention, if we're honest. He's tall, black hair, tanned skin, brown eyes, thin but fit..he likes wearing a lot of black. He has a lip piercing, if I'm thinking correctly. Z-Zayn? I think that's it? Not sure,"

Harry sits up, and laughs out loud.

"What?" 

"You're telling me that bandage boy, is bunking with Zayn?"

"You know him?"

"Met him earlier today, he's a great lad. He's got a fuse, just like me, but I just snap harder," 

"Oh, he didn't seem so..you know,"

"Insane?" 

"Yeah," Liam breathes

Harry leans forward, and places his large hand on Liam's shoulder and Liam freezes up, because maybe Harry is going to hit him, or something. He never really knows with this kid. Harry's breath is warm and fans across Harry's face, it smells like spices and cigarettes. Liam clenches his jaw and tries to ignore the genuine fear that's rushing through him. He hates that Harry is younger yet so intimidating.

"Everyone is insane, in their own ways Liam. The loudest people, they have the most empty minds. The quiet people, they have the loudest minds. I don't know what's worse, but an empty mind and a loud mind, they both run hand in hand. I don't know what I am, I'm maybe both, I'm loud and empty, and maybe that's why I'm capable of such things, and maybe...maybe I'll kill again. Just think about it, who are you? Are you loud and empty, or quiet and loud? Are you actually just as insane as I am? We're all insane, you just haven't figured out what makes you tick," 

Liam blinks once and twice, his mouth opening before closing. He doesn't know what to reply, because Harry is right. He hasn't figured himself out yet, but he knows he's not insane, he could never be. But he does think about what Harry said, and applies it his thoughts on Zayn. Zayn. He's relatively quiet, and maybe that's why he's insane, because lashing out silences the voices in his head.

"stop putting shit into me head," Liam snaps

"Hey, I was just saying-,"

"I don't care what you're saying, or whatever. You're insane, you know you're insane. You are the most insane person in this whole facility, so jesus christ. You manipulate your way into peoples heads, so don't think it'll work with me. I know who you are, and what you're like. I know. I'm your fucking brother, don't try this shit with me," 

Harry rolls onto his side.

"You know, just because Dan-," 

"Don't you fucking dare," 

"Calm down, I'm a patient here, I'm sure if Head Mistress Zoe heard you saying these things, you'd be kicked out of this place. You wouldn't like that, would you Liam?"

"You're sick,"

"The whole world knows that," 

Liam decides to take a pill for his own, because Harry just stresses him out that much. 

"As I was saying, don't you think you're being to kind to a world that pushed you over a desk and fucked you right over," 

"excuse me," Liam coughs

"Well, it's true. The world really did fuck you over. Your brother is here, rotting away as the day passes, he's lost his mind and his sanity. You've lost your other brother. Oh, and lastly, your fiancée, she left you too,"

"SHE DIDN'T-,"

"Liam, I saw the letter," Harry smiles

"No-,"

"I was there, the day she put it in your letter box,"

"You little fucking-," 

Liam's about to snap, because Harry just really knows how to push his buttons, but he's cut off when his speaker in his pocket, starts loudly buzzing. It's like an alarm, and Harry even jumps at the noise. It's loud and Liam's scrambles up off the bed and pulls it out of his pockets. 

"Liam, Liam Payne," He answers

"Your Louis Tomlinson's guard, right?" 

"Yeah," 

"I think you should come to his assistance, right now. We have an emergency," 

"What do you mean, he didn't-," 

Harry's sitting up now, green eyes wide and shining in the moonlight with surprise. He's intrigued, interested. He wants to explore. Liam knows that look and mouths a massive "no" but Harry ignores it. 

"No, but the alarm just went off in his room. He's being attacked-, Jesus christ Liam, get your ass over here,"

Liam lifts the bag off from the floor and hangs up, slinging it over his shoulder and marching out of the room. Louis is being attacked, and if he doesn't get there soon enough, he might be really done for. He stops dead in his tracks when he feels a hand grip his coat. He spins around and groans when he see's Harry pulling on a dark jumper and shoes.

"I'm coming with you?"

"why?" Liam grunts

"I wanna see if this Zayn kid is as insane as I thought he'd be," 

Liam doesn't reply, he just runs, with Harry hot on his heels. Louis isn't too far away, but he can hear screams, and shouts and loud bangs and Liam's heart might literally come out of his mouth because he can hear the faint cries of a weak Louis Tomlinson. He pushes the door open, and the sight in front of him, is enough to make anyone with a fear of blood, to pass out on the spot.