The world already knows yet I witnessed, I witnessed them gone. A few days have passed but I keep on reliving the scene, whenever I close my eyes, I see it. I feel exhausted from resisting sleep yet I can't sleep, because if I ever think of doing it, the taunting thoughts of being near yet far shoot at me.

I heard my mate call out to me, he called me Belle for the last time, before he was taken away from me, oh gosh, and my baby, my little Butterfly.

I can't form the words to describe the feelings running through me right now, no, how can I, when numbess has been my companion of late along with silence. I haven't been able to speak to anyone, I don't have the words to bring comfort to my people as the pack is in mourning. I could feel the sorrow, sadness and every other emotion as I was brought back to my home.

My home, I could never call it that anymore because without them, it doesn't feel like home. It has turned out to be my refuge, from facing anyone, my little Butterfly's room the most. I can't hear them breathing, their lingering scents are what make sense for me now and being in here.

It is the most toturous of things, to watch not only your soulmate but your baby, being seperated from you. The pain I felt beforehand was warning enough, because letting go of my baby amd watching them drive away, didn't settle with me a hundred percent. Nothing feels right, the hallways felt empty and cold and the great urge, mostly in panicked state, for a sense of warmth, brought me to Ulana's room.

I haven't been able to stay for too long in mine and Mica's room, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would go crazy. It feels like the strings of attachment of the matebond, are being torn apart and there's too much pain.

There's too much pain, it's so heavy to bear and at times, mostly at night, my mind attracts dangerous thoughts. I want to think, to breathe yet at times, it's like I'm blacking out. Dizziness has knocked my way so much, I've chosen to remain seated in my rocking chair.

I have held on to one piece of reality in my life, it is the last piece of my family, the blanket I held in hand that day. It is my most important because their scents linger most and I desperately need it.

It's like a drug and that's the most dangerous thing, I'm holding on to it as my last lifeline because if I were to lose it now, I might just break. I don't want to break because then, I might never recover. I can't lose them all over again.

Gosh, what am I saying?

I must be going crazy, I must be going insane and every other word to describe such a thing.

The sound of a knock on the door, makes me to flinch yet I don't make a move to get up.

" Luna, I brought you something to eat." I hear Cara say.

She has come and gone and still, I never opened my door. She hasn't given up yet and I don't believe she will. She believes so much that sooner or later, I will open the door and accept to see someone.

I know she means well, wanting me to have atleast a bite but I can't. I know that strength is the one thing I have no desire to search for as of now, I'm consumed by the numbess. It is my lungs and heart that remind me that I'm still alive.

" Luna, no words could bring comfort to you now but please, a bite would ease us abit. It would ease me, please. The alpha would never want his Belle to not take care of herself."

It is that name, Belle, that feels like a shot to my heart. Not near to breaking me out of the shell yet her words are enough, to push me to rise to my feet and finally answer the door. I unlock it and head back to my seat, staring ahead to the wall like I did before.

Her movements sound quiet and careful as she enters. She is surprised to find the room still in one piece, this, I can sense. No matter what I may be going through, it is my senses that are still working. They neither plead for room to work, they just do, whether I like it or not.

" I know that you'd prefer nothing more then silence right now, but please grant me a chance to speak to you,  b-because we miss communicating with you. I miss you."

I hear her yet have no will to respond to her.

" Nothing I say will make it okay but perhaps a meal, after so long, might be something." She continues, this time pulling a little table closer and placing the tray full of food on it.

" No one has been allowed in the alpha's office until they hear word from you. The bath is ready for you, I made it a little more warmer, it's in the other room. I feel it is most inappropriate to enter your respective room without your word."

She desires so much to hear me speak to her but I can't, not right now.

" Luna I -" she stops mid sentence by the sound of the new arrival.

It's Ronan.

Ofcourse he'd be the one to look for an opportunity to speak to me. He's been persistently trying to get me to open the door and missing a moment, to see me, would be failure in his vocabulary. When Ronan pursues, he never backs down and I know that he has intention, to get even a word out of me, a word directed to him and no one else.

Growing up, it's been my silence that he couldn't handle and again, this time, it isn't any different.

" Excuse me." Cara says, heading out.

Now Ronan and I are alone.

In a minute or two in, with us alone, he fights against himself of just being present, but coming over to crouch before me yet I don't look his way.

" Catherine." That's all he says or more like breathes out.

I know that right here and now, he is at a loss for words. There aren't any words to serve as direct comfort, to the one who has lost their mate. He is mated, the connection is still fresh and thought of his mate, even far away from him, would be toture.

Imagine your mate gone, what could amount to this now?

No words could describe the feeling because the feelings are boxed into a cage, one that would be too heavy of a burden when released. I haven't reached that phase because then, the real battle begins. It's either I make it or I don't .

And I see a possibility that if I were to reach that point, it might be my end.

I'm holding on and I don't know why anymore.

" Say something, anything please." He chokes on his words, his tone sounding heavy with emotion.

For the first time in a while, I push myself to glance down at him. With his head hung low, he notices a little late, in the midst of me looking at the wall again. His eyes take my face all in and each time, his eyes move on my face, I see him try to blink back tears.

" Catherine -"

" I can't feel them breathing. I need them to breathe again, for me." I speak up, my voice sounding quiet and hoarse.

I watch him close his eyes and then a tear, which held on, he finally lets go.

" I can't bring them back for you sister, I'm sorry." He lets out in a whisper.

I reach out my thumb to wipe away the fallen tear and his eyes snap open. He watches me stare at him for a little while before he takes ahold of my hand and kisses my palm, he rises to his feet and before I know it, he storms out.

Yet again, I'm left alone.

Or maybe not, because time has not long passed before another presence occupies the room and it's my nana. She neither speaks or comes near me, but still, she remains close.

I stare at the wall like before and allow silence to take its place. It's quite different now, it's not I alone in the silence but there's my nana now. She is giving me room to do anything I want, but in her company. She has felt the most troubled because for the first time, we haven't been intune with each other.

I have shut down and she, has been patiently waiting for me. I have felt a small sense of pressure, to show a portion of awakenness, in order for everyone else, to not conclude that I am too far gone. I wish not that my people give up but it's hard to do anything right now.

I hear my nana moving until she stands infront of me. I look up at her when she takes my hand in hers.

" Cara has prepared a bath for you, come my dear." She says, giving my hand a little tug.

I find myself caving in and letting her help me to my feet.

" You have to let go of it Catherine." She says, mentioning Ulana's blanket.

I shake my head with my eyes having widened in panick.

" Don't ask me to nana, not this." I plead, holding it against my chest.

A pained expression takes over her face and she closes her eyes for a second, before looking at me again.

" Remember when you were young and you lost her....."

I pull my hand away from hers and drop my eyes to the floor, already knowing what's coming.

" I asked that you place everything that reminded you of her away, didn't I?"

" Don't nana, it's too soon. " I say in a shaky breath.

" A day had only passed then." She reminds me, placing then and now into comparison.

" I was young then, I wanted the pain to go away urgently."

" You are still young now, very much so, for such a time."

I don't say anything, not having a response to what she's just said.

" Let me keep this safe for you." She holds out her hand towards me.

" Nana....please.." The words get stuck in my throat as I feel thick emotion, tighten my throat.

" I will never ever dare to lose this. Let it be in my care, my dear Catherine."

I close my eyes for a moment, bringing the blanket to my nose and letting the scent of both my mate and my baby to fill my nose. With shaky hands, I hand it over to her.

The sudden tightness in my chest makes breathing much harder to do and I look away from her.

" Why are you taking them away from me nana?" I let out in a whisper, reaching out my hand to touch my chest.

I need to breathe.

Arms wrap around me and my side is pulled to her chest. I hear her murmur in my ear, telling me to mentally count until I can feel ease in both my chest and throat. I listen to her voice, letting it lead me into that breathing space yet again.

" That's it dear, breathe." She says.

" I don't want her to return again."

" Don't say such things Catherine."

I don't respond to that, ignoring her words.

I hear her sigh before speaking up. " Cara prepared a bath for you, take it dear okay?"

" May you please comb my hair?"

" Anything you want." She says, touching my hair.

" I don't have everything I want." I say walking out.

There is no sense of warmth as I walk through my house, letting my feet lead me to the spare bathroom, where the bath had been prepared for me. Walking past ' our ' room felt like a punch to my gut and I had to quicken my pace, because his scent hit my nose with so much force, I felt unprepared for the reminder of the calming fragrance he witheld and only he, provided for me.

In the warm bath I sit, with my knees brought up to my chest and head, resting against my legs. I hear nana enter after some time and without a word, she sits on the edge of the bathtub and starts wetting my hair.

Soon, I feel the touch of the brush on my hair and I close my eyes.

It is the sound of water and the feeling of it against my skin, that reminds me of the beginning, to the blossoming of the matebond between my mate and I. We were still in my grandmother's place and we'd just found our footing, into finding ourselves as mates. We were still very much shy around each other, still testing the waters yet the longing and desire to be around each other, pushed us past that  and we found ourselves wanting to explore the beauty of the matebond.

I can remember that afternoon, I'd been searching for him, being a little worried for how long he'd let Ryker out. In my wait outside for him, he'd struck me speechless as he returned yet he stood, in the pouring rain. He waited for me and I responded to him, he let his heart speak out for him that day and it was then, that I knew that Mica O'Connel had just invested his heart into ' us .'

' The reaction of my heart towards you, could never be compared and I now understand."

" Understand what?"

" That a soulmate is more then fate or destiny, it's a lifeline and Catherine, you're my lifeline."

I'm taken back to such a memory, I'm taken back to the sweetest of words, his hearts declaration to me. His heart spoke out to me that day and my own, responded. He had long won me over yet that day, he made it into a sweet dream come true. His lips touched mine for the first time and we sealed everything, that right then, we acted on what the true nature of our matebond desired.

In his hold, I felt engulfed in safety, with his touch, a shudder I could not contain and our heart beats connected, being intune into one rhythm. We had found each other in more then just through the matebond but our hearts.

And yet....

His hearts desire for a future he envisioned, to marry me, could not be fulfilled. He wanted to marry me and I wanted it too. He wanted me to to be known as Mrs O'Connor.

He wanted Ulana to grow up, knowing that her parents were more then just mates but man and wife. To finally have a family of his own.

But that shattered, into pieces and the picture is still fresh in my mind. His call to me.

Gosh, his call.

This one time, I didn't answer, I was too late.

" Don't disappear on me Catherine." She says quietly.

" Nana?"

" Hmm?" She pauses her movements.

" Why be differrent,  if I couldn't even save my family?"

At the release of my words, her breath hitches.